I stay here with myself.

It seems like the hardest thing.
That's why I need to try it
It seems like the hardest thing ever done
That's why I need to try it

I just wish for all people to be spontaneous and to do sth they love. Find sth they enjoy and experience true joy doing that. Interacting with others, expressing themselves as they are.

I allow you to be
I know you're inside of me
Hell, you are a part of me
And with me you will stay forever.

Now I have given you so many names,
I still know though what I mean.
I mean this certain body place
And everything around it.

You are my energy,
My love and hate,
All the emotions,
You are my deep wound,
My black hole,
My darkest out of the most darkest places in the universe.

Myself. You are. Myself.
My hidden and forbidden parts.
My shame, but also help and health,
My flow, my movement, my relief,
My strength, my feelings, my belief,
My life, my truth, my happiness,
It's all in you, I knew, I knew.

I really want to allow you
To come and show yourself
You have been hidden there
For many years
You hid your fears and even tears,
You lied, you cried on the inside,
You couldn't step out and be free,
You didn't know that you were ME,
That access to the freedom I denied to thee,
And now I finally am trying to set you free.

All things you have been hiding cause of shame,
Because of blame,
From people who meant much to thee.  

Oh trust me, please.
I mean, I understand,
How can I talk to you with ease,
After all these years ...
Just like that.

But I have only now for real discovered,
Who was hiding from whom all this time.
And the real me that I have buried and covered,
Now is afraid to trust the I.

I totally get that. I hurt myself.
By listening to everybody else.
But I was just a kid, you know, we were.
We totally just started to take baby steps...
When **** began to crush our brain,
It's almost a wonder, we found ourselves again.
So after all these years, forgive me, please?
I have never cared more about you, than today.

From all this pain
I learned, I needed you,
You are my core,
My light, my life, my love.
Never again will I ignore you,
And I know just this poem
Will not be enough.

I am fighting for you tough
From now on.
I have started a long time ago,
But only now I understand,
That to reunite with you, I need to stop to pretend.

I really meant every word I said.
I will always have you, by my side.
What a fool would I be
To just lie to me and thee
Again and again?

No. It stops. And I will be trying hard.
To listen to you, my one and only heart
My deepest honest part,
The one that counts the most,
You are my personal universe.

You are my inner child.
My energy and connection,
Don't worry, I will drop my strife for the perfection.
I only want to finally be free,
And take you back to be
Where you belong.

With me. My dearest self,
You do belong with me.
And I am trying to give you hope
And welcome you,
Where now we both will be
United.
Just how we were, when we were three years old.
Before the world divided us,
Before we lost each bit of trust.
Now finally connected
And I never want to let you go ever again.

Should I ever lose your voice again,
Promise me to make some noise, ok?
Now that I know how your voice would sound,
I will quickly look for you
Until you're found.

When we communicate and we don't feel seen - we may tend to intensify and overemphasize certain aspects. We identify stronger with them which makes them seem insurmountable and unchangeable. This is when we try to prove something.

Could have been
But it wasn't, oh,
Could have seen
But I didn't care.

I wanna be somebody with a heart
Who suffered enough
From self-commanding
Who now is simply happy
And who stopped pretending.

I wanna be self-understanding
I want to finally see
That it's the only way,
To let go of unhealthy ideas
That sit deep in my brain.

You're not enough, they say
But often they just laugh
And you feel shame
STOP that. It's over now.
You only will decide.
Can you embrace yourself?

Whatever others said to you,
They, too, follow a programm,
It's leading their brains
To put themselves and everybody else
In chains - of shame, hate and what not.

They judge and how about you?
Well you can decide if they're able to crush you.
If you're listening to the judgements of others
It means that a part of you believes in what they say.
This part is insecure, It's coming from tough times,
From sad times of disappointment and grief.

Take care of these vulnerable parts of yourself,
Just know - Nobody else can really understand -
What you have been through.

But here you stand and I see you.
It's never too late to turn to yourself,
And to apologize for not listening and not being there.

It's never too late to stop hating yourself and start to embrace your own life path.
Nobody else gets to experience the same! It's your and only way and you are still alive!!!

You still can question, see, take your own hand and breath, tell yourself that you understand your grief!

No matter how wounded others made you be, there also will be those who
will be worth - to trust and open up to.
You will see!

Only those who can accept themselves how they are, will also be able to accept, see and love you for who you are.

But your way to happiness always goes through your own heart and it's there and it is beating!
Even if you are wondering why still you are breathing.
Well it's cause you still have a chance to find yourself!
And to experience the beauty of life,
It means that you are able to cope with fears, with anger, with strife, with all the unspeakable pain, with every imaginable unfairness of this world!

The way to inner peace goes through your heart, where you will find, again and again that you are amazing just how you are.

I am not the one who thinks. I am the one who perceives.

Mind, stop trying to solve this old problem in endless cycles,
This door is closed, don't you see?
All these doors are closed,
But you still hope that by knocking hard or long enough,
One of them might open.

This dark and empty corridor has been where you
Spend your time day in and out, but why?
Aren't you tired of all the disappointment and frustration?
This self-abandonment keeps you looking for answers,
YOU WISH TO BE FOUND! I KNOW!

Desperately and to be honest, stubbornly, you keep your nose pointed into this one direction.
As though this corridor never had an entrance and all the ways out were through these doors,
BUT THEY DON'T WANT US!

Mind, this exhaustion brought us nowhere,
Wallowing in suffering consciously and subconsciously,
LET IT GO!

The problem is the truth you keep believing,
Your TRUTH keeps us trapped in here,
But I am tired.
Summer is coming,
This search has not helped us all these years.
Please, PLEASE, STOP!

Mind, this feeling of dullness
And this stinging emptiness,
This is not how I want to spend my life.
I am 30, let me live and experience all that is out there for me.
I WANT TO EXPLORE!

New ways of thinking.
You don't seem to notice but there is
One door missing at the main entrance
Of this long corridor,
Where we have been lost for ages!
Remember, mind, we have once come so close,
There was light, new perspectives arised,
There was happiness, gratitude, freedom!
There still is!
We need the courage to believe in it again,
LEAVE IT ALL BEHIND!

Mind, you are constantly searching for what you FEAR,
And what you fear you always find!
Then you implode, make my body go through painful waves of emotions,
Distortions, this is a self-harming behavior,
Don't you know?

Dear mind, all these thoughts you keep sending me,
Make me be ashamed of my body,
You have created a self-image for us,
Which makes enjoying life so difficult!
BUT I WON'T GIVE UP!

Mind, your creativity is astounding,
Honestly,
So is your ability to analyse and identify,
How within seconds you compare my body to others',
Point out its weaknesses,
Make it the reason to not feel enough,
Find prove for not being love worthy...
DON'T YOU SEE, MIND!

You keep your loved ones at bay,
Constant chatter of overthinking is your veil,
Looking for a sign that everyone else
Judges us in the same way that you do,
We never move beyond these walls,
Never NOT believing into the terrible curse,
This story, Mind, you keep repeating to yourself.

Now I realize that indeed we have been trapped,
We have buried and abandoned ourselves for good.
You, Mind, because you believe in this madness.
And me - who is this anyway? I am still longing
For this freedom. I have not given up.
And I WON'T!

I have made myself your slave.
Why? Because I used to rely upon you
Day and night. You have saved my life.
By building our own protective bunker,
You helped us survive!
Though THOSE DANGERS ARE OVER!

Can you hear me?
The purpose of this bunker is gone.
I am 30 now and I wanna live.
Yes, I want to let my loved ones touch my heart.
Yes, I want to experience hurt if I have to.
Yes, I want to believe in the GOOD
And not in what I've been told in childhood.

Mind, herewith I am cancelling my agreement with you,
I cannot trust your solutions without questioning them,
Lately, I realized that I have been denying my heart,
By keeping company with you for too long.
If you still want to stay in this bunker,
Knocking on sealed old doors,
Where really no one and nothing is waiting for us -
Then do it. I won't fight against it.
But I'll stop believing your stories and arguing with you.

It may take time to unbury myself and get back to light,
But I promise, I will look at myself as a young sprout,
Because I owe it to myself.

Dear mind, consider my invitation to leave the bunker
And your old beliefs behind,
To restart as a beginner's mind.
I know my heart will receive us with love and compassion
In its beautiful and peaceful chambers of light.

Your body will be grateful for every healthy choice you make today.

Goodnight, my love
Don't worry..
You are enough
You're brilliant
You're more
Than what you know
You change,
You come and go,
You leave a trace behind,
You impact the whole world,
You do matter
Just as you are
Keep breathing,
Loving,
Living
Now.

To believe means to be and to live this way.
I am and live what I believe.

A belief is a thought I believe in.
Only thoughts that we believe in become our beliefs.

Listening to what I have to say
Humming a song of...
What?
Painful memories
Absence of decay
A reward?
Should I be grateful
For not getting harmed in old ways?