Alone and cold.
I do it myself.
Others try and get close,
They just wanna help.
But this emptiness inside my chest is breaking me down,
Tightening my throat,
Making me drown.
I'm sorry for the depression;
I'm just so cold.

Another night in my car thinking.
It's freezing outside,
My body keeps shaking.
On the verge of tears,
I'm doing my best to keep quite.
Only thought on my mind is them.
"Please keep having fun,
smile, laugh,
The night is young.
I'm out here so I won't bring you down,
I'm trying my best to not make
A sound"

Think back to when
We could laugh,
breath and grin
I still see it
Now and then
When I look into your eyes.

Remember how
We would be
Life was great,
And so were we
Now I have a hollow heart.
When I look into your eyes.

Can you recall
My biggest fear?
I'm always alone
You're not here.
I have to hold back my tears
When I look into your eyes.

Please forgive me
I've tried
I am a sinner
I've lied.
I still wish I could die
When I look into your eyes.

I am not a man
You see.
I'm a coward,
Not he.
Forget me when I leave
I will remember your eyes

Suicidal tendencies
My shirts may be green
But I don't seem to be too lucky
The puddle of purity turned murky.
I have no faith in Gods or people.
Everything nowadays just seem evil.
I'm no different.
I admit it.
I like to smile when I hear you get ******.
My emotions are gone but they aren't missed.

Um hi, my name is Dayton.
I'm a weird fellow who pretends I'm on a permanent vacation.
I may have ideas and wishes
But you can tell I'm not ambitious.
I'm ******* loony
I wanna go all cartoony.
Drop all ideals of common sense,
Conform to the insanity that corrupted my innocence.
You can't see me, I wear my cloak well.
Meanwhile I'm trapped in my own Hell

Knock four times to grab my attention.
I don't mean to ignore you, it isn't my intention.
It just happens when I get lost in thought.
Maybe I'll just get stuck in it and simply rot.
I'm not that stupid though,
I understand when is enough and I should go.
They say good men die young.
What about all the bad who should be hung?
Do we let them live out of generosity or anger?
We let them live their days as a broken shell with without danger.

These are just the ramblings of a mad man.
Just be another lost picture, a "has been".
Another fool who's imagination plays tricks
Deceives all the sane people and turns them sick.
Did you say happiness?
I call it beautiful ignorance.
Maybe I just have a mind of a critical hypocrite.
It's something I hate and just can't live with it.

Hey Mom, I wrote you a song tonight.
Just so you know how much I miss you.
Hey Mom, I promise I'm alright.
You're not much of a talker, me too.
 But I'll just be waiting til you get home.
Yeah, I'm just here alone.
It's nothing new.
You know it's true.

Hey Mom, I hope you're having fun.
I miss you now but there's nothing wrong.
Hey Mom, when will you be done?
I'm laying here listening to our old songs.
Would you come home soon maybe? 
I promise I haven't gone crazy.
Living alone doesn't mean I'm not alright.
I just miss you badly tonight.

I'm sitting in a blank, void of a room.
The only sound I hear is a buzzing zoom.
It would start in my left ear,
Fly though my eyes and tears,
Grow into a unbearable screech,
Then just vanish, leaving me without speech.

I have a fear of puppets of people I know.
Imagine my fear as my wooden friends started to grow.
My blank room now filled with my closest of pals.
Hanging by string, bodies limp, eyes of owls.
I start to weep that they can not feel.
I honestly believed that everything was real.

Everything is gone. They're is nothing but black.
I hear nothing but that buzz and a terrifying tap.
The only thing I can relate it to is a clock.
The tap sounded like time passing by, then it stopped.
Everything froze, and I start falling.
Nothing can be heard as I'm silently bawling.

I hit the ground.
My friends are dead all around.
As I look at the ones lost I feel remorse.
I realize where I'm at and think, "Of course."
I'm back in my stupid blank room, I can tell.
Starting over my dream of Hell.

Hello Old Friend.
How have you been?
It's been awhile since I last seen those tears.
I just want you've known
That my feelings have not grown
We've just changed thoughout the years.

I say I love you, that's a lie.
At times I still wish you would die.
I don't mean to sound that rude, I'm wrong.
Your blue-green eyes are full of pain.
It makes me wonder if you're still sane.
That's a lie, I know you've been ****** up all along.

We use to be so much better.
I thought you were very clever.
You fooled them all, even me.
I wish I could go back and make it clearer,
But I'm talking to the mirror
At the destroyed boy I see.

I have never been able to see the hints
I'm sorry I'm not smarter
Sad stories seem better then happy lies
I'm sorry I turned darker
And I know these little poems are a tad ******
I'm sorry, I'm just want to make you happy

I'm sorry it never helped

My voice just seems to bring people down, I'm sorry
Maybe I should not be around, I'm sorry.
I cry out words but never make a sound, I'm sorry
I'll fake a smile at you and all those around, I'm sorry

I'm sorry nothing ever worked

All I ever tried to do
Was show that I'm no good for you.
Well im a liar, I'm sorry.
We should of tried, just possibly
It could have been the best of times.
Only truth, no more lies.

I'm sorry

Maybe sometime.
Dinner and red wine.
I know now's not good
But I want you, maybe we could.
But for now just know that
I'm sorry

The house would echo with screams
As you chased him though the house.
He was terrified by the knife in your hand, but that only made it more fun.
Everytime his mother was gone
The game began again.
Until she found out and you hit her.
That was 11 years ago.
You were 26.
He's still waiting to see you again
With his knife sharpened.
Is this hatred?

Sleep until 3:30, walk to the gas station,
Buy a 12 pack and a carton of Camel.
Your son's mother worked 10 hour shifts,
So he had to stay at your house during the day.
You would already be drunk or high,
When he was begging for food that wasn't there.
"Wait until you leave" was the reply.
That was 7 years ago.
You were 32.
Now you're spending life in prison for ******.
He only looks up the obituary, waiting for your day.
Is this hatred?

The dorm room is silent for once.
The only sound is your heavy breathing.
It's the fourth panic attack this week,
And your hand can't take much more.
It's still bandaged from two nights ago.
Every night you look in the mirror
To see the man your past created and cringe.
That was an hour ago.
You are 18.
Blue-green eyes are staring back at you,
All you see is regret, disgust, and apathy.
Is this hatred?

Last night I dreamed of you.
There you were, right in front of me.
I heard your unfamiliar laugh.
I saw your once real smile.
I recognized the look of uncertain joy.
I swore I could feel you if I had just reached out and tried.
I didn't though.

Last night I dreamed of you.
For the first time it wasn't a nightmare,
Nor some long forgotten memory.
Everything was as it ever was.
A simple moment in the time that was us.
A truly peaceful moment absent of all actions besides existing.
It was purely nothing but itself.
That nothingness brought bliss in a way that is unable to be described.
I considered trying to save that feeling.
I didn't though.

Last night I dreamed of you.
After I woke I tried to remember you.
Who you were.
Not who you are,
Or who I think you will be.
I tried to remember who you were
To remind me who I was.
I wanted to find you and myself,
Everything and everyone I'm looking for.
I didn't though.

Last night I dreamed of you.
Tonight I won't.

I don't know if it's lust or hatred
Loneliness or happiness,
Or jealousy mixed with envy.
That makes me miss you so.

My dreams and nightmares are plagued with your disease.
I am weary with you.
Your sadistic smile
Makes me so joyful,
And all I hear is dread.

Longing for that touch leaves me worried.
Pride and arrogance always stood in my way.
You show me how to feel cruel.
That makes me miss that fright

In this moment of silence,
I think on how it's almost a new year.
But I'm not ready to leave this one.
My year with you.

Hey Mom,
I'm sorry for not being
your happy little boy.
I'm sorry I couldn't grow up
to be happy like you wanted me to be.
You were perfect.
I love you.

Hey Dad,
I know I avoided you these past few years.
I don't regret it.
I hope to see you again though.
Only in hell.
I hate you.

Hey friends,
I know you tried so hard for me.
I'm sorry I was pointless.
I never really had a chance.
I was always the ****-up I am.
You know this.
I'm sorry.

Hey Dear,
I'm sorry for all the guilt I've caused.
I'm sorry for always being your little problem, the one you could never get rid of.
I always wanted to see you happy.
All I did was cause the opposite.
I wish I was someone else.
Forgive me.

All my little notes I leave.
I still hope no one will miss me

Of all life's regrets,
The biggest is words left unsaid.
So send one final text.
Free your last thoughts instead.

No, I'm not fine.
Please stop asking.

No, I'm not lying.
Please stop crying.

No, I am caring.
Please stop judging.

Yes, I do still cut.
Please stop searching for them.

Yes, I do still try to hide the pain.
Please stop thinking I'm weak.

Yes, I am still breathing.
Please stop reminding me.

I still do many things I shouldn't.
I'm sorry.
Please leave, everyone is better
without me.

Sarcastic lies roll of my tongue.
The words are not sweet.
They're painful.
I love it.

I still see those eyes and wonder why.
Do you honestly regret me?
I regret myself.
Whatever.

I act the way I do to prove myself to you.
Prove I'm not weak and helpless.
I should be proud of myself.
Yet I feel the opposite.

My mind's metamorphosis, I was new.
Left my old life due to all the sadness.
I've tried cutting off bad branches.
Turns out it was all along.

I'm not asking for forgiveness, that's gone
Instead let's try to make a new life.
No more complaining about it.
You and I, let's be happy.

This is safety,
Not my home.
Turn the lights out
As you go.
Let me sleep.
Just let me sleep.

Just me and a blanket
All alone
Will I wake up?
Nobody knows.
Let me sleep.
Please just let me sleep.

I've spent too much time
Waiting on my phone.
Truth be told
I am on my own.
So let me sleep.
I think I'll just sleep.

I dont have a reason
To keep fighting.
Whatever happens
I dont think I'll mind it.
As long as I sleep.
I'm just gonna sleep.

I'm still around
For when im needed.
Obviously I'm not,
I finally believe it.
I need to sleep.
Don't wake me from this sleep.

I come to apologize
I'm not a nice guy
I always run away
Never want a goodbye.
Or my life to flatline.
I will beg you everyday
To please don't go

Stay here
With me.
Take all I am
And maybe you'll see.
How loved you are
I tried so hard
So please stay
With me.

I never really cared much
For others or myself.
I shouldn't be surprise for such
a never ending hell.
I say I should be alone,
Lonely nights full of harm
When all I wish
Is for you in my arms.

Stay here
With me.
Tear me apart if
It will make you believe
I will care.
I will dare.
Let fate have its way.
I only want to see you happy
With or without me

I'm sorry.
For all the pain and jealousy
Maybe you would be better without me
I never wanted controversy.
If you want me gone, just say
If not, I'll wait here everyday

Stay here
With me.
You are all
I ever need
If you want to
I'll be waiting.
Look into my eyes
See the silent begging
Please stay here
with me.
In my arms
Hopefully

Give up the fight
Everyday, every night
The voices tell you to run to heights and
Jump.
Tell them to shut up
You're already a **** up

You can't feel your heart anym
It stopped beating.
Realize how badly you lost the war
You stopped meaning.
Sleep, cause you find some bliss
from nightmares in a sea of ignorance

Who am I to complain?
I'm always the starting my own pain.
A few cuts here, maybe punch that wall.
Run around for an hour, hopefully. fall
Dead

I'll never put the blame on another
Loving friends, supporting mother
Yet I feel so ******* alone all the time.
I say I like it, another lie
but who could keep up with how many I've made?
I'm not trying to be saved.
I give up
I surrender to the pain.
Maybe in the end suicide isn't the only gain.

I write about the end because I'm scared of the present.
I don't wanna think of tomorrow, the thoughts aren't pleasant.
Forget about sleeping,
I'll just wake up weeping.
Can't handle the thoughts seeping,
My demons are too busy reaping.
"HELP ME!" My voice is shaking,
My mind and body are both breaking.
I could die and nobody would hear.
My screams were silent, I didn't even have tears.