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Dec 2020 · 186
Untitled no.3
Eleanor Dec 2020
I wish I had a pain medication strong enough to cure this headache we call life
I'm being a bit dramatic, don't mind me
Sep 2020 · 176
Come breathe with me
Eleanor Sep 2020
Come and breathe with me.
Close your eyes and feel what I feel.
You cant can you? You cant close them, because we are standing on the edge of a cliff. Your closed eyes would only make you sway. Gravity will call your name and your feet will betray you.
Breathe in the air of disaster. Do you smell its smoke? Its sweet is it not? Its enticing and dangerous and you want to breathe deeper. Your nose is a ****** for the scent.
Feel this wind that sweeps around our barely lifeless bodies. Like mannequins we stand here quietly. Almost like we are invisible. That is how the world feels. People rushing by and around me like the breeze. I watch silently from within my own body unable to control anything on the outside.
I watch others control my own actions. They put me in danger and I let them. Why do I let them? Answer me why do I let them?
Breathe in this truth with me. The truth that we are never controlled by our own will but by the fear from within us. The things we have gone through in the past. The unknown. It takes us by the hand and leads the way. We call out and ask where it is taking us but does it answer? Why would it? I already know.
It takes us to the end.
So breathe with me and we will wait on this cliff edge a little longer for the void to call our names.
Aug 2019 · 181
Boredom
Eleanor Aug 2019
We write as to not be bored. Bored out of our minds, we start to see & feel & think things we never hoped to see & feel & think. Thoughts of death & sorrow haunt our minds when there is nothing else to do. We start to forget who we are & where we came from. We are lost in our own internal dialogue, escaping what we feel we cannot handle. After just moments of our boredom, we are gone & lost to the secret world within, & perhaps, there is no point in trying to find our way out.
- Z.B.
I wrote this absentmindedly while doodling in cursive
Apr 2018 · 104
Uncomfortable Night
Eleanor Apr 2018
There is something to be said about being alone in the dark.
A sort of soft silence, when one rests on the floor. Mentally uncomfortable.
Eyes gaze to the ceiling and the mind as blank as the feeling of apathy which stands before.
There is something to be said about being desolate in the dark.
A sort of calm, when the same melancholy song plays in the ears.
Eyes squint, but never falter. The ears attentive to repetitive words, although never becoming completely clear.
A longing for companionship, but the same time the sad solitude is just so selfishly, sickenly sweet.
The pound of the drums in the ears.
The darkness before the eyes.
The realization of how late in the night one has reached.
Oh yes, oh yes indeed.
There is something to be said about being detached and floating in the dark.
A sort of morose addictive loneliness.
The stillness all around.
Falling in love with the sorrow.
Eyes stay drawn like light curtains, while the ears still listen deeply, never falling into the slumber that should be awaiting.
Jan 2017 · 255
Just an Update
Eleanor Jan 2017
Hello small collective group of people who were nice enough to follow me on this wonderful little website!

This isn't a poem obviously, but since I have been absent for more than half a year just wanted to let anyone who cared know that I'm back and doing well (:

Virginia
Jan 2017 · 2.9k
Schizophrenia
Eleanor Jan 2017
Under the branches                                                         ­                                                                  Where the tall grass grows,                                                           ­                                                               Th­ere’s a people who hide                                                             ­                                                             And no one knows.                                                           ­                                                                 ­       The way they survive                                                          ­                                                                 ­     Is like none other,                                                           ­                                                                 ­            For they fear the world                                                            ­                                                                 And all its terror.                                                          ­                                                                 ­             They hear the voices                                                           ­                                                                 ­      And see the shadows,                                                         ­                                                                 ­          They live in darkness                                                         ­                                                                 ­        And shake and cower.                                                           ­                                                                 ­     They live but                                                              ­                                                                 ­                 In harsh conditions,                                                      ­                                                                 ­                 Making the craziest                                                         ­                                                                 ­               Rash decisions.                                                       ­                                                                 ­                    Everyone wants                                                            ­                                                                 ­               To put them to death,                                                           ­                                                                 ­     But I say stand up                                                               ­                                                                 ­     And fight for who’s left.                                                            ­                                                                 The problem doesn’t lie                                                              ­                                                                I­n the heart of the ******,                                                          ­                                                              But­ in the mind                                                             ­                                                                 ­           Their thoughts are filled with typos.                                                           ­                                                 They twitch and hide                                                             ­                                                                 ­   And want to die,                                                             ­                                                                 ­         But nobody sees                                                             ­                                                                 ­           The demons inside.                                                          ­                                                                 ­      The voices that haunt them                                                             ­                                                         The nightmares that stick,                                                           ­                                                                 ­The noises torture them                                                             ­                                                               Ju­mping off the highest peak.                                                            ­                                                         Terror and delusion                                                         ­                                                                 ­        The river that roars,                                                           ­                                                                 ­        The horrible psychosis                                                        ­                                                                 ­      The mania implores.                                                        ­                                                                 ­        These people know nothing                                                          ­                                                              But­ how to live,                                                            ­                                                                 ­         With the horrible fate                                                             ­                                                                 ­   That they’ll never be saved.
I have no idea why it ended up how it did when i copied an pasted it from another document i had it in so i apologize for the messiness. I feel like it adds more perspective to what the poem is talking about anyway so I'm not going to bother to fix it
Jan 2017 · 779
Great Gatsby
Eleanor Jan 2017
Complicated and lovely
Graceful and *****
Love and all its tragedy
Drags the innocent into uncertainty
Pretty flower, prim and proper
Had to do what everyone told her
It was his time to return
And she had no time to mourn
She was already gone
And he had to wait for the sun

Married away was the sweet flower
Lost in blue was the Great
Locked away happily in a tower
She never thought of her lover’s fate
He built a fortress with all his power
Built his way to the top with a compelling name
Yet she never saw his tragic effort
She never noticed his fabulous fame

Wrapped in a web the author was
Watching all the tragic souls
Lost in a whirl of their own morass
The lies all lined with gold
Angels eat their cake
Going along with all the mendacities
Turning eyes to the shade
The innocent in the midst of uncertainty

Love in the worst form
Beautiful and torn
Wrong and adorned
Pure enough to mourn
Never amounts to success
Love is sinking
Lost in a dream
Like boats against the current
Borne back ceaselessly
Back into the past
This poem is my own interpretation of the Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald
May 2016 · 543
Space
Eleanor May 2016
Of all the worlds I fall into none. But space and time have no hold on me. I watch from above in aparent silence and wonder how I can get back to my body.
May 2016 · 816
Amsterdam
Eleanor May 2016
If the seas divided I'd jump into the stars because I can't stand to see separation. I dare not think of the idea of love chained apart. Scolded for being together.
May 2016 · 1.5k
Awake and Asleep
Eleanor May 2016
some days I'm awake
Others I'm asleep
Try to relive the moment
But unfortunately I'm too weak

Asleep last for months
Painful and dark
Treading like a ghost in chains
I can't get very far

Blood is red
And as warm as humidity
Sticky and dead
There is no serenity

Being awake
Is no better than asleep
For that's when /they/ come
The voices that scream

Plenty of energy
But nothing to do
Seeing a door open
Yet no one comes through

Feeling as if
Someone's touching your spine
But you blink and realize
It was only your mind

These are the tortures
Of awake and asleep
Flipping back and forth
As my sanity leaks
May 2016 · 534
Reflection
Eleanor May 2016
I saw myself in the mirror flat
The river as calm as how I wish my mind was
And the trees hung there leaves so dark and sad
That I forgot where the sky was

Confusion swept over me like a warm blanket
Darkness came like a calm storm
And made me the only way I can't take it
Crept so quietly I didn't hear the door

Suffocation loves the lost
Pain loves the drowning
Lonliness loves the broken
And time keep cutting

Under the shadows I saw my reflection
Over the mud i saw my mind
I saw a path with no redemption
I saw escape with no sign

The bitter sweet taste of being alone
Solitude or confinement?
And where ever I am it doesn't feel like home
Lost in the dark where the rain is sent

Begins in light
Dimmer and dimmer
Ends in death
Farther and farther

Into the ground
May 2016 · 1.1k
The Lucky One
Eleanor May 2016
How sweet are the lilies she grips in her hands
As white as her dress in the moonlight
Yet she inhales harshly through her withering lungs
She gazes towards the sky with tearing eyes
The cold emptiness burning inside her chest
She whispers the words under her breath
"One day I will be the lucky one"
"One day I will be the lucky one"
"One day I will be the lucky one"
The words float to the sky
The lilies turn red
She has no control over her head
She drops to the ground and the grass becomes her bed
Staring at the moon she crys once more
"One day I will be the lucky one"
Hoping with all her might that it will come true
And her life was taken too soon
By the knife they call depression
The bullet they call sorrow
The rope they call lonliness
And if your heart is beating
Then you are the lucky one
Because most of us are bleeding from self-destruction
May 2016 · 486
Untitled
Eleanor May 2016
Drown out the sadness
Drown out the pain
Drown out the voices inside my brain
May 2016 · 646
Hollow Minds
Eleanor May 2016
I see you wondering what the world may hold
Casting your shadows on the days of old.
Seeing the light yet it doesn't shine on your face
Reaching for the sky but it doesn't feel the same.

I know the end is the end for you
But can't u see i want to go with you
Your lips on mine is all I dream of
Drowning in this water and you pull me above

These cards all disappear
Your dreams just fall away
You don't realize you need me
And I need you just the same

These hollow minds are all I see resting in my hands
And the care within my heart can no longer be bent
Can't you stay another minute longer
Have to go so soon I cannot wonder

The scissors up your sleeves
The tremblin of your hands
The tears within my eyes
I cannot even stand

Be careful my love
Don't fall like I have
For I am down in the depths of hell
And you are all I have

Left and left
Again and again
I cry for you
Because when shall I see you again

I have a hollow mind and an empty heart
One cannot see the trouble
And your are kind, gentle and smart
Stay where u are safe not in the rubble

Of our own disasters
May 2016 · 896
Unmutual Rejection
Eleanor May 2016
Longing to express it
Not to suffer and suppress it
But you tell me I can't
you tell me it's easier
You tell me it helps
I tell you it kills me.

Regreting my expectance
Receiving no acceptance
And you tell me I can't
you can't stand to hear it
I can't hold it in
I can't turn off my emotion

Decaying so painfully slow
Dead and so horribly alone
You tell me I can't
You say you need a break
That's it's better if you do
And I can't stay awake

Already lost in my asleep
Burried so far in the deep
And you tell me I can't
makes everything worse
Tearing me apart
How do u think this helps!

Maybe it will benefit you
You think it will benefit me too
You tell me I can't tho!
And I'm lost in this storm
Of endless torture
Forever so numb

In the end when you come back
I'll be the same and not on track
Because you tell me I cant..
I've held it in for so long
It's killed me so slowly
Nothing but dust
May 2016 · 211
Subject to the Dark
Eleanor May 2016
I'm lost in a sea of forever
Nothing to hold on to me
Waves toppling the serenity
Ever going where the tide takes
May 2016 · 297
Tether
Eleanor May 2016
Add me to your list of things you love
Keeping you in my dreams so my head stays above
The viscious seas of misery
And below the clouds of sorrow
Keep me in reality
Or to the stars I'll go

I drift away into noiseless screaming torture
Tormented by my mind and things that are misnomer
Space and time and lonely rhymes
Every year and season
Every day they laugh and lie
And convince me I have no reason

Hold me in your arms so tight and snug
Keep me back til I feel safe and loved
Hearts held together by nothing else other
Than love strewn in strings
Soon enough we'll be together
In simple harmony
May 2016 · 202
Hidden
Eleanor May 2016
How long must I wait for this tragedy to end
The perfect world not what it seems
Having it all as some may think
Lost in an unforgivable back bend

Hidden inside the hollow shell of my world
There's nothing left in me
There's nothing left to see
On the outside only seen as a girl

Breaking apart and falling to pieces
Always alone in the dark
nothing to start up a spark
The cold air surrounding me with noises

Perfect none
Away from the sun
And I will never come home

— The End —