I cry
thinking about his smile
why do I sob to a memory once happy?
why did the colors fade grey ?
and the warmth turned blue?
like a painting now turned sketch
why can't I remember what his face looked like
unless I see a photo of him on a wall
why have I forgotten most of his loving words?
how warm his hugs were?
how strong his hands were?
why must my memory fail me
its a fog building up in the distance
which will consume my memory of him
why must I forget
when this is the most important thing to remember?
I wish I lived in a photograph
where smiles stay painted still
where an essence of a memory lives on forever
and not be flawed like in life.
I wish I could have told him that I loved him some more
I wish I could have hugged a little longer
I wish I could trade my life for his
so that I could forget this pain forever.
for my biggest fear in life
is for that fog to settle down
for me to forget my father
and his smile that lit my heart
for my heart fire is slowly dying
dimming without his energy
and its ambers cannot be relit
without his godly spark
so now as years go by
a fire-y corner of my childhood
turns to a cold puddle of tears and dead dreams.

The well I dwell in
Is beyond your rope
the pulley cannot bear my weight
no bucket reach me to send up my dreams
no receiver to read them anyway
As I linger in the depths that I chose not to be in
I hope that one day ill be found
to be carried in a carriage and not in a casket
is one out of the many I would dream
t'was sweeter than a candy the water I sink in
A pleasure that cost my life
time has made it salty
as the slumber approaches me soon
If I jumped I was stupid
If I was pushed I deserve to be here
but what if I was pulled
the journey now ends
and the roar will settle
and I will go into the night

I paint on a wall in my asylum
with an ink invisible
for those who lack vision
or for those who lack sight
only a mind cradled with loved
then thrown to shatter
A mind who thrives alone
yet yearns to love of another
can see what an invisible artist
can conjure alive
Do I dance in the shadows
so that nobody can see?
Or do I dance
for those who can see only at night
I cry not for the hearing
but for the deaf who may hear it
for hearts that'd been broken
and yet fixed another
They who shall find my lunacy an art
can appreciate my drawings on the wall of my asylum
with a sight bestowed by the insanity we then possess

figures, flames and dancing silhouettes
shades and flashes and a zing
warmth, chills and lost in azure cloud
falling to a limitless pit
a face a mirror a pathway
a door a lamp a distance
a shadow a fear a climb a cliff
a death a memory a gateway.

he thuds the loosely held floorboards
and smashes through the heavy pub door
he orders for a bottle instead of a glass
his coat drenched in filthy rain
his breathe smells like the rim of his bottle
and his shoes protruded a toe
wounds of glass from his last endeavors  
and needle marks not from the hospital
his crooked hands and messy hair puts anyone at a distance
once he was a gentlemen a father and a husband
once he had love and loved so many
once he had no need for needles
the bottle in his hand had only lukewarm milk
the bar tender was a stranger he'd never met
and his foot was only weary of legos misplaced
his shoes was stitched with a patch of a bunny
this man who was thrown
this man who was now a widower
and the smiles of her daughters trapped in his wallet
torn to shreds skinned to core
A blotted out smile on a blotted out photo
he now finds comfort in forgetfulness
to not remember the "how it used to be"
he has forgotten their graves and with it his promises
as their flowers wilt and perish
for a life a love an existence
is only meaningful if it has a memory

within the grit of the gentle white
buried within the ***** of the roots
lay life between its silent slumber
while the outward burns to frost-ly breath
all the buds lay in cozy sleep
some think that Tis time to outshine
while the rabbits lay burdened to sleep
and bud and bloom midwinter too soon
their jealousy their end their doom.
as time makes brittle corpses of the children of sin
when the sun melts through the dense white reality
The well-rested princes and princess do rise

Embrace me kind stray
nudge the wet grass with your nose
kiss me so it tickles
and ill tell you my tale
so we may befriend each other
and share this split second
together and forget what will happen
oh my kind creature
where is your mother ?
why do you wonder these forests alone?
my brethren don't accept me
the dew on the petals
the ones that hang from blades of grass
maybe you are like me
in co-incidence
we find each others company
they say I am not from the sky
yet born from a heart
of a creature divine to its core
as the grass swayed apart
reveling her captor
an outsider who's weight was heavier
within the fields was a stranger
who will take her away
from her budding innocent sweet fawn
so she glanced at her creation
and gave birth to me
and fled into the jaws of the captor
so she will weigh worth
a bargain
a deal
a life for one yet to be

Wave to the darkness
And embrace the light
just be happy
just turn on the "switch"
its an old problem
a thing of the past
just be happy
you have a lot to be satisfied
there a lot of people who have gotten it a lot worse
imagine there lives
why are you so weak?
He would be ashamed
you could have done better
I would have done better
You are not that special
you are a liar
you have a lot of work to do
look at my friend
look at my sons and daughters
look at me
why cant you
your a waste
your too weak
man the hell up

my dear uncle, thank you
if I throw you into the ocean
where the light doesn't reach you
where the deepest dark waters lie
so you can drown to your last precious breath
and If I drown your friend in swimming pool
please notice that although the depth of the waters may be different you both will still drown and die
meaning
no matter how depressed you are
you suffer the same
the amount of problems don't matter.

Tied together in slavery
mopping the canvas with blood borrowed
by a palette that their master choses
withheld the right to bleed their color
they run like deranged halfwits
against their choice of a destination
or a chance to paint a different picture
whatever she choses we will but portray
However she presses us, we all shall obey
not a soldier out of line
not a spine out of posture
yet a mind unwillingly surrendered
to the hand of their tyrant captor

The sand shifts beneath my feet
crawling grain to grain
it moves with haste underneath my weight
but yet I remain still
castles built upon its wave
now crumble
by single steps and a single grain
my world will but collapse
I know the end
I knew the beginning
yet I will stand my ground
and be buried in my own castle
for a prince with my name
will rebuild my walls
and a castle will stand
and a king will be back.

If you cannot scream my name
from a distant land afar
to a cold freezing block of darkness
knowing that I might not hear you
nor turn to see your face
Can you say you care for me
if not a single smile curled up
if butterfly wings weren't fluttering
and if the your tummy turned down-side up

Not the thickest canopy
of the deepest forest
can stop the sun
from seeping
for the bark to root to a spot of soil
to be lit by the morning sun
and for it to cry when the dusk be slipping in
no canopy can stop the mighty star
but remember now
as the sun comes down
the canopy stops most of its warm embrace
only a measly amount of the sun lands down
but alas when the rain starts pouring down
every drop of it will seep through to the heart.
and make the woods soggy.

I started off as an equal
I have everything that they do
my life was one and the same as my foe
childish battles of lesser
I won baring cost of a little
but as time outgrew my conscience
I found that the pieces were moving against me
with time my company reduced
they left one by one
all in time forgetting me
my castles collapsed
my religion dissuaded
my protectors in hiding
I could not run anymore
I have been cornered to a wall
as the queen left silently
without saying goodbye
I could not live any longer
she was most precious to me
I could not win without her by my side
so the king knelt down and died.

smile at me without the guilt
kiss my cheeks with no despair
hold my hand with no regrets
Sit next to me and count the stars
I know you've seen the same patterns before
and I know that this does not make you happy
my humble home now too small for your dreams
like a seed I must let you grow
should I plant you and walk away?
without shadowing you with my love
should I come visit you one day?
May I water your roots?
Ill sleep at your feet
and fend you from the beasts
and ill pick up every leaf you shed
ill eat the fruit left after the others have their share
and embrace your bark and die
Please let me be a part of your life
even though someone else's name
will be the one carved onto you
when the fine day comes
where my time has come
ill die beneath your feet
so that I can do one last favor
and let my death nurture your life.
If I am the captor the dragon need slayed
then I'll gladly die at your champions sword

When will a breath be spelled for me
Which will lift me from my heavy stay
A whisper of hope so I can fly with the clouds
A gush of excitement to see another place.
I sit in the ***** of a hollow stone frame
With a wish to be carried to the beyond
Where ill see the grass wave at me
And watch as the blue grows near.
Will I be lucky to be taken
On one ride up and down
So I can be buried happily in a land basked in sunlight
In the stead of a dark cave of silence.
Will it ever happen or will I wilt alone
On the stem that I was born on
Not seeing a single sight more.

soiled to the ground
and drowned in water
the seed suffocates in the shell
its cared for
and the sun drips through the leaves
of the trees that once were seeds
expectations hang in the air above the dread soil
corpses of plants that were enriches the next son
but he dies within the shell before
he sees what the world has to offer
when he learns that he wasn't planted
and dies an infant bare

rid me from my duties
for my riddance will bring but peace
they need not my heart but my company for them to feast
i'm a fool for their amusement
a madman whose lost his way
oh how heaven adores me
for when i leave you
it would be sway.
**** my king and steal my throne
for my walls are down and broke
strip me bare of my love for life
I don't need someone else
to make stay.

Carry me through the gentle winds
to the land of silent prayer
where words don't exist
nor does people who stare
I cannot run wild again
in the forest for a single apple
I've lost my way
and I cant remember home
what faces made me smile
the muddy waters don't reflect images
only horrors that live in my reflection
the taste of the candy i ate has faded
and now i taste bitter.
I hear them laugh but i cannot see
for when I look they disappear
the demons that live in the corner of my eyes
lurk in the darkness when i'm alone
constant whispers and barren dreams
hoping that ill die out here

why does living feel like not dying
why cant I survive
the razorblade that traced the rose on my skin
lay in the corner of the room
rusting
fading
dying
as my blood darkens
no pill, no high, can make me happy
what I want doesn't want me back
I've forgotten what I'm fighting for
maybe I don't need to fight anymore
who wrote this?
why did you make me a spectator
does your quill not find me worthy
written to love
and a barer of reason
do you want me to always be
in the side
weeping while they take her away from me
why do I lose everything that I try so hard to get
where is my happy ending ?
its time for you to put the pen down
and place your final period
for the ink in my heart is drying up.
and your running out of paper.

After the Rose had shattered like glass
painting the fragility of a gift untouched
his body begins to drown in dirt
and his feathers embrace the roots
his heart hath given to the colder winds
and his eyes kept open to see the dark
its beak still open for its last note still hung
in the air of glum and awe
but from a distance she heard the song unfinished
the angel who hears his sigh
she descends from duty to null this darkness
from one winged angel to another  
she kisses him from divine intention
she holds in her lips the elixir of hope
for one touch of love and whisper of hope
and the nightingale sings again.

I wish I had eyes to see the sunset
I wish I had ears to hear you laugh
but I have been ridden of my life
for I am now a mere corpse
a ghost of my existence
I only hear that one lonely howl
or sob at night
and seem to look the second after
the suns last ray has shone a glimmer
that made it worthwhile.
If I sprouted wings tomorrow
then I would not fly
Oh my darling flame
instead I would fan your earthly ambers
so it would embrace me warmer.
and I would be one with the ash that once I feared

into the colder
she drifts away
blurred sight
and a heavier vision
she cannot see
all she can do it hope
whatever good that is yet to come
to now shine forth
in the form of a miracle
a flash a spark a prayer later
in thunder and in lighting
she sees a star a sign a message
for her to follow into the night
she smiles as the raindrops drag her
she pushes and walks right through
the whipping of the bushes
and the cuts of the branches
she endures all cuz the signs are clear
she walks step by step
to the peek of her mountain
and came to the end of a road
a cliff fall a crooked ending
as the firefly flies away

A glance at a portrait proves nothing of your taste
an eye roll to a comment shows nothing of your intelligence
and action does not define a personality
as his personality cannot define his action
for a wolf with sheep skin is equally dangerous
than that of a sheep in the hide of a wolf

I run but I cannot escape this
Its always hiding behind the horizon
I know that the sunshine does not matter
for when the curtains are drawn
enters the night
the serpents and creatures
that wonder in its chill
do not harm the innocent children who sleep
yet I am one who cannot close my eyes
for a sneeze or glance or a dozy little wink
They see me through the concrete walls
they can hear my breath alone
they are coming for my heart
my life my soul
so that I sleep and I sleep forever.

The Convicts and the kingdom
have finally fallen
and the jailbirds will cry
through the iron bars they'll whimper
and concrete towers they built on our graves
are their prisons of solitude
tell the sky she can cry tears of joy
and the rivers to carry them pure
tell the deer that they may roam
without a rifle sighted at their belly
this might not be long or as painful for them
but thank the guardians for giving earth
one last breath of fresh air before
they destroy the world  forever

Why must I live on even after death
please stop my heart from beating so
My body can be one with my soul

A weight were I know no origin
a wealth were I know no owner
a life where I know not a single soul
a journey where I know not a destination
I drift afar from where I call comfort
but yet do not sail far to that sea
I feel the wind whistling
but it seems like no air finds me
for I cannot breathe
But somehow I am living

I cannot tell if my heart is unjust
I cannot tell If I am alive
I cannot tell if I have a choice
I cannot tell if my words are worthy
I cannot speak although I have a voice
is it fait that I was given
a faintest of a chance to live
for I have not done a difference
and my words are undone
by any fellow that claims he's me
Do I have a personality
behind this mask I've been hiding behind
im scared the mask is my true own self
and once I remove it
I wont be alive.

I, in time still will never be able
to explain why azure skies be melancholy
is it our eyes that grow weary
or is it the color that leaves us
the sunsets look lesser nostalgic
more scheduled to a slot
gone where the days I could sit and think
chasing a flicker a flare a silhouette
or smile for a second and sleep for a minute
when ignorance of time was an option
and not a dream or a vague memory.
and the people I loved where underrated.

Cradled,
by my own lullaby
I try to sing him to sleep
In the darkest depths of humanity
bound by steel and isolation
have now rusted grit by grit
the monster that lurks within
how deep is this creatures slumber
that I yet do not know
time has been his enemy
and  fear has been his soul
he settled down with knowledge
knowing he will rise again
I cannot play this game of patience
for I am about to lose
this battle against my mind

On every alluring  mountain peek
where the soil has buried it deep
there is a heart somewhere up there
hiding from everyone's reach
the rubble the rock the rugged roads
the cliffs the falls the thorns
the height the struggle the effort
differs from one to another
from bumps to dunes to spires
the struggle doth differ much
but if the climbers mind sees no other peek
then for sure your heart will be found.

the slender knife between his eyes
and the dripping crimson dew
flapping of the ravens feather
drenched in the sound of silence
as the thunder echoes what she cannot speak
his hands tied together
in prayer to the empty heavens
whom no one has set foot upon
his eyes open but his sight has been seen
and a secret to his grave-less burial he shall take
who did he see in this burnt paper town
and why did he die for its cause
and in his hand his paper blots
to the river of sewage beneath the street
to the heavy cries of the dark clouds
that bare no more a silver lining
where his paper bleeds not far different
from the man who is losing his ink.

A pulp of flower is more sweet when murdered
crushed by a stone to its death
unrecognizable by its creator,
his mother, his branch, his roots,
To be rotten and to fall
from its heaven on a tree
where he no longer smiles
amongst the bloomed and amidst the pretty
his fall turned to be
his greatest accomplishment,
death his blooded ****** in the arms of the killer unknown
thankfully the monster came soon
for his vanquishment brought more redolence
than he could spread when he was perched,
when bloomed to his last petal
and when kissed by the ray of a morning sun.

why am I invisible
until there's smoke puffing from the end of the barrel
why am I hated when I am not in sight
how can people smile at me
and make me feel like it passes right through
why do people find me a burden
when all I wanted was a smile
I haven't outlived the experienced
but I can tell now
the world isn't spinning
its twisting.

Why do I cry paraffin
like a candles on a headstone
it dries up
curdles and freezes
before it reaches the bottom of my heart
where it shall forever be stuck.
while my tender heart
remains moist
I make walls around you
to protect you
but whenever your warmth approaches
the tears fall slowly down my cheek
unfrozen from the time it was made still.

I used to turn my head out
to see how beautiful and slow the world was
From inside the coach
with a glass as my boundary
The fields how green
The skies how blue
how endless and limitless
how grand the scheme was
how infinite this happiness would scroll
but now the world has grown stagnant
I stare
and now with my eyes I see
while my heart cowers in fear
my feet are rooted to the  muddy ground
and the harsh dry wind thrashes me
as my shield of glass has shattered
I understand now I am not protected
by the mystic energy of childhood
by the power and magic of imagination
I see the train **** pass me
a life where I was once a passenger
but now it seems I am not
Now the scene is set
and the ****** of my excursion has passed
I am no longer in the coach where I once sat comfortably
enjoying every passing second
I see now with my proper senses
and I feel the brush of the winds
it pains my that I had realized
I had to stop to see that the world was moving.

A cherry blossom deemed soft
yet a rose deemed ******
how is it that red screams danger
and pink births comfort
if once blended with a dash of white
does it forget of its tainted shade
does it blend so fine
that pink is purer than white
one must never forget that
A coal was once a flame
the pink was once a crimson

why cant I stop dancing
if I don't like the tune of the instrument
why am I frolicking
to the melody of my demise
my hands swaying with daggers
hurting the ones I love
in the trance of the piper
deaf to their screams
yet this euphoria is clear
the number is crisp
and the tempo is mellow
why does this demon inside control me
paralyzed by its influence
yet bleeding to my death
do I give in ?
or do I fail to fight ?
a mindless Kamikaze
a ghost of my mind

In blank spaces between my words
I murmur to you my pain
I hope you don't understand what I say until
i'm gone into the abyss
my fall eternal slumbers vault
in the shallows of the deep seas yet I play

Oh cry of the heavens why pat my shoulder
will they ever return to me
I think  not
thank you for lending your heartfelt sighs
but I too can cry a river
but like all rocks, sharp and cutting
my tears will go around them
and within their hearts
will remain dry.

what use of a scented stick of wax
from a sitting piece of wax
for it must burn in the flames
and cry to its death
for its fragrance for the world to be heard

Dawn was just a dream
Dusk was just a memory
my feet were buried in the sand
and my laughter was lost to the silence
the sea was calm
and the sky was clear
I heard only a ring
a concussion, a hit
I fell as I heard
the ringing got louder
what I was
why I laughed
I forgot

the sand that buried my feet
in ignorance now it chokes me dead!
I never screamed
cuz I never knew how
I just watched the usual crash
the whip, the foam, the salt, the return

My hands are paralyzed
my breath now short
the heat of the sun
still made me shiver
a wave that rode far now comes
to bury me now and return to the sea
to tell the tale of whim-less life
a barren seed
a lifeless core

As my teeth grit in sand
I can see but I cant observe
I know but I cant be sure
my jaws ache in salt
my eyes burn like acid
my death
was slow
but it was way too soon
I slept I wept
I died in my luck

Now I hear the voice of the angels
humming the merry tune
I think the gates are open now
so why isn't anyone here?

I feel a kiss against the salt of my lips
a tender but sweetness at last
eyes that withheld the world within
and a a smile that out-burned the sun

I smiled for the first time
I hugged her and laughed
my paralysis was now withdrawn
I knew her
but I never met her
I loved her
and she will know quite soon

It will be my pleasure
to write in the skyline
If I never knew pain of the fall
I would run far faster
and would leap from ledges
If I did not know that asphalt scars
I would love myself
and the blooms of the sunrise
If I did not know that it too sets down

a man wonders why
like a cage a single meaning is trapped
to a symbol of many faces
like moonshine being time for a romance
for it is also when the predators hunt,
a man wonders why like a fox the world is written
and like a rabbit we fall for its snares
people ignore to see our symbol of peace
murdering a wee lil worm,
how is it a prison is meant to keep things locked inside
when its actually keeping people out of our reach
how religion breaks war
and love fosters hate
why are we blinded like bats
and why are we deafer than snakes.

I wish I was an arrow
that soared through the skies
untainted with blood
and free from a grip
an arrow that was not used
to pierce other hearts
instead was a miss that just flew
I wish I was never crafted
I wish I was never in a quiver
I know that I will land
and be buried in an unmarked grave
and the high was never worth the plummet
but as the writer has written
the sharper the head
it will always strike down
and ****.
So I wish I was unwanted
the shame-giver to my wielder
a dud, a b*stard, a miss

His benediction was a curse to me
He wept while in his head he smiled
his smile was drawn like a bow to his ears
His eyes where pasted open alive
His heart was pushed pump and work
His soul left him when he stared
Save me from this wretched man
Who haunts me in my sleep
When does he rest
I do not know tell him to stop
So I can weep

silently being drowned in the sands of the broken castles
silently being torn to shreds by roots ripping to its core
as rock withered to sand and seed grown to its limb
like a cancer it slithers through the bedrock and body
the streams are her teardrops quenching the parasites
paralyzed by her generosity she sits on the molten
when the rains try to wash her and and the winds try to cool her
we men try to rid her right that was born before us all
to be in her peaceful slumber and let us live on
we Gush out her blood and use it for our motors
we nail her in cruxifixction with our tall nails of concrete
we tear her and mine her flesh for our beauty
and in time slowly dying she silently bares the burden we rested
upon her body as a master would do
why must we enslave our mother who forged us.
and tortue her for our amusement

I wish I was stuck in a page
of an author not cruel
between romance
and the moment of linger between the confession
so he may keep me blind
for chapters I may not see
So that I the antagonist
will remain a distant
and I will never know
that this fable ends
because I need not know
if I am to fall off a cliff
and If I were I would not mind enjoying my last steps
to my execution
thinking it was a mere stroll
As people hold their hands
and the audience holds their breath
I want to be staring at a butterfly
fluttering to a flower
instead of a moth to its fire
for after all
a blindfold is a mercy and ignorance is my bliss
if like the pinch of a needle I were to be ended.

thus he bares the crown of hope
not knowing his subjects disloyal to his cause
he stretches his wings with not a glimmer of doubt
that his comrade shall catch him when he falls
he who stands proud perched in the cliff of lies
dives from above to show courage to his ally
but as the welkin cries and the earth be rattled
he plummets to his death on the rocky foot of the mountain
where the green eyed raven had gathered for their royal feast
and the shrubs be drenched with dewdrops of ruby.
a treasure that no crate shall hold.
he whose life hath gone to waste
and he who saw the gates before us
his wisdom thru death and pain thru living
shall resonate the message of the vale masking loyalty
for in guilt and in conscience they come to his burial
and sing praises of the dead mans crown

if you chose to think
the unthinkable then you become
an intellectual an elite a superior
but at the cost of your clarity and sanity?
is the risk worth taking at all?
the lesser you think the lesser you are
the further you understand
the further you are from understanding
if a child must grow to one day enter
this labyrinth of eternal paradox
why must we grow to be matured ?
Why cant I remove the seed of thought that
Ignorance to the reason of why we prevail and peril
will be the true logical way of happiness.