you could have tried to keep us together
tried to keep us together for the sake of happiness
tried to keep us together even if our love was wrong
you could have taken all the chances i gave you
taken all the chances i gave you after you left me repeatedly
taken all the chances i gave you even after you hurt me
you could have left me with better memories
left me with better memories that don't cause tears
left me with better memories that even you would want to look back on
you could have realized how much i loved you
realized how much i loved you and all of your flaws
realized how much i loved you even though you didn't love me back
you could have given me a warning
given me a warning of how much pain you were going to cause
given me a warning even if this was how you wanted to leave

you could have at least said goodbye*

but you didn't
and you could have.

your eyes were the clearest of blues.
they were beautiful.
bright glowing gems that seemed to pulse,
adorned with the longest lashes
that curled gently towards the sky.
with your eyes closed,
they'd be the asymptotes that
never reached your cheeks.

your eyes were what made me fall in love with you.
all i can remember now
are those brilliant crystalline eyes of yours.

the words
goodbye
mean so much
good·bye
go͝odˈbī/
exclamation
used to express good wishes when parting
this term
carries so much on
its shoulders.
"see you later"
implies the fact
that two people will meet
again soon.
"goodnight"
means that
two people will be
seeing each other again
the next day.
but goodbye
means forever
it means you have not
the slightest intention
of ever seeing
someone again
it means going away
and never coming back

it kills me
to know that you've turned to
those things.

you were getting better, you were.
you made a promise to me and to
yourself
that swore off those things

those things
that make you
giddy and glossy and
float and fall and
soar and sad and
dream and drunk

and make you not you.

i can't help you
no matter how much i want to or
how hard i try.

because in the end, it's you who will have to make the decision
you, who will have to control yourself
you, who will have to realize what you've become.

I’m a riddle in nine syllables,
A building with so many levels,
With two big windows, hiding secrets.
Adequate, presentable outside,
Labyrinthine, ramshackle inside.
Everyone becomes disillusioned.
Who’ll fix this piece of architecture?
Who will tend it, patch it up, love it?
Maybe someday, someone will. Who knows?

love,
our story is
different.
it is not like
all of the other
stories that
fill up libraries
and occupy
the minds of
people on this
earth.

love,
our story is
beautiful.
it is not absolutely
flawless or
perfect
but yet,
its imperfections
are what makes
it different.

love,
our story is
unique.
it is not at all
cliche or
normal
but yet,
its craziness
is what makes
it beautiful.

love,
our story is
ours.
it is not, will not
be anyone
else's
and still
its characters
are what makes
it different,
beautiful,
unique,
and  ours.

and love,
i love
our story.

why is it that
you still plague my mind

even thought i'm sure that
i've erased you?

why do we still do it
when we know nothing good comes out of it?

you should do it now
but i don't want toooooooo
get it over with
i'll do it laterrrrrrrrr
don't push it back another hour, another day
i'll find time to do ittttttttt

and eventually, we all just become addicted to it
and those who can quit by themselves,
are the ones who are truly talented.

you've left
and all my memories are now fading
fading and fading
as if they are sand castles
remnants of happiness and strength
with the relentless waves clawing
clawing and clawing
until there is nothing left but a blank slate
only there for me to fill up once again

the muffled sound of momentum on carpet,
a gentle breeze caresses the flowing curtains,
and there it is:
soft beams of moonlight,
scattering glimpses of light on the ground
making me
                                         dance,
                          twirl,
                         ­           sing,
                              live
             ­                                      *love

she lies on his lap,
looking up into
his eyes.

he strokes her hair,
looking up into the
night sky.

she mumbles softly, "please
don't leave me. i need
you."


*silence.

sometimes,
late at night,
i worry

i worry
about little
(or, perhaps, big)
things
like if he suddenly
wakes up
one day
and realizes  
that i'm not good enough for him

that he could do so much better than just me
and that this
us
shouldn't be happening.

most of all,
i worry
that he will fall
in love with
someone new.

(someone,
who is not
me.)

Stop everything and leave
Stop time and make everything pause
I need a break

This mad world...
It's driving me crazy
They are driving me crazy

I need him to stop
I need her to stop
I just need everyone to stop

We all have to stop being so selfish
We all have to stop being so cruel
We all have to stop being so ugly

Ugly on the inside,
Pretty on the outside,
The world's a mess

We need to stop
Have kindness and care
No more evil and ugliness in our hearts

**stop

she whispers. "hey."

"hm?"

"you're my boulder."

he chuckles. "what?"

"you're my boulder. you're
stronger than a rock. you're
the one who keeps me
from losing myself. you're
the one who keeps me
grounded. you are my boulder."

he grimaces. "but if i'm a boulder
then i'd crush you...i would
hurt you."

she laughs quietly. "well then, you're
a gentle boulder.  soft and fluffy and
all that stuff."

he stifles a laugh. "so do i just have
a bunch of fluffy green moss
growing on me?"

she nods. "you're
my big, gentle, sweet, moss-covered
boulder."

he smirks. "well...
then i guess you're
my pebble."

she looks into his eyes. "how so?"

"you're my pebble. you're
small but not easy to break. you're
seemingly fragile but you're
stronger than you look. you're
part of me and you're
the one who can either break me
or make me whole. you are my pebble."

she smiles
and he wraps his soft green sweatshirt
that he's wearing
around her
shoulders. "mine."

she murmurs. "my boulder."
he whispers. "my pebble."

and finally,
both of them
are found
as they gaze at the stars
and into each other's eyes.

our eyes shut so no light breaks through,
our fists clenched with sharp crescents digging in soft flesh,
our tears escaping the mere barrier of our eyelids,
our voice locked in deep inside us trying to escape

*why is it so hard to accept the truth?

my heart feels like it's been bound
by twine
thinning, fraying, splitting, cutting
the soft metronome of my pulse feels
heavier and heavier
each thud thunders in my body and i
start to drown, simply because
the twine is choking my heart so tightly
taking away my breath
and forming it into tears
all because of him

A bright candlelight
dances, enough for
giving heat. It jerks
kaleidoscopically, like
music. Near oblivion,
phantoms quietly rollick.
Shadows trail up
vapid walls. Xylography
yet zigzags.

what have you done to me?
i'm so different
from who i used to be

what have you done to me?
i've changed so much
and the whole world can see

what have you done to me?
i'm locked in your chains
and now all i want is to be free

what have you done to me?
maybe we'll be better off without each other
don't you agree?

what have you done to me?
i'm completely trapped
and now i have nowhere to flee

what have you done to me?
i've lost myself in this crazy, wild love
and i'm drifting into oblivion at sea

what have you done to me?
i need to get out
oh, can't you hear my pleas?

what have you done to me?
i don't know who i am anymore
and my sense of self has turned into debris

words.
they're a funny thing.
they can mean
thousands of different things,
each word
a metaphor
for something that is
subtle and unheard of.
but his words--
they are more than just metaphors.

the worst feeling
      is missing someone
        and not knowing if
          you've even crossed
their mind