I am not a truster

I don't believe
that everyone will do it right.
That everyone won't
hold my heart
too tight.

I don't want a heart
turned harsh
bright white
by fingertips, that squeezed
for just one night.

You're not everyone
You're a kite.
You love my heart
and you love it
just right.

With your left hand
You lift me.
I take flight.
Because you, my love.
You bring me light.

She must've gotten tired
of slicing her wrists with razors
And setting fire to her skin
So she burned herself on lovers
And cut herself on friends

I stepped
Onto that empty
cold
dark
stage
My heart fell
under spotlights
For you to see
But
Of course
All you did
Was throw my heart back at me.

It's just a house
on four posts
that managed to encase
my heart in it
and lock it up
with the key.

It's just a house
that got swallowed
and my heart went with it.
Locked up and lost
into the sea.

Twisted was her mouth
when it kissed him for the last time
no longer was it the kiss
That made her shake
But that they would not ever kiss
That she would never kiss again

I have before criticized the English language
But the lack of dialogue I can muster
to express the depth of my thoughts...
That's my fault.

I have not settled deep enough.
Somewhere between my heart and my soul
to find a way to elaborate on what I know.
That's my fault.

I promise to dive deeper.

I feel off
Like there is something missing
Between my skin and my soul and my heart and my teeth.
It hurts a little -
Like the cold does.

I am shivering.
My bones feel fragile -
Not like they could break but like they could just melt into nothing.
Maybe I want them to.

I am weak.
My eyes beg to not be forced
to stay open any longer
But the dark makes it hard to speak.

I don't want to talk anymore about anything to anyone.
But I am dying
of silence.
I am dying
of heartache.
I am dying
of me.

Your lips
a plank
so
catapult me
with your tongue
past reality
past judgement
I am already
floating
on the edge of reason

your cigarette smoke
floats into my lungs
and out chokes
everything i meant to tell you
hours ago
when things could get better

but now your cigarette smoke
took a year off of my life
and a chunk of my heart
as i suffocate
under your presence