There is a restlessness inside of my body
The rumbling of an uneasy tide against the shoreline
I gasp for air and although my lungs are already full I am greedy
Searching for the road that leads to you
Because I am stuck here
Wanting to just breathe the same air as you

Your voice feels like a distant wind,
Blowing the nape of my neck.
I do not remember what your laugh sounds like,
But sometimes on lazy days, soft days,
A smile creeps my face,
And I remember the way you said my name
Gently,
Softly,
Oh, what a while it has been

Your insides are crawling
Singing hymns of horror stories
Shrills of purgatory

Ghastly visions of the darkest memories that haunt your mind;

Her slender fingers
And chestnut eyes

The emptiness of her lungs and fullness of her palms

Mounted on the curtains of your eyelids

I have been disappearing slowly, over time- quietly
And no one has noticed

My eyes began to follow the moon
My feet soon followed

Not much time after that my shadow decided to come along, too

My name became a whisper that would leave the lips of friends
Carried by the wind to my new home

—

I've been long gone for a while
And only now they have noticed

The sound of waves crashing
Replacing where my laughter once was

'Cancer survivor' they call me
But I don't understand how they're referring to the past when
I'm presently trying to survive

And I'm constantly asking myself:
Is this really living?

As I breathe in the city air
The thought about you cascades around my mind
The smell before rain I always find leading back to you;
The faint scent of your cologne runs with the wind

Autumn has come, my love
It's chilly outside

There are times where I want to dip my hand into the rippled parts of my thoughts  
And smear them onto white walls so you would be able to see the mangled images I have of you.
I am not able to sort you into categories like a librarian does with pastel colored spines on red-oak shelves.
No; you are the excuse “rules are meant to be broken.”
You are the contradictory between oil and water.
Coloring my perspective a different shade of grey like spilled contents of smoke engulfing the ocean that houses above skyscrapers
You said “One day I’ll come back, blistered hands and scraped knees.”

Lilac seeps through my pores when you touch my skin
Your fingerprints along my arm scatter bruises
But lilacs trail behind
Reminding me that hurtful things
Do not last forever.

I feel like a ghost
I’m neither here nor there
Always within that in between

Filling up some unused space
Creaking floorboards beneath my feet

I’m that chill in the air

Barely there

A soft whisper

Love of my life --
You have built me up, crafting a foundation of steady bricks made up of warm embraces and silent I love you's
The palm of your hand always gently caressing whatever is chilled by winter storms
Kissing me in the places I'm most insecure about; humiliation of uncertainty and unnecessary obscurity
I have never felt so close to another one's soul, jolting mine so much so
That I am left here, cheeks flushed and arms out,
Searching through miles of terrain barefoot
Waiting until I can see you in other places besides behind my eyelids
The ghost of your silhouette outlining where your head rests against my pillow
The echo of your laughter dances in the darkness of my bedroom
Memories of which I have only conjured up in the alleyways of my imagination

My calloused palms are tired,
Of making those who have touched me,
Radiate;
Sins washed away underneath wrinkled paper,
Lasting forever.
Here you are soaked into sheets,
Like the memories hanging on the bedroom walls,
Of my mind;
Framed and frozen,
For eternity

I saw your hands today
For the first time in what felt like forever

Those strong hands that held mine while I jumped over puddles
Caught me whenever I was about to fall
The hands that built houses and fixed everything --
Broken pipes, dead cars and crocodile tears

I saw your hands today
But they weren't really your hands
Just another dad's of another daughter's

But God, they reminded me of yours

You're a mountain --
A constant uphill of rough terrain
Your altitude gripping at my throat

An avalanche of
Your laughter leaving
Imprints of familiar glances underneath my feet

I'm just a silly climber
Discovering you once again,
My adrenaline rush

It's as if your love is imprinted
Along my cheekbone

Like little reminders of where I slept
Your pillow creasing against my skin

I dream of angels but I live with demons
A hell that is construed within my home
And a heaven full of wishful thinking

Hello, world
It's me again
And I know I'm pretty insignificant
But I'm feeling numb again

And I was wondering if you could
Just stop spinning so fast
Because a girl has to catch her breath

The seas are crashing
My head is exploding
The grass is still growing

But my fingertips are cold
I feel absolutely nothing