My heart beats,
To the rhythm of drums,
It's life.

What will this year bring?

For me: exams at school and dance
A professional show for the fourth year
And my seventh dance school show
A busy year already full

2 jobs; soon to be three
Revision for school
Dance practice
Private lessons

No time for me
One holiday
A week to get away
To relax;  be free

Learning to drive
In amongst the fun
The torture of life
Can stand still

For 2015
Is no random year
2015
*is my year

I was never able to accept
The position was was in
At eighteen I am stupid
I left myself vulnerable.

In under 4 months
You were gone
The hardest decision I made
A choice, a life

The trust of my friends
broken
The secret out.
I was stupid.

I took a pill,
it was over,
But my pain
My regret

You will always be
on my mind
in my heart
on my conscience

You are a reminder
of my power
my choices
my mistakes.

I have to accept
You were me
I was you
A life never lived.

Have you ever dreamed of your prince?
The man who'll save you from the pain.

When the clock strikes midnight
Run
Don't stay,
go.

If you loose a shoe
Keep moving
It's a hint for your prince
He needs it

Don't stay
Remember you riches
They turn to rags
He will find you

Always remember
If it's meant to be
It will be

I'm done with the pain
I'm done with the hurt
In my muscles
Nerves
Bones

The inflicted pain
The stretching
Brings me no joy
I hate it

In 13 years
What have I got?
No better
Only worse

Injuries beyond belief
The pysio
For the pain endured
Every week!

Do I stay?
Do I go?
How do I decide
Loyalty of life itself?

I can't,  I really can't!

Any assistance for me,
The mild, meek, ugly me?
When will I be...
What I see...
In all those magazines.

A guy like you,
A girl like me...
Naa never going to be
I know what you want.

You want the "perfect" girl,
With the perfect smile.
A girl, skinny and tall
What am I?

All I see is rolls of fat
A short, ugly waste
Have your princess
The girl you want

Please just leave me be, in peace
Without assistance, you or us
You had your choice of me and her
The perfect or just me

Plain old boring me

You're just a broken dream
Shattered on the floor
What once was
Stands no more.

The humming
Singing
Now just whining
Screaming

The pain intensifies
Breaking our bond
You're sweet song
A melody no more

I wish it was my dream
I wish it was me
The dreams of the nation
A dream no more

A sweet song
The lyrics
Now just a high pitched
ringing in my ears

What once was
Between us broken
What was once
Shared gone

A dream
A song
Sweet memories
Stand forgotten in
Shadowed light

Knowing what you did
How you ruined our lives
When will you learn?
We come first

No text
No phone call
No letters
Will ever make this right

Your love
Help
Willingness to be there for us
That's how life improves

When will you comprehend
I need you in my life
Be the person I need you do be
Be my Father

I regret
Nothing in my life,
Even if my past
Was full of hurt,
I still look back
And smile,
Because*
It made me who I am today

Courage doesn't always roar.
For me it is the quiet voice,
At the end of the day
It says;
*'I will try again tomorrow'

Men in denim
Built this land
For us to love and grow

Men in suits
Destroyed the land
So that man no longer stands

5 years led to this
A party
A prom
A goodbye.

Not many shall I miss
Only few will stay with
Me in my heart
The memories we made!

Some people partied
Each one the same
I concentrate, being
The introvert I am.

The final day, Friday
A prom.  Our prom
We created.
We will go!

I won't miss
The loud ones
The rude ones

I will miss
The fun
The games
My friends

My close connection of
People I love.
Have bonded with
Will miss!

We won't meet for
Years to come
This last day
Will be for years

Good luck to you
My friends
My year.
My school

Find me a window,
Find me a door,
Find me a corner
To hide in

I need to escape
This unfortunate life
My house, a building
Not a home

My sister's are my rock
Parents.
Well what can I say?
ENEMIES

What is a family,
When there's no love?
It's emotional
It's my stability,

Well maybe not.

When can I escape?
Without any money
I can only hide
Hidings what I'm good at.

A fantasy love,
Between two worlds
The real,
And         the fairy tale

An unlikely prince
Sings to find a lovable Princes
Tragedy strikes
Loves caught between two worlds

I know that the prince
Will find his princess
Loosing one
He shall find another

A love of bonds
A love of life
A love for music and
Nature alike.

Two marriages
Two new royals
Royal blood
Royal love

A love like no other
                                      Just a fairytale

My old home,
My new home
One,
the same.

My building at birth
My building in later years
Leaving,  Returning
I'm reminded of much

My first few years
Are not forgotten
For many back then
Tell me now

I was only little
When we left
As a teen
I return

Flashbacks of past times
With our regulars
I remember much
I never knew about.

To me it's my   forgotten   *past

Can I ever forgive you for this...
                                                           **No

I've been there
Seen it
Felt it
You will never forget it

Never give up
I promise it gets better
The pain eases
The break will mend
Your heart will grow fond again

The hurt once felt
It leaves just a small scar
In the deepest region of the heart and soul.
Remember this...
"whilst the pain may end
You will remember"

Remember
Never forget
Learn from the mistake
Never go back to an ex
They break your heart once
They can do it again.
I went there
You don't have to

Those broken heaeted lads/Lasses
You know the feeling
The depth of damage
The time to repair
replace broken parts.
Don't fall into the trap of love
Don't commit if you can't continue
Follow the break in the heart
Never let it break again

When did family,
Become about choosing sides
I'm done choosing who.

How can I live here?
One day I will escape
Maybe today or tomorrow
Every experience matters

chaos** --
The law of nature

Order--
The dream of humans

I'm ready,

ready to see your smile,
ready to see you dance,
Latin,
Ballroom.

I'm ready to hear the music,
Jive,
Waltz.

I'm ready to dance,
ready to light the stage,
ready to impress.

Like a rubber band;
      It can only stretch so far,
             Before it comes back and
                  **Smacks you in the face

time* decides who you meet in your life
your heart decides who you want in your life
behaviour decides who will stay in your life

life is a whirlwind
A Whirlwind you say
each day is a virture
the next to be lived

all those ups
downs
mould each scar and
living memory

memories with friends
family
*the world

Life,
        Is offended by mere sights
                                                        Of you and I.

Abused And
Misused
But always forgotten
It's only a question of death.

Searching, not knowing
For a dream
I don't know
There's nothing here for me

A life spent wanting
Spent waiting
For something never to be
Is there any point

Life is lame
It *****
It's not what we expect
That why

It's only a question of death

It may seem dark
But there may be
Light
It's never a question of death

I'm learning

learning to be free
learning to love myself
learning to live

I'm living

living my life
living without you
living with love

I'm loving

loving my life
loving myself
loving you

I am me,
You are you,
Similar and different

Don't get confused,
I have a personality
I have an attitude.

Always remember these wise words;
"My personality,
Is who I am.
My attitude
Depends on who you are".

What's meant to be,
Will be.
It may take a year,
It might take a day,
But what's meant to be
Will always find a way

This tear stained pillow
Means nothing

The heartache and misery
Mean nothing

You build me up
You break me down

You tear our family apart

What is this?
A dream?

NO
This is the reality

I feel nothing inside
My head hurts
My heart breaks
I feel nothing anymore

Pain,
The stabbing feeling
That I experience
Day in day out.

Knowing that for
Three years
The issue has been
This the pain is unneeded

To stop the pain
These tablets, Painkillers
Cause more pain
Than they solve

The daily tears
The throbbing
Like a knife
Unexplainable
Unthinkable

A dance career
Wanted
No longer possible
Ended before begun

Wanting to run
But with no where to hide
How to eacape this misery?
I can't stay

It's not a house
It's not a home
It's a hell
I'm in for eternity

I'm ill, Tired
Stressed
2 jobs, school and dance
With you are far too much

The rising pressure
I'm constantly under
The want to please you
It's killing me day by day

I can't stand the agony
Any longer
I'm out
Finished
Done

I will run from you
Hide in a safe place
Not that I have one,
Yet.

Run and hide
Hide and seek
I know that I will be found
You know where I feel safest

An unexpected place
I'm still to be found
I live in a public place
Known by many I do not know

Help me run
Help me hide
I just need to
Run and hide!

Strong
Independent
Noticeable
Generous
Loving
Enlightened