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Feb 2015 · 576
six word story
bcg poetry Feb 2015
I'm still here and you're there.
Feb 2015 · 385
Regret
bcg poetry Feb 2015
If I had known it was the last time we would talk, I would have said something more important that goodbye.
Feb 2015 · 395
Till there was you
bcg poetry Feb 2015
When I was ten
I thought I knew what love was when the boy next door followed me home after class one day to kiss my cheek and run away.

When I was thirteen
I thought I knew what love was when the boy I played soccer with said he liked the way my hair fell in my face.

When I was fifteen
I thought I knew what love was when the man I thought of as a teacher told me I made him feel young as he slid his tongue in my mouth.

When I was seventeen
I thought I knew what love was when my best friend told me he loved me, but he didn't want to sacrifice our relationship.


I don't doubt that I felt love in every one of these instances, but I didn't feel true love until I was curled up in a blanket at 4 in the morning telling you about all of these people and knowing you would never be a story I told someone else.
Feb 2015 · 588
Are you even human
bcg poetry Feb 2015
You never felt much.
You can turn your feelings for me off like flipping a switch.
You compartmentalize and focus on one task, while ignoring the other.

You forget about me, I know you do.

I feel everything.
Every word, every forgotten call, every missed message.
I feel everything.
And I can't turn off your blue eyes in the back of my mind.
I can't forget you, like you can forget me.

But that doesn't mean I don't spend every empty bottle trying.
Feb 2015 · 454
Untitled
bcg poetry Feb 2015
"I'm too young to feel this empty."

"We all are."
Feb 2015 · 350
in the middle
bcg poetry Feb 2015
i'm* halfway in between

deciding i deserve more and giving up on whatever "just talking" means

or being the one person in your life who always responds because

i love you, but maybe you won't love me until i love myself
Feb 2015 · 321
gravity
bcg poetry Feb 2015
sometimes a song hurts so good that i can't conjure the energy to turn it off
when a song reminds me of how happy we used to be or how sad i am now
i can't turn it off or turn it down
because sometimes the pain, is the only thing that keeps me sane
Feb 2015 · 1.0k
time limits
bcg poetry Feb 2015
I make up time limits in my head...
“If he doesn't call me before 7pm, he doesn't want me.”
“If it takes him a day to respond, he really has found someone new.”
“If I have one more sleepless night because of him, I don't talk to him for a week.”

The limits never turn out
I still have hope
Even though I'm desperately in love with you
and to you I'm just the kid sister of a friend you used to know
Jan 2015 · 630
The Lies We Tell
bcg poetry Jan 2015
Everytime I say goodnight, I'm saying I love you.

Everytime I say Hi, I'm saying I miss you.

Everytime I don't return a text, I'm saying all I want to do is respond but I don't want to look too desperate.

Everytime I encourage you to go after another girl, I'm saying I want you to tell me you don't need to, because you've already found one.

Everytime I say nothing's wrong, I'm saying that living this lie is killing me, but it's worth it whenever I see you smile.

Everytime I say goodnight, I'm saying I love you.
Jan 2015 · 353
The nightly cycle
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I have too much pride during the day
So I don't call you

And when the day turns to night
I curse out my strength  

Because maybe you have too much pride too
And maybe you miss me as much as I miss you
Jan 2015 · 307
Past Me
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I know that past me is jealous of current me
Because I have you and I'm so happy
Past me craved you
She craved you so much that she carved herself
Past me lost you and lost you over and over
Until past me lost herself
Past me was weak after being caught up in your gravity
She couldn't get out of bed most days
Past me listened to mother tell her she was going crazy
Until she finally did go insane
Past me was so sad
Not in a beautiful, tragic way
She was just sad

But now I'm starting to realize that I'm getting caught up in your gravity and craving for you is driving me crazy and past me may slowly be turning into future me
Jan 2015 · 247
Three Hours
bcg poetry Jan 2015
There are three hours in every day that I hate
Three hours that I absolutely dread

It's the time between talking with you and dreaming about you

There are three hours that I hate
Three hours that I absolutely dread

It's the time between talking with you and dreaming about you

We live hours apart so you say goodnight before I do

and the time between "us" and "us in dreamland" is unbearable

It's the time when the waves of loneliness and doubt come crashing down
and you aren't there to call and no one else is around

I know this is one of the things I will never say to you
but those three hours **** me every single day
Jan 2015 · 331
Missing you
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I get messages from you everyday
We talk for hours about everything and nothing
I ask you questions
I tell you about my day
We talk about everything except for why you went away

I fall back in love with you with every conversation, every phone call, every text message
I watch your life through pictures and stories that don't include me
Jan 2015 · 291
Lust makes us Blind
bcg poetry Jan 2015
Her arms were crying for help, but he was too focused on her hands that he wanted to hold.
Jan 2015 · 303
no longer in love
bcg poetry Jan 2015
You don't say my name when we say goodnight anymore.

The first time around every day was magic and every word was love.
We were writing a story whose last page we already knew.
From the moment we met, we both knew we were doomed.
Yet we were fighting time and distance together, call by call, letter by letter, savoring every hour we did have together.

and we've tried to say goodbye hundreds of times
until the two months when it finally stuck
but somehow i always found my way back to the way you notice how i blink differently when i'm talking to you

And it's better this time because we're friends.
We talk everyday, even though you're miles away.
We laugh together and you hold me when it's hard, even though you're far.
But everything is different because we are no longer in love.
And it's okay, we're both probably happier this way.
Though it's the little things, that remind me of what almost was.
That remind me of the way we were almost meant to be.
Like the way you look at me.

But you don't love me, you closed that door.
I can tell, love, because you don't say my name when we say goodnight anymore.
Jan 2015 · 240
18 Word Tragedy
bcg poetry Jan 2015
She slept in the middle of the bed for the first time in a long time last night.
Jan 2015 · 383
That'll be the day
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I'm just waiting for the day when you finally say, "I love you."

And then I pause and finally watch you watching me.

Until I finally say, "I've loved you since I was seventeen years old, you fool, now kiss me."
Jan 2015 · 315
just a simple day
bcg poetry Jan 2015
i had this dream last night

i got home from work and you were waiting at our apartment with chinese takeout that we ate as we watched our favorite show on the tiny tv in our living room.

we walked the dog after dinner and then we went back home to fall into eachother.

and i swear to god when i woke up on the left side of this empty bed i could still smell you.

and my heart broke again.

because we never got to have a single simple day before you had to go away.
Jan 2015 · 444
The Strong One
bcg poetry Jan 2015
She called me again tonight
She didn't know who else to call and with the blood on the floor and the knife in her hand she couldn't ask her parents for help
She tells me, "I'm helpless."
She tells me, "I'm scared."
She tells me, "I can't fall asleep because of the fear."

I know the right things to say. I know how to get her to stay on this side for one more day. I know how to talk her down when her boyfriend isn't around to pull her back to the ground.

So I don't tell her that I'm drowning too. Because I'm the strong one, keeping her afloat. I'm the strong one, when the sea is so big, and we are just two young girls in this small boat.
Jan 2015 · 754
Be a little brave
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I'm in love with you.

And I know that it doesn't make sense, I know we don't make sense.
And I know you're scared, I was scared for a long time too.

But now, when I look at you, I know that with you next to me, I will never be scared again.

With you next to me, I can take the world.

So we can keep talking, we can stay friends.

But if you can be brave for just a little bit, I promise I will spend the rest of my life making sure it was worth it.
Jan 2015 · 1.2k
long distance ex
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I'm here and you're there.

-a five words ******* tragedy (the plane ticket you gave me is sitting on my mantle and i stare at it through the 2am tears)
Jan 2015 · 469
reminder
bcg poetry Jan 2015
return the text
answer the call
she knows she's been difficult
but it's been a hard night for her

she is so close to the edge
but you could turn it around if you just
returned the text
answered the call

you don't want to wake up tomorrow in a world without her
don't let your frustration get in the way of
returning the text
answering the call
Jan 2015 · 848
just friends
bcg poetry Jan 2015
and i'm happy you're in my life again and i'm happy we have eachother again but you have to understand that sometimes we can't talk

not because i don't want to
i always want to talk with you

but sometimes peering into your life for too long reminds me that for a little while you didn't want me to be apart of it
Jan 2015 · 278
Long Distance Love
bcg poetry Jan 2015
What other ways are there to communicate?
How can I love you so much and be so far away?


we've played this question and answer game over and over and over again
i know every answer before you even say it and you know my questions before i even ask them

I AM TIRED OF TELLING YOU ABOUT MY DAYS
I WANT YOU TO BE MY DAYS
bcg poetry Jan 2015
you thought it was so odd last night
you told me that something i had said had hurt you
and i spent the whole evening trying to make it up to you
you kept on repeating it wasn't a big deal and there was nothing to make up for

and it took me until 3:24am last night to realize
you didn't understand.
you didn't understand what it was like to feel so awful due to someone else's unhappiness

when you are hurt i would do anything
make any joke
sing any song
fight any person
to make you happy.

You wouldn't.

or maybe you just lost that instinct when you fell out of love with me
Jan 2015 · 277
Us
bcg poetry Jan 2015
Us
More than you, I miss us.
I miss who we were,
when we were.
Jan 2015 · 511
The Advice Giver
bcg poetry Jan 2015
Her first text is at 10:13pm, from a friend, who needed to tell her that she still loves him. She reminds the friend calmly that he wasn't well and it was better for both of them to end it even though it felt like hell. He hurt you, she told the friend, he hurt you over and over, it'll be okay, you can cry on my shoulder.

Her second text comes in at 12:09am, from an old flame. He had one too many that evening and was going a little insane, "I miss you," he said and he heaved a long sigh, "I just want one more night, please one more night." She somehow managed to gently decline and called a mutual friend to give him a ride. She told the old flame that everything would be okay and to take a couple aspirin before he called the next day.

Her first call of the night, at 1:53am, comes from an old roommate who had relapsed and was back in that horrible place and the roommate was lying on the tile of a bathroom floor she couldn't recognize and her number was the only one she could recall after her fall. She talked down the helpless girl for an hour until she was well enough to get up from the tile. The roommate called her mom and got picked up and she hung up the phone, relieved to have some time for a nap.

She got two more calls that night and hundreds of more texts, but she got a couple of hours of rest before the next day of telling others everything was going to be okay.
Jan 2015 · 1.1k
Long Distance Love
bcg poetry Jan 2015
6/23/14
2:34am
Him: okay, well what's your biggest fear? Or (even better) what do you despise the most?
Her: um... Time
Him: haha why?
Her: i guess it's just that it's impossible to win a fight against time

8/14/14
12:11am
Him: it just doesn't make sense.
Her: what doesn't?
Him: us.
Her: why?
Him: we just aren't at the same places in our lives, we can't keep doing this.
Her: you can't fight for us, for what we are, for everything we could be?
Him: it's impossible to win a fight against timing.
Jan 2015 · 316
what if//
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I was addicted to you, but it hurt so good.
And I had to quit.

I was never okay without you, but I was surviving.
And then you reached out.

I was packed up, but then you told me I could stay home.
And you were my home.


but i am so scared, i am terrified.
what if he leaves me and i'm left like a ******* idiot again?
what if i'm left out in the cold?
what if i'm locked out of my own home?
Jan 2015 · 398
what you do for love
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I smile softly as I listen to you tell the story about last Halloween for the third time. The laughter you exude every time you get to the punchline of the story makes me giggle along with you. I never got to meet the friends in the story, but I know you miss them, so I watch you reminisce about the days you used to be content because I always embrace that grin on your face. The pain you're in is always in the back of my mind, so I listen to you tell the story about last Halloween for the third time.

-bcg (anyway i can help bring you happiness, i will)
Jan 2015 · 495
Waiting
bcg poetry Jan 2015
She waits for you.

In every way possible, she waits for you.
When she has a story, she waits for you.
When she has good news she waits for you.
When she has bad news she waits for you.

And even though she met someone, who will treat her nice, and who isn't in some far away place, and who is actually still in her life.

She waits for you.
Jan 2015 · 358
the truth
bcg poetry Jan 2015
someday i'll probably find someone new
but right now, i want you

-the drunken, "just saying hi," message left on the answering machine at 2am
Jan 2015 · 890
Where is home anymore?
bcg poetry Jan 2015
Home is supposed to be safe
Home isn't supposed to desert you
Home is supposed to love you unconditionally
Home isn't supposed to make you want to pull out the blade
Hope is supposed to be comfortable
Home isn't supposed to require little white pills
Home is supposed to be you
Home isn't supposed to be killing me
Jan 2015 · 250
Tell Me
bcg poetry Jan 2015
Are you killing me or saving me?
Haunting me or catching me?
Pulling me or pushing me away?

-it doesn't matter (forever yours)
Jan 2015 · 315
one day
bcg poetry Jan 2015
one day we're going to see each other again
and we'll go out to eat to catch up

and you'll be trying to decide what to pick off the menu
     because you've always been indecisive when ordering

and I'll have already chosen what I wanted
     because I always pick out what to have before I get to the restaurant

and you'll chose and I'll order and you'll talk and I'll laugh and the food will come

and I won't be able to eat

Because throughout the whole night, all the thinking and the talking and the laughing

the whole time

all I have been thinking about is the way you used to look at me
Jan 2015 · 347
i forgot
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I've been waiting for you for so long
That I forgot
I'm still waiting for the man I hoped you'd be.
Jan 2015 · 317
Hi
bcg poetry Jan 2015
Hi
"Hi. I uh was scrolling through the note section of my phone, looking for a song I had written awhile back, and I saw all of the notes I had written while we were together.
Some of them were funny things you said that I wanted to remember. Some of them were sweet things you said that I wanted to remember.
And yeah it was kinda hard seeing those, but I was fine you know? I got through that fine. But then I started seeing the stories I had written down. Stories of things I had done or seen. But I hadn't written them down for me.
They were stories to tell you later.
But this time I read through them and I, you know, chuckled and stuff at the different encounters with strangers or odd family members.
And there was just something really poetic about enjoying these stories myself. Stories that I had compiled for you.
And I just wanted to say that I think today was maybe the first big step in the long journey of getting over you. "
Jan 2015 · 342
it was you
bcg poetry Jan 2015
all the way down the coast
from washington to new york
from manhattan to conneticut

you were the one I wanted to be walking next to

from trusting to needing
from loving to leaving
it was you it was you it was you

I want you I want you
I kept saying
I want you I want you

but the years in between us were great
and the miles even greater

so I let go I let go
I let myself let go of you

because I'm stupid enough to believe you'll find your way back to me
Jan 2015 · 320
the chance
bcg poetry Jan 2015
what keeps me hanging on
you want to know what keeps me hanging on
you and i existed in a world of "somedays," "next times," and "just for nows."

we never got the chance
you and i could exist in a world of "todays," "tomorrows," and "forevers."

but we never got the chance.

i keep hanging on because i'm waiting for the day when i can roll over in the morning and see your face and there is no countdown in the back of my mind.

it’s just you and i and “i love yous,” “tell me somethings,” and “have a good days.”
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I've heard people say, "You know you're in love when all the songs make sense."
Well after loving you I know that to be untrue.

I've been with many people and I understood what the songs were saying.

I knew I was in love when none of the songs could encapsulate the way I felt. I had to write my own songs. There was no combination of notes or words already in the universe that explained what I knew to be true.

Thank you for teaching me that when you're in love; the songs don't just make sense.

You feel so much when you’re in love, you have to write your own songs.
Jan 2015 · 304
Just let me love you
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I asked you, "Are you happy?"
And you replied, "I still have some semblance of balance but it's ebbing away."

And I'm stuck here wondering, "Then why won't you let me make it stay?"
Jan 2015 · 243
i forgot for too long
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I forgot what it felt like to be wrapped up in you
I forgot for too long
So I thought I was fine and so I picked up the phone
and then you were you and I was you and we were us again
and you wrapped me up

and then you let me go

and now i can't stop shaking and i'm closing my eyes because the world is moving too fast and i just want one of our infinite moments to last

but the damage has been done. just be gone.
Jan 2015 · 189
Untitled
bcg poetry Jan 2015
I've been lying and even though it's only been in the poetry I write and the songs I sing I felt it would be right to explain the reality:

My life will go on, even though you are gone.

My heart won't stop it's rhythm in my chest and I will still wake up each morning and get dressed
I won't put myself to sleep forever before the next day this isn't Romeo and Juliet for Christ sake

But it won't be living like life's meant to be lived
And this is where my words start to be misunderstood

Everything feels colder now and the world it seems is fading to grey

I'm not dying because you're gone
I'm not living because you aren't here
Jan 2015 · 244
Untitled
bcg poetry Jan 2015
It's a horrible cycle we've found ourselves in
I start caring about you and find out you never did
It's a vicious cycle but that's how it's meant to be
I keep falling for you and then you stop falling for me
Jan 2015 · 275
Don't wake me up this time
bcg poetry Jan 2015
and now she's not sleeping because the threat of nightmares is always there. It used to be that after a day of distress and pain and cruelty she could look forward to dreamland where she could sleep easy. But you took that from her every time you visit her mind as she lays her head on the pillow just trying to unwind. So she pulls herself out of bed and downstairs to put another *** of coffee on and prays to God that tomorrow will be the last dawn she sees because she's ready for eternity. After everything she's seen in dreams and reality, you've pushed her to look forward to the eternal long sleep.
Dec 2014 · 505
someday my prince will come
bcg poetry Dec 2014
after hiding my blues in men older than my father
i found you and i felt deep red in your arms
i wanted to love you so bad
but you were just keeping me yellow when i felt alone
so when you left and i was so, so grey
even though it was hard with out you
i have to remember
i can be purple alone
i don't need you to be okay

-bcg (the lies we tell ourselves are the hardest to erase)
Dec 2014 · 214
Girls
bcg poetry Dec 2014
"I know you love him, but he's broken you so many times. I don't know if you'll always be able to put yourself back together."

-bcg (the lesson we never quite learn)
Dec 2014 · 379
hollywood help
bcg poetry Dec 2014
i saw a movie last night that reminded me of us
strangers to lovers to friends
miles between each other
and a long beautiful goodbye

but then the movie ended
the credits rolled
and i stared at the black screen for a long time
because i was waiting for the explanation

i don't know what's next
i don't know how to pick up the pieces
i don't know how to not have your shoulder to lean on
i don't know how to exist to you only in a little screen and speaker
i don't know how to do this

but the movie ended and it was time to go home
so i’m left in a sea of “i don’t knows”
Dec 2014 · 283
The Same Drive We Took
bcg poetry Dec 2014
My hands were shaking before I could even process why. But the tears didn't start falling until I drove through the intersection where you said you never wanted that light to turn green because you couldn't stand taking your eyes off me.

And then the tears wouldn't stop and I was out of control and I had to turn the music down low because the melody was reminding me of the way you used to sway and so I'm pulling over on the highway taking deep breaths and remembering the way you would calm me down when I was a mess.

And you would cover my jumpy foot under the table with yours and catch my eye in a room full of people and even though I was about to burst into flames one look from your concerned face would make my heart rate steady and I’m back in control and you give me a little smile like you know where I go in those moments of total alone.

But I’m alone in this car trapped in the memories with no look to steady me and no foot under the table to remind me there would be better days.

-
There was snow on the trees and the ice was frozen over, but it was still the same drive we took the day you looked over at me and said, ”Would you curse me out more or less if I kissed you right before I left?” and I said, “Depends on the kiss.” And you leaned in and everything was okay for the first time in a long time, everything was okay.
bcg poetry Dec 2014
I missed you this holiday
I just wanted to tell you it was so rough
Time heals all wounds they say
But time ain't coming soon enough
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