I didn't die
I just surrendered
And of course, the wilting began soon afterwards

I've made my heart into a well
And filled it with all kinds of hell
I've locked inside
The nights I've cried
Until it dried and became a shell

I bled out
Repeatedly
Like a broken gum ball machine
tipping over every edge
leaving a mess outside of myself
For every one to see
All is out
I am empty
Living with an internal echo
I have to live with this mess on the floor
Ankle deep
Thick as mayo
Public
Billboard
Of my own thoughts

Simple pleasures
The simpler the better
Simple like your bare arms
They're strong and look it
I longed for purity
And you held me up with them
I could get cavities from this love
No added preservatives
Just
Soft
Fattening
Slow
Lovely
Love

Its all we need

Words are silly little things
That hang in my teeth
I rinse them out evertime I speak

Fourteen days after impact
I reached into my pocket and found a phenomenon
on a crumbled up piece of photo paper
him and I stared back up at me
and suddenly I stood alone on the crumbled memory
next to a stranger with a face I've never seen before
Barely wallpaper, a face in a crowd
A passerby on a street that never settles to a simmer
Fourteen days after impact I threw away a crumbled piece of photo paper
That might as well have been a candy wrapper
A phenomenon called
out of sight, out of mind, out of hearts, out of photos

Loneliness is a cancer
And I fear I'll die alone
In the ditch in my bed
With this space in my head
Where someone should be
But the only person is me

I carried my own body across the finish line
And there I sank to the ground knowing that my knees have earned the rest I give them now...

I moped around for hours
Dragging my feet and friends behind me
Turning my heart into slop
Clogging up every vein inside me

Can you just leave me to cry
And not ask me to explain myself?
Let my tear travel down my cheek
Don't corrupt her journey
She is carrying more weight than you could ever hold
So let her do her job
And don't try to be our hero

Why do my eyes want to see you?
When there are there are constellations and mountains and sunsets to look at
Yet my eyes are not satisfied until they find you
With your tired eyes that shut slowly behind the steam from your coffee mug
While the flowers are blooming and valleys are forming and cherry blossom petals are fluttering to the ground
I'm gazing over at you
My back turned to any other sight that could be more fulfilling
What more is there to see after I've spent hours facing you?
Why do my eyes tear when they can't find your face?
I have already found every freckle on your cheeks
Smile and make them dance for me
Let those hidden creases below your cheek bones bend and breath when you let your laugh out
Throw your head back and let those curls take flight
Just be you doing what humans do
Reacting to things as a human being should
As I'm reminded that most things are more worth seeing
Than a basic normal average human being
My eyes widen and whisper to me
"This is the show we came to see"

I used to be able to close my eyes
for longer than a blink
but paranioa has a funny way of shortening the intervals between open and close
blood shot eyes is my new self portarit
only enemies and maskaraders can be seen through these windows
that lead to a fast beating heart
that is aggressively racing to its final destination

Time is not a clock
Its a stopwatch

I live in a comic book covention of my own hatred
Being reflected back on to me as we rub shoulders
"Welcome, enjoy the view, the coffee is blunt and the biscuits point fingers
But hey, at least you'll always have company"

What are my arms?
But floppy dead things that hang at the sides of my body
And beat against my chest when i run?
Do they fold and bend and caress the compartments of my mind?
And build shelters for my hopes and dreams the live behind my eyelids?
What use are they to the dead man they lay on the side of the road,
But to hold up the ***** crushed cup that he uses to beg for a days meal?
Can they save him?
Or just point to show that my heart notices his cry for help
Or hope
Or just a few cents
Are they just the blankets that I wrap around myself when I shiver of shake and questions?
Or answers
Or just the sharpened coldness that bite at my legs?
What are my arms?
Show me how to use them
All you folks who have achieved
And bled
and blistered of a hard day's work
Make them your students
Even just to teach them that they can lift up and be pillars for my hands

I prayed to God
With my hand to my heart
To give me the heavens
And the moon and the stars

But all he gave
Despite the words I prayed
Was a hand full of friends
And a rooftop for shade

Disappointed at at first
But soon came to learn
That the little he gave
Was more than deserved

So I took my friends
The few I was lent
And thanked my stars
For this life well spent...

I buried my hands in his pockets
And found a quiet place for us to live at the bottom
Tucked in between fibers of the fabric and his hands
I can hide away until everyone forgets who I am...

I want you
Don't float around thinking I don't
Person I hardly know
Person who doesn't know me at all

Let us drink until we fall over
Leaning over each others shoulders
Stumbling in and out of our loafers
Forgetting which corner leads to home
Let us laugh and cry like babies or mad men
Play the fool with reckless abandon
Slur our words so that no one understands them
Until all our ****** pigeons have flown
Let us pour a single then a double
Sending droplets over our stubble
In the morning there's be trouble
But tonight we'll take the thrown

I hung onto your face until it solidified and tied itself to my anckles
And as I was being pulled down to the ocean floor
I realized that it was an anchor not a life jacket

We all cry from time to time
In between sheets and behind our eyes
When the heaviness of everything weighs on our minds
We scream out in agony these very lines:
How could the world be so unfair to me
When I was born a baby with nothing to share or bring
Yet it placed its weight down on my bare skin
And gave me the sharp end of all it has to give
And while I haven't yet cause any sins to be punished
It made it its business to show me whats ugly
And even though there are those who suffer much deeper
Pain than I have ever come to witness
I know that there are those living abundantly
Who have done things thats deserving of this suffering
I may be no saint but I am no demon either
So lift up your reigns and give me my freedom

Dont offer me all your  love
Because I will let if fill my gut
I will let me chew you up
And I will never have enough
Until I spit it up
I'm a parasite
But you know it, right?
You let me take a bit
And take a bite
Like a common mite
So dont offer me your love
If you can't give it up
If you can't fill me up
Don't offer me your love

Everything worth it
Aches beneath its surface
And in between hurting
We seem glimpses of perfect
Just enough to believe we deserve it

I want you to be careless with your love
And breathe so deep it stings your lungs
Don't treat what we had as a flavor you should savor
Go out and make me angry with your behavior
Dance unrestrained to the songs that I hate
Disappear with the sunset and stay out late
And be unapologetic about the things you do
Because I've been doing all these things since I left you

Subtle gestures
Sent waves through the air
And brought forth a new education of what silence could do
You stood still
And let your shadow dance around you

I laid my eye upon a dim
Who to my hand had taken its time
Through work and toil
My fingers spoiled
Now had one to label mine

What do I win with such a precious thing?
A bag of rice to fill my cheeks?
An apple a day, so the doctors at bay?
A clove at night for tooth decay?

Or is it to keep, so shiny and round
Close to my heart this dim that I found
For proof of life
And work and strive
To take with me when I enter the ground?

He doesn't care
Which parts of me
He rips to shreds
I've never been a part of him
So he has no fear
Of ever pulling himself apart

Let your lips run like water
A complex irrigation system from your chest
Give all the dying flowers nourishment and let then grow from water you've provided

I looked at you as if you were bottled love


Because a bottle's worth is all that you were offering me

I held a caramelized dream in my hands
Dripping down my arms and soaking my sleeves in sticky juice
Rich golden syrup that drip drip dripped onto my toes
Too sweet to eat
These dreams are bad for you
I held on to it like school books and riches
I held it out before me
As it caught the sterling sun
Glistening hopes
So beautiful
So messy
Ever melting
Ever dripping
Leaking through my fingers
Falling from my palms
Fading from my sight

When I was a drinker
I would swallow my weight
And lay weightless in the bathroom
Until I forgot  my  own name

Cold Water
turns my skin blue
And feeds me a hard portion of life's true gifts
filters and funnels all the cushy grains out of my coffee
and leaves a bitter after taste
it might have lasted days if I didn't inject myself back into the streams of society
I flowed further and further each time
exploring each twirling tributary
all that leads back to this humble kitchen table
where my coffee gets served
along with a tasty bowl
of Cold Water

He is older
And wiser
I am innocent
Not naive
His hands hold secretes and scars and hammers
Mine just holds his

Your strength makes
me hate
being too weak
to stand without you

If we are not us
And  I am not me
Then what is it that either could be?
Having submerged myself into the deep
Leaving not a morsel for myself to keep
one plus one would never equal three
So I became one half of two
Forgetting my singularity
merged to a tether that never belonged to me
and without even a letter
had left and forgotten me
Leaving neither us to be us
Nor me to be me
Leaving both I and we without an identity

Brian only knew that he felt alive. Nothing else…

Her hair on his arms as they danced, her heart in his hands. They drifted across an empty floor. He knew just that she made him want to be there, and nowhere else in the world. it’s all he could think about, yet even in this childish state, he knew more than she did. She knew how to dance, that much was clear. But she didn’t know she was dancing with wolves. She could play a beat, but tonight she was playing with fire. The kind that burns villages down.

The music kept them alive, like gas does a flame. The air pushed them around, like the children they were. That pure energy brought by fearlessness and stupidly at the same time to bring a mood to life that never existed, but was created for just this moment.

I think my soul hates me
I think my soul loves you
And it rips my insides to streads for keeping you two apart

I'll smoke these memories until I can't see the present anymore
I'll just build a house in the past where I can still hold on to the idea that the future is as bright as a candle that burns in the belly of the night
If anyone looks for me, that's where you'll find me

I woke up with an overwhelming sadness in my chest
and didn't understand why my heart felt things that my mind couldn't understand
Through night it grew somber
And shared it's sorrow with me  early this morning

I fear it might be unhappy living in such a constricting chest
I sympathize
With my troublesome heart
As I lay stuck in between heavy sheets
And wonder why it chooses to feel independently from my weak body that needs it so much

What could I have done for it?
It was always too big for me
Following tunnels that either ran way too deep underground or flew among the clouds that circled the mountain tops
What could I have done to make it any more happier?
All I have is my experience of what the ground feels like

I'm writing words
They're scabbling me
I'm writing for fun
When they talk back its not fun anymore
But they dance when I write songs about you
They create the melody, I create the beat
But all I can do is write words
Even though they paint a picture
And tell a story
Word is a noun not a verb
They know I'm not doing enough for you...

I don'r care
I wonder if I ever did
The wonderwall of my worries
perished in the the wake of new thought
When my mind matured and ears stopped listening
beating hearts that beat chests to pieces
Stare from far distances
At the silhouette of the crumbing person
I became with new breaths of stale air
Welcome to the desert  of forgetting
And remembering what was to be forgotten
Welcome to loops of sanity and insanity
merging together
crashing and swirling through each other
it was never art
I was never an artist
It was just what it was
And the Earth will continue to turn
The wind will continue to blow sand off the ground
And feet will continue to walk to furthers point of no return
Until the sun warms cold faces again
And again they looks towards each other
Smiling maybe
Tearing up most probably
As the morning rears to an end
They too will welcome me

Still, I drift
I thought I lived myself to pieces
But bones will shift
when your body doesn't need the space it's been in

He's dressed for snow
Under his winter coat
hangs a heavy heart dangled from weighed down shoulders
upon his brow is a fist full of thoughts
Brought about by a misunderstanding of other people's lives
Or misunderstanding of his own
He couldn't be sure
All he knows is that its cold
And he has to get to work

You used to be mine
but worlds did not align
nor did day, nor did time
so with chills down my spine
and hands intertwined
you were stolen into the sky
now the only hands the that bind
are both hands that are mine

It a **** awful night to love you the way I do
With a heat that burns my heart and bakes straight through
My chest and sheets and mattress too
But when the morning finally comes
You would have never knew

you are words
you are tea leaves
sun dried things
and pillow feathers
orange faces and brown arms take you as their own
you were known before you were known to them
us cave people know very little about things beyond our door steps
the sight of you burns straight through our pure white sheets
places that see you, see very little light and bird droppings
but you are smoke
that travels far beyond roof tops and clouds
and give the air an acidic taste
thank you
for who you are

There is a vacancy in my spirit
So she lays down beside me
And offers me the comfort I can't give her in return

Love is wild
True love don't mean it'll survive
You can steal a million hearts with eyes
And say good bye every time
Its no crime
To lend a smile for a night
And be gone with the light

Time is a starving god
And each year she becomes more savage
Her gluttonous face stuffing
My years drip from her cheeks
As if my slow aging is payment for my existence
I give a year to live the next
Turning life onto a sacrificial death
To appease an ever unsatisfied deity
A mindless consumer of the harshest variety

Wednesdays are cool with a subdued energy
Just me sitting in silent disparity
In between white walls with a claustrophobic  persistence
No one and nothing understands this existence...