fingertips on my chest
Palms to my rib cage
He feels me before he touches me

he's untouchable

Still, I drift
I thought I lived myself to pieces
But bones will shift
when your body doesn't need the space it's been in

I'm not deep
I'm just a still murky pond
That fooled a naked eye
Wanting to take a dive

First I cried
Then I laughed

oh to sleep and retire from myself
to have my legs and and arms drift through the folds of my sheets
yet even if they wonder
I will follow in between
and form pictures that try to explain what my eyes have seen
and carried in my skull and buried underneath
escape is to wake and control what can creep
and leak into my sight and seep  from the deep
in the daytime my secretes are trinkets for me to keep
that at night I surrender to  the helplessness of sleep

My emotions are troubling
They have me kicking my bucket list
They have me posting an arrest because there were signs of struggling
I swear one more morning of this icy grey weather
Will have me peeling off my eyelids and wearing them as leather
But just before my tragic fall I'll plot out an agenda
Set up a plastic table with my cell phone in the center
And start drafting out a list of all the things that I'd do better

I'd stumble to the garden and put up a black tent
Call it an apartment and start charging people rent
Between reality and insanity, I'm sitting comfortably on the fence
Though my garden tent would only get garden rats as tenants

I'd open up a business bank account and only save up twenty five cents
Blow it all on my garden rats and starting pretending that we're friends
Pretend the rodents were Pokémon and are the newest trend
But man I'd be lying if I say that I'd pretend

Second on the list I'd give up clothing in general
Stop doing the laundry and hang myself in the pegholds
Start lazing around Saturdays in the jammies I was born in
I'd be a lonely conversationalist
But I bet the neighbors would be talking

Thirdly on this sturdy list of packaged up fantasies
I'd take this heart to the bakery and have a cake made of half of it
Sell myself at a bake sale with biscuits and poppy seeds
Decorate my face with chocolate and cherries and margarine
To top myself off I'll throw in coffee at half price
But only because the rats are starving and ate from the cake thrice

Forthly, I dont think I'll write a list before the end of my life
Besides I have an ichy head and think I might die of lice
So as karma comes around I'll take her sound advice
Before I die I'll act real nice so I don't become a poltergeist

Time, my old friend
Mind giving a sign to your blind friend
About what's in line around the next bend
Because I'm scared that I might bump my head
On the edges that are hidden up ahead

Whether falling or flying
The air seems inviting
So I leap without trying
And fall without dying

Hands are scarred
Of touching things they shouldn't
Creeping along surfaces that aren't smooth
Chipped finger nails scratch at stone structures
until they are just nail beds
Palms are rock solid
Like the great wall they're trying to intercept
Like elephant skin
Or just plain rocks
They never dig too deep
The surfaces are too thick
Built to keep out curious fingertips
Constructed to be where no one goes
I'll search them
to reach the chewy center
And won't stop until I'm blowing bubbles

I felt his shoulder under my head
And suddenly I didn't need a floor under my feet to feel a stable foundation

21 people looked up to the sky in unison
As millions pulled their feet off the ground
the world will keep on spinning
Gravity will keep us perfectly still
21 people
42 eyes
captured the clouds on Polaroid paper
stuck up on walls that hold up roofs
We'll keep on trying to let it go
these thoughts of how we are still here
questions of our importance
we are just that
our purpose is to be in the pursuit
of purpose

I've been lost in the arms of this life
It's two wide pillars that ushers you in
Like a lost child finding her mothers chest
Forsaking all the rest
For that one corner of warmth
Shes discovered in the movements of an ever maturing friend
Life is life until it ends...

She is turning
Some parts face the sun and burn raw
While others rest in shade until its their turn to be to peel away
She is slowing turning into the person she was meant to be
And feeling each phase of the process
Through pain
Through stretching
Through breaking
Throw cracking
She is turning
And thats all that matters...

the symptom of waking up is being awake
the morning bleaches your midnight self away
spiteful sun rays pull at you sweater
and chant around to with snotty cheeks
its reckless endangerment  to put on a party hat  
and leave a perfectly naked evening smothered in bliss
hello mornings are spat out through tight teeth
and throw themselves against the window
dripping down the window sill
what an eff'n mess you have to clean up

***** the future he says
Now just seems like more of an interesting place to place your feet
Tomorrow exists only if we make it past this point where we find ourselves
So take a breath baby, and let it out only of when you feel the ground pulling you forward

It a **** awful night to love you the way I do
With a heat that burns my heart and bakes straight through
My chest and sheets and mattress too
But when the morning finally comes
You would have never knew

Everything I ever felt was real human emotion
I want some of that plastic stuff I see in movies

Creative, I'm not
But sticky and soft
And bubbles of blue and circles of froth
I'm stains on couches that ruin the set
But without all those faults there wouldn't be much left

I read out loud to all my belongings
to give them the opportunity to live a life
to feel as if they are not just belonged but that they are beloved
so that they can move further than the confines of my walls
And walks the same streets that I behold
Because they've given me so many joys
from the clothes I've worn to my broken toys
they were the things that adorned my life
and stuck by my side when I experienced strife
so I read out loud to all my belongings

Last night, I dreamt
And crept into a passage way in my mind
Where things aren't quite actual
Or neat and passive and linear
In a cold sweat I realised
Dreams are faint little things
That plow you over
By arranging your thoughts in a clownish manner
What once was a sound man
Is a  strange one at night
In a place only he will ever visit
In his bed and in his mind
What scared me the most
When my eyes were closed
Is not the insanity that slowly arose
Its the tiny remnants of reality that was interwoven in between
The wacky wonders that float around in me
Pieces of truth
The dreamer would argue
Trying to explain themselves the best way they knew how to
And drips out in dots of odd shades
That leaves you in foggy wonderment for hours and days
Whatever it was
Its between my bed sheets and me
When I woke up I found it there
Just lingering

You don't stroke my hair
Your hands stay far from mine
Far from the time our fingers intertwined
To me your smile can still be seen
When I witness your smile at things that aren't me
Your eyes don't share secrets as they did before
What we share is years, nothing less, nothing more
So don't touch me now
My skin might tare
The years have stripped it dull and bare
Don't hang around
And don't stroke my hair
I've already forgotten that you were ever there

I never played with fire
I was too scared I'd get burnt
But, I played with you
And got myself hurt

Crystal, Silver, and Diamonds
if i give my life to you,
would You love me too?
Shimmer Glisten that Ivory
i lose my religion to you
to make me beautiful
the Lights are Shinning
Brighter than lightning
my One True Love is here
Shattered the atmosphere
I'm dressed to the nines in Him
head to toe striking
my One true Love is here
Mr. Velveteen

My lips pushed against his chest when he pulled me in
I breathed in his scent, this is better than fresh air could ever be
Pressed against his chest,  counting  the rhythm of his hearts song
Clamped in tight, I watched the sunrise from in between his arms

Wednesdays are cool with a subdued energy
Just me sitting in silent disparity
In between white walls with a claustrophobic  persistence
No one and nothing understands this existence...

How is it that you found me?
I was so well hidden under the sheets
My heart’s beat was so far and faint
That it barely echoed through time and space
Yet through the winds that blew off my skin and behind the curtains that hung over me
You found me

Hand to hand
And chest to chest
You found me

Without a map
Or GPS
You found me

Call it fait
Or call it blessed
Through the rain
And all the rest
You found me…

My soul understands my brain
And when the world collectively declines from understanding my ways
My brain will understand my soul all the same

Don't define me by the words on my page
Rather drift through the great paper wall called poetry
And inspect the person I think I am
To share such things with carefully discerning strangers
Who haven't lived on the outskirts of my reality
I dare you not to read between these lines
But to rather to crawl underneath them
And to view the person that stands beating her chest behind them
My rage, thoughts, insights are not paper thin
They have no margins
No page breaks
Or font size
Nor does yours
They are but tattoos that will fade underneath the tattoos
That will be inked after them
Nonetheless,
Here I am
Writing again

You wear constellations on your chest
Hidden under your vest
Those stars on your *******
Everytime the sunsets...

I wore sneakers today
For a wander down memory lane
Called an old friend to talk
And took time for a walk
Same as I've always been
Dressed for winter over my skin
Hoping rather to laugh
At the things from our past
Things I've come to miss
To cut conversationlessness
We danced anticlockwise
In lines in our minds eyes

For love so sweet  that it crawls beneath and leaves everything powerless in defeat. Pull down the mountains and and oceans deep.
That is the love he gave to me...

Somewhere a tap drips
and my pillow is wet
drenched, i lay in this body of water
sinking deeper into my sheets
my head is an anchor settling on the ocean floor
**** on a memory that floats on the ocean surface
getting sun burnt and faded
drifting further and further away from my unmovable ship
forgetting me in between the coral heaps  
the lonely soul that couldn't stay afloat
after her captain jumped ship to sail another boat

It takes time to feel
What has not yet healed
I felt and kneel
And wavered a shield
And paited skys teel
Like a flickering film real
It shook me like an electric eel
My eyes forever seal
Because this moment can't be real

The sound of her heart beating next to him kept him awake. In the dead of night he was alive with passion. As the minutes went on it grew thick within him, breathing and stretching and maturing in his chest. He was roused next to her as she drifted away far from the world they had shared just a few short moments ago.

He wanted her to stay. He wanted her to be awake and alive and wild with him, like the flowers that grew on the south side of a valley. But she wandered off into the distance and wouldn't return for the next few hours.

It was his fault, he knew that. She had told him once that his presence brought a sense of calm to her that she hadn't known since she was young girl sitting on her grandfather knee being rocked to the creek of his old rocking chair and that the pressure of his arms around her passively gave her a peace that could ooze a teething baby to sleep.

So, taking his punishment for wanting to hold her tightly, he watched her sleep. And allowed his passion to simmer and follow her into the nights wormhole. Caressed to sleep by the sound of her heart beating next to him.

The last time I saw you, you were just a little girl



The last time I saw you, you stole my innocence

You are the problem
But you're thinking you're the solution
You confident in your confusion
You're the ghost and the illusion
Of something that should be saving us
But you've opened the grave for us
You're not the event
You are the circumstance
You become clearer in the second glance
But your true shape is in the shadow you cast
It defaced you in the looking glass
You are problem not the solution
Not the air, you're the pollution
You don't deserve a fair inclusion
My thoughts in my conclusion
Is that its not fair you get to move on

And we were both there
Noticing each other
Affecting each other the way the waves carve patterns in the sand on the shore
Knowing but not knowing
Both wanting to be sure before we dipped our toes in
Being brave
We didnt meet
We fitted

The window is open
Letting in all the specks and dust from the street
They settle on the floor and wiggles their way in between the floor boards
Mother won't be happy to find that there is more sweeping to be done
More wiping off of table tops
More time spent keeping this place looking intouched and un lived in
Where is she now?
Is she in the garden ripping weeds out from in between the sunflowers?
Did she need to take some more washing down from the line in the yard?
Or is she chatting to Mrs Brown next door about all the things the children need for the new semester?
Will it surprise her that there is more work to be done?
Or has she grown accustomed to finding that there is more for her to keep under her thumb?
Her mind knows where everything thing is and should be
Her hands know where they are needed
Her eyes has see everyones troubles and searched for the proper solution for each
But, where is mother now?
Where is mother?

i want to walk
following streams and roads
until they run slower and slower and eventually run out
just me, my feet, and the idea of never returning
in the day i'll dance with the sun rays
at night i'll make small talk with the stars
i'll smoke the air
drink the clouds
shower in the wind
and dry myself in the warmth fireside
i'll walk until my shoes split in two
and my feet start to bleed
my clothes will tear
and hair will become greasy
and i'll walk on
until i wake up in the same desk chair i fell asleep behind
looking at a pc screen
and remembered that sleeping is for dreamers
and walking out is for quitters

Pacing up and down
Is a good way of carving a hole in the ground
Thinking out loud
Is a good way of putting yourself in it

They said I don’t connect
I’m an island at best
My shores leave no doors for ships to meander in
I have some sort of infection causing an alien imperfection
In the middle of the space between my outer and inner section
And as a result of natural selection

It requires human intervention

To produce a cure rather than a prevention
I know I’m not attracted to human interaction
They say this is a reaction to the way I feel abandoned
Or some **** of that standard
That I’m not really aware was apparent
But here’s an idea of what defective is
We had a conversation and I could barely get a word in
So put that in parenthesis
And forget I ever mentioned it

But before you go and question me
Look inwardly and a reflect a beat
If the quality of your conversation is so impeccably pristine
Then why the heck intercept my life with your analogies
Of the way I don’t stay in the hay of your society
And be bought by the back and forth of whats right and what couldn’t be
Or whats possibly normality
Or something that just might look like it
I cut myself loose from the discussion of that entirely

So if you gonna look at me
For whatever reason that may be
You might as well surrender to see
That I might just be
The only normal thing
About this whole **** topic, I’m openly addressing

When i am asleep, i dream naturally
My mind forms images that are not calculated by any mathematical or grammatical sanity
They are squiggles beyond the bounds of time and space
They are fierce and rough and out of place
My dreams are not a part of my world or a substantial image of my face
And if i truly think about them in my rational state, i can't explain them or argue their case
So they must be nothings, thats all i can say
But when I'm awake and can see and form and draw and structure my reality
I can create my world and decide its ebbs and flows, be the the future of it all dim
So if being asleep means being trapped in the realm of insanity
Then being awake must mean freedom in my reality

How is it that I impose my emotions onto another?
Without having it leak through the pores of my fingertips
Through thought I experience myself
But My thoughts barely breach the threshold of the conversation I keep
Though I investigate the lives of others by digging my nails deeply into them
My heart never seems to follow the swaying of their rhythm
So I gather up the parts of me I allowed to explore and make myself up to be a solitary figure
Who only grazes the surface of the world
And I dance within myself
Careful to bump shoulders kindly
To avoid exposing myself as someone who is living apart from the rest of them

I could've been a lemur
But the deity decided to make me a human
And now I'm here and you're here
And we both wish that we were somewhere else

What happened to Johnathan was sad,
But what happen to Sarah was equally as bad

Summer's nice
With the air outside
But the breath in me
Is potentially
The warmest thing
That could even be
Heavenly sweat and green
And helps me know that I'm still living

He screams after seasons of silence
Why is it so hard for you to stay the same?
i whisper after seasons of silence
even the leaves wilt in Autumn

And if I...
I do not run
My season for love
Will come and go
Like the winds and the snow
Away in the night
Can love be alright
Without a chest
To call home?
But If I let it inside
Offer a safe place to hide
Like the clouds hold the rain
Like a candle does a flame
Will it die in my skin
That has coldness beneath
Can love build a home
In a chest made of stone?

I've got a heart
And it has a beat
It beats my chest to pieces
As glass as it is

And suddenly the rains a thing of beauty
Because I saw the rainbow shine out of the halo on your head
From the right side of the bed