A story about a man who looked up to a hero all his life and realized he had only became a villain... -kyle Shirley

I tried for the last time tonight,
Shes like a waterfall, forever moving forward, unstoppable to any change.
For you to read this, take away one thing, which is never let go of what you think could be the greatest thing in there life, not yours, because maybe just maybe they will return the favor.
I lied saying I was done, ill never be done, just learning to face and deal with the pain. I am the Lillie, travelling, and going no where at the same time. Im content on what happens but am sad as I pass people, places, and things on my travels.
We crossed paths and I never looked back. Your rushing water took me to better places fast, but with every waterfall, you ended abruptly and I fall deep without you.  On a bright side I will land on another adventure. Still travelling through life free and beautiful.

I have a suitcase full of stars
My body full of scars
Lavish life of fancy cars
only women i seek is in filthy bars
The end of my love life is chard
Alas nerves are brain dead
My Skin is all faded
Busted and used this life is jaded
Catfished women got me all baited
For my actions I'm hated
Assaulted and arrested
Tried, convicted and sentenced
Freed for my patience and penance
Now I'm full of revenge and vengeance
Can't stop till I get it.

I want to flip out in anger.
I want kiss every part of your body.

The rush of rage filling me to completion.
The rush I get from seeing you.

The way you're out with other guys around your friends torments me.
The way you are around my friends, im at home.

I scream and shake with jealousy

My life is like the negatives in a photo reel.
Black and white, and barely seen.

They didn't command pain with grand masses,  They simply came to take back
what wasn't mine to receive.
The four horsemen trotted into my chamber
Void
Despair
Punishment
And finally...
Death
Each leaving a part of themselves to make sure ill never love again.
Void, whatever I consume will never fill my emptiness without her.
Despair, wallowing in self lothing, itching at the skin without her touch.
Punishment, keeping me in a prison of isolation, slowly the pain of my loss tortures me and all I have left to do is beg for death.
And finally death... death leaves me stranded here, alone. Finally making me realize that I loved something more than I loved myself. Real death is dying everyday loving someone who doesn't love you back.

There are times I often dream about her blue eyes and blonde hair, in the kitchen with her dad as she looks at me with such a pretty smile.

Faded are these memories I hold close. I hope there are days she dreams the same. On the other hand, if it hurts her to think about these things as much as it hurts me..

Id rather spare her pain.

Iv come to conclusions,
1. She won't ever want me the same way I want her

2. If that's the case I'm wasting my time.

No out come that iv thought of has yet to bring you closer tof me. No matter what I do.

Iv never been one to give up especially since

Your the reason why I can't wait for tomorrow.

Iv watched some of my youthful days disappear in the moment. Caught up in glory and seduction.

The lesson in life is live the glory as it comes, but watch it pass with the love of your life.

I cant stand to see the guilt come across an actor's eyes as he portrays a life of a cheater.

Days past were I am reminded of my own betrayals and I must look away.

Is this what it's like to change?

Has my sleep become a pipe dream?

Has my alcoholic induced ******* antics came and gone so early in my life, where I cant find the dullest, and easiest scape goats to sooth my pain and guilt?

I'm left wondering what did i gain?
Take it from me, the grass is not greener.

I watch all these movies, romanticism at its finest.
But one story stands out, not the notebook... But "I walk the line" this true story about hardships and love for a woman hits home. I made tons of mistakes like he has and ends up with his woman, never giving up, turning into the man she wants and knows he can be.

Im trying ***, believe me, you have told me no 100 times now, its time for you to come up with a new answer.

I write this poem just for you
With all these feelings what could I do
A tomb of words that stack like that
Surrounding things seep though the cracks
Words hard as brick to build my tower
Piece by piece hour by hour.

Basicly I'm saying I'm making my grave
If I stick around you, there's no way I'll behave.
My words are all I have left to display my affection
Once you listen you come quick with correction

I lay here dying in my tomb
Your lurking silhouette still lingers in my room
Casting your shadow for me to see
Your presence haunts me in my dreams

You lay here in bed thinking you will always be here, till the day you die. You lay in bed, having anxiety or excitement on the days to come, but its never certain. Life is never a positive, only death. I lay in my bed worrying about bills or work and never stop to think "will I even wake up tomorrow?" Because its a given. I love my life one day at a time. Ill go to work like im supposed to, ill love like im supposed to, and ill pay my taxes like im supposed to. Other then that ill live each day like I wont wake up tomorrow, but just in case I do, I do what im supposed to.


My father will never know if he will wake the next day, nor will I know. Fear of death is lossing precious life, for each time we fear we lose a bit of happiness we could have had if we only excepted what we do not understand, and we always fear what we do not understand.

Don't dream of me when I'm gone,
I wanted nothing but to stay.
Yet here I am passing
You have nothing left to say.
Looking back through the glass
Of where my picture lay
My memories before they pass
Showed happiness portrayed.
Broken, useless, covered in dust
For all the gifts I payed
Your the one I trusted
This poem is what I have to say
You lied, you cheat, took me for a fool
You sought out lust.
Used me as a tool
Heartless beauty with skin so divine
I'm sorry loving you was my gulity crime...

He battles his mind during the day, he cant handle reality.

He slowly drifts to sleep, too scared of what kind of dreams will creep.

She haunts his mind like ghosts in a grave yard. The memories torment him.

Shes the last thing that crosses his mind at night, till he dreams of her.

The only salvation he gets, is the dreams where shes back in his arms.

Obsession doesn't come close. Its a dying love for her.

He dies at work, fights for an escape from the pain.

He knows you cant run from your mind, but slaving away at life because she is not there to enjoy it with you, takes years off of life.

Her heart is the sky, it has no limit.

My thoughts are dark, for there are no such thing faster then darkness.

Shes left me, so iv left me.

Torn between lust, old love, and new beginnings.
A fear of messing up.
A weight of guilt still lingers.
Will I ever be better?
Will I find myself wanting more?
The struggle is so terrifying not to **** up again, I cant get close.
Alone is where ill make a mistakes.
With her its bliss.

Fun times
Goofiness
Honestly
Happiness
Trust
Courage
Beauty

She will be my rock... Like one other...
My old flame.

           Oh how she still burns bright

I think of her ever day,
Oh will the pain just go AWAY

Like shadows, lust forever fallows me.
Pain from all the memories.

I want to grow up.
I NEED to grow up.

Be a one woman man, loving another with all I have, time and effortlessly putting in more.

I wish I wasn't so torn.

Your never to far outta reach are you?
I see you, hiding, waiting.
You fallow and keep close just in case you need me to save you, not the other way around.
As I walk among the Lillies you think you blend in like a tiger lillie.
Find someone else to stalk, I always feel your presence like is breathing down my neck.
You say your leaving, but you will always come running back Again.

Lies and hope are toxic to a relationship as well as the past. If you bring up things that happened yesterday over and over again how will you ever move forward in your life with your partnership. Lying about the past to keep them content doesn't work nor does telling them the truth about it. Nobody likes when they find out or hear bad things about someone they fell in love with. Lying to yourself that your happy with how things are wont help either. To remove toxicity from life and love is to remove the past that got you to the point were you are now with the one you love... you have to have rainy days to enjoy sunny ones.

Tragedy is a beautiful thing.


"Tragedy is a unbound force made of infinite coincidences to prepare you for the future."  *- Kyle Shirley

As the winged serpents descended
And the smog filed death machine,
marched Towards their last breath
He grabbed her
Kissed her with everything he had left
And walked graciously onto the inevitable.
Something so permanent
an absolute truth of separation.
Couldn't change what he felt about her
The test of time made sure their love existed.
As she begged him not to go
Her memory started to fade
And all that was left, was a black and white photo of two strangers on the nightstand of the nursing home...

Alone in his kindom he wept
Moon lit nights he barely slept
Pacing the halls he never dreamt
His bride, his queen an untimely death

Trapped in the kindom with a ghost
Madly looking at the ivory coast
Cruel intentions set into our host
The outcome of cancer Diagnosed

Her memory to others was jaded
Even the tombstone was faded
This wasn't the life he thought he created
Depression quickly invaded

Up at the castles tallest tower
was our kings final hour
Without his queen he had lost all power
The rope tightens quickly as the last tombstone reads "to my beloved wildflower".

**** I miss you, why have you left? What have I done? This is surely a blown chance at romance and happiness. I cant help but regret the mistakes iv made. The time machine couldn't get here soon enough. I miss you, ****** I do. Just to talk to the real you, deep down inside I know you feel it too. I cry out, over and over in my head day to day... replaying the things iv done wrong... maybe it wasn't just all me, maybe you had mistakes too? Thats what helps me finally rest my head at night... lying to myself about you. Why cant I just have what I want even if I made a mistake or two? Why must my hope life be miserable due to my trouble some youth...

I did the unspeakable
I rushed to the lavatory
In desperate need to clean the sin off
Wash my filth over and over
"Come clean" I shrieked
Panicked, holding my head in my hands
Kneeling on the marbled floor
Only A towel drapped over me
Shivering not cold but frantic
I breath in. Stand up. Exhale.
I wipe the fogged mirror
Look into it with mournful eyes
I watch the figure stand before me
Not my reflection I see
Startled as it took shape
Regret formed into goose bumps.
Down my body as it traveled, multiplying.
I break as I see the picture in the mirror
I look up one last time
I marvel in disbelief...

Id say that "walking this long road" is a hacked premise, maybe life is a triathlon...  many long challenges to face and in order to win you have to... try, haha. Yeah I like that better.

I too am fluent in silence
Come sit next to me
Tell me your violence
Sing your song of misery
I'll sit and listen
Heart aches in my treasury
Trapped in my own prison

Glued to my fear
Lend me your hand
Feel these tears
Stories so grand
Reminisce the wasted years

I'll follow you
To have and to hold
You know it to be true
Hearts made of gold
Alone at last, let's see this through

Twisting and turning is the road, too far iv gone. Too far I have come. Why must it be so simple, yet so difficult? Simple because its this or that, difficult because you have to live with the choice.
Fame is the road I seek. Yet love is what im stuck on. Iv been down love many times, I try to stay on and I fail. I try to find the road I seek, I fail. This time, this time I will over come, I know this lovely road all too well, been down this road before.
Somewhere down the road Must choose one more time, love or fame...?
You see for both CANNOT exist.
A fear I will weather away walking aimlessly in search for what I was destined not to have in the first place.
Twisting and turning is the road I know the best. For it is my mind replaying mistakes I will never learn from.

Probably one of the most depressing nights of my life and she would never know.
I miss my best friend.
I miss my soul mate.

The shadow in my room creeped closer
Whispering don't be afraid.
It Let out it's hand closer to me
I quivered in fear of the unknown
Slowly the shadow sat down.
It's name is what startled me the most
It spoke so highly of me
With a gentle voice.
The ghostly presence seemed to soothe me
Everything about it looked scary
Till I let the shadow in
I felt warm like I had seen the light
It disappeared so quickly when others came,
I cried it's name over and over...
"Love, don't go. come back"...

The problem is, what if I already had the one?
The best relationship I was ever gonna have.
What if the reason I'm alone, is no one compares to how amazing the last one was.
What if I'm so scared to make the same mistakes and lose yet another one?
Loneliness isn't just about waiting for the better one, it's also having the best one and finding it hard to move on after.

My heart is her heaven, day to day I watch her sleep.

I am who she trusts the most, her protector.

Although she may not know it, this is where she belongs.

Are fights are like the crushing tides to a lighthouse dock, but we do have a calm.

I love her truly through good times and bad.

She is my Lillian.

Sunset kiss
White wedding dress
Love at first sight

Frigid mess
Lustful doubt
Fighting can't get it right

Empty bottle
Money *** busted
Sick and trashed
Life has gotten rusted

Poem for her
Love about me
Sick and lonely old
Unhappiness finds me

Everywhere I turned
I saw her.
She became death.
Hunted me with visions
Hidden within bladed objects
The sweet release of steel on skin
Brought me that much closer with her.
Her voice begged me to pick up the bottle
It's the only way I could feel her pain
And numb my own.
Soon death with take me
I already feel the cold chills pour from my vains.
I'll be Hand and hand with my love again soon enough.

I cant help but wonder if you will still think of me down the road.
If im this hopeless romantic thinking one day you'll be mine to hold again, like the timing for us just wasnt right.
Im sick, I wish she knew how sick I was.
Her memory is everywhere I look, when I close my eyes I can smell her... Life is a fickle ***** and they say you win some you lose some.. Well let me taste victory just once to see how bitter sweet it really is.
Iv lost alot of love in my days, when will I learn im destined to walk alone.

he often walked, to clear his mind and the trouble he has. he came across the river,  as he looked deep into the reflection he saw his face disfigured, his eyes saw a good man, but the mind saw the devil. above him, he could see "good" looking down on him, judgement. "I am to blame for what I have become" he muttered "I will wear my disgusted life on my face", as if it was a mask he could never take off. Seems so clear like a reflection in a mirror... By this time he looked up from the water, looked down the road, and left his past behind him at the river. Although he still wears his devil as if it was a face, he ia proud at how far he has come. One day he come across that river and leave this mask and his woe at the river and move on.

Read more.** Reading has expanded my mind to new heights and opened doors in conversation topics beyond anything you can see on television.
Meditation. has helped me see my goals clearly with distractions of everyday life.
NO FEAR fear has always been a concept of my own mind, nothing on the outside has made me this way, Once I took away small things I was afraid of I could grow out of my shell.
love yourself you are the only there will ever be. Once you realize that you are special, it will be easy to find great minded people like yourself.

I never said I was an easy man to love.
Most days I don't even like the skin I live in let alone love myself for it.
When I see you, you make the days bearable,
You make the face looking back in the mirror smile at all the flaws, the insecurities.
But you left...
You left me worse off than when you found me.
you were my home, not just four walls.
I had a full heart and a empty mind
Your touch was silk, hugs wrapped me like warm Linen, gentle and caring.
Now it's restless fighting with myself,
It's banging my hands on the table to stop from crying at 3am
Its Wondering what flaws did i have that you couldnt accept.
What did I do to push you away, what did my love do?
Was it too forthcoming with my anxiety? Was it waking up at 6am checking all the doors and windows to make sure you were safe?
Or..
Was it simply me loving you when you only liked the idea of not being alone...

I am a fool, so foolish, so trapped in love.
What is love? Tolerating someone whose good looking more then anyone else?

Im I'm trapped.
Trapped in a game with myself, losing and winning it makes no sense.

A fool to believe she was reading this whole time, to think she would come back, to think that maybe even if it was deep down inside she thought about me once in awhile.

Foolish self hatred and melancholy reactions to every scenario. Trapped in a hopeful lustful tasteless romantic comedy about love. A tragedy about star crossed lovers that doesn't end in a happy ending. She gets him and you get a 1st class seat to watch your love live life with someone else.

Hands shaking, trembling on my screen. Thoughts sporadic jumping to emotions left and right. heart stressful heavy and pumping fast. This is what love is when its gone bad, jealousy.

When he dies, so will joy.
So will pain
So will any sort of feeling other then bitterness.

He's my life, the one person I love more then myself.

He is life, love and joy everyday to me.
When he passes so will I.

I will be a walking zombie. Free from any emotion, any life.

One thing I'll say to him when he passes is, "I sure will miss you dad, I love you more then air".

My insecurities are like rain drops in a storm.
Little pieces of of random sharp pains that's together are troublesome, but I endure it for you.

The pain and stress of getting close to you builds up all the reasons why iv never been good enough for anyone before, before you.

I want to show you and tell you all the affection. I have, but I wait. For if I do tell, you will have all the power over me, and for one person to have all that power over someone is dangerous.

Love is an abyss filled with fire.
Ever growing, bright yet destructive.
Hope with equal amounts of loss.

Why does it take death to miss something or someone? When I reach the end of my days I dont want to have " I should have" at the last breath I take. I want to look back and smile because of the memories and chances I took. Life should not be full of mistakes and regret.. but it is. How else do you learn? You had to make those to bad choices to see what is really in front of you. I want to know at the end of my days that I loved the deepest I could with the one who truly means the most to me, and that might not necessarily be a woman either. My father is my biggest inspiration and he know the love I carry for him is far greater then any woman I could give my heart to. That being said many have come close but I feel as though I had to make mistakes along the way and those women have gone to other, more suitable men. Life isnt a game or race to money and fame, its the journey towards love and the pursuit of our happiness.  When I reach the end of my days I should not have why at my lips or what if that girl and I...." I should have remember old man, the time of that beautiful woman at that sunset? You made a fool out of your self when you poured your little heart out to that girl who was out of your league, and she didnt care she was ready to say yes to you when you got down on bended knee, not the speech of love that followed." Then when that memory fades and the smile on my old man face is immortalized as I slip into cold death, ill have lived my journey into whatever kingdom I have made that lies ahead of me.

I try and fight to stay away, giving you your peace amd happiness without me.
But memories of us hit me like a comet to earth, barely seen, beautiful, yet so abruptly it shakes the ground on impact...
I'll never be able to Say enough, to win you back or to tell myself to let go.
I may sit in my ivory tower, but im no king, but a jester left alone due to the plague of my past.
                                    **Sad
                               Troubled
                               Old man
                      Left dancing alone,
                    fighing himself About
           Words left that were unspoken.