As a child
I'd look up
Look to the stars
The night sky
I felt so high
I felt a home
Hope
A special glimmer

I forgot to look
As I grew
I lost a sense
I lost my friends
I lost the sky

I try to look again
I try to see my friend
The stars I loved
The glimmer I hugged
They are lies
They are false
They are gone
Someone else

Almost giving in
Almost giving up
I look over
I remember
My one true love
The moon has me
The moon saves me
The moon is real
It makes me feel

You can't take her
You can't have it
If you tell me it's a lie
I'll always deny
It's the last glimmer
All I hold onto

I need to believe
I need to see
The moon is real
It helps me heal
I'll look into her
I'll smile again
Take a deep breath
release my pain

If the moon goes
I go
They've taken
My snow
They've taken
Almost all
I know
I shall never
Let this go
This is how
I'll grow
I'll glimmer
I'll shimmer
I'll shine
With hope
So divine
It's mine
I can share
The beautiful glare
On my face
To all
*** the moon
Is beautiful
And for everyone
With a heart
For everyone
With hope
Hold onto her
And look up
Give her a glare
Take a moment
To stare
Breathe it in

Let the moon win
Let the moon
Give me hope
It's barely there
But for moments
I feel her
My one true friend
Letting me in

You tore out my heart
laying on the ground
Finally I hear it's sound
Pa dum pa dum
I'm obsessed with this sound
Pa dum pa dum
Pa dum
Pa dum

You tore me apart
I'm listing to my heart
All I hear is this sound
Sounds of broken magic
Sounds of something tragic
Pa dum pa dum ssss

Obsessed with such beauty
Obsessed with the sweet romance
Obsessed with the brisk October
With the warm summer nights
Waiting in lines
Reaching the destination
Seeing the stars
Falling apart
Falling
Onto my own heart
Pa dum pa dum

You tore my heart out
Laying on the ground
I'm obsessed with it's sound
Pa dum pa dum

All I hear
All I swear
It's all I hear
It's all I care
About
Your sound
Mini m&Ms
Laying on the playground
Mini M&Ms
Don't usually have a sound
When you see them
I can hear them
Pa dum pa dum
We always shared them
Pa dum pa dum


We shared many things
Secrets, truths, heartbreak
Laughter love
Adventure
We shared many
Many of these
Can you believe
I could ever let it go
Let this sound go
Pa dum pa dum

I can finally hear it again
Thank you my beloved friend
You tore my heart out
The one I thought I lost
With you in the war
Or maybe from before
Now I feel the magic
Of every moment of course
I cherish how it hurts
...hurts
It hurts ....it hurts so
Pa dum pa dum pa DUMPADUMPADUMDDUMDUMDOOOMDOOMDOOM

I cherish it so
Thank you for this pain
I dance in the blood
Of the bleeding of vein
On the ground
I dance
On the ground
To the sound
Of my torn out heart
I relish every part
From finish to start
Repeating
Cycling
    through me
  Constantly
I dance
I...
Dance
As I paint my face red
With every shade
Every piece of led
You ever fed
Me
I can taste it
I can hear it
The sound
Of the trains
Pa dum pa dum

You tore my heart out
On the ground
I am obsessed with the sound
Pa dum pa dum
The sound of trains at night
The sound of laughing and feeling alright
The sound...of inner bliss
And naivety over this
I can hear the sound
Of my heart again
Having it ripped open
I am obsessed with the ****** romance
Of feeling pain
It's better then nothing
So they say
I wish there was another way
To hear
The sound of my heart
Then having it torn apart
Laying on the ground
Pa dum pa dum
Watching it bleed out
With every
Time
I
See
Your face
Every
Time
I
See
That place
Every
Pa dum
Pa dum
Time I see the stars
Pa dum pa dum
Every
Time
I
Remember
Your
Heart
Pa dum pa dum
Every
Time ...
Every
Time
I
...pa dum pa dum
Every
Time
I
Wish
We weren't apart
Pa dum pa dum
It loses more
Blood
The sound is slowly
Mud
Until I learn to erase
Your disgrace
Until I learn
To face
My obsession
With my lost
Possession
It'll die
And the sound will go

Until then
This is all I know
To hold onto
To feel

You tore out my heart
On the ground
I'm obsessed with the sound
...pa dum pa dum
Pa...ssssss

You've won again
My once beloved friend

Carry it
Carry it
Carry the pain

I wrote you a letter
I watched it burn
I drowned it
I drown you
Now it's your turn
You've been drowning
Me
For so long
No more,
Atlas I can hear
my own song
I watch you drown
I can finally
Calm
Down

I can finally
Carry it
The pain
Will never go
This I know
I can carry it
With me as I go
Into the sun
I was never much a fan
As I let it in
I can feel it in my skin
I can
Carry it
Within

I wrote you a letter
I watched it drown
It came back up
From the ground
It came back to me
I turned around
Don't look back
Whispered to me
I took the hands
Of my future
To be
I walked away
Never again
I say

Never again
Let myself drown
Never again
Lose my own sound
I hope
I pray
Never again
To feel that way
I will carry it
Every day
I will carry myself
To a better place

I wrote you that letter
With all my heart
I drowned you
Without a second thought
Goodbye
And good riddance
I am free
I am free
I am free
To carry it
To be me
I am free
Of drowning
In your guidance
I am free
Of your tyranny
Goodbye
And
Hello
To me
Again
I'm my new
Beloved friend
❤️

When will I stop associating every sad song
With the way we no longer get along
The way you strung me along
The way you
You broke
And tore me apart
Ripped open my heart
Like an empty pond
Was once beautiful
Now hard to look upon

  When
Can I listen again
To my favorite notes
Without feeling my heart
  

                                    °In my throat°

I knew
When you said hello
I knew
When you gave me your number
I knew
Ever since I met you
I held back
But I knew
I wanted you

When you asked me out
I said no
I regretted it so
When I went to your house
It felt like new beginnings
My heart grew
For you
Each passing day
Every single thing you would say

The brisk October
You gave me your jacket
I never gave it back
Into the cold Decembers
Seeing me cry
Holding me tight

I knew
When you gave me that shirt
I knew
When you said it wouldn't work
I still knew
When you said we were just friends
I knew
It wasn't pretend

I knew I'd love you till the end
When you said the words
I never imagined
Would come from you
Your lips sang
I can't recall everything
But I'll never forget
Staring at you in shock
Asking me to be yours

I knew
It was forever
And never ever
Going to end
I knew you would always be
My very best friend
My lover
My protection

I knew
For nine crazy months
I knew
When you said we were destined
I knew from the second
You said hello

You forever will be my greatest blessing
❤️

I fought fear
With more fear
I escaped the prison
Just for a new reason
To be afraid

It's been whispering for awhile
But now it's here with a smile
Telling me
Screaming at me
Run away
Run away

There's nowhere to run
I'm out here with a gun
Fighting what appears to be
Nothing at all
But feels as if
It's everyone at once
Ready to pounce

Nobody can feel it
Time moving
Faster and faster
It's like the wind wants me
To escape my body
Run out of my mind
The earth is not kind

It's taken over
By a master plan
I can't understand
But I can feel
The enemy
It's inside me
And everyone else

I want to hide
I want to cry
But to no end
I am going to end
As we all will
I am afraid
I am terrified
I am shaking
And quaking

My family will die
I will die
There's nothing to fight
There's no reason in sight
For this life
It's all pretend
I woke up and saw it end
The illusion
Now it is moving
In fast forward
I can't get a grip
I started to slip

I saw the earth
As the lie she is
I saw the lines
Cross the bridge
It's a false bubble
A false notion
There's nothing I can do
But feel the motion

Of fear and lies
I'll keep crying and hiding
Til I die
Which is coming
Sooner then we all know
50 years
Is now 50 minutes
Blink your eyes
Think with your mind
Time will fly
And then we all
Die

I know it's annoying
I know I'm a broken record
For months
And years
Crying over the same things
But it's like
I lost the best part of me
And she's ran away
Without ever missing me

I have to ask myself
What's wrong with me
I have to ask everyone
If they still love me
Or if they're also planning
On leaving me

I want this to stop
I can tell myself to get over it
But it won't quit
I can call you a *****
Tell you you're selfish

But I still won't win
I've lost
So much these three years
And Everytime I try to heal
I lose something else precious
It's miraculous
I'm still trying

There is no denying
This will always hurt
Can I ever heal the burn
When is it my turn
To tell everyone off
To tell you you hurt me
And I don't want to see you
Or pretend it's okay
Or pretend it'll go away
But you left me once again
Broken and lost
Crying and lying
Thinking I'll never be good enough
Now I truly feel everyone will leave me
I can't get close to anyone
Befriend anyone
Everyone hates me
Or loses interest
Best friend for ten years
Guess that really meant nothing

Tried to make amends and you left me
Didn't even try
And acted like nothing transpired
Nothing matters to you besides yourself
I gave you so much of me
And you took it and gave nothing back
Well one thing back
Broken pieces of a heart
That was already trying to heal

You steal
And hide
You run
And lie
You pretend
And make fake friends
You are selfish
You were never
My best forever
But a user
Who wanted to feel safe
Wanted someone to throw everything on
We had so many amazing memories
Now they're ruined
All burnt
She's broken now too
The group is gone
The place I thought I belonged
It haunts me
Every face name and place I see
I'm drowning under sea
Chained down and gagged
While you watch
Driving your boat to safety
Leaving us behind for the unknown

Where do I go now
How can I escape
They say get over it
Like I was ever good at getting over anything
Even if I was
I could never get over this
What I thought we had was bliss
Now it's an empty abyss

It's gone amidst
Ghost haunt me in the dark
Your face lurking in my dreams
You're life terrozing my job
Everytime I see you with that snob

So how do I get over this
The best parts of me
The happiest memories
Thrown away in the trash
Like it never mattered
Like I don't matter
You were the one who taught me to heal
To feel something so real
But you became so selfish
You threw me away
And now you don't wanna say
That it's over

Leaving me doubting
Leaving me wondering
Guilty
Sad
Confused

I have been so used
It's time to let go
But I've gripped so hard to this
How do I let go of my life ?
Even if it's all gone
I can't let it go
You were everything
We were everything
Now we are nothing
And I'm just suffering
Turning to rage
Locked away
Throwing up emotions
Every day

I want myself back
I want you back
Us three back

How can it be right
To throw this away
It feels wrong
Makes me sick
I can't even fathom it

But you

...you

You already took the trash out
And never looked back

The weather's warming up
Spring is here
Then soon summer
Everyone's out
And about
Happy smiles glowing everywhere

I don't dare
Try to smile
Summer is vile
Spring brings the pain

It is nothing but a stain
Of my suffering
The loss I've felt
The assault I've dealt
With

It's not a myth
It's torture
I can't keep going
I wish it was snowing

My heart is in shreds
My body is bleeding lead
I miss her
I feel him
I'm broken within

I can't keep doing this
Crazy mind games
Please let me go
Summer has such a hold

Like shackles ripping my flesh open
Slowly and red
Rashes and dread
I cannot escape
The sweat
And blood
Of everyone's beloved
Summer

Take a gun to my head and pull the trigger
Take a gun to my head and make it quicker
Quicker quicker
Let the bullet hit my brain
And simmer simmer
Quicker quicker

Take a gun to my head and pull the trigger
Take a gun to my head and make it quicker
Quicker quicker
Let the bullet hit my brain
And simmer simmer
Quicker quicker

Who am I?
When I look in the mirror I don't see me
Unsure what I see
The girl who stole my identity

She uses my name
She walks with my legs
Talks with my voice
I have no choice
But to go along
But she's not me

Not the scared little girl
Not the abused child
The whiny victim
The addicted teen
With low self esteem

She's not the scars on my body
Picked from self loathing
The obsession with being used
And crying in self pity
She's not the disgusting trash
I've come to know so well

When I look in the mirror
I see flesh
I see a girl
I see nothing
Nothing I know
Nothing I hate

I can't identify with her
I don't know her
I know fear and suffering
Darkness and tears
I do not know light
Or joy
maybe emptiness
But the one in the mirror is not me

She's stolen my identity

Do I want it back ?

The brisk breeze through your hair
The clouds barely covering the moon
The colors that warm your soul
Autumn has always made me feel whole

I always say the best things happen
When the leaves fall down
I'm at my happiest
When the ghost run around

Just so happens that I found a connection
In my costume gown
You gave me a coat
I slept in it all night
It took away my fright

From that moment on
I felt something special
I enjoyed talking with you
Kinda scared to let it go through

As October passed and winter came
The snow fell down another day
Another true bliss of mine
To be covered in snow that shines

As I played as I smiled
I looked upon the stars
I felt warm inside yet Cold outside
There was your home to keep me alright

I thought maybe it's silly
Silly to believe in  the seasons
Crazy to think the stars have reasons
But I truly did believe in

The hope that they bring me
The warmth of their brisk mornings
And their crisp nights
I knew I'd find something just right

I can't speak the words
But I can write them
And what my pen is trying to say is
I love you, and the warmth you bring me
Is even greater then
The lovely bliss of autumn
Or even the soft hope of winter

Thank you for being
Just like the autumn leaves
And falling for me

Thank you for breaking my heart
You proved to me yet again
I am always right
I must forever shut the curtains
Hide from the unbearable pain
Of loving another human being

You're all out
To break me

Soft morning dew
Chilly air and blankets
Fruity cereal and tv
Comfort my soul

Warm enough for sun
Cold enough for wind
I settle in my grin
The calming nature inside
I can't help but abide

Bring me flowers
Bring me joy
I feel yellow
I feel buzzing

The grass is green
The lawn is mowed
I watch my tv
And feel my soul

Maybe it's wrong to say
I'm empty
Truth is I'm feeling
Everytime I hear a song
I want to cry
My heart shakes
But

I'm unsure
If I'm sad
Or I'm okay
Maybe I'm missing someone
Maybe I'm in love
Maybe I'm tortured
But Why

Can't I tell
What the **** I'm feeling
Or if I'm even feeling
Where am I going
I just don't know
Am I

Chasing the stars
I used to look above
I felt the hope
But now
I feel scared
Like I'm dying soon
When

Will I feel secure
Feel at home
Feel happy
Feel sure
That I'm wanted
And loved

When will I be
Who I'm supposed to be
Please