I could hide under a million tattoos but none of them would take away from the pain I felt when I finally lost you

post a picture of a cop and they say **** em hoes see a man with alot of guap and they gon **** him post pictures of your ***** for a 100 likes ******* and ***** is a rich mans night kids all go to bed wake up with cold sweats moms strung out on the pain pills again will it ever end god will you send someone to fight off all of this dark energy lately only finding release in xanex and Hennessy satan i need a minute scratch that make it 3 when you think you got it hard look at you neighbor but lately I only talk to myself and I broke all my mirrors gun to my head time for bed or more meds walls of my home filled with my prescription it's a hollow tip clip that gets constant refilling end it all or buy a gold chain and sell my self for 15 minutes of fame but **** the fame because i'd rather uphold my integrity instead of selling my soul to be a celebrity so excuse me while I waste away smoking this ****

I lost the plot
it vanished into a blank empty mind
the wheels of it never to roll never at all
without it the story never moves on
and we look on till the end of time

I am the author of my pain
Because it is my fault thoughts of you still pass my brain
god can't save my aim
my blood vessels explode as I write
while I implode in life
My heart is a confederacy seceding from my brain
They go to war my every waking moment
My brain wants to free me from your slavery
While my heart still cling's to the memories

drip drop goes the red sea from the gorge of empathy flowing free and abstract to the origin masonry where the crystals build and the red wine spills where the homeless are rich and the sheltered diminish where the heat cools and welcomes snow and the cold brings sweating and a feverish vampire glow where we learn zombies are not the dead but the living faking a smile and serenity is a feeling found somewhere in the mild drip drop flows the river do we dare to cross

I've fallen in love with 90's cinema
Where movies looked real and not too HD
The nostalgia of being taken back to that time
Is more then divine
scenes were not CGI
and the make up was not over the top
the message uncensored  
whether offensive or not the movie won't stop
and you see the times how they've changed from uncompromising film making to watered down plots with only stunts to amaze
From reflecting after a movie to not thinking at all
I'm just reflecting that's all

I am more then the shirt I wear
I am more then the skin I'm stuck in
I am more then my trials
I am a living person
I am just a simple man pen always in hand
I am a visionary even though sometimes my vision goes blurry
I am more then what you judge from what you see

you and me
me and you
SERENITY my hearts in bloom
INDEPENDENT you left me
DEPENDENCY you were the air to my hearts blossom that is dying
VISIONARY the images of you that will forever haunt and torture my soul
DEATH the art of letting go
REINCARNATION the art of rebuilding one's soul

Destruction
Despair
Cut my hair
life isn't fair
but no one cares
forgiveness is foreign
to those unaware of the beauty
reincarnation

The cool breeze awakes me and there I am in the hammock looking out at the sea with you in my arms next to me smiling but I blink and your gone replaced by this gun when only moments before you were smiling at me the cold steel stares it's barrel at me like a lover afraid I blink and your face is in front of mine smiling sweetly and divine wake up  I hear the words but I can't respond or move waya wake up we have stuff to do today the sun behind you shining past into my eyes I squint slowly about time sleepy head I feel the smile on my face and I blink filled with joy to only see the sun coming through my window and you nowhere near me

Today I walked among the rocks and the trees and I felt a divine presence I stopped at the cliff and stared at the lake below me and it slowly turned into blood red flames and I heard the screams of the ****** and all the ******* children that wouldn't bow and then there was silence as I couldn't see him I felt the heat radiate from his essence and he whispered you don't have to burn kneel and my feet and surrender and you won't have to suffer and I screamed how can you torture those that you claim to love is that the meaning of a loving god I will never serve under your tyranny and with that he was gone but the lake of fire was still present and It was starting to spread unafraid I let myself fall from the cliff without any regrets after all heaven is no place for a ******* son like me

rolling away, away in space and time this loneliness feels so divine
nowhere to run nowhere to hide so roll,roll away down the crystal line

She hung herself last night right in front of me too but I didn't mind I was too high to move she smiled at me gracefully one last time and I could see a twinkle in her eye like I did every time she smiled before only this time it was different it was more I saw the twinkle but something deeper too I saw another galaxy as she smiled one last time as the shooting stars silently escaped her eyes and she whispered one word goodbye and then she fell gracefully like an eagle diving for it's prey her death would be hers and she caught it what only took seconds seemed like hours watching her fall I felt the need to cry but I wasn't sad I felt the need to stop her but I couldn't raise my hand so I watched her ballerina show until it's very end and she hung motionless before me and the saliva fell periodically like rain drops she had chosen to go to that galaxy while I watched her blast off to meet it in this one *be free busy bee rest your wings and sit with me

The tree of life was cut down to fuel the fires of our wicked ways
yes these are dark days indeed

come reverence of the mothers soil hacked and drained away by the descendants ego plundering and breaking in their conquest of their hearts to fill the eternal emptiness killing in the name of purpose the mother Gaia is decaying as we pay no mind and go thru our day she bleeds eternally bearing the pain and scars of humanly hate she cries out in pain sons and daughters listen do not continue this way i supplied your way of life is this how you repay please don't do this anymore my body is beginning to break  but the fires are already lit the pyre set the funeral for mother Gaia will be one to never forget for without Gaia there is nothing and without us theirs nothing to be missed

forgive them father they know not what they've done they have traded your book for money used for guns to fund there wars condemning their eyes only granting their comfort in ****** leaving them to sleep from woman to woman craving to fill an emptiness inside subconsciously begging for words from the wise forever searching for a meaning in life slitting their own throats because of lack of purpose and a lust to know what it truly means to die feast your eyes on a systematic bee hive stinging and attacking everything they see desperate to hold on to the possessions of their being

Tie tied tight like a noose and a suit like restraints shoes are the shackles and the hair cut because uniqueness is a crime this is the civil society of today where the same make bank and the strange journey down the walk of shame

Cut a knife against the sky and it all falls down
climb the tallest tree at some point you gotta climb down
Stay awake all night some time your gonna pass out
and as it all falls down that's when we rise up
for when we fall we learn the bottom wasn't that far down at all

Love me like you do
Stab me through and through
I know I shouldn't long for you
But my heart still longs for you
I've run out of things to do
It's been 4 months and I'm still not over you
So love me like you do
Stab me through my heart so I can feel close to you
The tears I cry tonight fall  like roses on a grave
I guess it's time to say goodbye
It's long past the last dance of the masquerade
Like bullets from a gun we ended with a sudden bang

not an object
just rhythm and beauty
pain knows no bounds
silence echos a voice
lustful eyes
gluttonous hands
fragile vase
SMASH
pieces everywhere
the day moves on unaware

Tick tock my head falls off into a bowl of ****
the scars on my wrist look like such bliss
And I part the cap from the bottle faster then
moses did the red sea
The Lord hates blasphemy
and everyone that doesn't say please
Why don't I feel free
Why do I wanna bleed
Do you hate me
Why did you create me

Floating higher and higher into the clouds
Burning churches try to pull me back down
Gluttony is a sin
but every night I give in
Is this a hell that I live
Why do I give in
Who makes the rules on sin
Who said the devil never wins
Just the thought of the end makes me cringe
Until I load up another syringe

Gun pointed to my head
Is it time to die or just time for bed
The barrel gives me goodnight kisses and the alcohol is a bed time story
Every night doing inventory in my mind wondering if I should do it
If most people saw this they'd shudder in fear
But I'm not worried
I want this I pray for this
If I finish my story tonight would anyone cry why won't you be mine how do you really feel inside
tick tock goes the clock and ring it has struck 12
The day has begun
I throw the gun to the floor
Another night gone another day come
leaving me here longer to rot in a burning world

Mary,Mary Jane is that you leaving ashes by my window...oh wait that was nicki...I'm sorry I forgot your much more stable and less self destructive...I forgot that you never leave my bedside like a bible...bringing me spiritual awakening or curing self denial...holding me close having me feeling safe and secure...but most of all loved and like my skin is pure...you open my eyes to the beauty simple things hold in life...until you fade away...and reality steps in the way

A self destructive terrorist an anti social embarrassment
not one to sport a bomber vest but the first to volunteer to jump off a cliff not wanting to please god up above just pleading to end his own life due to lack of love this isn't a terrorist in the sense of harmful to others he only harms himself  when he can escape the company of others surrounded by many yet he is alone could never harm a fly but he'll wage war on himself he'll draw plans on his wrist with the razors of bliss and drop bombs of pills into the abyss no children will die no mothers will cry just another heart failure in the works the city will stand and the man will fall he has finally won the war as he breathes his last breath he was just a normal man not a killer he's not the only one the self destructive terrorist he hides in everyone

nothing but a ******* son
obsessed with my own death but the first to run
on a road to self destruction
school is to drool because I never stay awake
and love is to self because it's the only kind that isn't fake
wake is to bake the only times where I don't hate myself
life is a strife where everything feels perfect when nothings alright
death is what comes next because time never has the time to enjoy the light
drugs give the warmest hugs but when they leave make you feel so unloved
alcohol is to diet because how else do I keep this weight off
a blank mind feels so kind
ignorance I wish was mine
only blind men have clean souls
dreams are haunting because they feel real and right until I wake up to the afternoon light
****** and alone I laugh at everything but feel so alone

Hello midnight we meet again my distasteful friend my lack of sleep is killing me but the contents of my mind bring together our embrace every night this pattern holds no end in sight so I sit here writing criticizing myself in a way no one else can or wants to be criticized themselves I rip my mental apart with each passing thought praying that I wasn't put on this earth to rot my eyes are bloodshot and the positive serenity that I crave and want back with me will not let me keep it's presences but midnight is always a comfort to me it tells me of an assured bad morning and another emotionless dazed and confused day

I dreamed of an abyss searing red scaring my flesh and choruses of screams like mine individually they tell of the wicked lives they lived together they tell a story of how we were ****** from the start i try not to scream i try to remain silent and unnoticed by the endless dismal barren pit the red now revealed to be flames increase and screams of pain agony and sorrow flood out uncontrollably tears evaporate as soon as they leave my eyes where am i what is this abyss is it my final resting place i hear a scream unlike all the rest not one of pain or self reflection but of shear pleasure i am in flames but my body goes ice cold i am in pain but can no longer scream what is this abyss from my mind it will not dismiss

I hate my reflection for when I see the dark circles under my eyes from the rest thoughts of you have stolen from me at night or the hollow face I wear  sometimes comes a plastic smile when others see me but alone I wear the nothingness I feel inside and I lie to myself and say i'll get over you in due time so now I sit back against the wall I recollect all of our memories together and it only makes me feel small like a vanishing act vanishing like a *Cheshire Cat

Lay me down to rest the bullet holes like goodnight kisses fill my chest
is this a dream or a reality because I am too blind to see please answer me my heart beat starts to fail is there anymore will power left in me? was the hell you dragged me through that consuming is it my spirit and soul I surrendered to the wind when I picked a fight with the demons I have locked within or was it the drugs I stole to fill my emptiness not to worry the angry dealer found me with a 12 gauge and he didn't miss so as the bullets exit my body I see the image of an old math teacher saying
*class dismissed

Yelling at the TV feeling so small
Another loved one dead why don't you just take them all
one by one we die
but in support groups we cry we all have pain in life
but no one truly gets it at all I just sit so alone and small
everyone says I can come to them anytime
but it's not their problem they don't wanna here me whine
so I choose to sit and decay don't let anyone see me today I've buried myself in everything that's bad for my health  and I don't want them to be disgusted with me
so let me sit
let me rot
everyone's gonna die so why not me
just let the rest of my family be
please please please!
STOP STOP STOP
take me instead take me instead
if I had a choice she'd be alive and id be dead

Dear child I will never know
It breaks my heart to let you go
me and your mother aren't together this I know
And we wish we could take care of you so with tears in my eyes
I must confront that well never meet face to face
and as I cry now I shall forever because you are my pride and joy
not a surgeons test toy I love you and I always will me and your mother
but life is hard sometimes I just wish we'd met Instead of paying for your death...
love, Mom and Dad

It was the abortion or new tattoo
so I smiled when I said this is what I want when I gave the artist a picture of you

God bless america land of the free
God bless america where we take away your rights and give you an STD
God bless america where it's citizens hate there homeland
God bless america the country that takes the world and tries to play dad
God bless america where sin is welcomed in
America there is no god bless because your doing away with him

in order to win you must sin because In modern day society uniqueness is a commodity we give in to peer pressure and change our views more then the weather we call a girl fat because we hate the weight of ourselves we **** out our bodies like ******* and hoes looking for love and purpose in fashion and the club existing without any real thoughts and  more then enough self doubt that never goes away no matter how many bottles you drink to drown we bully the kid that can't afford Nike and anything in your playlists tells you to sell dope and buy jewelry  I am not here to be anti drugs or to say not have nice things but what if there warning you that you don't want that because if you live by the gun one day a gun gets pointed at you you don't have to sin to win don't let peer pressure break you even if there your closet friends
we are all created equal and no matter what we have no squeals so make you life yours because when we fall into the grave the peer pressure is gone and your left with an eternity to reflect the life you lived

Poets** were put on this earth to suffer because without it where would our thoughts come we thrive under hard times when life leaves you breathing nothing but sulfur but when in serenity we find we finally unwind and calm our troubled minds until the rug is pulled from under our feet down back to the deep we venture writing of sorrow surviving for the serenity to return to our world again

A psychedelic life with the love of an amazing woman is the only one worth living

i met a girl she looked so beautiful and when she spoke it was so chemical she said hi my name is cigarette one kiss of me and you'll love to hate me to death the conversation done she said lets have some fun and that was about 25 kisses ago
she promised to always love me
she promised to always be there
but now shes taking all my money telling me life's not fair
so now i'm picking her up from a gas station tonight even though i know she'll be gone before the morning light i don't know why i put up with her but i know i cant break up with her we constantly fight over my choices in life i know i can't win so i just kiss her again further into despair i go
i make pleads baby why do you do this to me
cancer doesn't sound so pretty
her only reply is we all gotta die might as well die from me
she travels with me everywhere i go i can't help it over this decision i lack control
She promised to love me even when i'm low but i just kissed her for the last time and i need to go buy more
i know that shes killing me i guess its alright as long as i can afford her ill be just fine because when my funds are low and without her i'm forced to go i just lose my mind
i hate i hate you so much but i love i love you too much to let you go i've signed away my fate with you i will stay until into the grave i go

love me or hate me you can never recreate me for I am one of a kind knowing that we are all made to die and that the love we had was more like a fad because with the change of the season came your change of heart and finally what killed me was your reason I read the message over and over again convinced myself it was treason but no here we sit weeks later and nothing has changed I've lost myself  and you've pushed forward with a plan that has no place for me anymore but in agony I'll remain to wish you luck because to leave is suicide because no matter how broken my heart is my love for you won't give up because when I said through thick and thin I meant it  i'll be here for you whether were lovers or friends

Everyone's leaving in September
Welcome to the month of departure
Where everyone leaves you alone
Sitting in your arm chair

January they start to pack
and August is to pack until
SNAP! their gone just like that
No looking back and your still sitting motionless
As life passes you by