What do you see when you look at me?

Brown hair
Short, Fair
Curvy around the edges
Lipstick shade everyone judges
Comfortable wear, totes, and wedges
Uneven nail ridges, mascara smudges
Goofy mannerisms, a subject of criticism
prodigy of individualism with a slight tinge of feminism
Smart, Cute
an acute brute or a complete hoot
a witch, a narcissistic *****
or yet another girl you can easily ditch
Incredible, gullible
Adorable or terrible
Cold-hearted, Introverted
or easily outsmarted
the biggest smile you’ve ever seen
the one who addresses herself as the Queen
Kind, mean or everything in between.

What do you see when you look at me?

Stop blaming your body
Stop scarring your soul
Stop teasing your thoughts
Stop feeding your fears
Stop regretting your resolutions
Stop sulking in your own sorrows.
Discard your demons
Empty your expectations
Rise, Roar and Rebuild yourself
Only to be whole again.

Notice that girl.

Notice that girl who has her long hair left like an uneven tangled mess.

Notice that girl who keeps biting her nails even though they are short and brittle.

Notice that girl if she has water welled up in her eyes, all the time.

Notice that girl if she bites her lip a little too hard.

Notice that girl who has a pair of sweaters and sweatpants put on, often worn and slightly torn.

Notice that girl if she looks like a hot mess but still doesn’t care.

Notice that girl if she seems awfully anti-social, passive-aggressive, extremely fearful and isolated.

Notice that girl for the panic attacks she gets for no reason.

Notice that girl for her unusual affinity towards a good cup of coffee.

Notice that girl if she seems to be an insomniac and is awake drawing circles on a blank piece of paper regardless of 2 am or pm.

Notice that girl who seems to have been lost in her own thoughts even in the middle of a conversation.

Notice that girl who looks like she needs a hug.

And when you finally do notice her, hug her tight.

Hug her as if she was one of your own.

Trust me when I say she needs it more than anyone else.

I love my body.
The way it's imperfectly perfect,
slightly curvy around the edges
inevitably flawed,
tortured and tormented
whiplashed and backstabbed
but still and always a great piece of art.

I love my face.
The way its burdened by two chubby cheeks,
bears a thousand emotions no one can perceive,
how marvelously it masks my mind,
ignored and ridiculed
yet still chooses to smile.

I love my skin.
The way it is cold and warm at the same time,
pale, puckered with fear
tanned, tarnished with regret,
scrutinized and scarred
but still glows.

I love my hair.
The way it never listens to anyone but itself,
acts as a tangled mess,
an untangled spirit more or less,
chopped off, pulled at
yet subjects to shine magically.

I love my lips.
The way it speaks with kindness,
guards silence and is often
mistaken for its innocent kisses,
parched, bled and muted
but still a fiery, crimson code of concupiscence.

I love my fingers.
The way they wish to be intertwined with yours forever,
snaps, shushes and points
at the slightest arguments that arrives
with such brevity and righteousness
always kept crossed for better things to come by.

I love everything about myself.
I am proud of my body and everything that comes with it.
What I don’t like though
is the way you make me feel about myself.

You see
Cards, Chocolates and Red Roses.
I see
Lies, Fake promises, and Fleeting Proposals.

It's ok to be born different.
It's ok to be abnormal, subnormal and normal.
It's ok to be scarred, to be scared.
It's ok that you once cared.
It's ok your childhood was a mess.
It's ok you're still a damsel in distress.
It's ok to wish for everything.
It's ok to have had nothing.
It's ok to be a child and still grow up.
It's ok to live in fear, to casually throw up.
It's ok to not fit the frame.
It's ok to not have hit the fame.
It's ok to talk to yourself.
It's ok to listen to others than thyself.
It's ok to dance under the moon.
It's ok to walk like a complete loon.

It's ok to have odd mannerisms.
It's ok to like everything everyone else says.
It's ok not to like everything everyone else says.
It's ok to be gullible.
It's ok to be shy.
It's ok to be fat.
It's ok to be short.
It's ok to be called ugly.
It's ok to fall in love.
It's ok to have lost the war.
It's ok to pour out how your heart feels.
It's ok to be shot down, stomped upon.
It's ok to be broken.
It's ok to cry your heart out.
It's ok to yell at the top of your lungs at random.
It's ok to pretend at times.
It's ok to laugh maniacally.
It's ok to make others laugh.
It's ok to show how you feel.
It's ok to hope, not to give up.
It's ok to want to go places and to adopt a pup.
It's ok to feel something other than happy.
It's ok to feel love, hate and everything in between.
It's ok to be a mystery than a mere tragedy.

It's ok to be this way.
It's ok to be okay.
It's ok to be you.

Who and What decides the worth of a Woman?
The clothes she wears?
The oaths she swears?
The roles she bears?
The circumstances she dares?
The lipstick she adores?
The men she abhors?
The challenges she faces?
The life goals she aces?
The things she's bid adieu?
Her untampered list of rue?
Me or You?

Pain is inevitable.
You won't know when and how it will strike you.
The best you can do is pray and hope it doesn't find you.

Do not fall in love with a Poet.
They'll cut you deep with their words.
They'll devour your pain and make tiny love notes out of it.
They'll bleed you out and call it Poetry.

I knew that our time together in this world was limited. I knew that sooner or later one of us had to say goodbye to each other. And yet your death took me by surprise, shocked me to the core and the truth is that I don't think I will be able to recover from this. Ever.
This was the first time ever, I understood what death really was, how painful it felt and that how different it is when the person you loved is no more on Earth. It took me all these days and an immense amount of courage to even think about writing this. But I had to do this, for my own sake.

I still remember the day I met you. You were this chubby little fur ball of awesomeness that lit up every room you enter with your innocent eyes and cutest mannerisms. We bonded quickly and you were an integral part of all the crazy stupid games that my sister and I used to play, back in the old days. I remember how you used to get jealous when we ignored you, but of course, we did that on purpose so as to hear you whine impatiently while doing all kinds of silly acts just to get our attention.

I don’t just remember you for all the fun we had. I remember you even for those bad days of my life. I remember hugging you and sitting next to you silently when everything was breaking apart. I remember crying next to you when there were days I just felt like giving up. I remember talking to you endlessly about how I wish our lives were simpler again. But of course, you never uttered a word. All you did was lean onto me, while slowly resting your head on my shoulder for me to stroke your head gently, soothing us both down.

I remember how I didn’t turn my back on you to say goodbye the day I left our home. I heard you screaming and crying at the top of your voice as if you were begging me to stay as you saw me walk away.  Nobody knows this, but one of the reasons I made silly excuses and kept coming back home was just to see you. There were countless times I peeked over the front gate, just to catch a glimpse of you every time I walked past our home. And sometimes all I could do was just hear your sound but that was more than enough for me simply because knowing you were okay made me feel okay.

A day never passed by where I haven’t thought of you. The five years we spent apart has given me endless opportunities to talk to every random person about you. And for the brief time I was home again, I really thought that we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. But unfortunately, that didn’t quite work out. It killed me that I had to say goodbye to you again. I remember kissing your forehead before leaving home for the last time and you screaming and calling me back as I exited.

I just want to let you know how much you mean to me. For you weren’t just my baby, my best friend, my brother, my son, my playmate. You were and will always be my most precious childhood memory. Now that you are gone, I will try and hold your memory close. I miss you with every breath I take. I miss you, Jimmy. Every day, I get on social media, I see endless posts and videos about other dogs and it kills me inside. It kills me because you were the best dog ever. You were such a good boy and your existence has kept me happy since the day I met you. I couldn’t tell you that but I want you to know that.

I hope you have made new friends in heaven. Even if you haven’t it’s okay. I’ll join you there one day and together, we will make countless new memories each day.

Unbelievable are the names I have:

Unable
Unworthy
Unfashionable
Unattractive
Unhappy
Unsuite­d
Unwanted
Undesirable
Unbearable
Unlucky
Untalented
Unaware
Unre­liable
Unsettled
Unwilling
Undecided
Unqualified
Unkind
Unknown

­When all I am ever is Unprefixed.

The moment I saw you
I had my eyes set on you.
Just you.

You were a temptation that could easily make
my lonesome heart melt with ache.
The way you were just sitting there
out in the cold, slightly frozen
drove me crazy with a thousand emotion.

Spellbound, speechless
I leaned up against the clear glass door
wanting you and nothing more.
One look at you has put my,
heart and brain on a constant fight,
Hence I knew it was love at first sight.

As I stood there staring, with your image carved in my mind
and locked in my heart,
I couldn't help but imagine the countless admirers
you might have left behind.
Lost in thoughts I failed to notice
that you were somebody else's first choice.

Suddenly I felt a pull in the pit of my stomach,
it wasn't hunger but something much deeper.
What the heck? Was it my bad luck?
For I  had just lost you to that compulsive eater.


It was a pain I could never take
Oh! How I wish you were mine

'My Sweet Blueberry Cheesecake'.

The alarm buzzed.
I didn't hit the snooze button.
Instead, I woke up. I woke up and it felt different already.

I didn't love you anymore.

I didn't want to stay in my bed and cuddle with you. My bed sheet didn't smell like you. My misbuttoned shirt didn't crave for your attention. Nor did my shabby hair locks long for your touch. My room felt bigger, brighter. And the frosty window pane looked clearer than before. The walls stopped closing in. I could see things vividly. I could hear my heartbeat. I could feel the warmth of my hands. I could move my lips. My neck felt less burdened. Most importantly, I could breathe, normally. My eyes weren't watery anymore and that pain that weighed down on my chest was long gone.
All that gone. Just like that.

I didn't love you anymore.

I didn't think of you in the shower. Your thoughts never came rushing into my head. Your memories didn't bother me. My morning coffee tasted better and the newspaper made much sense. The last voicemail you send seemed cracky and those photographs on the wall were all washed out. I forgot your smile, the way your eyes glanced into mine. Everything about you was a faded memory now. For the first time in many long years, I felt no pain. I felt free. I felt like myself. I felt alone. But being alone didn't scare me at all. Being alone felt natural, quite natural.

I smiled. Just because.
I didn't love you anymore.

I should be happy.

I have
Miles to go in life,
Moments to look forward to,
Millions of people to meet with,
Marvelous books to read,
Movies to watch,
Music to groove to,
Masterpieces to make and
Much friends that really
Make me happy.
Yet I am not.
My mind wonders why.

Find a place where you can be yourself for the day or night.
A place where your mind doesn’t over thinks constantly
about whether things are going wrong or right.

Find a place that gets your topsy-turvy love life.
A place that reminds you, you are beautiful the way you are,
you don't have to go under a knife.

Find a place that soothes down all your worries.
A place that doesn’t bother how much money you’ve left in your account and asks you why settle down now, no hurries.

Find a place that lets you live life innocently.
A place where you don’t have to worry about today's headlines or
last night’s secrets, to live life vivaciously.

Find a place that smells like freedom.
A place where you can laugh, yell, sing, dance and
doesn’t require anyone else’s opinion to validate your selfdom.

Find a place where you never limit yourself.
A place where you explore your abilities, create something beautiful and
let yourself grow, flow and truly find oneself.

Find a place where you feel secure.
A place where you don’t have to be scared of the ones that have done you wrong or have hurt you or made you feel impure.

Find a place where you can be at peace.
A place where you don’t have to be cautious of your own actions or
be bothered about others labeling you their constant conversation piece.

Find a place that makes you fight battles courageously.
A place where you finally embrace your flaws, earn your scars and
learn to live life impulsively.

Find a place that keeps prejudices away.
A place where no one curses you for your mistakes but helps you realize and learn from them in every way.

Find a place that brightens up your every day.
A place where you learn to channel the happiness, sorrow, anger and freedom and pain buried deep within you, the right way.

But most importantly,
find a place where you can love and be loved.

And when you finally find that place, hold on to it for ages to come.
Cherish each moment you spent there and call it Home.