THE ROOT CAUSE
@niamornimo
Like country bumpkins
Chased down every dream
We had

Choices,
In the chilly mornings
Trotting down the dew
Blinded by mist
We knew where we were going.
Through turn of events
Brushed shoulders
Got under each others skin
But stuck together
Binded by DNA
Had the choice leaving
Instead stayed
Tucked together in hugs
Warm for consolation
A better tomorrow.
Couldn’t stop the river
Of tears cascading
Our mellow yellow chic’s;
Reflects the inside unfolding.
They say it wasn’t hard
Coz it wasn’t physical
Well I wish it really was.
Maybe my explanation would
Be sensei but
No it feels nuts crying
Over mere memories
That ***** our skin
To reality then maybe
Dream on.
The everyday fight
Burning within like wax
Melting down our bellies
Making scars like maps
A lineage of scarcity as
We burn out keeping it in.
As a plant grows
From a seed so do we
The root of our pain
Channelled to generations
Through and through
Lets joke about it
I know its sick.
I long for a solution
Where the fingers that
Keep up the gear
Playing blame shift
Would take a turn
Seeking within
And start by * *
me

Too Broken To Break
@niamornimo
Here's to the girl with the invincible spirit,
No matter how confused her soul may be.
She's been broken many times,
Searching for love that was just not there.
She's learned her lesson now, put up her wall,
And never again her heart she'll bare.
For she realized that in the end a body is still a body,
No matter whose it may be,
And love may not exist for anyone,
So we should all just settle and it'll be easy.
But she'll never give in.
All she needs is herself and whoever she is that day,
But this she'll never know,
Because life is surreal
When all she does is feel.
She thinks with her passion,
Sees the world through her heart,
Even though many times it's cold, desolate, and dark.
Yet at the same time she can see that there may be hope out there,
The one nobody else possibly can.
She's a dreamer and an idealist,
Life's greatest pessimist and realist.
She's a contradiction sure
But never a hypocrite,
Because in her soul this all somehow fits.
She wants to explore the world just to understand what she's thinking,
Dig into the deepest corners of her heart to understand the universe.
She often loses herself though,
And who she used to be she can never know.
Yet she's happy like this,
She's free and to no one she'll commit,
Except sometimes when she's all alone,
She just wants some place she can call home.
She knows every side of every story,
Because she has felt absolutely everything,
Often all at once.
This contradiction,
This ability to see in ways that no one else can,
Is it a curse or is it a gift?
Even she cannot understand how or when or why or what,
And sometimes she doesn't even know if it is.
She wants something more,
Even when she is sure there's nothing else out there.
But no, she'll never settle,
Especially for a love, if that even does exist.
She'll always hope there's something out there to bring her bliss. But she doesn't expect it and convinces herself she doesn't want it.
This is how her spirit is infinite.
Oh, how I hope there's something more than this.

They say if you were fooled once it's not on you but when the cycle repeats itself then that's on you.
Guess I saw a silhouette of my knight in shining armor in just a mere man
I own it,
It should have been obvious though,
Can't you see it
You are a too good to be true commodity
Reason why people leave you at the shelf

I'm torn, what exactly I'm i supposed to become to be seen for who I really am.
Guess it's just another journal day.
God what messed up cycle do you keep putting me through,
What exactly am I missing

Maybe it's the prayer I make about him
The him I don't know
The him I need
The him who is final
For now I'm being tested and told to be open
But I'm not a register for anyone to sign up
I am selective and I'm not about to down size myself to fit in a smaller package.

All I have to offer now is this current me
I'm more of beauty and brains and that's fine by me.
Imma keep at it.
If the cycle will keep playing the same game then it's on.
This time I won't sell myself short or fit in the idea someone else has of me in their medulla.

I'll just have to watch and learn

I'm fine on my own,
I was fine on my own,
Won't stop doing so either way,
I'm halfway done almost a masterpiece,
Only if I give it my full attention to heal.

The breaking part is getting old,
I hate guessing, and been
Enlightened that con**-men give,
By earning trust, time and chance
But am on a timeline
Where it's better for nothing to be happening,
Than a download pending update

My patience I ran out
The day I realized I give
More than they deserve,
It's not why give that's eating me up,
But why consistently give when it's not something
That graces my lips to curve upwards as it crosses my mind.

If all you asking is for me to give,
Then I'll give you my regards
Sending you off to the next
Patient who has enough patience
To give you the chance to
Pull yourself together,
Time to prove your worth,
And enough time to earn each other's trust.

Am an ocean, I give beauty
And breath taking sceneries,
Smile to the sun whenever it
Smothers me with it's warmth,
Gracing me with it's glee
Brightening my core with its shine.
I give myself by embracing
My shores to it's least,
Closing-in to it's depth and surfacing my weak emotions with no weight.
That's how am built
As far as I have water and the void to fill,
Flowing will be me in waves
Through tides and against rocks.
I As the ocean accommodates the dead too
And live with it until someone
Picks out the rote in me.
As long as I have an inlet and an outlet
Expect me to give fresh water.
Remember a pin dropped in an ocean doesn't move waves.

@niamornimo
We were a perfect couple
you know...
you took several steps ahead
while i took few back
and realized we had
a pen with ink full
but held on tightly onto
the eraser like it was
too good to be true.

i often wonder

of
the
same
  like
was it all silver lining
in the dark clouds
or a knight in shining armor???
and wake up on you know
"honey **** happens"
you see like a man
standing on the window
watching the sunrise.
As harmonious as the
scene is,
The melancholy written
on his perfect face
can't salvage his dying soul
that keeps giving in
into darkness.

I love you and
that's undeniable
as every time
am caught spacing out
Like a broken dam the
Out burst of
your existence from
my lips is overflowing
unable to make
the slightest progress
Hiding behind
A good old soul.

Am not sure
How to appreciate
The current feel
When am stuck on
The déjà s of yesterday.

Wishing i could stare
Right into your
Core through your eyes
Asking you to hold
My hand coz our
Next fall will be
In the old and grey
Greetings of
Yellow rays on our
perfect view of the
Ocean watching
The marvel unfold
And splendor of your
young old face
Giggle in flames of
yesterday to holding
our torch of tomorrow.

Every time i tuck
My lazarus body
Under the quilt
And put the lights off
You get nigh in
Every dillusion
**** i wish
I could turn back time.
Too bad we just
Water under the bridge.

Reminisce.
@niamornimo

I kept wondering why
In such a long time i
Held the memory in
The back of my mind

Pictures to scenes
Perfectly clear while
He took away
My innocence
Bit by bit

I told myself
Time heals but its a decade
Past but instead
Of forgetting becomes
More real
More pronounced.

As i listen to romantic()
Memories floods my mind
Like a broken dam,
Twisting my heart with pain
I guess the many similar
kinds of tenderness
Were also different kinds of sadness.

We've all been forgotten.
The pretty face outshone
The peach blossom
I don't know where the beauty went;
The peach flowers still smile
In spring breeze.

Overprotective you are
Am confused if its
Her you are protecting
Or you
Coz we know the cycle of rebound
Its ...she walks head over heels,
Thinking she in heaven
Unaware of the loop holes at
The end of the road.
Only after she falls harder
Then the understanding
Dawns that
She is just but a cup cake,
Once you heal
You move leaving her
Behind.
But i can't blame you.
She allowed her self to land
In style.

My Maybe.
@niamornimo
Maybe,
Anxiety tends to over power
My capability of self control which Results to me pouting my mind without considering your feelings.
I know my pieces mostly sound as
Though you are a shadow to me.
But to be honest since its my greatest Weakness to lie, i will say as it is with no demeanour.
I have fallen for you and i'm So scared  of what my heart is feeling Right now because i know its love.
I won't lie that people discouraged me From the bold move i made saying yes to Our union, my mind racing with what-if Thoughts, but my heart constantly Reminded me that my heart is cold and Aloof to everyone but on your arrival to My world, the ice melted from coating my Heart hence subconsciously caught by Smiling with the slightest thought of you. I am more of a robot as my mind Internalises everything for my body to Execute but with you...everything seems flawless.
I rarely struggle to let you in.
As every woman who is truly in love yearns to know how/where their lovers mind and heart is,
So is my desire to know what's beneath the scales you posses?...who are you?...exeter exeter...nothing would make me happier than saying I do to you for i want to have a future with you...i know its scary not knowing what tomorrow brings.
But at-least when it comes you won't have a heart ache of loosing me.

Just so you find me missing, i'll be where i left my pen and paper
#Random thoughts#Wishfulthinking#Tomyneverbemaybe#Rebel#Strengthpursuesde­termination.

@niamornimo*
Life is a spectrum,
As by passage through a prism
It's said that the greatest war
We indulge in mostly
Is between our hearts and brain.
My question is why?
Why do two components staged to work in one anthropoid tend to differ so much?
Which one provides more clarity?
Its funny how hard it is to comprehend our thoughts in that direction.
It's sickening right?
I know...
But to get our balance
We'll have to resist.
Fight against ourselves
Our thoughts.
But the question we must ask is;
Can we do it?
Are we brave enough?

@niamornimo
I try to conjure up
Memories and keep up with days
Moments i failed to be supportive
Tend to your greatness
Nor accommodate your hard work
My pride ripped up open
To disappointments of my absenteeism.
So when you listen to my playlist
And note ghost and dullness
Its me punishing my blindness
And dumbness which eventually
Broke you in alternates
The sorrow you see tattooed in me
Equated my over bearing pain lostness
When you passed out after getting wet
Under the romantic kisses
In heavy rains to late replies of
"Hi babe sorry got home safe and sound
Just from a power nap*"
The piano your safe space where
I only read confidence and magic
Now a bank of heaviness released
In tunes of sad melodies
Shadow of your wings.
Over time i should have healed hence moved
But am human enough to punish my
Desires to contemplate on what was amiss
Like a federal case lawyer
I will chase down the trail of this case
Till all the burgeoning yet pending
Fawls get behind bars.
Enough damage has been caused
Now we face the recompanse of our actions.
Am sorry babe.
The scales in my eyes
Now shaded i see everything clearly.
If not today tomorrow or ever
I ask you to follow the path of virtue and heart coz it was never wrong.

Today someone tried
To resolve my
Let go issues
I chuckled.

I can't narrate to them
The battle within
The one you let
Your guard down
Swallow your pride
And accept defeat
Despite the voice within to fight.

Another says He loves me
I look deep within
Their eyes and
Face a wolf hungry
Ready to devour their prey.

But you were my shadow
Where when the going gets
tough
The tough kept going
And through my veins
Reigned trust
For when the light desipated
You closed-in within me
Keeping me warm.

But this time
Its cloudy and as nice
As it was to wake
Jump out to greet
You before me
This time i waited only
To get wet from the
Continuos druming
Of rain drops
My stomach flooded.

Each night oozing out
Bits of salty flows
From my fluffy reddened
Eyes,
Accepting some battles are
Won by bowing to
Defeat.

Hey long time
Was his first statement
I thought I'd be excited and ready
To face him after the long break.
I couldn't
I couldn't stand the smirk in his face
The composed frame
The focused look
Who are you?
Why the heck am I the only one bothered here?
For a moment right there I was loosing it
Deep within but kept a straight look
Unbothered by what was happening on the outside
While the inside was nothing but chaos
The long hug after seeing me
Affirmation that we will be fine.
I chuckled coz that possibility is a
Forgotten story
And I'm not willing to dig up
The skeletons in that grave.
When you left I died
My corpses gently placed in the tomb
Of never will I ever
But look at me now.
I have it all
Peace
Stability
Joy
Purpose
Fun
But the saddest tell of our tale
Is that your absence
Will always drive me to
The point of never mind.

Ode To You.
Every morning I see your face,
And for that fleeting second I'm in a different place,
A place where we smiled, laughed, and talked,
A place where we could hold hands wherever we walked,
I'm reminded of this each and every day.
Then the sleep clears and it's all blown away.

Realization sets in and I'm all alone.
I quickly have to check my phone
In case you've called or sent me a text.
Then it hits harder as what come next
Is the empty screen with your smiling face
And the emptiness of this forsaken place.

I wither up inside as all my hopes disappear
And the burn in my heart really starts to sear.
I sink back in my bed and think of you
And wonder if there's anything I can do.
I'm knocked back every time I try to get through,
And now the decision is up to you.

Leave me out here in the cold and the rain,
Leave me to choke on the tears and the pain,
Missing you every minute of every day,
Loving you more and more in my way.
One day, my love, this will all be like a dream.
I just hope we can dream it together in our place so serene.

Telling a tale of
Our fairy tale
Was my favorite part of us
In the abyss of pain
The warmth was immense
Now after healing
Telling it out is equally
Irrelevant as your relevance in the story
Comes about as brush offs
Am happy
Grateful and thankful that you left
I've grown in thickness of experience
And understanding that wouldn't
Have been so if you were to stay.
Though the pain ain't there more
Once I tell of our tale
Gloom fills my room. Now am asking who are you?