suddenly i begin to feel very cold. the hairs on my arms stand up and i feel someone standing behind me. i ignore it and keep sweeping up the glass until i feel an ice cold breath upon my neck. my eyes widen and i turn around very cautiously, it's her. she is very pail and has the sadest blue eyes i've ever seen. she looks so fragile and lost. i back away quickly as she slowly walks toarge me. "where am i?" she asks tilting her head in confusion. i am completly and utterly terrified. "i want to go home... i'm very afraid" she continues. my stomache starts to turn and my eyes fill up with tears, i can feel her sadness and it is overwhelming. i slamb the broom down and run as fast as i can. "charlotte, whats wrong?" my mother jumps. "where are you going?" i don't anwser her i just keep running. i don't think that she would understand if i told her that there was a dead woman in our kitchen asking me where she was. that's highly unlikely. our dog ottis begins to bark and wimper, the sound of his barking and my mother and fathers questions dround out all of the thoughts in my head as i run out of the door. i gasp for air and look back at the house, and the little old woman is standing there with my parents looking at me curiously. i blink and there is charlie sitting up in the old oak tree, looking down at me sadly. i run down the street, my father and mother calling after me. this is a nightmare. all of the neighbors watch me from there porches and windows. some look sympatheticly, others with disguist. i shake it off and keep running, unfortunantly, i've become used to this.

it's like a nightmare,
everything you feared staring you right in the face,
grinning from ear to ear, and taunting as you scream,
you dont know how to deal with all of the pain you
feel, if only this werent real, and just a terrible, dream.

it's like a bullet to the chest,
agonizing and unexpected.
crying as you're bleeding out, perfusely
but you just get rejected.

your heart filled with so much pain &
anger, you dont know what to do,
so you turn to all of this self
destructive behavior, getting lost in all of this pain,
you slowly begin to lose  you., you
dont know how to overcome, and you have nowhere to run.
you turn to the drugs and the *****, not a friend in the world,
just a sad and lonely girl with nothing left to lose.

i tremble in fear, as i slowly dissapear, always waiting for something to go wrong, maybe im just crazy, because i've been here for far too long.

because living with her, only one thing is for sure, there will always be a problem, even if its only in her mind. her mind a dark and twisted blur, and there seems to be no cure. hope.
or anwser.

my mind has been shattered, and my heart has been toarn, for depression stole my mother away, long before i was even born. & its tragic to say, that i'd be better off without her around, because all of her madness & constant sadness, has taken its toll on my heart & soul, always wearing me down.

sometimes when she speaks,
i swear that i can hear demons taunt & shriek,
something evil taking over her,
leaving her sick, cold blind and weak.


and i resent her, for being selfish, and leaving me hurt and helpless, i resent her because as the world grew colder, she had been nothing but a weight on my shoulders, and never a shoulder to lean on.

and i still love her,
but i feel like she doesnt.

still i resent her for everything she is,
& because of everything that she wasn't.