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Dec 2022 · 718
An ending worth waiting for
Mimmi Dec 2022
Then out of nowhere and at once, the voice stopped.
No lingering feeling of self hate
The questions
The pondering
It all came to a halt
A thing that’s been with me all these years
Came to an abrupt end
Not bitter
Not sweet
Just end
An ending i’ve been hoping, but not waiting on
I didn’t know that there was such a thing
As an end to it

A blabbering, mumbling sorrow of self pity
Or just a mere convenience of a lexicon with words to degrade myself
A daily reminder of how worthless I was
So I would’ve never forgotten my reason
A reason never explained
Never cared for
With a reach of a sovereign hand I touch the notes
Floundering through the air
Playing a floating piano
“A river flows in you”
Caring for unprotected skin

I was waiting for a different ending
An abrupt ending, not like this one
Fingernails not bitten off bleeding
A curious feeling of relentlessness
Not used to the feeling of not being alone

It all came to a halt
A voice that’s been with me for years
A sadness of emptiness is nowhere to be found
A clue to a healthy mind
Maybe a fear of what could’ve been if not the voice left
A sort of trembling worry of who to now complain when I do wrong
An understatement of falling leaves from my tree

I know my family will be glad
Even though I haven’t ever told them bout the pain I contain
Who to be worthy shall never pass
Through my gates of hell
No one is worthy of that pain
Maybe not even me?

I think this was and end worth waiting for
Inner demons are worth fighting
They don't have the right to win over your life!
So a Good ending, Is worth fighting for.
Nov 2022 · 471
Trees and their branches
Mimmi Nov 2022
It seems like I’ve forgotten about trees and branches.

My mind is a mess like a clutter of feelings.

For I have not been taking care of them leaves.

Those who left, I’ve let them leave.

For I don’t have time for fairies in the sand.

Their wings break and want me to pick them up,

while my wings been broken since the war.

Who were there for me? Who reached their hand to me?

No one.

No one.

No one.



I may have forgotten about the trees and their branches.

But with a messy mind, you gotta sort and sort out that clutter.

I have no one to be by my side, like the tree and their branches.

Who has the time for being a hero?

Not me?

Not you?



We may feel hopeless.

We may feel lonely..

But through the night we hear the silent sound of voices.

From all the sides of the forest.

Every soul on their bare knees, they are shouting their mightiest roar.

But all we can hear is a silent whisper.

But her brothers and sisters are also on their knees, and shouts with her.

Together they form a flowing wave of sound to the sky.

Together we can be heroes.

Let's save each other from this darkness that takes us from within.

Let's save our brother, sisters and friends.

When it feels like
all you can do is fall on your knees,

Try to remember the trees and their branches.

For without either they are not whole.

For together they stay mighty against the wind

Together we can.

For together we can be strong.

Let’s,  be a tree or a branch for each other.
Important and life saving to remember, its okay to be strong together, so not do everything by yourself
Sep 2022 · 220
Procrastination
Mimmi Sep 2022
Procrastination

We stare unto the clouds
Waiting for the next instruction,
maybe of a fantasy to live in for the next hour
Then when days pass we start to wonder “what happened, who to do the dishes, who did the laundry?”
Then standing there in our one person apartment wondering who else we mean when we say “we”?
We didn't remember the broken bowls and ate in our only hat
We didn't see a future with life and carefree function
Only slightly  breathing through a telescope
Anyone know the familiar feeling ?
Sep 2022 · 409
Library
Mimmi Sep 2022
Should have gone to the library
It's shoulders dosen't judge
nor dose it bend for your heavy heart
For they know the feeling of being forgotten and newly discovered

How easy it is to just fade into the background
How each breath gets thinner and thinner,
until it completely fades away

A mere puff of air leaves my lips
and the dust falls dancingly of the books shoulder
like an invitation to open and turn the page
return to a world you left behind
and rejoice in finding the lost memories of happiness and bright as childlike laughter.
A comfort
Sep 2022 · 928
Oh so the bliss
Mimmi Sep 2022
For sow the wiz
and for that the bliss
Flee through the apple tree
It is harvest times
Now jam and sweet like pie
Oh the bliss of a midnight sky

We plied and plowed
and for that the bliss
Fill up a room, no one to miss
It is now harvest times
Us to remember the Queen of ages
Don't forget to pay the wages
Oh the bliss of lovers gazes

Further down the deep deep blue
Of ocean wonders, to remind of all the ships that went through
Rough patches of ill willed weather and stormy faiths
I hope we all remember that it is to Christ we stand our faith

Oh the bliss of Life
Oh the bliss of Faith

Oh the bliss of Summers mother leaving heaps of Love on the stairs
For those who not have the bliss of being sometimes missed
By someone who actually cares
even just a little bear
lonely in the woods a quiet autumn afternoon
Not knowing when winter starts or when to say hello to the moon

Who to say good night, good morning or good bye
When you are a lonely cub in the woods and your mama was a wish on a star.
Not sure what this is.
Maybe some inner child thing talking?
Sometimes i just write what comes up in my head. a
And here is something I just wrote.
Hope someone finds it worthy and feel something...
Sep 2022 · 622
Wait with me
Mimmi Sep 2022
Towering headlights screaming through the skies of daily banter
For a cup of wine and a glass of tea
Mixed shades of blue, winters blooming crystals
Sad sad mister snowman withering at the sight of bees
A tired Hawthorne and some busy Daisies
Carrying the leaves of tomorrows autumn day
Have a blanket
waiting for the dawn
with me
Day to day huh?
Sep 2022 · 1.3k
No name
Mimmi Sep 2022
No name  

Oh to be someone
With only a care for next task
No need for counting breathing
Then also who not to be
Than to be that someone
Who needs to think about tomorrow
A calculator for the steps
For you have to be
Someone who lives for yesterday
As aching is also an art
Ever After leaving nothing behind
but the broken glass slipper
no name
How to be carefree?
Sep 2022 · 541
To please
Mimmi Sep 2022
In the broken ages we thrive with words edgier than swords, over the bay window we hear seagulls taunting the waves for another storm.

Pavement taking over the woods
Treasuring breathable conversations between souls.
Then without even a slight sigh
the babbling brooks stops in their tracks leaving ****** steps of regret and nightmares of dinner dates.
We’ve been waiting and waiting for the rain, like a sigh of relief instead of wishful bliss

Whenever people come over, the silver is never shiny enough,
the windows not clean, chairs creaky, dust in corners and you’re never fully there.

How to please the people of yesterday, tomorrow or today.
To invite them into your own home, that may not be a castle or even a cozy cabin.

How to please, appeal to the upper crowd or even the town people.
The ones with similar shoes as you.
What to expect rather than regret, the crippling, snarling inner voice saying
“time for bed little you, tomorrow may be your last day of tjoho”
It´s hard to open up to people, even those close to you.
Will you be enough.
Apr 2021 · 360
Key
Mimmi Apr 2021
Key
I just let the words leave my head.
But they are so dark and heavy,
that they weigh me down even more than when they left me.

When I write, the weight is suppose to leave me
Not reappear when I read it
Where all the gates are now closed surrounding all that is me
And my heart is locked and the key is nowhere to be found


Swedish

Jag lät orden bara lämna mitt huvud
Men de är så mörka och tunga att de väger ner mig mer än när de lämnade mig.

När jag skriver är det meningen att det tunga ska lämna mig. Inte läsa in mig och stänga alla grindar och spärra in mitt hjärta
A poem I started writing in Swedish but left it unfinished, so I translated the beginning and the rest just came.
Mar 2021 · 1.5k
No one knew, no one saw
Mimmi Mar 2021
The night I hurt myself

No one knew

The room was full

But no one saw

I was right there

But also not there

No one knew

No one saw

More or less I bled in silence

In front of them

But in hiding

No one knew

No one saw

(Maybe no one really cared.)
Self harm, is a bad thing, for good people trying their best to survive.
Feb 2021 · 252
Back at it again
Mimmi Feb 2021
I don't feel good
I don't feel bad
I am feeling everything and nothing

Am I back
Am I gone
Am I where I started
Am I where I begun

Empty yet to full
Constant music in my ears
Keeping the silence away
Shadows thrive in darkness and silence

I don't feel good nor bad
Everything and nothing contain my heart
Back and gone
Start och beginning

I am back at it again.
Jan 2021 · 227
No clue
Mimmi Jan 2021
It's like I know the problem

I see the problem

But I don't understand the definition of what a problem is

I see three thousand windows to houses I don't recognize

And now I'm back at square one and I have no clue




"Fattar ingenting"

Det är som att jag vet problemet
Ser problemet,
Men förstår inte vad problem är,
Ser tretusen fönster till hus jag inte känner igen.
Och nu är jag tillbaka på ruta ett och fattar ingenting.
Translation of one of my Swedish poems
Mimmi Jan 2021
Sometimes I wish
That I had a Sign

Like a constant notepad
For people to read

Maybe then they would try to
Listen a little closer

But I wear the silent bells now
Calling with my empty voice

The room gets bigger
But I feel suffocated

Fidgeting with no fingers
Bleeding nails of yesterday

Or mere seconds ago
I spin walk around in an oval shape with edges

Sometimes I wish for an open wound
Needing care

People bring bandage to a funeral
And flowers to a wedding

Pictures of the beautiful ******
Ignoring the anxiety cloud of a Girl

I get through the sorl of breaths and coffe
The sounds of the red light klonking loudly

Breaking through my headphones

Sometimes I really wished they could see
See my constant struggle to survive in this neurotypical World
Sometimes I get frustrated by the fact that my autism is invisible to the naked eye.
My daily and minute by minute struggle of life.
Every autistic person is different, I am still exploring all of my autistic and ADD sides and finding new versions of stimming, fidgeting and difficulties that I have unconsciously been masking.
Jan 2021 · 346
Not a single one
Mimmi Jan 2021
No one saw my pain
Even when I had no idea how to smile
I was literally dying inside
And at the closest call of ending it

No one saw my pain
I was sort of always in the backround
It sounds like a clyche but it was my reality

Everybody saw a door as a door
I saw a gate with steel bars and no password to get inside
They saw new people as an opportunite
I saw them as kings and queens, as higher royalty than me
I could never reach their level of "hey be my friend"
Why were they so scary
Why was I so afraid
I have no answer
It was just constant hell and me seeking for help without asking

I am not a happy pearl
I am not a bursting sea
I don't know when to turn back and wave for help
I always felt so trapped, there was just no place for me
Of all the steps I took, there was no shoes to be filling the path I made in the snow
Not a single one followed me, for my secrets are meant to be kept?

If they had just looked a little closer, way past the camera lense
They would have seen my scar, and my bleeding hand
They were always so happy and cheerful as they could be,
As I was laying on the ground thinking about what could be

How are they so carefree, when I plan every step and move I make
To not be in the way, but also be seen
I tried so hard playing that part, but with no confidence

They were all so cheerful
I just didn't understand
How can I be in the same room
But not understanding what is there

I just kept hiding those flaws they never saw
I didn't dare to eat the dinner that we cooked
I stayed far away and went around as a busboy the whole day

I think I could have been more
Maybe just a little more off the side
Not right in the middle but like a quarter of enough

I kept it a secret as long as I could
But I had to give an answer and to the emergency we went
I was hiding
I was venting
I was in pain
I am in pain
Will I always feel this pain inside
This was years ago,  you would think memories would go
But not mine no, they stay hidden until they pop up and i'm right back there again.
This is a poem like story telling of a trip I did with my choir some years ago. My mental state was B A D but what was more frustrating was the people who was there, who were supposed to be my friends knew nothing, they saw nothing and so alone I was and felt.
Jan 2021 · 166
Background Girl
Mimmi Jan 2021
Didn't know I was the background girl
Until I saw
How unhappy can someone be until they understand
They aren't even their own main character

Need to feel needed
There goes the background girl

Camera lens pointing forward with you behind
You are the background girl

Even the shadow forgot their ticket to the show
The background girl

Not welcomed by their own soul
Background girl..
Jan 2021 · 126
Pain in Rhyme
Mimmi Jan 2021
I was dying
They would probably think I was lying
But I was busy not crying
I really thought they weren't buying those very real tears
The pain was and started amplifying
I was really just wondering if I needed to be clarifying
Jan 2021 · 140
Maybe tomorrow I’ll be ok
Mimmi Jan 2021
Im scared of the people I see everyday
I’m afraid of a closed door
I never want to wonder, what would happen
If I even once, dared to knock

For what I have, are no broken bones
But I’ve always been crawling
I do have two lungs
But I still always have trouble breathing

This heartbeat of mine is staggering
When I make mistakes or do wrong by my own book
It tells me to bang my head through the wall
For wrong doings only deserve pain
Therefore I’m even scared of my own house
The people out there, how do they exist so calmly?
I’m a wreck as soon as I walk out the door

I can’t seem to explain - mostly because I don’t understand it myself

I didn’t mean to be so quiet
I didn’t mean to be so gone
I didn’t mean to be so scared
I didn’t mean to be so sad

If I could be easy to talk to, I would be
If I could forget my past, I would in a second
If I could not be so timid, I would
If I could understand, I would

If I could escape anxiety, i would probably be forever running.
I still struggle with depression episodes, I have daily anxiety and have for a long time suffered with social anxiety it almost took the best of me when I was between 14-17, If I hadn´t get the help I needed I would probably would have lost the fight...

But IM STILL HERE
Writing still helps and makes my brain a little less cluttery.
Jan 2021 · 55
For all we know
Mimmi Jan 2021
They take death so lightly and life even lighter
Crushing a bone or two is the same as the flu.
Dancing with the hangman at the spring ball
Take the gate keeper, for its less formal For what is a soul to gamble
When all somebody has for a light is a melted candle
Maybe I was to hasty to fix
For all we know
She was the one with all the trix

The tangler left all the knots untied
Maybe it’s tired of being uncomfortable and uncontrollable
Here we don’t need tweezers in our pockets
Because our now free tears, fall anyway
We got tips and tricks, flee or sow
Hear or tear to the rainy hair that cling to our shoulders
Hugging tightly till we gasp for air and start reaching for the surface
This one is no thinking behind it, I was at the cinema last year and heard the first line of my poem somewhere in the movie "Emma." It was just the line "They take death so lightly" I then added "and life even lighter.
I had to write it down cause it struck with me, after that when I sat on the buss on the way home the rest just came to me.

— The End —