Dear Dad,
How old was I when it changed from Daddy to Dad?
When all the security that two letters gave me when I had a nightmare disappeared

Was it before or after I turned eight?
Because when I was eight you blamed the death of my beloved dog on me
And you broke a part of me that was never repaired.

Yet you wonder why I can be so mean to you.
Why it seems like I have no respect for you

Maybe it’s because I don’t.

You’re a narcissist and I don’t have to respect you
The fact that you happen to be an adult means nothing and you know it
So stop trying to shove that in my face

The fact that you are my father means nothing
You have said more cruel things to me than the kids at school
Yet I’m supposed to love and cherish your existence.

Dear Dad,
When was it decided that it was okay for you to pretend like I have no feelings?
When did you decide that I had to love you but you didn’t have to show your love for me?

Was it before or after you decided that my sisters feelings were worth more than my own
And helped her kick me out of the vet when our dog was dying?
What happened to caring about my feelings?
What happened to being there for me?

Dear Dad,
At what point in time did you decide it was okay to call me useless and lazy?
Why did you think that I would want to hang out with you after that?

Maybe I don’t leave my room or my bed because I don’t want to see you
Maybe it’s because I’m depressed and can’t find the willpower to leave my bed.
Maybe I am useless and lazy.

Dear Dad,
Why do you get angry for being a decent person?
A decent husband?

You had a long day, so what?
Everybody has long days.
The fact that you started yelling because Mom wanted you to pick something up from the grocery store . . .
Really?

Yet you call me childish
While you’re sitting there throwing a tantrum.
A fifty-one year old man.

Don’t yell at me for standing up for my mother.
Don’t come at me for saying the truth.

I’m not the person I once was
I’m not afraid to hit you if you get too close.

I’m sorry that I’m not afraid of you like you want me to be.
And I’m sorry that I’m not sorry at all.

But if you ever mess with the things I care about again,
It won’t end well.

Signed,
Your forgotten child.

why do I feel
like I would
welcome you back
with open arms
after being ignored
for an entire year
if you wanted
to be part of my life
once again

Sometimes I forget.
I forget that you left
and I can no longer run to you,
I forget that he has passed
and will no longer greet me at the door,
I forget that the dreams always come back
and force me to remember the old days
when you were still here
and so was he.

The sterile room,
with bleached white walls
and sleeping needles,
ruins lives
and
saves them
with
one injection.

We got in a fight
You are mad
I guess I should feel sad
But in fact
I'm kind of glad.

There is always a better tomorrow.
It might not be the day after today
But maybe it will be the day after that
Or the day after that
No matter what,
There will always be a better tomorrow.

I watch through ageless eyes
As the penguins fly.

I watch through aged eyes
At purple elephants with polka dots and green hippos with glee.

I watch through tired eyes
While my parents become younger than me.

I watch with merry eyes
At my friends, always happy.

I glance through blind eyes
At the skeletons dancing at three.

I watch through younger eyes
As my body grows young.

I watch from my window down below,
Seeing what others cannot.

I search through tear filled eyes
For the happiness I had once known.

I watch through broken eyes
      As she walks in with more stories to tell.

I watch through half-open eyes
As she explains the cuts once again.

I watch the back of my eyelids
As the memories haunt me, taunt me, once more.

I watch him through burning eyes
As I recall that he hates me.

I watch through dead eyes
As I know, the pain can reach me no more.

I have aged and I have not
I have cried and I have smiled
But in the end, I was watching through my eyes,
Just like everybody else.

It’s hard to love a mother
That you feel skipped out on your childhood.
It’s hard to love a father
That blamed a dog's death on you.
It’s hard to love a grandmother
When you loved your grandfather more.
It’s hard to love a grandmother
When she got rid of everything about him.
It’s hard to love a guy
When your heart has managed to break
It’s hard to miss somebody
When you've never even met them.
It’s hard to love a grandfather
When you never got the chance.
It’s hard to miss a friend
When you think they don’t miss you
It’s hard to make a friend
When society is telling you to be quiet.
It’s hard to love yourself
When society is screaming at you not to,
It’s hard to be happy
When you feel so empty.
It’s hard to be friends with somebody
When they give you a lot of reasons to hate them.
It’s hard to keep up an act
When you so badly want to be done with it.

The feelings engulf you
The feelings betray you
The feelings destroy you
The feelings blame you
The feelings bring you down
The feelings **** you
The feelings end you
The feelings keep you
The feelings stay forever
The feelings are killing you right now
The feelings are laughing at you
The feelings embarrass you
The feelings harass you
The feelings bring the worlds pain on you
The feelings make you nobody
The feelings make you feel stupid
The feelings never leave
The feelings Never leave
The feelings NEver leave
The feelings NEVer leave
The feelings NEVEr leave
The feelings NEVER leave
The feelings NEVER Leave
The feelings NEVER LEave
The feelings NEVER LEAve
The feelings NEVER LEAVe
The feelings NEVER LEAVE
The feelings drive you insane.