You shook me and placed me to your ears.
Kept guessing who I was for nine months, to years.
Slowly as I grew, you unwrapped the paper,
Assuring me there were lessons you kept for later.
But the hourglass emptied before we expected
And soon I collected dust. I was neglected.

You may have left me feeling bereft
but I won't forget you calling me your gift

You have done the same as all the rest
left as soon as your heart resuscitated mine
But that's alright, I wish you all the best
That's what I am supposed to say. That specific line.

But I'll wonder which of my faults had you running
Why you bothered opening my vault if you knew what was inside.
And my friends will tell me that they knew you were cunning
But I've stopped caring; I've gone through this too many times.

You told me I was beautiful. That I'd be a perfect wife
So why did you start running? why did you cut me out of your life?

Time keeps ticking in my head
As I think of all the beasts
hidden beneath my bed

The tight space in my skull
makes me feel claustrophobic.
Out of breath,
to rethink every thought is aerobic

Wasting minutes as I reacquaint
with every regret  
Wishing I could breath and finally forget


But here I am,  listening
to that clock in my head
that keeps ticking

They've watered you since you were a seed
Watched you as you sprouted into life
Smiled at you every time you did a good deed

You thought they cared when they told you not to frown
Thought they'd be proud when you reached your tallest height
But instead they came with their axes and cut you down

They planted you just to watch you fall
jealousy and greed does this to us all

I thought I'd be the one to end it
That it wouldn't be you that'll break my heart
But that nine worded text you sent me
Shattered it to crumbs of glass, tore me apart.

You were the one with sweaty palms at our first meeting
Your shaky voice trapped my mind
But now it is me that sits here weeping
The night reminding me that I was blind

You expected rejection when you confessed,
Expected me to depart
But it is me now comparing myself to her,
the one that caught your heart

tightly within her grip
as she snatched it from my loose grasp
I never knew your worth
until you left, until I saw you last

I felt your sharp tongue slice through my neck
I felt your words hit the back of my head
I felt my blood pour onto the floor
I felt my heart stop when you said we're no more

I always ***** up
That's the problem with me
I think I'm sailing high
But I end up lower than the sea
I'm the member that tries
Who's family avoids to mention
I'm the member that lies
So between family there's less tension
I don't see my purpose
All I do is fall
I don't see anything
Except the disappointment in the faces of them all

I stay awake all night long.
You always wake up next to me
And ask me why there's something wrong

I'm the ocean. Large and deep.
Beautiful from the shore.
A collection of all the tears I weep

The powerful waves that everyone sees
You can't name all the creatures
Or my great insecurities

But you can come to observe me.
Be entertained by me.
We both know you'll never completely understand me

I am an ocean.  Large and deep.
You don't know me at all
So go back to sleep

Knock! Knock! Knock! On my door.
An unexpected visitor? Never before.
In my comfort,  to the door I amble.
But once the doors open, its too much to handle.

The memories flood through, not wanting to leave.
They reach above my neck. I struggle to breath.
I try to find any possible way out,
But there's no one around
to hear me shout.

(A tap on my shoulder)I realise I'm still in line.
"Here's your coffee, miss. Are you alright? "
I'm just fine.

You can't write poetry without feeling something.
Even if its nothing, you can't write poetry without feeling something.

This city is a hotel,
Vacant of lasting love.
You're never able to tell
Its fantasy till you're given a shove

We arrive here all alone
Leaving our loved ones behind
Making sure our sadness isn't shown
We all seem to be so kind.

But when you're lying in a sterile bed
Pain residing in a part of your body
Reality checks into your head
No ones around you.  You have nobody.

My City is a hotel
Vacant of honest love.

You're used to seeing that face of stone.
You're used to trying and ending up alone.

What you do not notice are the soft roses that bloom on her cheek
When you compliment her. And when you insult her, the rain in her eyes that leak.

Do you not hear the woodpecker, caged in her ribs, when you come near?
Or feel the frost on her skin when you pretend not to care.

You believe the weeds of lies that force their way through her cherry lips.
And when you charm another,  you don't see the red marks in her palm (the size of pips).

But the question on your tongue you would never allow to escape,
And the honest answer she would not tell you until it's too late.

There's a pain in my heart,
So strong I can't ignore.
It keeps me up all night,
It keeps me up 'til four.

People know of my pain,
Know what I've lost.
But they don't know how I feel,
They can't see beneath the frost.

And while the whole world is happily dreaming,
I lay my head on my damp pillow and stare at the ceiling.

For when the moon comes to put us all to sleep,
I escape this nightmare;  I awake just to weep.

There are no trails,
No lighthouses or sails.
No measure of the tide;
All you can do is drift into the unknown.
But don't you stress;  you're not alone.

There are some with tools (a paddle or a wing)
But some won't help, that's the thing.
There are others, the selfless,  that'll give you a hand.
And sometimes there won't be.  You'll feel like you're in quicksand.

But this is life; where you'll laugh and cuss.
You're just going to have to try to survive like the rest of us.

You told me you wanted to end it, to end what we had.
I closed my eyes and put on a wide smile; a look (you thought was) of relief.
In actuality,  I closed my eyes to block the tears and tried to breath in air between my teeth.

I do not want my heart any more.
Its a burden, filled with grief.
I'm certain it wasn't like this before.
I want to be heartless; I need to feel relief.

Your memory tortures me everyday.
Your smile holds a tight grip on my eyes.
"Please! I just want you to go away,"
But my heart knows I'm full of lies

Are you entertained, watching me languish from above?
Do not worry for I will be seeing you soon, my love.

You're no longer "that older boy"
No, you're no longer the one I used to annoy
You're no longer the one that held my hand
You're no longer the one that built me a castle out of sand
You're no longer the one that tickled me until I cried
No longer the one that scorned me when I lied
You're no longer the one that threw me up in the air
No longer the one that told me not to fear
No, now you're the man with the charming smile
If only I was child again; so I can stay in your arms for a while.

You liked me for what you saw, for what  was skin deep.
You liked the decorative icing on the cake.
You did not know what lay beneath.
Was I dry, moldy or a fake.

You did not know my regrets, the things I've done wrong;
You did not know the secrets that I've kept for so long.
But you were perfect; maybe too perfect for me.
I was not worthy of you but perfect I'd be.

If you just wait for a while and give me some time
I would be perfect but right now I'm not worth a dime.