I'm here sitting
alone,
the smell of coffee runs through
my veins,
some music i probably will forget
in a few years arguing with
the thought of you,

But I'm here,
I'm here,
writing about what's happening

pretty boring huh?

i call myself a poet
but i can't use high metaphors,

i call myself a poet
but i can't describe fully
how you make me feel

i call myself a poet

but what am i?

I'm just a kid
scared of life
finding new ways to cope
searching for someone to love,
desperate,
not holding unto my dreams
how can i choose with my mind
what's right for the heart to choose.

and you see?
don't you see?

don't worry i can't either

i can't see how great i am
i can't see how other people see me
i wish i could.

i want to believe this was a dream
or
a nightmare at that.

But at last.
I'm here wishing that in another life
i could be with you,
or
maybe in other deaths,

i crave your touch,
i crave you..
with coffee waking up my senses
like a kid in summer waking up early
to go play with his friends.

i wish things were different,
so i wouldn't have to wish.

Please gods, help me get up
Today it’s one of those days
When I just want to lay all day
Hide in between the sheets
Fight monsters in my dreams
They are nicer.

I want to
go right
And pick
the perennial
flowers
That cover
what the eye
can see,
I’ve seen
the Fields
of Indian blankets
And spider lilies

I think
of myself
laying Down
and resting
my eyes
As the sunset
showers me
With color
and despair.

Today
I’ll go left
instead
To see
what waits
For me there.

I believe there’s good things,
I believe in breathtaking moments,
I believe in the times
where the stars look just right,
I believe there’s good in people,
Even if the bad stands out,

I believe there’s bad things,
I believe in nights
where it’s a little too dark,
I believe there’s times where
You believe you are playing chess
With life, and suddenly,
there’s no one playing with you,
And check mate seems to be 2 moves away

I believe that with happiness, comes sadness.
I believe that with rage, comes peace.
I believe that with lies, comes the truth.

I sit here with a moving clock
to my left waiting to be stopped,
waiting for life to sit down,
and finish what it started.

I believe in Good and bad,
I believe there’s a beginning,
But I’m scared there’s no end.

I stare out my window,
Waiting for you my love,
Trying so hard to stand still,
So you recognize me
Even if I’ve grown old and wrinkled,
And my dear, please don’t cry,
As my flowers by my window wilt
Call 911 they need some help.

Please, Please don’t let them die.
Since you left,They have been my only friend
Since you left, they learned to love me
Since you left I’ve grown to love my flowers,  maybe It was wiser For them to wilt before me,
They loved me more than I loved them.

They couldn’t handle the pain of seeing me
Pass away by my window,
Waiting for you.

As the sun sets,
I see familiar
And unfamiliar cars
Driving by

People that like me
Have highs like
No other,
And lows that
They’ll never get over.

I look out into the street
One last time
As cicadas sing their blues,
I wonder who’s truly right
Or who’s terribly wrong.

Oh, how I’ve missed you,
Shining jewel of the Caribbean,
Petite isle of the eccentric.
I still remember your streets,
The way they curve up the mountains,
Mountains that you can see from the coast
Where the water rages war against
The corals and the sea wall.

I’ve seen you at your lowest,
Broken down by the winds
Of prophesies,
Your people cried blood
And sweated through your
Unrelenting days.

Oh, but the way the cosmos dressed
The night sky, clashing with your beauty.
It was almost worth all the pain and suffering.

He who walks
Will find that
The stinging
summer sun
Leads the loved ones
Over clear waters.

Beneath elegant
Palm trees
That when time to
Take a break
It creates a shade
Like no other.

The perfect place to sit,
Only when the flourishing
Mountains casts a shadow
On the other side of
The extensive range.

Even so, it’s such a
Beautiful place to sit.

More when the made
Of fat and skinny and
Happy and sad and
Continuous life
Is there to observe
The sunset that
Changes the sapphire
Blues to flaming oranges

Ready to be taught by
The twilights of the
Most unfortunate and
The seducers.

A dark tunnel
Where the Young
Women jog
And the cows
And the pigs
Have tasted blood
And the morning sun
Is taking a little
Longer to come up.

Tunnel
that can only
Be traverse with
Experience and
Burning cinnamon.

And oh, evil one.
The night will cast an
Eternal veil.

And what an enormous,
And eternal night this is.

What a lonely night.

And evil one,
Between the burning sea
And the pale morning,
You’ll find the quiet
Of husks and dead fish,
Trembling foam of
Retreating waters,
And messages in bottles
Never read before.

And silence will come
Wrapped in a blanket,
Galloping on beach *****
And flying machines that
Leave faster than they go.

It’ll cure the absence of warmth
While the days, the months,
The time passes by.

The morning will come,
Brandishing celestial blood,
Turning the sea ablaze.

To let you know,
That you have escaped
Once more.

I cherish the days
I get out of bed
Without thinking twice
About it.

Walk to the bathroom
Brush my teeth,
Feel the water upon my face.

I cherish the days
I can go
Up and down
The stairs.

Go to the kitchen
And make something
To eat.

I cherish the days
everything
has the scent
Of coconut and vanilla.

The sun rises
from the east
And sets
in the west

I cherish the days
I realize I want to live.

I woke up today,
My thoughts scrambling
Through my head,
The noise is uncomfortable,
So much that I can’t go back to sleep.

I stand up to go to work,
I untie my hands and do my usual,
I get dressed and out of the corner of my eye
Shadows dance and drink, making a mess of my room.

I try not to pay attention, as they drop me down the stairs, right to my front door.

I reach for the doorknob,
I grab and tap it.
Waiting for it to open,
But shivers run down my spine.

As my lungs fill with red and oranges as I inhale
And an emptiness only the woods understand
As I exhale,
My hands continue to tap the doorknob
From Right to left
A symphony to my hears,
Dopamine On the tip of my fingers

Suddenly but not so sudden
the door opens,

And I feel,
I feel like a knight without his armor,
Like a doctor without his stethoscope,
Like a prisoner without his cell
Like a kid without his favorite toy.

Maybe I feel too much,
Maybe feeling is not the problem here,
Maybe I’m wondering about the wrong thing
And I need to remind myself to breath
Because the emptiness its unbearable.

Something is missing,
I should go back inside.

How boring it must be
To be able to wake up in
The morning and do
What you need to do.

I will dance around
My kitchen table
As dishes pile up.

I will lay on my bedroom
Floor as the laundry
Screams that it needs
To be done,

I would go into the bathroom
If it wasn’t for the person
In the mirror that despises
Me so much.

Oh but when I get that spark,
That little moment of clarity,
time stops,

I become a fraud and can’t write
Poems anymore,
But the way my hands move
Around the dishes,
How fast the laundry walks itself.

It must be perfect to live
Like this forever,
But oh, how boring.

I walk behind empty gas stations
And broken windows,
My palms sweaty from the heat,
I think of the polar caps
Slowly melting away.

I open the door to my apartment,
I sit down on my leather couch,
My hands are no longer sweaty
But, I am still sad.

I was thinking,
And while I was thinking,
My name wasn’t called,
I wasn’t needed like I was needed before
And how quiet it was drove me down
A dark road.

This morning I woke up
with music rolling
down my sleeves,
I sit up and as a soft ballad
That the universe sings
Runs laps on
the rims of my ears,
Making me jump up from my bed
To slowly put out my arms,
I can barely keep my eyes open
As I look to see
My right hand holding
unto the hips of the non existent,
My left hand grabbing
Tightly unto the hand of memories,
I waste saliva to ask the quiet room
If they are ready yet,
I don’t wait for an answer,
I slide through the path
That has been walked upon,
I twist and turn and smile.
I let the emptiness
rest upon my arms
As I let her down
as close to the ground as I can
Just to bring her back up
In a subtle graceful movement.
The music stops
and I let go.

Oh, how beautiful you are.
Shiny amethyst that hides
Within the branches,
Coming out as
Deemed worthy

The sun showers you
With gifts,
The rain feeds you
Lies of another day.

One could say,
You are the sunrise,
the sunset,
Everything in between.
Even what’s left of green
In this planet.

The waves fall short
Of your feet,
Hoping that in other Lives
They may soak
The roots
That bound you.

Storms will try to ****** you,
Take you far away from here
Tell you that this isn’t what
You need,What you want.

Oh, how gorgeous,
Purple stone full of nectar,
You are the very thing
That I breathe.

Sometimes
I give a hard look
At myself in the mirror,
My eyes gleaming with
Sadness that has followed
Me from down the road
And my hair all *******
So it doesn’t show how
Much it has grown

I tell myself
I want to be a poet,
Someone that writes
And moves and
Yell’s at you how gritty
Life has been lately.

But it hasn’t been all that gritty,
Or *****, or painful or-
Maybe it has.

Somewhere I read,
That a dead man
Loves the hardest,
That what only matters
Is how good you walk
Through the fire,
That let life not separate us,
And who cares about death?

I’ve come to hate and detest,
Those who hate,
But when will it be,
That I take upon
My shoulders to love.

And love is not
Like a gas stove,
But more of
A bonfire
That turns night
Into day.

So warm to the touch,
But so beautiful
To have when
It’s 1:00 am
On a cold front,
And god,
I just need
Another
cigarette.

Please,
Let me love
Again.

I’m begging.

Be it in death,
Or alive.

Be it awake
Or dreaming.

Be it through
the extinguished
Fire,
Which means
My walk hasn’t
been that great.

To the one,
That lights it
Again.

I am between
Dying and not dying.

I’m probably not
what you want.

Neither am I,
What you need.

But I will love,
The type of love
To move states,
To be alone
If it meant you
Would be coming
Through the door
Any minute now.

it will
Also be rumbling
And the ground will
Shake and
I won’t know how
To tell you how
Much I really love you.

But I will try,
I will try so hard.

To be all I am,
And all I am not.

I lay on the floor
besides my bed,
My cats wondering
what’s wrong with me,
Walking back and forth
And back and forth,
Just to end up laying on the
Floor with me
I’m trying to sleep
To forget,
How your eyes gleamed
Hurt and betrayal,
I’ll get up today
And tomorrow
And the day after that.
But on some days,
I can’t wait to lay
On the floor to think
About you one more
Time
Until the day it’ll be the last.

one night
i went to sleep
thinking of you,
my body
became
a church,
your thought
the holy spirit,
me sleeping
was just,
finding new
ways to hold
you tight,
While my
Hands
Traverse
Your back
In search
Of gold.

But it all
just disperses
in thin air as
i let out
a small sigh,
And step
up from
my bed,
Through
The mist
Just to fall
to the ground,

I'm bleeding
now,
I've tried
to destroy
this temple,
that worships
you,
but no
matter
how hard
i hit,
It doesn’t
Seem to
Fall.

Let’s run
from the inevitable ,
Let’s leave our city,
and buy a hut,
close to the edge
of the world,
Closer to the lies
than the truth,
Closer to the things
that keeps us waiting
for more than misery
and a cloudy night sky.

Let’s escape,
The unexpected,
the inescapable,
Let’s run away.

And if you ever
leave me, my love,
The edge of the world
will comfort me,
In the darkest of days,
On the unstable nights,
I’ll fall through
mountain range,
and waterfalls
of despair,
Just to wake up
by your side.

Just to fall back
asleep to the rhythm
and warmth
of your breath.

let’s run away
to the edge
of the world,
not to jump off,
But for once Live.

I sit outside in 100
Degree weather
Sweating bullets
while Smoking
my first cigarette
Of the day

Even if it’s torture
I actually enjoy
How it feels

Raw and unfiltered
Just like the thoughts,
That rumble away
In the form of questions
And ****** encounters
That haven’t happened
And probably never will

I crumble under the heat,
As I sit patiently
Waiting for the noise
Of the wasp
That flies near me
To go away

So I can light
another cigarette,
And expect to forget
How love felt.

I know very
Well that
I haven’t been
The greatest
At love,

I haven’t chased
Grand gestures or vows,
But stumbled through
The mornings after,
The movie dinners,
The silences
Between us
Where love sits,
Waiting to be noticed,
Not a princess in a tower
Waiting to be saved,
But just two people,
Trying to stay close
Despite the gaps.

I don’t know if
I’ve loved the
Imperfections,
I’ve loved despite
Them,
The realization hits
Like a slasher movie,
Too late at night,
And too young
And unsupervised,

Sometimes I leave
Notes hidden in
Vases, behind cabinets,
Above the fridge,
And in the pockets
Of the new jeans
That I just got,
As a reminder to love,

Today I found one
In my glove compartment,
It’s getting cooler so
I rolled down the windows
And felt the breeze
Every time there was a red light,
I had the music loud,
Enjoying the mess of genres
That’s my Spotify playlist,
And I savored the moment,
In solitude, learning to love,
Not despite, but because of.

life is full of efforts




the effort to breathe,to walk, to think, to talk, to be.




Then you walked in.

The way your eyes glisten
when you smile,
Remind me of the white
sand back home,
Warm to the touch,
getting washed ashore
With the reminder of foam
and one more night.

The sea rocks itself to sleep
while you talk,
Even in times of storm
you would give me peace,
The sun comes up
and comes down when you
Say the word
and can’t seem to keep up with
The way your lips curl.

The way you walk,
the way you think.
God, if there’s a god
he must have been proud
Of making you.

The sea will come for me,
drown me underneath
the weight,
tell me that
what I’m feeling is wrong
But how can I be wrong
when all of that stops when you talk.

I can’t keep up with you,
and I probably never will.
But if you gave the word,
if you told me you needed
me for a moment
I would miss an airplane
to be there for
you.

Even if I’ve seen this everywhere,
in movies
in books,
in songs.

I will never get to love you
how I want
to love
you.

And it’ll always be my fault.

Home,
My soul
outside
my body
People step
back when
you talk
Flowers bloom
when you smile
The sun comes
up when you
open your eyes
As you walk,
someone walks
away without
You leaving
their gaze.

And as
summer
rains start
to fall
The clouds
howl in despair,
The stars tremble
in fear and
The moon whispers
into my ear
pass laments

“I can’t cry anymore”
I tell the moon,
“I just want to die”

I wish i could pass out
in your arms
and
wake up in your bed.

Wake up, smoke a bowl
and go back to sleep
on your sun kissed skin,
so warm to the touch.
Getting warmer as my fingers
lay thoughts and trails down your hair.

Lay on your chest
and let my hands wrap
around you,
trace the mountain range
that runs down your back.

And for one last time,
Make you happy.

They say death
Feels Peaceful,
Then it must feel
Like the shade
Of the branches
Of an old tree
Dancing with
The summer breeze,
Giving the sun
Enough space
To warm up
A specific spot
On my face.

I haven’t
experienced
That side
of death yet.

I’ve seen how
It hides
in the rot
Of the well
deserving,
Bringing peace
to those who
Yearn it.

I’ve seen
The cries
Of those
Who fear
It.

I sit
Underneath
The tree
Feeling
Peaceful today.

So
Maybe
Another
Day.

I can be a really skeptical person,
I don’t believe in ghost, and just think of weird things that happen as coincidences,

But, as flower petals magically float down toward my passenger seat, just before I close my car door.

I felt chills, as if memories from past lives rushed through my skin like electricity when you touch a Walmart cart.

Instant, waiting for a reaction.

And if that isn’t one hell of a metaphor,
I don’t know what is.

Mil besos
No replicaran lo que siento
Ni lo que hay entre mis sesos
Empiezo, Te explicó,
Sin embargo palabras no se traducen
A lo que pienso,
Te siento,
Tan cerca de mi,
Pero a la misma vez tan lejos
Como a las estrellas en la noche, que brillan fuera de mi alcance,
Como el fondo del mal, que me arropa entre sal y sufrimiento,
El olor de tu ropa trae pensamientos
Que entre tú y yo
No son tan Santos,
Tu pasado y presente
No se comparara a tu futuro
Ya que será diferente conmigo a tu lado
Te diré cuantas veces te extraño,
Te diré te amo,

Y yo siempre esperare
Ese “más”

I was loved
For some time,

It was beautiful,
In between

Sunrise and
Sunset,

Alongside
Cats and candles,

While listening
To the best of

Chuck mangione
On a suit case

Record player,
That I haven’t

Touched since
I was loved,

Now I wonder
If I am deserving,

If life really open
Doors after one closes,

I’ll lay outside,
Back against the lawn,

I’ll **** on the dew
Of a freshly rained tree,

I’ll snack on the mushrooms,
And chew on sticks,

I’ll be fine,
Since I was loved.

The universe
Will speak to you,
In between silence
And forgotten words,
In the movement of
The branches of a
Full crowned tree,
In rushing water
And the color
Of the sky,
It will answer
Questions,
With rays of sunshine
That mark your skin,
Love the Forrest,
And the mountains,
And the ants,
And the spiders,
All the creepy crawlies,
And animals,
Smell the flowers that
Bloom this spring,
Feel the rash,
The bite,
The sting,
They all deserve
To be happy.

We all do.

I’ve been
caught
In a long
forgotten
Snare,
its claws
Deep
into my
My flesh
scratching
And itch
in my
Bones
I haven’t
Been
able
to reach,
As I
sit and
Contemplate
Death,
the leafs
Of an
old tree
Slowly
catch
A ride
upon
The
wind,
And
touch
The
soil
In front
of
My feet
with
Nurture
and love,
Making
me
a bed
To
lay on.

It feels like I should want you,
My heart misses yours,
He will follow me forever,
Dreaming in broad daylight
Here but not truly here.

“How do you not want that anymore?”
My heart tells me time after time
Just to remind me of this empty spot besides me
Emptiness that I fill with stars, with clouds
And a little bit of regret.

“Things are just not meant to be”
I tell my heart as I wake up.
I tell my heart as I brush my teeth.
I tell my heart as I put on clothes.

I tell my heart
“You belong to me, be it in love or not”

Lately it feels wrong to write,
It feels like there’s not enough time
For what I’m trying to do,
For what I’m trying to say,

I feel trapped in a room
That recollects memories
Like a homeless man
Collects pennies and dimes
And blesses the people who
Give it to him.

Instead I get summer rains,
Days passing by,
A roof over my head,
And maybe, just maybe,
I’ll get blessed with a wonderful day
Where nothing matters,
Not even the rain,
Nor these invasive thoughts
That go knocking at my door.

I open the door to say hi,
They always lead with smiles
And open arms,
This time they tell me to let my car deform itself around a tree,
To hug it and never let it go.

But it’s one of those days I don’t care
About what they say,
So they left leaving a little pamphlet behind.

imagine,
sitting in some rocks
at the border of the beach,
wondering,
feeling adventurous,
Asking the milky way for
permission
as our lips interlock ,
and our minds become one,

the sound of the sea becomes our bed,
the light the stars emit,
becomes the electricity
between touches,

both of us not able to open our eyes,
as the moons reflection in the ocean
showers us with gratitude,
the blood racing though my veins,
gravity pulling me down as
my breathing becomes heavier

i feel high on happiness and adrenaline,

who would have thought the next moment
i would be drowning in the sea.

Today I left my skin hanging
On the closet door
Took out my skeleton
For a walk
Let it breath fresh air,
Touch the leafs that are
Hanging on low enough.

We sat underneath the shade
Sad and thinking,
Thinking and sad,
About things out of
Our control,
Unlike the branch
That sweeps the floor
When the wind takes it.

More like the shadow
That humbly holds tight
Unto my Feet.

Neither my bones
Or me understand it
Even if it’s a part of me,
A third of me.

Someone
Said,
No one
Baths in
The same
River twice,
Because
When you
Come back,
New water
Will be
Flowing,
But it’s
More
Complicated
Than that
When it
Comes to
Those you
Love,
People are more
Like the soil
Underneath,
That erodes
Over time,
With so much
Life to give,
And so
Much growth.

Like Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon,
I was the first man on your lips,
Flying like an owl at noon
I will still feel them in space.
That sweet taste of your tongue
Will stick to me until I drop dead.
Stupid and dumb thoughts come to my head
When I think of your close eyes,
Staring steadily at nothing,

Gravity is non existent
And I feel like we are dropping
Miles over miles,
Of forgotten words,
Kilometers of memories,
Kisses I didn’t give you
Hugs I have missed
And like the man on the moon,
We got old and cold,
I miss your touch,
I miss your closed eyes,
Your eyelashes,
Your nose racing to hug mine

I miss those moments,
Just like Neil misses the shadow of earth,

Time teaches us to love,
To give into the unknown
I haven’t heard your voice
In so long
Im starting to think you don’t talk,
Do we talk anymore?
More and more I’ve noticed,
How the moon was so tempting,

And at the same time,
All I didn’t want

⁃ Just Blank

Always keep in mind
Your soul
will be written on paper,
Immortalized
for future generations,
Be it good or bad
Or bad or good,
Your energy will
be transformed
Into words.

See,
I couldn’t tell her
how it felt at the end,
Neither could I apologize
For the things that I did.
But oh, how she shined the same,
Be it if she wore lingerie,
Or her favorite dress.

I’ll find myself
thinking of her a lot,
Her smile that brightened
So much that it would
Dim the lamps,
The bulbs,
Even the sun
If it had a chance
To cross her path.

I couldn’t keep my eyes off
Of her,
Only when she directed
My gaze,
Her eyes twinkling
Like the stars in the sky,
Now so far too.

Every now and then,
I’ll reach out,
Feel the warmth
Upon my arms,
But then I’ll stop
And take a step back,
Because apologies
aren’t enough.

My chest
Spiraling out of control,
Surrounding my heart
with this nasty feeling
A feeling I though long forgotten.

And I stand here,
Physically standing,
Mentally laying
down in a fetal position,
Trying to withstand
This abusive parent
I call my mind.

Cold sweat
rolls down my face,
Like a river to
his way to the sea,
Embarking on a journey
He already embarked before.

And just like dejavú,
It keeps happening over and over again.

Hoy, amanecí de nuevo.  
Sin querer, como si alguien más me hubiera
Jalado por el pecho
Poniéndome de pie
Y Como un soldado no ascotumbrado
Caigo de nuevo,
Levantándome de mi descanso,
Dejándome queriendo más,
Pidiendo como un pordiosero
Volver a soñar.

Se me olvido como soñar,
Me acuesto y me despierto,
Como un niño que no tiene más nada
Por que vivir.

Se me olvido como vivir,
Vivir mi vida sin tanta carga en mis hombros,
Carga que no existe, pero a la vez me deja cansado, preparándome para otra noche
De no soñar.

Quiero soñar, quiero vivir, quiero.
Yo también quiero.

Pero que quiero?