I don't just miss you when I'm lonely, darling

I miss you when I'm in a room full of people
and someone tells a joke
and I look around the room for you
and I just want to see if you're laughing
just to see your smiling face
that's all I want

I don't just miss you when I'm lonely, darling
It's when I'm happy too

Now I'll come back and see you when I'm feeling alone, but just make that promise you'll pick up the phone.

I miss you. Not in like a I like you, let's make out kinda way. In like a I miss your presence in my life. In like a I miss holding your hand when I'm sad.  In like a I miss talking with you about everything kinda way.

There's a dent in the pavement
and that's where (my) car automatically pulls over
because it knows that it's there, by that slight dent
where we had our (last) late night talk,
that I lay down and gaze up
I (reach) to the heavens in hope

–maybe they'll send you back (to) me
but there's a moon in the sky tonight
and it's telling me that you're alright
because while I'm gazing up at the moon
trying to grasp any essence of (you)
you're fast asleep next to someone new

You know you've been hurt when you'd rather love someone than be in love with them.

You have to stop staring at me in crowded rooms
You have to stop wearing the glasses you know I like
You have to stop leaning into me, just to pull away

because

when we're alone you treat me like a book on your shelf that you've already read
when you wear those glasses it doesn't make me want you, it makes me miss the person you were
when you lean in my heart stops and when you pull away it stops again

"What was it like to lose him?"

"It isn't one single feeling when it happens. It's an empty feeling, that follows you around forever and ever."

-bcg (it never leaves)

The stairs are stained with our favorite kiss.

-bcg (the things you can't clean up the next day)

I met him on a grassy hill
While I was walking alone
He was so gentle and sweet
And I fell in love with the way he looked at me

He's the rain pouring down
He's the songs we'd sing aloud
He's the poems we read
He's everything that goes through my head

A happiness that can't be described
A love that was reborn every night
We felt the time closing in
But that didn't stop us from fallin'

He's the rain pouring down
He's the songs we'd sing aloud
He's the poems we read
He's everything that goes through my head

Time ran out we knew it would
But I still cried where he stood
He looked down and breathed a sigh
And he walked away into the night

But he's still the rain pouring down
And he's still the songs we'd sing aloud
He'll always be the poems we read
He'll always be everything that goes through my head

It was a day like any other
I made coffee, you read the paper
We walked the dogs
And took a nap together

But it isn't the day itself I keep going over in my mind
It's that kiss, that very last kiss

It wasn't special
Nothing unique
Just a kiss

Like we would be doing it for the rest of our lives

And then you left.

Don't say I didn't love you
And don't say we couldn't try
Don't say you didn't treat me right
Because you always kept me from the lies

I feel like I'm singing a duet and I just keep repeating the same line over and over again because my partner forgot to come in.

And I keep singing and he just won't remember.

I didn't have a real close friend growing up
I didn't have a confidant, a bestie, a trusty pal
I hid my secrets with men whose years were so far away from mine that they couldn't hear my cries for help

That changed last night at 2:13am
Because it wasn't until we were lying on the floor in the kitchen
Discussing our fears and our doubts
Eating ham and cheese croissants
Gazing up at the plaster ceiling as if it was the night sky
That I realized

You are my best friend

“Darling, now is not a good time. I’ve been looking forward to death too much recently.”
-as she took another drag

I never wrote grocery lists or dates and things
I never wrote my songs on paper, or memories
I just didn’t need to
Until I met you

While in a coffee shop I would have a surprise conversation
With a homeless man from Peru, or a security guard from Miami
And after every encounter I would pull out my phone
And write about the humor of it, the pain in it, or the realization from it


I wrote down the details so at the end of the day I could tell you the stories

After you left I still wrote down the stories because I wanted to be ready for when you came back
But when it became clear that you weren't, I stopped taking notes
And so every story is tucked away in my mind, forgotten
And now the only story that lingers is the story of you and me and how we came to be

When we were saying goodbye I told you I was scared
     I didn't want to go back to that dark place
You said you didn't want me to go back there either
     You said you'd been there after a breakup too

But we weren't breaking up darling, we were never together
     We were just to strangers who loved each other

i should be waiting for the day when i stop loving you
the day when seeing your **** picture in my facebook newsfeed won't shake my mind like a snowglobe in the hands of a six year old

i should be waiting for the day when i stop waiting for you
the day when i can say yes to a date with a boy who doesn't trace my arms with messages like you did

i should be waiting for the day when i stop being sad
the day when i can go a whole day without a pit in my stomach that no amount of fake smiling, nice dresses, and alcohol can get rid of

but instead i am so scared of stopping
so scared of falling out of love with you

if i can feel this much and just lose it
i dont think love is possible
i dont think love is eternal
i dont think i want to be over you

because i want it to be you
               i want it to be you

"I just realized everything I've ever written has been a love letter to you."

-bcg (a letter i'll never send and you'll never see)

I trust you more than I trust myself
But when I'm in your arms I don't know who I am and I don't know who you are and all I can think is I don't want you to ever let me go

She wishes for simplicity
She wishes for an out
She wishes and she cries
But you'll never ever hear her shout

Cause she loves the way you hold her
So close and so dear
She pulls you in closer, it's just for your ears to hear

She says
"I'm falling quick and I'm falling fast
So don't ever try to pull me back
Let me go
Let me be
Cause I'm an anchor
And I'm falling into the sea"

tears don't come anymore
so i'm heaving
in a dark room
illuminated with the light of the laptop
displaying my last picture
of you

The only thing that hurt more than losing you was


                                                losing


        me


                                     too.

ITS TAKING EVERYTHING IN ME NOT TO TAKE EVERY ONE OF THOSE LITTLE ROUND WHITE KILLERS EVERYTHING I HAVE NO HOPE ANYMORE NO WAKING UP FOR A TOMORROW WITH POSSIBILITIES I HAVE NOTHING YOU TOOK EVERYTHING WHEN YOU LEFT **EVERYTHING

"I never wanted to be happy. I just wanted you."

When I was younger I asked my brother to tell me why people didn't just sit around and imagine if they could get everything they wanted in their mind. He laughed softly and slowly said that there's a whole world out there that we can't even imagine in our head.

And I went through life like others, doing normal things. Until I found the other world that completely changed me. I found continents in a smile. I navigated seas in a glance. I discovered life in a touch and love in a laugh. The other world is holding hands in secret. The other world is calling late at night. The other world is you and I never want to go back.

Just fifteen
    Just trying to do the right thing.

I told you the truth
   And you stole my youth.

                                  -i was a *child

Everytime she laughs
She hopes he sees

This time it will end differently.

No more boys falling for her tears
He'll fall for her happiness

They will be together for years.

The way he looked at me...
        I knew he wanted me
        It was the same way the others looked at me
        And I liked it

I crave it, devour it, savor it...
        It's forbidden
        It's wrong
        It hurts

Self-harm doesn't have to be physical
I stopped cutting long ago

But every time I let another one…
        Crave me
        Devour me
        Savor me

… Look at me like that

It's a cut right through my soul

Your chair by the window is empty. It mocks me as I walk by.

I hold out my hand and you kiss it
You hold out your arm and I take it
I feel your heart beat and mine races

Synchronized, bonded, infinite
For just a moment we are one and
Then the moments done

And you are gone

"I don't want to be perfect. I want to be your perfect."

I'm just waiting for the day
when I hear your name
and I picture
the country you're named for
before I picture
you.

you always could
     make my lips hungry
     and my fingers loving

and now the mere thought of seeing you
     makes my hands shake
     and my bones ache

i don't think this is a good idea
i don't think this is a good idea
                              -(seeing him in ten days)

You held on to me so tight that night. So why'd you let me go?

They can take away the songs I wrote and the story they told
They can take away the summer nights when I only had your hand to hold
They can take away the sun and the moon above
They can take away the place of our first kiss
They can take away all or any of this

But they can't take away the way you looked at me
They can't take away what I close my eyes to see
They can't take away what I know to be true
They can't take away my memory of you

It would have been six months today, if you had stayed.

I don't wish at 11:11 anymore, he took that from me.

Are you killing me or saving me?
Haunting me or catching me?
Pulling me or pushing me away?

Empty to the brim
I couldn't look at him
The last the last the last time
He raised his head and breathed a sigh
And he walked away into the night

Yelling screaming into the crowd
Searching searching for a face
But he was gone into the dark's embrace

But it was a dream a dream of romance a dream of bliss
A dream just a dream explains that kiss
Cause the only way I can stop myself from going after him
It was a dream a dream of sin

It was your last day, when we were driving in the car and we joked about running away.

We had so many things we wanted to do together, but now I guess it doesn't really matter.

We should have run when we had the chance, I never taught you how to dance.

Three days since I first saw you
Three days since we first met
Just three days since I first saw you
So of course I don't want it to end

I've been stuck in a place
That I couldn't get out of
Stuck in a point of no return
I've been stuck in this pattern
That I couldn't get out of
So far down I couldn't find the right turn

I've had this problem since I was little
Of wanting things that couldn't be
Of living in a day dream
Of living in a fantasy
But the crash got too hard
For a girl like me to bear
I couldn't stand the pain or the constant terror

You showed me I could get out
You showed me the way
You showed me that I could breath
That I don't have to fade away

And I know it wasn't important
I know it wasn't big
But you changed my life forever
You've changed my will to live

You're gone and no amount of music will bring you back to me.

You can't be the reason I don't take
the pills

You can't be the reason I don't pick up
the blade

You can't be the reason I stay here
I have to be

I'm seeing you again for the first time

Within a second I'll know if you still love me
Within an instant I'll know if the feeling is still there
Within a moment I'll know if I will spend the rest of my nights on the bathroom floor in tears or wrapped in your embrace

And part of me doesn't want to look
Part of me wants to just close my eyes
Or not even bother to open the door at all
Part of me wants to move on and try to fill the void with boys who will never know me

But all of me needs you
All of me wants you
All of me is living for a hope that may never come

our story needed to be shared
it was epic
with moments of divine beautiful happiness
and moments of raw animalistic pain
so i attempted to write it down

it took me years of reliving every detail
writing on napkins in coffee shops
and receipts in grocery stores

it took me years of memories
three suicide attempts
and two men i never really loved

i finished last night
i finished our story
------------------------------------
and then my screen lit up
and then the walls came down
and then i realized our story hasn't ended
all we've been through is the prologue