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Feb 2023 · 150
February air
Hello Daisies Feb 2023
I feel the February air
But I don't care
I can't care
You seem to be everywhere

You are all of new York
You are all of my walls
You are all of my parts
You
...  You
Are
Or were
All of me
Now you are just one thing
February air

You run through me
Without a care
You blare your angst
You remind me of the pain
Of leaving me at the door way
Of pushing our friendship away
Every day

You remind me
Of running into your arms
Of corn and fields of farms
Of surprises in train stations
Of birthdays in New York
Laughter in a swimming pool
Walmart shopping at midnight
And bagel bites candle lights
But most of all
You always remind me
Of February air
The breeze I once loved
Now dead and mud
Cold through the bone
No brisk breeze
Just frigid freeze

You are the seasonal depression
But every month now it seems
There is no end
To February
My very being
It'll fade
The autumn will come again
One day
I know it
I hope it
I need it
For I cannot breathe
For the rest of my life
In
February air
Dec 2022 · 150
Another sad song
Hello Daisies Dec 2022
When will I stop associating every sad song
With the way we no longer get along
The way you strung me along
The way you
You broke
And tore me apart
Ripped open my heart
Like an empty pond
Was once beautiful
Now hard to look upon

  When
Can I listen again
To my favorite notes
Without feeling my heart
  

                                    °In my throat°
Dec 2022 · 3.3k
My love
Hello Daisies Dec 2022
When I was younger
I would lie awake
Crying
Praying
The other side of the bed wouldn't be empty
One day
Maybe someday

I never imagined
I had no clue
I only dreamt
Of someone like you

I don't think you know
Despite your joking ego
That you're beautiful
Inside and out
Not a single doubt

You're welcoming and true
You're hardworking and unapologetically you
You're the sweet warm brew
That brightens up my blue

I love the kindness you have
I love the way you laugh
I love being with you in a bath
And the way you make me laugh

I never for a second thought
That such a gift would be brought
Into this sad cold world
But here you our
With every single flaw
You own it
You flaunt it
I love you to pieces and bits!

You're like the snow
I waited so long for you to show
you came along
My heart started to grow
The crystals and cold
The icy white snow
You are a breath of cold wind
Blowing on my face
Making me feel this is my place
My home
My joy
My happiness
Maybe others don't understand
But I know you are one hell of a man!

I love you

Duh!
Nov 2022 · 174
A clean goodbye
Hello Daisies Nov 2022
I had another dream about you
All I recall is your face
Taunting me
Hurting me
Again and again
After all
That's all it takes

But the lyrics I heard
The music in my head
When I woke in my bed
Singing
Ringing
Piercing  

They were telling me
To be clean
Let the rain
Drain away
All of you

I replayed all of us
I played the song
I heard for so long
And saw you
it hurt
Nothing unusual
Pain came flooding in
Always punctual

In my heart
I knew
It's been time
For awhile
Telling myself
I'm not strong enough
Give me more time
More time to lie
More time to cry
For time to rhyme
Not today
Not tomorrow
Not my future
I need to mature

Let this go
Take this step
Move forward
Away from you
I'll never forget everything
Not one thing
But I can let some pain go
Love the snow
Again
not let you
Ruin
Everything

Her lyrics sang to me
Be clean
Let the rain come
The pain may stay
But I can't keep harboring it
Like an old necklace
Left over from a dead relative

I can't keep it
I must discard you
You're a broken necklace
That keeps stabbing me
You're not even here
But you are controlling my life
Let me be clean

I finally
Finally
  Finally
Took the step
Took control
I will not keep bleeding
On everything
And everyone around me
I will not bleed out
And become nothing
But your leftovers
I will clean the broken glass
The scars will never fully heal
But I can stop counting them
Every morning
And night
I can let them close
And sleep tight
I can remember you
In some kind of light
That isn't hatred
Or pain
Holding onto this necklace
Has no gain
Just shards
I must throw away
I must clean
The bleeding
Finally
Finally
It's a step
Maybe a small one
Maybe a long one
It took time
But it's a step forward
I can wash the blood soaked stains
I can clear my brain
I can sleep peacefully again
Saying goodbye
This time even on the inside

Goodbye
With real meaning
Goodbye
We are no longer friends
Goodbye
It's been everything
Goodbye
Forever and it's okay
Goodbye
I had a hell of a time

...Goodbye
I'll miss you my friend.
This is the end.

Goodbye Bree, so I can be free

Goodbye for eternity.
Nov 2022 · 129
I knew
Hello Daisies Nov 2022
I knew
When you said hello
I knew
When you gave me your number
I knew
Ever since I met you
I held back
But I knew
I wanted you

When you asked me out
I said no
I regretted it so
When I went to your house
It felt like new beginnings
My heart grew
For you
Each passing day
Every single thing you would say

The brisk October
You gave me your jacket
I never gave it back
Into the cold Decembers
Seeing me cry
Holding me tight

I knew
When you gave me that shirt
I knew
When you said it wouldn't work
I still knew
When you said we were just friends
I knew
It wasn't pretend

I knew I'd love you till the end
When you said the words
I never imagined
Would come from you
Your lips sang
I can't recall everything
But I'll never forget
Staring at you in shock
Asking me to be yours

I knew
It was forever
And never ever
Going to end
I knew you would always be
My very best friend
My lover
My protection

I knew
For nine crazy months
I knew
When you said we were destined
I knew from the second
You said hello

You forever will be my greatest blessing
❤️
Nov 2022 · 130
Fear
Hello Daisies Nov 2022
I fought fear
With more fear
I escaped the prison
Just for a new reason
To be afraid

It's been whispering for awhile
But now it's here with a smile
Telling me
Screaming at me
Run away
Run away

There's nowhere to run
I'm out here with a gun
Fighting what appears to be
Nothing at all
But feels as if
It's everyone at once
Ready to pounce

Nobody can feel it
Time moving
Faster and faster
It's like the wind wants me
To escape my body
Run out of my mind
The earth is not kind

It's taken over
By a master plan
I can't understand
But I can feel
The enemy
It's inside me
And everyone else

I want to hide
I want to cry
But to no end
I am going to end
As we all will
I am afraid
I am terrified
I am shaking
And quaking

My family will die
I will die
There's nothing to fight
There's no reason in sight
For this life
It's all pretend
I woke up and saw it end
The illusion
Now it is moving
In fast forward
I can't get a grip
I started to slip

I saw the earth
As the lie she is
I saw the lines
Cross the bridge
It's a false bubble
A false notion
There's nothing I can do
But feel the motion

Of fear and lies
I'll keep crying and hiding
Til I die
Which is coming
Sooner then we all know
50 years
Is now 50 minutes
Blink your eyes
Think with your mind
Time will fly
And then we all
Die
Nov 2022 · 119
Stay?
Hello Daisies Nov 2022
It's been 8 months
Why am I not
  Over
        It
Why is it
   Swallowing
              Me
                   Deep
                          Er?

I fall
    Steeper
The pain
In my chest
I grow
       Weaker
Life looks
      So
          Much

              Füçking
                     BLEAKER

help me
Help me
My distractions
Are
        Gone

Stop
Swallowing
Me
         Whole

I'm an empty bowl
        Drained
                Pained
  Stained

In your blood

My eyes
Our but a
                Flood
                ~~~~~~~~
I drown
And drown
     Drowning
            Drowning
No breathing

I let go
I forget
I
Get
Lost
In my screams
      Agonizing
               Patronizing
            Losing
Loser
Lost
  Gone
          Ghost

You haunt me
     Every *******
   DĀY

      Please

Please please
Please    
          Please
                    please
PLEASE


Go away
Haunting nightmares
Love and friendship
Lies and guts
Demons and monsters
     You are
              Nobody to me

Go away
        Leave my mind
              Clean my heart
   Of your
                  "love"

Whip off the glove
I wear
As you tear

I want it gone
    8 months strong

I want you
Gone
Her gone
All of her
  Bye
Go away
You have no place here

        To stay
Please .....
       ....please
                       ...   Please




    Stay?
Nov 2022 · 214
Train stations
Hello Daisies Nov 2022
The nights were crisp
If I remember right
The lights were bright
As we past each car

The talks were long
As we paused to sing a song
The hellos were beautiful
The goodbyes were soulful
But difficult

The train station in the morning
Running into your arms
The train station at night
Never seemed as bright
Even tho it was always dark
It hurt my heart
To see you go

I knew it was ok
In every possible way
When I looked up
To see your face
At the gas station
The warm night
If I recall right
I knew
I was so **** sure
It was forever

I've never felt quite right since
I realized I was wrong
what I saw as forever
Was gone

It was some kind of magic
Or curse maybe
I'm not really sure
But **** it hurts
There's no more pleasure
When I see the car lights
When I'm at a gas station at night
Or a service plaza
The distinct feeling
Of unbelieving
The world around me
A special place
A special face
held my heart so
In every ******* way

It's gone
There was never magic
It was just life
A facade
A lie
I could never begin to try
And make it right
I held so tight

The snow we fell on
The mischief we got lost in
At a Cleveland concert
Or the side of the road
Walking out of rebellion

The hair dye stuck to my hands
The red that didn't show
we continued to grow
To purples
To blues
Every new hue
With you

The trips we took
The cars we shook
By accident
You scratched it
we took off afriad
We've never misbehaved
That was the first
We had many of those

Driving for an hour
To be at olive garden
We saw as a  higher power
For years
We spent there
A special saving grace
Shoving bread to the face

The first time you left
I fell to my knees
Metaphorically
maybe physically
I can't recall
I cried for weeks
I quit the job
We shared
It wasn't fair
To anyone

It's never fair
To anyone
Yet you dared
To not care

Never cared
Never
Ever
Dared

The cons we roamed
The gorilla hugs alone
Were memorable
The pictures we took
The way we looked
As we fell and laugh
Over silly words
Humman
Gina
Something as simple
As a typo
Could keep us laughing
For years
I can't remember a single tear

I lie
For many years
..there were
..tears in us
The entire time

As I warned you
Getting into drugs
Ruins lives
You promised
With no sincerity
In those eyes
Dead inside
I knew
I blew
It away
A passing thought
As we danced the night away

Every moment
I write and write
Every feeling
I write I write
It won't leave me
I try to let it be
Let it out
On the paper
It's not poetic anymore
It's not rhyming
It's falling apart
There's no more
No more
No more
I'm losing my words
My talents
For words
For
Anything
I was so **** sure
Then again
It's happened before
Maybe I'm addicted to pain
I choose to remain
In it
By picking people
I know are cruel
I know will rule
My emotions
turn me into
A broken

Piece
Of
Hell

I can't tell
What it is
you were so addictive
Manipulative
Mean
Hurtful
Gone
Unhealthy
Selfish
******* LIAR
Fake
And
Everything I wanted to keep
Just out of reach

So I write
And I write
And I
Well
I don't know

..
I just
    Can't
             Move on
Aug 2022 · 507
What happened
Hello Daisies Aug 2022
Closer then sisters
Better then lovers
Never a second thought
Together forever

What happened to forever
What happened

Memories come
Memories go
I'm stuck in the snow
Of all our love
The stars above
Remind me of you

Stuck like glue
You and me
Us three
Nobody could touch
Never too much

What happened to us
What happend to love
What happened to the stars above
What happened
What happened??

Every year we'd go away
Crazy wild and silly vacay
It was the best moments of my life
Laughter, fun, excitement  living high

Never wondering why
We were so lucky
Treasuring each and every smile
Thinking we'd be together for awhile
For forever
Never not together

Seasons change and the weather
We were birds of a feather
Flocking together
Living with each other
Secrets told laughter spoke
Our love never a Joke

What happened to us
What happened to love
What happened to the stars above
What the **** happened to us
To forever
To looking at the stars
To crying in eachothers arms
To figuring out life together
Never hurting eachother
Closer then I could say
Giving me life in every way

How can I go on
It's been 8 months since you've gone
And I can't move on
I see you every day
You don't give a **** I'm in your way
It hurts to pretend
Like I don't know you
Like I never knew
What thoughts kept you up at night
How to make you laugh at the right
Moment
All those moments
Dust in the wind
Blew it away
I tried to catch it
But you looked the other way

What the **** happened
Aug 2022 · 1.6k
This is me
Hello Daisies Aug 2022
Sunshine and grog
Dancing through thick fog
Midst over mountains
Shimmering gold in fountains

The feeling of serenity
Calmness and warmth
Soul inspiring
Never expiring

Enthrall me within
Give me that special grin
Always without sin
Purity so complete

Never to defeat
Warriors heart inside
I'll never abide
With man's side

I am wild and free
I am a cold winters breeze
A storm of brim and stone
Ashes flung and flown

I am a witch burning
Never returning
To their master
I will run faster

You cannot stop me
Stinging like a bee
Souring with graceful ease
I am a fairie never to please

I will use my sword
I will say my words
With passion and curse
Do your absolute worst

I am me
And she is free
Maybe only inside
In my own mind
But she you will never find
She is but mine
A special kind
A loving mother
In which moss takes cover

Leave it lone
She is alone
But pain is gone
For peace is beauty
And green is all she can see

That is me
I am green with grass
Yellow with daisies
And free with fairies
Loved by many
And giving so much
I am glee
And complete
With me

On my own
Idk just in my own head
Aug 2022 · 215
Who am i
Hello Daisies Aug 2022
Who am I
Softly whispering in my head
Crumbling around with little dread
I really don't know
Little bits disappear and melt like snow

Who am I
Am I the green on a summer leaf
The dancing amist the grief
Twirling with such glee
Never to see

Who am I
Am I droplets of water
Pouring into the ocean
With big waves of commotion
Lost in the deep
With secrets to weep

Who am I ?
Sunken treasure
Buried deep within
Golds and rubies waiting to win
Never to be found lost and abandoned

Who am I
I have to ask
Anger and red burning the skies
Cold and blue freezing your eyes
Who am I
I want to know
Buried in snow
Dying in the breeze
Of autumn leaves

Who am I
Sweet and soft
Mellow and yellow
Like the soft daisy of spring
Ugliness and rage never to be seen

Who am I
Can anyone tell me
I don't want to be yelling
But I've been waiting to know
For some time now

I feel like many things
But they come and go
Never keeping me
Letting me show
My angst
My sorrow
I'm just broken and borrowed

Will I never know ?

Who am I
Ah lost in life
Aug 2022 · 844
B
Hello Daisies Aug 2022
B
I know it's annoying
I know I'm a broken record
For months
And years
Crying over the same things
But it's like
I lost the best part of me
And she's ran away
Without ever missing me

I have to ask myself
What's wrong with me
I have to ask everyone
If they still love me
Or if they're also planning
On leaving me

I want this to stop
I can tell myself to get over it
But it won't quit
I can call you a *****
Tell you you're selfish

But I still won't win
I've lost
So much these three years
And Everytime I try to heal
I lose something else precious
It's miraculous
I'm still trying

There is no denying
This will always hurt
Can I ever heal the burn
When is it my turn
To tell everyone off
To tell you you hurt me
And I don't want to see you
Or pretend it's okay
Or pretend it'll go away
But you left me once again
Broken and lost
Crying and lying
Thinking I'll never be good enough
Now I truly feel everyone will leave me
I can't get close to anyone
Befriend anyone
Everyone hates me
Or loses interest
Best friend for ten years
Guess that really meant nothing

Tried to make amends and you left me
Didn't even try
And acted like nothing transpired
Nothing matters to you besides yourself
I gave you so much of me
And you took it and gave nothing back
Well one thing back
Broken pieces of a heart
That was already trying to heal

You steal
And hide
You run
And lie
You pretend
And make fake friends
You are selfish
You were never
My best forever
But a user
Who wanted to feel safe
Wanted someone to throw everything on
We had so many amazing memories
Now they're ruined
All burnt
She's broken now too
The group is gone
The place I thought I belonged
It haunts me
Every face name and place I see
I'm drowning under sea
Chained down and gagged
While you watch
Driving your boat to safety
Leaving us behind for the unknown

Where do I go now
How can I escape
They say get over it
Like I was ever good at getting over anything
Even if I was
I could never get over this
What I thought we had was bliss
Now it's an empty abyss

It's gone amidst
Ghost haunt me in the dark
Your face lurking in my dreams
You're life terrozing my job
Everytime I see you with that snob

So how do I get over this
The best parts of me
The happiest memories
Thrown away in the trash
Like it never mattered
Like I don't matter
You were the one who taught me to heal
To feel something so real
But you became so selfish
You threw me away
And now you don't wanna say
That it's over

Leaving me doubting
Leaving me wondering
Guilty
Sad
Confused

I have been so used
It's time to let go
But I've gripped so hard to this
How do I let go of my life ?
Even if it's all gone
I can't let it go
You were everything
We were everything
Now we are nothing
And I'm just suffering
Turning to rage
Locked away
Throwing up emotions
Every day

I want myself back
I want you back
Us three back

How can it be right
To throw this away
It feels wrong
Makes me sick
I can't even fathom it

But you

...you

You already took the trash out
And never looked back
Aug 2022 · 684
Peace with the moon
Hello Daisies Aug 2022
The moon shines down
Bigger then ever
Better then wherever
I left my heart last

a sign of beauty
Of romance
Wanting to dance
Or even prance!

I've been feeling loss
All kinds of grief
It's still within me
It'll never leave

sights like this
Chills in the air
Blow upon my skin
Problems seem so thin

My heart hurts
It follows me everywhere
Sometimes I forget why
the pain stays the same

In the name of this pain
I try to find my peace
Sometimes the moon shines
I feel a great release

Thank you for the beauty
Thank you for the calm
I want to rest my head
On the shimmering palm
Of the moons light

Ever so bright
Take my grief
My ball of hate
Take the weight
throw it away

In the seasons
It'll return
Through the wind
Crashing until burn
Into my skin
I'll feel the fire
But I'll never tire
Of what is higher

Shine down upon me
Let me glow
I will grow
Ever stronger
As I hope longer
For the pain to settle

The fires will calm
Every autumn
Perhaps sleep
Every winter
I know it'll attack
Ever harder
In the summer

As I await the return of your peace
I'll never forget
The promise
Of your sweet relief

Life is bittersweet
At it's very best
It's all a mess
I fight the screeching
With the hope of whispers
Quietly speaking
your delicate breeze

Thank you moon for shining tonight
For glowing ever so bright
The biggest I've seen you in many nights
My grief has calmed
The storm is not gone
But settled
For a night of love
For a moment of peace
Just a dash of hope
a night to hold
Jun 2022 · 139
Deadly summer
Hello Daisies Jun 2022
The weather's warming up
Spring is here
Then soon summer
Everyone's out
And about
Happy smiles glowing everywhere

I don't dare
Try to smile
Summer is vile
Spring brings the pain

It is nothing but a stain
Of my suffering
The loss I've felt
The assault I've dealt
With

It's not a myth
It's torture
I can't keep going
I wish it was snowing

My heart is in shreds
My body is bleeding lead
I miss her
I feel him
I'm broken within

I can't keep doing this
Crazy mind games
Please let me go
Summer has such a hold

Like shackles ripping my flesh open
Slowly and red
Rashes and dread
I cannot escape
The sweat
And blood
Of everyone's beloved
Summer
Just wrote a lot of poems and thought I post them been going through it
Jun 2022 · 1.1k
Broken friends
Hello Daisies Jun 2022
From GTA
To oakwood
To living together
Us three
To gorillas with bananas
To 2019 no more virgins

I am hurting
I am lost
I have lost
So much
How can I go on

From cons
To Brian jokes
To surprise birthday cakes
And surprise birthday trips

Where do I get
My sanity back
My heart to not hurt
Release the memories
Into the ocean

I can't contain them
They are tearing me apart,
Ripping out my heart
Would hurt less

You seem fine
I gave you your new life
Guess I couldn't be in it
I still can't believe it

Best friends forever
Sisters like no others
Stronger then lovers
Gone and alone
Like whatever

I still remember
First meeting you
Playing that game
Thinking you're cool
I still remember
Introducing you
Sharing the memes
Thinking this is everything

I still remember the concerts
I still remember prom
I still remember getting in trouble together
Dying are hair
Without a care

I still remember best friends forever
I guess you forgot
What that meant
Prioritize anyone but us
And just forgot about us

You can move on
But I can't go on
I still remember it all
Hits me like a train
Or wrecking ball
I'm down for the count
I can't be doing this
Let me let go of the sadness

Best friends forever
Means nothing
If you can't remember
To love your friends
And be with us
It's so obvious
You're gone

And I am not too far along
But where I go I do not know
Feels like I'm already in hell

*** I also remember

Ditching me for her
Replacing me with another
Forgetting me for him
Not being there when she died
Always telling me a lie
And I'd forgive you
To not lose you
But it hurt
More and more
It hurts
How id beg
Basically on my knees
How pathetic I became
Yet again
For your attention

I still remember it all
And I'm starting to fall
Completely apart

Pls let the pain stop
Let the memories go
It's hurting me
I don't want to forget the good
But the bad is too much from you
You broke our hearts
And you didn't even fall apart

*****
Jun 2022 · 477
Dandelions
Hello Daisies Jun 2022
Nothing beats the
Bewilderment
The amazement
Being wonderstruck

From 500 thousand dandelions
In a field
Just me
Happy as can be

I'm rolling
I'm tumbling
The dandelions have taken hold of me

Behind a playground
Little ol me
Lost in the field
Momma's looking for me
Hours have passed

I'm not her daughter right now
I'm a fairie
And this is my land
My fun
My everything
The dandelions chose me
And nothing has the same beauty

As that sweet innocent bliss
From a simple thing
Like dandelions and me
Feeling free as a bee 🐝

Why can't I still be that happy
Jun 2022 · 356
Be happy
Hello Daisies Jun 2022
Be happy
Be happy
Be happy
Be happy
Be happy
Be happy
b e happy
Be h a ..ppy
Be happy
Be happy
Be HAppy
Be haPPY
BE HAPPY
BE HAAAPPY
BE HAPPPPPY
HAPPY
HAPPY
HAPPY
BE
HAPPY
B E
      HAPPY
B
E
H
A
P
Y
BE
*******
HAPPY

BE
      *******
H A  P P Y

I'm trying to remember
To be happy
They say it's a choice
I just have to tell myself
Stop crying
Be happy
I keep telling myself
Stop crying
Be happy
I'll repeat myself
Stop crying
Be happy
When will it work
Or will I just keep
Repeating myself
Stop crying
Be happy
The words lose meaning
It's just gibberish
It's mush
I'm mush
Can I love myself
Can I believe myself
Can I choose to leave
My suffering
I want to stop crying
I want to stop breaking
My own heart
It hurts
So everything hurts
Down the hole I go
Dark and desperate
Crying all the time
But if I tell myself
To smile
Will it help
For awhile
Then I'll fall
Crash into the abyss
Loneliness
My solitude
Give me no gratitude
Let me loathe myself
Til I can climb the hole
And breathe again
Does it really work
I keep trying
A broken record
I'm annoying for sure
But here I go

Be happy
Loser
Be happy
Poser
Be happy
Whiner
Be happy
Be happy
Be happy
Failure
Be happy
I can't seem to just
Be happy
Let my body rest
Let me do things I love
I can always climb above
But it takes me unreasonably long
To stop the dreadful song
And just be ******* happy
Or least
Halfway content

Just
Something
That isn't
This suffering
Love myself
Ha
And forgive myself
Ha
And forget the bad
Haha
And be
Content
For just
A minute
Please
Jun 2022 · 1.0k
Trigger
Hello Daisies Jun 2022
Take a gun to my head and pull the trigger
Take a gun to my head and make it quicker
Quicker quicker
Let the bullet hit my brain
And simmer simmer
Quicker quicker
I wrote this when I was having a little panic attack no worries
Jun 2022 · 1.1k
Trigger
Hello Daisies Jun 2022
Take a gun to my head and pull the trigger
Take a gun to my head and make it quicker
Quicker quicker
Let the bullet hit my brain
And simmer simmer
Quicker quicker
I wrote this was I was having a lil panic attack no worries
Jun 2022 · 103
Flooding
Hello Daisies Jun 2022
How come I only feel alive when I'm losing my mind
How come the flashes from history
Bring back so much misery
But the memories of love
Bring more tears from above
The heavens aren't real
Just raindrops
And pretending to feel
My guilt is real
For what I do not know
My memories are a circus
A short circuit
Ready to stroke
Lighting and electrocution
But never the fun colorful
Kind
Only the pain and deadly
Mind

I'm losing my mind
Perhaps lost it long ago
I used to feel some hope
Now I know none
Miss all the fun
The pain has only just begun
Once I feel a little
A waterfall of all
Comes bursting through
Every five ******* minutes

I've lost it
I'm crashing down
I want my memories to stay calm
Ride the boat through
Stop crashing into rocks
And falling
Sinking
And drowning
Every **** day

I just want to play
And be loved
Remember my past
And not want to crash

Why can't I
Mar 2022 · 309
Pretend to be
Hello Daisies Mar 2022
I took the memories
Poured them down the drain
I do not retain
A single stain

My passed is gone forever
Its a little too clever
Or so I thought

If I erased my past
It would always last
She comes to me whispering

My dreams of her haunt
In a dungeon of taunts
The pain flaunts

The doctor asks what's wrong
I can't sing the song
I've forgotten from so long

It plagues my being
I'm still sitting there weeping
Blocked away from my frontal lobe

I am like a globe
I begin to mope
If shook around

If left alone I'll be bland
No harm or evil plans
My brain is at ease

I shake at night in my dreams
I'm left with awful feelings
Uncertainty what it means

I shiver and hurt
Pain hidden under my shirt
The scars are there

My heart is bare
I swear it so
I am not broke

Not anymore
For this I must be sure
I am a new girl

I do not know the other
Must not speak of her ever
If you are clever

Leave it behind
Pay it no mind
Or else I'll lose mine

Living like this is fine
The nightmares are for sleep
The new me isnt for the weak
What you can see is free
I can pretend
That is me
I'm free
Or so it seems
Mar 2022 · 122
Sad world
Hello Daisies Mar 2022
I started to heal
Truly for real
Life has hit
And it's hard to deal

Beloved ones have passed
I couldn't imagine the pain
It will forever last
Inside my brain

The world around me crumbles
As I stopped stumbling
People with guns
People having to run

The world is dying
The media is crying
I don't mean to whine
It's not a good time to shine

People with bombs
I miss my mom
The world is ugly
Nobody is lucky

What's the point of healing
When everyone's stealing
Breaking, sinning and killing
Nothing is thrilling

I mourn for the world
I'm sick of the world
I mourn for my aunt
But I really just can't

Keep going like it's all ok
Just when I started to be ok
The destiny of humans
Is so grueling

Why must it be this way
What can I say
It's another sad day
It might always be this way
The world is sad and terrifying and I feel bad just being happy and healing like what's the point
Mar 2022 · 1.2k
Bipolar or not
Hello Daisies Mar 2022
Shifting shifting
Into gear
I'm driving without fear
Vroom vroom
So far I go
Where I do not know

Chit chat chit chat
They all speak
Without them I am weak

Swirling swirling
My Brain is fried
I let out and cry

Nic NAC nic NAC
Give myself  a slap
I need to take a nap

Plic plac ship lac
I need a whicky snack
For I am not a bat

I'm losing my mind
It bellows obscenities
Can I still follow the rhyme

I lost track of time
I have no dime ?
Save me save me sir mime

It makes no sense
Too much suspense
My body is too tense

I want it to stop
   Please God
Let it stop
I'm tired
It's screaming
Tens of voices
New ideas
So many choices
I forget them
Before I start them
Then I'm off exchanging myself
For a new shelf
I'm talking
I'm dancing
I'm cleaning
I'm
ScrEAMING  
It's creamy~
Words words
They don't add up

Help me help me
god above
Help me help me
Ones I love
I'm losing my ****
I'm losing all of it

Am I bipolar
Or just ******* nuts
I cannot contain my lusts
I want it all
I want a nap
I want to fall
And run a lap

La la la la lee do da da
I sing a little song
La la la le do da da
I cry a little long
La la la le do da da
I scream hahahAHAHAHA

I am not an Artist~
I am not a talent
I am nothing much
But leftover lunch

Molding and burning
In the evening sun
My end has begun
I am in need of savior
No chance with my flavor

Throw me away
Let me sleep
I am a jumbled up mess
Trying to count too many sheep

Peep peep little one
I am insane
I took your brain
And set it on a plane
It'll never return
The same

You are to blame
Who are you
Who am I ?
Maybe I'll know
When I die
Just a jumbled up mess of what's going on in my mind haha
Jun 2021 · 477
Ocean
Hello Daisies Jun 2021
It feels like forever
Since I heard this call
Forever
Since I wanted to fall
It's been so long
I almost forgot it all

Months went by
Not a tear went down
Days and days
And I forgot the sound
Where was I

Bottled up it seems
I forgot all my dreams
I thought it was better
To forget the weather
The storms I know so well

I wasn't myself
I couldn't even tell
I forgot how to scream
I forgot my breaking seems

Now it's called back
The oceans wave
Don't fall into the grave
Over flooding tidal waves
Hit me suddenly but slowly

I remember who I am
The voices called me again
I'm a ship at wreck
A pirate drowing
A voyager lost at sea
This is me

I'm a emotional wreck
I was *******
Lost my name
But the ocean called me
And surely I came
Just writing my emotions lol
Jun 2021 · 230
Entangle me
Hello Daisies Jun 2021
I'm lost
Not in any wonderland
Inside my own brain
Inside this dead land
There's not much light
I'm not sure where to go
Where to even begin

I've been stuck
In the same place
I thought I escaped
To be free
But only to escape
To my own hell
No longer others torture
Just my own

Is this freedom
I know not what to do with it
I had fun
I drew the colors
I sang and believed
But find myself
Laying still
Going nowhere
But the same hell
In my mind

She screams
To be let go
To sleep
For nothing means anything
Those screams I've heard before
Hit the same
But different
So I cut them
Then rest as they entangle me

Nothing will set me free
❤️
Apr 2021 · 282
Learn to breathe
Hello Daisies Apr 2021
Racing thoughts pain my brain
Some good
Some old
Some new
Theres so many things
Too many things

I don't know what this brings
But I cannot let go
Of the past
The fear
The love
The torture
Still holds me back

In spring it always attacks
The mania
The false happiness
The desire to start anew
But not sure where to
I'm still afraid
I'm lost
I'm a mess
What can I change

I'm ***** my hairs a mange
My house scattered in filfth
I feel it inside me
I drive fast windows down
I feel so much
The memories consume me
The lust
The ****
The bruises
The excitement
All in one flash

I may act rash
My brain is racing
But my body is lazy
It hurts still
How do I let it go
I want to move on
To live a new life
But to hold onto the old
I cannot do this

Mania mania mania
Screaming screaming
Ahhhhhh fun fun fun
Clean! CleAN
C L E AN MY FILFTH
START NEW
RUN
R. U. N.
FASTER
WHERE WHERE WHERE
HELP


I cannot fathom how to let it go
How to breathe in peace
My thoughts forever consume me
They always win
I just want to live
I suppose
Fresh happy and cleansed

When will I learn to breathe ?
I've been away but I felt inspired by the spring time emotions I get
Jul 2020 · 159
Lost
Hello Daisies Jul 2020
Who am I?
When I look in the mirror I don't see me
Unsure what I see
The girl who stole my identity

She uses my name
She walks with my legs
Talks with my voice
I have no choice
But to go along
But she's not me

Not the scared little girl
Not the abused child
The whiny victim
The addicted teen
With low self esteem

She's not the scars on my body
Picked from self loathing
The obsession with being used
And crying in self pity
She's not the disgusting trash
I've come to know so well

When I look in the mirror
I see flesh
I see a girl
I see nothing
Nothing I know
Nothing I hate

I can't identify with her
I don't know her
I know fear and suffering
Darkness and tears
I do not know light
Or joy
maybe emptiness
But the one in the mirror is not me

She's stolen my identity

Do I want it back ?
Been feeling kinda good lately..not something I'm used to..kinda don't know who I am without the sadness?
Don't know myself at all.
Jun 2020 · 106
My season
Hello Daisies Jun 2020
The brisk breeze through your hair
The clouds barely covering the moon
The colors that warm your soul
Autumn has always made me feel whole

I always say the best things happen
When the leaves fall down
I'm at my happiest
When the ghost run around

Just so happens that I found a connection
In my costume gown
You gave me a coat
I slept in it all night
It took away my fright

From that moment on
I felt something special
I enjoyed talking with you
Kinda scared to let it go through

As October passed and winter came
The snow fell down another day
Another true bliss of mine
To be covered in snow that shines

As I played as I smiled
I looked upon the stars
I felt warm inside yet Cold outside
There was your home to keep me alright

I thought maybe it's silly
Silly to believe in  the seasons
Crazy to think the stars have reasons
But I truly did believe in

The hope that they bring me
The warmth of their brisk mornings
And their crisp nights
I knew I'd find something just right

I can't speak the words
But I can write them
And what my pen is trying to say is
I love you, and the warmth you bring me
Is even greater then
The lovely bliss of autumn
Or even the soft hope of winter

Thank you for being
Just like the autumn leaves
And falling for me
❤️
May 2020 · 415
Peeled
Hello Daisies May 2020
If you've never been molested
If you think it's no big deal
If you think it's the victims fault
If you think we're just attention seekers

Just know this
I've been dead since I was a child
I can't recall who I was
Or who I ever will be
I can't feel anything
I'm completely empty

I see shadows
Of monsters and demons
I pray to a god I may not believe in
I can't trust anyone
Not even my own family

I block out my memories
Only to bleed through my dreams
I can't breathe if someone touches me
I'm shaking endlessly
I'm unable to love

I can't be loved
It was taken from me
When their hand went into me
I was broken
By a man who got sympathy

Where's my sympathy?
Where's my healing
Where's my it's not your fault
They gave it to him
Let him sin
With a grin
While I'm here
Sinking
Into darkness

I only let monsters hold me
I'm afraid of the light
I'm disgusting and it's always my fault
How everything went wrong

I'm so sorry
That you're disgusting disgrace
Touched my innocent face
Forced me into a shadow
Peeled my skin from me
Shed me into insanity
I looked so cute in my bathing suit huh

And noone ever came
They never stopped it
Always ignored
Always devoured
So please understand
I will never heal
I will never deal
And I will continue to peal
Until my body dies
Along with my soul
Quarentine has my trauma raised up and I have been denying it this entire time but I guess it's really hitting me tonight
May 2020 · 112
Magic
Hello Daisies May 2020
I was born a witch
Magic runs inside me
You called me a heathen
Cursed me to a doomed life
I see magic in everything
But unable to open it inside myself

I search endlessly for a cure
You were cruel and unkind
Told me I'd never find one
Everytime I give up to your whim
My tears fall and magic hits the floor
Losing another part of me
What was my destiny?

Still I hope
Still I believe
Only so slightly
But when I see
The stars on a clear night
The moon shining under a cloud
I can feel it surround
Every part of me
The stars shine for me

I haven't looked up in so long
I think I was
        so
                   close
To breaking this horrid curse
It became stronger
I am falling
harder
I hold on to her smile
I hold on to his warmth
To the music that beats
with me
To the laughter that
escapes me
To the peace in their eyes
the misty autumn skies
I hold onto that magic
I know I'll find it within me
I know I can break free

You won't rule over me
I was born a witch
And nothing can change me
Magic is coursing
   forever
       ~through me~
May 2020 · 105
Melt away
Hello Daisies May 2020
I can't find the words to write
To make this pain sound beautiful
It just ******* *****
I haven't moved from my bed
I'm already half dead
Crying until I'm shaking
I'm sweating and sick
And I just want to touch you
But then I'll puke
From my hurting heart

You ******* ****
How could you hurt
Such a sweet little heart
I just wanted to give you my all
And you broke me to the ground
But you're sorry
You're my friend right
Why does my chest feel so tight
I can't make any sense right

Lost all my friends
*** you're all I can say
You're my whole day
Burning inside my brain
Tearing open every wound
I've stopped crying today
Not because it doesn't hurt
But because I needed a break

I told you we were okay
We would go back to normal
What else could I ******* say
Being without you was unbearable
Being with you is just as terrible
Your words circle through me
Constantly they jab me
Every spasm I endure
Is just another reason
To beg for more

I lay here awake
Not much more to say
I'm gonna brake
And accept you're not for me
I can't escape this
The loneliness
It's with me
It never leaves
You on the other hand
Surely will always leave
It's what's meant to be

I think
Oh I know
I'm going to cry again
  I wish you could feel my pain
And melt the **** away
Sigh
May 2020 · 157
Break
Hello Daisies May 2020
Thank you for breaking my heart
You proved to me yet again
I am always right
I must forever shut the curtains
Hide from the unbearable pain
Of loving another human being

You're all out
To break me
Apr 2020 · 307
Easy mornings
Hello Daisies Apr 2020
Soft morning dew
Chilly air and blankets
Fruity cereal and tv
Comfort my soul

Warm enough for sun
Cold enough for wind
I settle in my grin
The calming nature inside
I can't help but abide

Bring me flowers
Bring me joy
I feel yellow
I feel buzzing

The grass is green
The lawn is mowed
I watch my tv
And feel my soul
Apr 2020 · 104
Sister
Hello Daisies Apr 2020
You are a rose
Sweet yet sharp
You are a boulder
Strong yet unappreciated

Like a bird learning to fly
Pushed down without help
You arise Everytime

A mother saving her kids
From the hungry beasts
Preying upon your cave
You fight and always win

You are a warrior
Lovely, pure, and brave

You give more joy then
Saint Nick himself
For you are more kind
More caring and strong
Then any human can hope to be

You're my sister
And I thank God for making you so
❤️
Apr 2020 · 149
Every little touch
Hello Daisies Apr 2020
I used to cry alone
I used to beg on the floor
Desperately trying
Desperately seeking
For love
For comfort
Everyone walked away

But for Christmas
You gave me a shirt
But for new years
You gave me a kiss
On Valentine's day
You gave me a gift

You said it's nothing
You said I deserve more

You don't understand
How much it means to me
When you show me you care

When I cried on your couch
When I needed help
When I felt so alone

You gave me a hug
You gave me a kiss
You told me you cared
You stayed right there

I never had to beg
I never had to plead
I never had to sink so low
Or fall on my knees

Maybe you think you're not enough
But to me every little kiss
Every little hug
Means the entire world
And I never want to give you  up
💕
Apr 2020 · 136
Drops of love
Hello Daisies Apr 2020
Like a tear drop in my eye
Or a rain drop in a puddle
You fill me with emotion
If I sit in them too long
I'll become an ocean
😌
Mar 2020 · 144
Crumbling world
Hello Daisies Mar 2020
The world is crumbling around
People are panicking
Some are dying
It's tragic
And terrfying

The stars glow seems off
The moons calm is shattered
The wind screams like a howl
So many hearts into a growl

Falling to my knees
Shaking with every beat
What do I do
Where do I go

Then I remember
I found you
You heard me cry
You let me stay
All I can say

I never thought I'd fall in love
Slowly over months passed
Your warmth is all I crave
Holding you calms my breath
I forgot the world was crumbling

That may sound dumb
As I'm not sure you feel the same
But I know you care
Probably more then you can bare
Please don't let me go
As the world may soon blow
I've finally fallen in love
And my heart feels like it's above

So let me stay
I swear I'll pray
You may not believe
But it's the deepest I can feel
To thank God for making you real
Feb 2020 · 99
When
Hello Daisies Feb 2020
Maybe it's wrong to say
I'm empty
Truth is I'm feeling
Everytime I hear a song
I want to cry
My heart shakes
But

I'm unsure
If I'm sad
Or I'm okay
Maybe I'm missing someone
Maybe I'm in love
Maybe I'm tortured
But Why

Can't I tell
What the **** I'm feeling
Or if I'm even feeling
Where am I going
I just don't know
Am I

Chasing the stars
I used to look above
I felt the hope
But now
I feel scared
Like I'm dying soon
When

Will I feel secure
Feel at home
Feel happy
Feel sure
That I'm wanted
And loved

When will I be
Who I'm supposed to be
Please
Feb 2020 · 128
Buried
Hello Daisies Feb 2020
Here I lie
Cold and used
Broken and abused
Lowered into  the grave

I think I was brave
I hope I was kind
I wish I was loved
Now I look upon the stars above

I was chasing you all my life
Now I'm even further away
As I fall into this dark hole
I'm decaying now
Soon to wither away

What can I say
Except my coffin is empty
My jewels are gone
My riches never existed
And my loved ones never showed

I had no funeral
I died in vain
I felt so much pain
But soon it was over
Quick to blow over

Dead I may be
Rest I can't find
Rain comes down
But dries up in the ground
I hear no sound

It's lonely down here
But not as lonely as the chase
Here I accept my fate
I'll never find the stars
I'll never be on mars

It's gross and cold
Dark and *****
I didn't even make it to thirty
Before the grass went brown
And I lost my small crown

It was all but fantasy
Because I hate reality
I couldn't accept it
Until it sank slowly into me
I'm buried alone
With no purity
With no love
And most definitely
No hope
Feb 2020 · 184
Fairie
Hello Daisies Feb 2020
Tip
  Tap
Tip
      Tap

I ponder over the puddle

Splish
   Splash
Splish
    S p l a s h

I fall in and crash
I'm but a little fairie
I sure do feel blue
I look unto you
But know not who

   Drip
       Drop
Drip
    Drop

Tears fall down

Tick
  Tick
Tickicky
    Tock
I feel like a rock
Stuck and glossed over
Am I meant to be here
Or in another lake
Sinking forever

Flip
   Flap
Flip
   Flap
I want to find my wings

Blank
   Blank
     Blank

I feel stuck in a lake
Lost my way
Dripping into the puddle
Til it's deeper
Deeper
   Deeper
Deep
From puddle
To lake
Now a ocean
Of emptiness

I'm a purple fairie
Locked in a bottle
Grasping for air
Sinking in despair

I talk of my obscenities
No one listens
Just watching the show
I apologize
I'm here for you
Nothing I do
Is true
Not anymore
My sparkles
Sank to the bottom

Now I'm dripping
Not of Earth
But of tears alone
My puddle is dry
Except for the tears
I had to cry

One day I'll say goodbye
Before I do
Will I ever find
My beautiful shining wings?
I can't escape my bottle
The pressure is too strong
afraid of all I've done wrong

I've been trapped too long
No one wants my fairie song

La
  La
Lala
  Lala

Fix me
Please
Find me
Oh please
Make me
A real fairie
I'm lost
Jan 2020 · 66
Feel
Hello Daisies Jan 2020
I'm scared to feel
I'm scared of anything real
The days are dark
The nights are cold

I want to cry
But you find me
And place me in your arms
To hold

When I run away
When I feel ignored
You smile at me
You notice me
Suddenly I forget
The others that hurt me

I'm scared
You'll grow bored of me
I've never showed my real self
To anybody
You seem to like me
That's Insanity

You say I'm you're only friend
That's really sweet
But I feel more
When I'm laying next to you
Breathing you in

Sometimes I forget
The deep pain I bare
When we're goofing off
I can't help but stare
All i think about I you
And never my old sins

What I'm saying is
I think I really like you
Maybe deeper then anything before
But I can never admit this
I'm terrified of this feeling
And I'm still unsure

If you'd feel the same
Jan 2020 · 197
I like you
Hello Daisies Jan 2020
I like you
When we first met
I like you
When you made me laugh
I kinda like you a bit

I think you're cute
When you're a dork
I think you're cute
When you say my name
You're cute

I'm nervous
When you touch me
I'm nervous
When we're all alone
I feel nervous

I blush
When you text me
I blush
When you kissed my cheek
I blush
When you tell me I'm cute
You make me blush

It hurts
When you say we're only friends
It hurts
When others flirt
It hurts
When you're not around

I like you
When you're rambling
I like you
When we watch movies
I like you
When you hug me
I like you
When you're with me
I think I like you a lot
Hwving emotions is horrfying. I'm end up getting hurt I'm sure
Jan 2020 · 126
Cold
Hello Daisies Jan 2020
Crying crying
Knees fall down
I'm on the ground

Trying to pick up my pieces
Broken everywhere
I'm so scared

Drunk drunk
Emotions flaring
I can't breathe

I need comfort please
Don't leave me alone
Not this time

Laughing laughing
I'm falling into you
You stand away

I'm so lost
Everything hurts
Where do I go

Fix me
Somebody
Please
Tell me
How I keep going
Without your help
I'm nothing
I'll fall into trouble
And think it's love
Screaming and twisting
But it's warm
And I feel so cold
I can't leave
The cold scares me
I only liked it before
Because you were there
Now I'm alone
And scared
Dec 2019 · 214
Adore
Hello Daisies Dec 2019
You remembered what I said
Two weeks ago
I didn't even remember it

When I cry and feel sad
You feel bad
And offer comfort

You laugh at my jokes
When they don't make sense
Never pretend

You listen to me
And never complain
Even when I'm a pain

You say sweet things to me
I don't have to beg for it
You state clearly how you mean it

This isn't perfect
By no means
You make me a confused mess

But for once in my lonely life
People have noticed me
And not ran away to hide

They don't forget
Or make fun
They just like me

What's going on?
I wait for the trauma
But they bring no such thing

And so I found you
And told you I liked you
You didn't laugh at me

You were very happy
And bragged about having me
Because I'm cute and sweet

That's what you said
And I almsot beleive it
Because everyday I hear it

Kind words
Not cruelty
Coming from every which way

I feel selfish
Not sure why
I guess having this attention

I feel like it's sin
But I think it's ok
To feel good about myself

Though you confuse me
I thank you, dearly
For you are genuine and like me

And aren't cruel nor a monster
Just a kind, normal man,
Adoring a shy soul.
Dec 2019 · 168
Finding myself
Hello Daisies Dec 2019
I lose myself more everyday
I feel less and less
But still pain

Months pass by
Days are gone
All I ask is why

I feel guilty
For I am losing me
But maybe I'm finding something

Someone new
Someone happy
Someone less shrew

I'm becoming emptier
Day by day
But some hope is still in the way

Maybe
Just maybe
I'm growing

Into a person
And not just
A lonely
Sad
Miserable
Shell
This isn't good but I haven't written in so long so I thought I'd try ..
Nov 2019 · 126
New
Hello Daisies Nov 2019
New
Lately my face has been blush red
Like a rose

My heart has been calm yet excited
Like a river flowing

I start to cry
I can't decide
If what im feeling is good
Ive never felt like this before

Is it happiness?
It is joy?
I'm so scared
Maybe it's just a another ploy
To hurt me again

I can't describe how I feel
Not truly
Because it's so new
I know it's warm

Just please don't hurt me
Like everyone else has before
Nov 2019 · 184
Speechless
Hello Daisies Nov 2019
It's weird you know,
I could always write poems
About so many crushes
The words flew so easily
The feeling seemed flawless
Always ending terribly

Yet here I am now
Wanting to write about you
Ready to make so many poems
For you
But I'm absolutely speechless

What have you done
I think I love it
Always the words come easily with every new crush I had. But it never went anywhere ans they hurt my feelings. This idek how it happened nkt usually my type, but I find myself flustered and giddy. But also liked and not made fun of.

This feeling is too new to me, I am speechless but I think ... happy?
Sep 2019 · 210
Empty meanings
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
I wish I could feel
Something besides
The tearing pain
I'm just a gross stain

I watch them laugh
I watch them love
I watch them believe
I watch them weep

I can't feel anything
I think I'm a fake
My heart is gone
I do not belong

My anxiety has been so high
Everything makes my skin crawl
I want it all to be perfect
I scrub and scrub
It never feels enough

I'll never be enough
Noone talks to me anymore
Everyone has left
I'm not needed I guess
I'm meaningless

I let myself go
I can't handle crying anymore
Lost in tears on the bathroom floor
It's the only place I feel safe
Everywhere else is an empty cave

Nothing brings me joy
Nothing makes me smile
I know I'm truly alone
My head keeps splitting
Why am I not quitting

I lost where this poem was going
It's like my life
It's empty and not really flowing
It bothers me deeply
That I'm ending this
Without any meaning
Sep 2019 · 137
Enough
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
It's hard to hold onto the good
Too difficult to remember the joy
The giggling and laughter
The jokes and memes at 3am

When it's night and I'm alone
All I remember is crying in a bathroom
Everyone leaving as I stop breathing
Wondering around aimlessly
Falling to the ground shamefully

Ever night I sat there
Crying harder then before
As I looked at that hotel door
Waiting for my savior
I prayed and I wished
My insides were in a twist

I thought maybe
If I sat in a random hallway
More drunk then I can explain
Maybe someone would come
Looking for me worried
Hugging me to safety in a hurry

There I sat
Staring at the vending machines
Crying and breaking
Hours ticking away
No one ever came

Picking myself back up
To end another lonely day
An ounce of love is what I crave
Maybe some attention if I feel brave

I'm so insecure everyday
I wouldn't know what to do
If it ever came my way
Yet I always try
But my best isn't enough

It's never enough
Sep 2019 · 356
My turn doesn't exist
Hello Daisies Sep 2019
I'm getting tired
Tired of writing about the small things
That fade away before the end of the day
Every touch
Every smell
Every blush

Gone before I get to grasp

When will it ever be my turn
To fall in love
When will you ever
Look at me and see someone
Who's enough
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