The red roses now lay
Dead on the ground
The violets have withered away
On the wings of wind,
The love that once was there
Will never be
The girl who I was,
Is lost to,
A ghost I never thought I'll see

The poetry pages
Now lay tattered
and torn on the floor,
The writer's pen is also gone
The ink running inside
his vein has dried,
Somewhere he is lost in his suffering and plight

There is a kind of lost
That is never found
A darkness so profound,
There is no scope for hope
A void so vast,
No sound can get through

The mirror now lays
Broken on the bed,
The broken reflections reflects the brokenness inside her heart
Being so young, she should not
But she already fell in love with the company
Melancholia brings

The dimly lit room,
Absorbs all the light the window lets in,
How much more breaths
Before he blends in,
And becomes one with the darkness
That surrounds him

He is not giving up,
but maybe he will give in,
It is so peaceful once
you hit the rock bottom
You can finally lay in peace
With no one calling out your name
No one calling out your name,
**With no care in the world
You can finally be

You called me your guiding star
That's quite true.
I burnt myself
and risked my whole existence
Just to light you way
For a few second

You called me your anchor
That's quite true
I sunk myself
To keep you at one place

You compared me with the moon
I get it now why
I scarred myself for life
just to be noticed,
To stand out
from the darkness
all around me

I gave you my all,
'cause i thought i could be your all
I tried to fix you
ignoring how in the process
I almost bled myself to death
I swallowed shards of glass
and yet never let my smile falter
I Wiped Your Tears
While Mine Were Left Abandoned
To Dry On Their Own
I tried healing your wounds
while mine got deeper

And I swear
I tried my best
To spare our friendship
Losing my love was bad enough
but my best friend too?
How on Earth
was i supposed to get through this

So,
I stayed
Put on my daily show
but you knew me
too well to fall for that facade
And that's whAT hurt most
the warmth in your eyes
that once felt like home
sheltering me from world's cold ways
was now gone
replaced
replaced by this coldness

Your skin
was the only home i ever knew
but i realized,
i was not welcome any more*
And I relized that
that hardest way possible
yet i stayed
'cause i just could not leave
I did not know how to leave
I loved you so frigging much
and everything just kept getting worse
YOU WERE NO LONGER THE SUN
but a blackhole
swallowing all the good memories
devouring them all
till there was not a trace of light
inside me
till there was nothing left to me
till i became the ghost
of the girl who i used to be
And all those good days
they seem like a distant dream
and i don't even know if what i'm writing
makes any sense
my hands won't stop shaking
or my head shouting
it keeps yelling
YOU NEVER FELL FOR ME
YOU SLIPPED
UNKNOWINGLY
A MISTAKE'YOU REGRET EVERY DAY

I never wanted to wither
I never wanted to fade
I never wanted to lose my light
I never wanted to create a mess

So I decided not to bloom
I decided not to feel
I stayed in the dark
which complemented my light perfectly

I never meant to fly
I liked the solid concrete I was standing on
in the darkness, with no way to distinguish myself from my shadow
- I felt satisfied.

But you came around;
your light a lot brighter than me
you dazzled me by your brilliance
and showed me there was another way to be

Your words pulled me out-
one step at a time
your light kept me blinded enough
to keep me from seeing where i was going

Slowly and slowly
you took down all the walls
i had put up
to let my spark in

Together we burnt
bright enough to light our own little galaxy
somewhere along the line
i started losing myself in you

Like a star twinkling in noon
like a drop goes unnoticed when it falls in sea.
We talked about our future
you told me about the place you came from

And we planned how the walls of our home will be decorated w my poems, how you'll sing me to sleep
and make the wind jealous

But like every sweet dream that ends too soon
the bitter reality came crashing in
and the storm took away my light
you somehow managed to keep yours still aflame

Right after the storm had passed
you promised
your light will be enough
to keep us from drifting apart

But in the middle of our laughter
your mind would go to the place
you had come from
and it was then when i started losing you

The more i tried to hold on to you
the more burnt i got
i was so scared to lose you
that i realised one day i will

I could never be a part of your world
but i no longer wanted to alienate you from it
so i withdrew back to the darkness
i had always known

but this time with no spark to help me coexist w it
i felt myself getting swallowed
with my last breath
i wished you nothing but happiness

I never meant to witter
I never meant to fade
I never wanted to lose my light
but i admit i made a mess

**your love ****** me
more than You'll know
but no sweeter damnation
I could have ever got

Stored in deep within the realms of heaven they lay
Desperate to evaporate and shine one day

It's a great big world
And am just another face among the crowd,
No speciality, none to put me above,
Except that I love you
But when has love ever been enough


You'll find someone else to sing along to the music of your heart
someone that'll appreciate the light in your eyes,
Without letting that brightness shadow her
unlike me
hopefully, she won't have to break pieces of her for you to fit in
hopefully, she'll be strong enough to handle your aroma
and not drown in it
Unlike what I did.


Boy, so i must leave,
not because i love/need you any less now
but 'cause i love you enough to put your wants above my needs.


In order for you to perfect, I must walk away.
To achieve success, one must fail
I'll be the failure.
No big loss,
We all know
Not everyone is meant  for success.
You succeed, I'll regress.
Don't doubt my love,
i'll always love you
Always look up to you
Longingly
But from a distance.

so, while i kiss you for the last time,
i savor every moment.
i fill my lungs with your smell,
While preparing myself for the last embrace,
after you exhaled, i inhaled
that's the only breath that matters,
The only breath thay counts.
'Cause i don't know who i'll be with you not around.

I'm writing this,
just to let you know that i'm leaving a part of me with you
it's yours to crush or throw in the trash
you can treat it any way you want.


So
as i walk out of your door for the last time,
i take mental pictures of your warm smile,
saving them for a sunless day,
Or a night too bright
(he has no clue that i'm leaving)

Fighting the urge to run back to you,
i hear the voices in my head yelling-
no matter how much he loves you,
one day he'll close his eyes and turn his back at your memories
and you'll lose him to someone better suited,
To someone who's not you
i murmur to that voice
love is not about holding on always, sometimes it's about not being afraid to let go


And I let go.

They Have nothing in common
except their desire to be together
And at times i think,
maybe that's more than enough
or, maybe they have not yet realised
that there's not much difference between his silence and her constant chatter
they supplement each other
in ways they'll never understand
her acting like  mystery, and him decoding her every action with never a tinge of annoyance there replacing his warming smile
his never-ending patience and love and her pain that refuses to fade away
he likes to live in his own world
( A WORLD WHERE THE SUN AND MOON ARE TOGETHER WITHOUT THE SUN BURNING THE MOON )
he likes to dream about touching the stars and enlighten her dark life like moon (while fighting the eclipse in his own life)
she is the one that helps him from flying too close to sun
and get his wings burnt
while he, like a calm to her storm,
fills colors in her grey-life she leads

took me a while to realize,
that the missing piece of us that we were looking for
was in front of us all the time
took time to realize
that there was a reason *why tears in your eyes caused me pain
took time to realise *
why when I cut, it was you who bled
took time to realize...
why admist this hell,
you felt like a blessing from heaven
an atheist started believing in omens

oh, if I could only make you understand,
but it's never gonna be that simple,
i won't spell it out for you

I'll just wait for you to realize, what I just realized*
if you just realize what I just realize

What If the sweet smell of spring,
Reminds you of the winter that will come too
What if the smiles showered on you
mirror the times you cried alone

What if one step ahead
Gets you two step back,
What if the starry nights
Trance you into a state of endless obliviousness

What if you came out clean,
Only to end up in a brutal relapse,
What if the future gets lost,
In a labyrinth of your past wishes

What if these words
Remain the only thing of mine to touch you,
What if forever was just a fleeting moment for us?

What if, what if, at the last moment of your life,
These whatifs are all you have got

time will pass and soon you'll forget.
We'll drift apart & it'll be like we never met
strangers at beginning will become strangers at end

Dear Allah,
a lot of my friends have been telling me
That you'll be mad at me
for that shirk thing
and what not
but im still your kid,
am i not?

Dear Allah,
things have been hard lately
im sorry for falling in love
and giving him all
but you know my love for him
was nothing impure..
maybe, later it involved
different shades of emotions
but i really do love him

Dear Allah,
I'm sorry
but im trapped
in this maze
Talk to me, will you?
gimme a clue
No, im dumb at decoding
But you know
i feel so bad
please dont stay mad at me

Dear Allah,
i love my family
my mum and dad are good people
They have Always helped other
are they going to hell too
cause they don't follow
islamic religion

Dear Allah,
im 18
So wont you forgive
the sins i cant seem to stop committing
i get it
it is stupid to look for you
in statues
but what if i look for your magic
in every human being
and try to help them
Would not that suffice

Oh, Lord/ Ishwar/ Allah/ Rab
you are one?
maybe even if my way is wrong
you know the destination was you
so, if you can,
please forgive me

You look into my eyes and sense something's wrong
i smile and say nothing , it's just not been my day at all
YOU SAY THERE'S MORE TO IT THAN YOU SHOW
I THINK YES,THERE'S MORE TO IT BUT YOU'LL NEVER KNOW

you sigh and kiss my cheeks and leave
i hold my breath and bite my lips
careful of every word i say
never showing how i wish you had stayed
your skin ignites mine wherever they meet
leaving me in a bitter-sweet pain
HOW CAN MY HEART CRAVE FOR SOMETHING IT HAS NEVER SEEN ?

And your warm brown eyes penetrate through my wall ,
through the guards and melt my frozen heart
I CAN FEEL YOUR SMILE SPREAD ACROSS MY OWN LIPS
yet how it tastes , i'll never know
your hands ..i'll never get to hold .

your innocence is what made me fall
but now i see that you're much more
a slash of naughty , a bit selfish
a tinge of darkness in your pure white soul
and the thing thing connects us both --"a sea of crazy .."
IT'S STRANGE HOW YOU ARE EXACTLY HOW I WANTED YOU TO BE

I realised I loved you
When I realised
That you're much more than the softest words,
Stitched together in smoothest cursive,
To produce the most beautiful poem.

You're much more than any word I could use to paint you with and though, the playfulness in your innocent smile deserves a chapter written all about it, you'll always be much more and nothing like the comparisons I use. And I admit it.

And when your decision to never write about me, slowly started making sense, that was when I realised I loved you.

I realised I loved you,
When you taught me
That most of the things I found romantic, are not really love. When you made me question the way I looked at you and through the crumbling foundations, I realised, that what they call love, is usually endless needing. And love does not always need, but love always  wants.

And love chooses. Love chooses to work hard for oneself, and for each other. Love decides to uplift itself. Love does not need you to be its walking stick or support. And I realised I loved you, when I decided to be what I needed from you, so you can see that I want you to stay around, for all your charms and wit and not because I'm a paralysed mess when you're gone.

I realised I loved you,
When I found that no people you love are supposed to be answers, or a destination to a long quest, no. You're not my favorite poetry, or my home, or a problem. But a person who I want to share these with. No, You're not the sun light filtering through the leaves, or the sound the water makes as it falls down a lake. You're not calmness personified and no, you're not some superhero looking for a maiden to help.

You're a human being. All sweat and farts, skin and bones, perfect moments and flaws. You're a human. And not a word I could twist around to shape any way I want.

You're messy handwriting, and heart beating for itself. I realised I love you, when I realised that my heart wanted to beat for itself too. And maybe, just maybe sometimes when we are together, our heart will beat in sync. Or not. It really does not matter. Cause we are much more than all of this.

I can turn my gaze away
Command my tongue to never take your name
Be your ***** secret
For as long as you want.

I can lay my eyes on the roads,
Waiting for the day you knock my door,
I can manage not to bait an eye
Every time you go off to her when we fight.

be your anything

But I'm only a girl,
There is only so far I can go,
I'm only a girl,
Who made a mistake of falling in love with you.

I'm only a girl,
So desperately in love,
But I still bleed,
From your unpredictable blows.

I'm only a girl,
Looking at you like you're the **** sun,
But it is still not enough.

I can play pretend,
Tell my friend it's okay,
The marks on my arms, are nothing
I just tripped, a time too many

Incidentally that is also where your hands held me.

I can take the guilt,
I can drown my voice,
I can be your machine,
Aligning my thoughts with what you wish me to be
I can rust my mind, cause what I think is never right,
I can turn deaf and dumb
Be a shiny object you show off to your friends
If that is all it will take

For you to stop inflicting pain,
For you to realise I'm just a human

Because I'm only a girl,
And I lash out and scream,
In hope to get through to you,
Or anyone.

Because I'm only a girl,
On this sinking ship called hope.
A silly girl who has not yet realised
No one else can fix you up

It is all about the thing that is the last whisper you hear  before you sleep.
It is all about the lingering feeling of a soft kiss on your lips before you snuggle the night away in his arm.
It is all about the random tide that hits you making you realise how much you're loved,
Like a silent sky people forget about sometimes but is always there when you look up.
It is all about the numbing chilly breeze on a wintery midnight, that makes you feel so much,
The roads and surroundings covered in orangish pink hues,  slowly humming to themselves, luring you in a trance.
It is all about the soft wintery moon smiling down at you,
Or the science exams that bring out your artistic streaks
It is about those moment of tranquillity where every piece falls into the places they belong.
It is all about the stains you get after laying in the grass early morning
Each dew drop looks like a twinkling sun of their own.
It is about getting to taste heaven in your favorite flavor,
And enjoy the sun  kiss your skin.
It is all about nani maa oiling your hair and your mother's eyes twinkling,  while she says you're such a spoiled  kid.
It  is about the hope that someone else  will get the door.
It is all about fluffy socks,  sweater with hand drawn patterns
It is all about flushed cheeks, freezing hands in your friend's pocket
Like the snow flakes that fall,
Unique in their own way,
Every season with itself brings
Its own flavor and shades,
And though summer is well known for  lighting a wildfire  in everyone's heart,
And adrenaline rush of first love,
Winter stands elegantly,  and let things run into a deeper course.

My mind never intends to write
Yet my heart bleeds poetry,
The naked dark secrets,
Spilled all over the blank page
For the world to judge and see
My mouth never speaks
But words on my tongue
Long for the day
They get to taste
The voice of your lips


My mind never intends to love
Yet my heart gives it to you
As if they are the left over pennies
The world no longer has anything
To give In exchange for.
My mouth never complains
But my love is getting wary
Of being the love who loves
But is never loved back.

My mind never intends to confess
My love so profusely
Yet my heart does it so often
If people could hear wind talk
The whole world would know about our story
A story never ends
It just gets abandoned
The author finds another muse
But you shall always be
My favorite unfinished draft

I just realized
how I never quite thanked you
For the little things that you did
the little things that left such a big impact
on the girl that I've grown to be

I was never shown princesses' movies
with a fairy-tale ending
but was read quotes of your favorite author
some times they would go above my head
so you would tell me what they really meant
I remember the argument that we had on
"it's better to reign in hell than to serve in heaven"
I ran to mum and asked
"do you agree with papa? Is what he saying right?"
you smiled and said, I could decide for myself
I don't remember what i decided
but I've witnessed too much of hell since that day
So now if i was asked to serve on heaven,
I'll be only glad.
You made sure that i was provided
with
the buoyancy I needed to fly
yet had the knowledge enough to
be able to walk on Earth too.
You told me I'm going to make mistakes
but it should never come in my way of learning
not every one is going to like me
and i should not care if they did
but remain true to myself
and all that i stand for.
I must not be scared, to be laughed at
for my mistakes
to err is only human, after all.
It was from you that I learnt
Words, if used correctly, can help one get through
almost any/every thing
But one should make sure
that they follow what they preach
You told me
there's a book on every feeling that I'll ever go through
When in doubt i must seek my friends
my shelf
I'm not alone in this fight
and yet you wonder
why I'm so interested in Literature

Dear Dad,
thank you for never imposing your thoughts on me,
letting me find my answers,
giving me the space I needed to grow and explore
to know what i believed in, the values I'd stand by
My friend once called you the living encyclopaedia
thank you for that too =D
For your opinions on every random topic I started.
Thank you for never letting me win
without putting a fight
I really found it sweet
Father and daughter
against each other
and neither one backing off
after all, they both shared a part of the same gene
You never sugar-coated anything
but sometimes when i would walk in
you would hurriedly change the news channel
wanted to let me enjoy as much of carefree days i could, did not you?
Did not want to expose the dark side of the world to me yet?

I bet you don't know
that when I'm confused about what to do
I take a look back and ask myself
what would papa's little daughter would do?
it has helped me more than once
it's hard to admit
your little daughter had this life figured out
more than I do now
You told me I should not fight too hard to blend in
A little madness is needed
to achieve something extra-ordinary
I WISH YOU HAD NOT
because
Now that when I look around,
I realize i barely fit
Papa,
they laugh at how I've never seen many disney movie
or, how I prefer novel more than movies
They smirk upon my dressing sense
and hair ******* in a messy knot.
Every now and then i would get into fight with those stereotype
plastic face with each inch covered in make-up
being mean and thinking they're super-cool
OH,
*I CAN NOT WAIT TILL I GET HOME TO MUM AND YOU

Like you,
But with no filters around your mouth
Not stopping midway when you reach out for me.
Like you but before my demons got to you.

Like me,
But with my heart not swelling and crashing,
My lungs not elating with hope and deflating with reality
Like me, but before i fell in love with you.

Like you,
But with strong hands that feel like fluttering of butterflies against my skin when they touch me
Your footsteps sometimes syncing with my heart beats,
Like you but when I could read your eyes the way I read poetry, never getting enough of either

Like me,
But me talking to you, rather than bringing up your name as the room quietens and my friends look anywhere but in my eyes
Like me but when I had you, instead of these metaphors, and hyperbole, smilies and allegories, arranged in the shape of you so I could still have some souvenir of you.
Like me but with our names that you scratched on my back not faded.

Like you,
But not thinking that you have had me figured out now, so you could casually go down your library and put me on a shelf
Like you
But not finding me to be a waste of breath.
Like you but when you thought my light was worth the long period of eclipses it comes with

Like me,
But going on walks with you to the beach
Instead of me going on and on trying to kiss the horizon or the bottom of the sea,
It depends on the mood actually.
Like me but happy.

Like us,
But when we knew exactly who it was that we wanted us to be,
Instead of clinging to whatever vague ideas our mind comes up,
Doing anything to distract us from the aching hollow heart we carved ourselves out of

There is a thousand way
They can show their love,
Getting up before you,
And baking-
Every dish dripping
In your favorite flavor.

There is a thousand way
They will let you know
You are not alone
27 missed calls,
Breathing properly only
When they see you at the front porch

There is a thousand way
To let you know,
How you are the family
They have
And the family they want

There is a thousand way to know,
You have made a place in his heart,
A message at dawn,
Asking if you are alright,
He will go to any length
To protect you.

But you tend,
Not to see
Love in these little thing,
You want grand gestures
Poems written about
The knots in your hair


And some may
Do exactly that
But that does not mean
Their love is superior
To the love that is only spoken
Between two hearts

Yes,
There is a thousand way to show love,
You only have to notice,
And not be blinded by your expectations
To feel them all.

She gives you all of her,
asks for naught,
the only relationship
that requires no words,
this one's for you, mum

putting all our want before your needs,
shielding me from any and every bad thing
Ma'lady if only my mouth worked as fast as my pen,
I'd Tell you how grateful i am

her eyes so proud, yet so secretive.
no one is allowed to see the tears they cry
they look forlorn and so weary
from all the impossible fights
you fought and lost.

tragedies follow you
everywhere you go
but nothing could shake
your faith in Him
every day you wake and bow
Thanking him for.. Idk what :p

bouquet of flowers spring where her feet touches the ground,
she embraces sadness just the way she embraces good news
she is my mom, my love
my cloudless sky when rest of world is raining allegations and hurt.
somehow you bring light to me on a sunless day
Or, send a firefly to guide me on a starless night


*Every time i think of writing about beauty, i think of you.

We say we have given up and yet we hold on,
How did we get here and when?

Sleeping with one eye open
And keeping the porch light on,
Not even knowing what for

Cause no one is coming,
No one ever does for people like us
So why do we hold on to this self abuse?

Take limbs by limbs out, Till we are nothing but a mass of puddle laying on the floor. Why after lots and lots of trying we can't love ourselves? Why do we look at others for a nod of approval, or desiring validation? Why don't we believe that who we are can be worth being, too, no matter what the little voices in our heads say.

We go to bed crying, overwhelmed and wake up empty, drained and we beg others; we snap, weep and yell, just to feel anything, but there is nothing to be felt.

It is like screaming from underneath an ocean. You try and try and try but no voice reaches an ear, or, maybe the world has long gone deaf to others' wailing. This is not how you thought your life would be, but that is how it is, that is how you have made it.

And how you wish some nights someone would hold you and sing a lullaby that will suddenly make you wonder why, all of a sudden, is wind giving you caresses so soft. But you have to understand before that happens, you have to get up now, and sing yourself to sleep.

Because we will find what we reflect and you don't want to seem too clingy, you don't want to be the mat that everyone stomps on. Because, you are worth more. You are the sea, you are the hurricane and why should sea care for the castles made in sand? Everything external fades, and you know this all too well.

All your life you complain about the fleetingness of a moment but you are here to stay, how could you discard the thing that will stay with you throughout the life?

Radiate the love you always wanted to have. Try and try and make the trees envy of how you take care of yourself and gently let go of the parts that no longer aid.

Would it be a cliché
If I say
the element
Of my nightmares
Is mostly her in your arms

Would it be a cliche
If I tell
You made a house
In my thoughts,
A permanent occupant.

Would it be a cliche
If I admit
The first light of day
Seems so heavy on my brows,
Without having you to wake up to.

Would it be a cliché
If I confess
You are the only one I can write about,
My words have a way of evolving
Themselves around you

Would it be a cliche
If my heart aches
At the way you say her name
You voice so gentle, barely concealing
The longings you have.

Would it be a cliche
If I say
The main element
Of my nightmares
Is her in your arms

I would rather suffocate and drown in my mind than ask for your help
I would rather swallow shards of glass than keep up with this silence
I would rather spend my night counting stars than have a dream about you
I would rather cut my skin off than feel your touch burn them while you love someone else
I would rather have my tongue forget how to speak than call for you every single night in my sleep
I would rather bleach my brain with HCL than have it think about you always
I would rather burn down this house and lose myself somewhere than try looking for you
I would rather drown the butterflies in my stomach with alcohol than have them fluttering, dancing on your tone
(But truth be said, i would rather spend a second with you and a lifetime reminiscing that moment than be with someone else)

I'll bleed till I've no more of you inside me
I'll smoke you till I've exhaled all of your empty words that i was fed
I'll cry till i don't know what i was crying for
*I'll write till I give you something that weighs you down
just like how your goodbye weighs my heart down

I hope that
When she finally says yes
And the thrill of pursuing ends
You sigh
And twist and turn in your bed
Allowing yourself to accept
She will never love you
Like I can

I hope
When she finally holds your hand,
With a dull pain in your heart
That slowly transfers through your veins
And spreads to every joints, every cell
You realise
She'll never appreciate your warmth
Like I can

I hope
When she finally kisses you,
In that moment of heavenly bliss,
Your body pulls back alarmed
The love, the breathlessness you got used to
Is no longer there
She will never crave for you
Like I can

I hope
When she reads her favorite poetry to you
You wonder if it is Still you
Who I'm writing about
And with a reluctance your mind realises
She can not lure you into traps with her words
Not like I can

I hope
When you look into those eyes
Their color similar to yours
But not even a pale representation of the feelings mine held
Oh boy,
Maybe you'll carry this burden with you
In your grave
Cause she will never love you
Like I can

Beautiful, tragic and short
Who could have known
This is how it would end

Bittersweet memories
Fading and resurfacing
Simultaneously

A moment goes so fast;
A snowflake in a palm,
The evanescence of a kid's thrill

Exaggeration, some may say
But with every intake and exhale of breath
I still take your name

I knew the moment you smiled,
That I'd do anything to never let that fade
I knew the moment when our lips did tango together
that my feelings could not be tamed
I knew the moment we laid next to each other
the night sky would not hold my attention the way it did before
because the fire in your eyes
put all those dead stars to shame
I knew the moment you traced the contours of my body
That no drug could compete with that
When you kissed me for the first time,
i felt as if all the pieces inside me fell into the right places


I knew the moment i walked through this memory lane,
I'll never be the same,
your love, your patience, your smile, your pure soul
changed me
for good or bad, i can't yet tell
i guess it's both
'cause after all you made me an addict :/ '')

what i don't know is
when did i start falling for you
was it the day i leaned on your shoulder and cried my heart out
and all those walls i'd made around to save me
came breaking down and i was saved?
was it the day i told you about my sick brother
or my mother?
was it during the phase of our late-night talks
and inseparable period?
was it the day our friends advised us to leave each another
and we heard them alright, but did not care??

well, I don't know when i fell for you?
or, when you no longer were a part of my life
but became my life
and the sun and moon in it
and it was no longer gravity holding me to this Earth but you

I would say i love you
but these three words have become just a pale description of my love for you

-A.R

It's the first day of spring
but little it matters to my heart
where it is always winter.

It's the first day of the spring
And it has tore me apart again
Like an autumn wind.

It is the first day of the spring
But our eyes are still raining
For the memories of summer gone.

"See you around"
Now, I have never been a fan of goodbyes
But that was far-stretched to a point
It could only be a lie.
Our song, whose words either
You have forgotten,
Or, no longer care to utter,
Has been long sung
And over.

And in an ideal world,
You would be exactly where I belong,
But the world always gets its way
I must admit,
It is hard to watch all your love
Getting drained out of your bone
With no face to blame

And I don't know if it's a choice,
I think not,
To have a control over
Who we choose to love
And maybe I should have kept
All these feelings bottled up
In some dark corner of my mind
But I had to try
Or how would have I known

And we tried,
Did not we?
Two souls against
This world's ways
But I guess it was just too much
For anyone to take
And we both were
Two little kids
Who increased in volume
But never really grew up

And writing is how I'll get to keep you
Yet give you the final closure you need
I loved you with every ounce of
What was mine
But it will be a suicide
If I choose to stand here
Hear your footsteps
Till they fade
Because your memories
A quicksand
I never learnt to escape

I have to leave,
Since you already have
So,
Goodbye to you,
My lover, my better half, my best friend.

you see, unlike how it's in books, no one here is perfect..we're humans..and a part of being that includes being imperfect. And that no one is purely devil here..or a hero you know..and being a book-lover since a kid, am trying to accept this fact. The fact that the world will never be like the one in my book..not arranged. Out here, no one is a bad guy. Or, a good. Our roles are different in different stories.

If our love is a game,
I'm the loser
If our love is a sad song
I'm its lyrics
If our love is a movie
I'm the interval
If our love is a tango dance
I'm the third person
If our love is a clear sky
I'm the one drenched in raindrops
If our love is a novel
Im the character that could not make it to the happily ever after
If our love is a poem
Im the muse long forgotten
If our love is the moon
I'm the clouds obscuring its light
If our love is pure magic
I'm just an illusion of it
If our love is familiar faces and warm smiles
I'm the stranger whose goodbyes are diguised as cute smiles
If our love is the beginning of something new
Im the funeral toll
If our love is a welcome mat
Im the doorbell that never rings
**I can give you
My soul
My body
My mind
My all
But it will never be enough
Cause baby, our love is a sunflower
Im the colorless sunrise..
I'm just waiting for you to realise it
And turn your face away from me

Pls, don't emotionally abuse each other and call it love. Pls, don't be a parasite depending on the other for your happiness and growth, and call it sweet. It's good to be happy around them, however that does not mean you start being miserable without them. Even if they're gone for a second. Pls, don't tie a noose around someone's ankle, start pulling on it every time you are sad, and call it love. Your dependency is not love, your insecurities is not love. We all get down and we all need to know we are loved once in a while but as romantic it's to have a person remind you how beautiful you're daily, you need to believe it and feel it so you can tell them that they're beautiful too, that whenever they get little insecure or worried, you're not so caught up in your own bubble of troubles to notice it. Because accepting others to fix all your problem is not love. Because in the end, you are and you should be the driver of your life and they can guide you once in a while and sit next to you,  but please don't call all this needing love.

I'm sorry for trying to merge Your shadow with mine

And I tried really hard
to change my ways,
to be softer,
but with you there is no grey region
either I'm flying too high,
or I'm crashing down
an abyss

and all I ever wanted,
was for you to hold my hand,
and willingly walk through
this road called life.

And I tried really hard
to stop chasing my expectations,
and settle down with my reality,
but with you, there is no consistency,
one day your eyes tell me,
you'll follow me to wherever I go,
and next day I'm sitting alone,
thinking where did I go wrong

and all I wanted
was for you to make me feel loved once in a while,
even though I always know,
you already love me.

and I tried really hard
to keep up with your pace
but all my improvements,
you never really acknowledged.
you pull me up in your embrace
and push me away in the next
carve a frown, turn it upside down,
to you, it is all just a game.

And for once, let us play a game
of who loves whom more
and i'd let you win happily
if you only tried

but you don't really care much,
maybe, tomorrow, I'll try again
when you show up with another version of you.

He will  call you beautiful and you'll feel something stir within you, a feeling that makes you realise with a warm surprise that you believe that that's how he feels and that will be your first cue. Your first warning. An omen asking you to turn your back and run away as fast as you can.

You're sitting with him watching the sun set and you'll look at him and catch him looking at you and that moment will take your breath away and you'll ask yourself how come you never noticed how strikingly beautiful he is. And that's  your second warning.  Tell yourself it's not him and it's the sunset's ability to turn everything it touches into an art. Do whatever it takes you to convince yourself of that. And whatever you do, don't spend your nights away looking for metaphors to fit him.

And soon enough you'll find his name trembling on your lips and these unknown feelings bouncing in your tummy trying their best to announce themselves to the world and have them acknowledged. And this my darling is a very dangerous stage. Choke on them if you have to. Bite your lips till you bleed out and hold on your breath till you're blue in the face but whatever you do, don't let your emotions be known. Because they're little fire who might burn you from inside if you don't allow them to see the light but know, once they get out, they'll set everything you love on fire starting with the little brown eyed boy you seem to love so much.

It's been few days and you see his gaze lingering on you for longer than ever before and his mouth opening and closing as if it intends to tell you something and this, my baby, is your last chance to save your life. After all, you should have known by now that you're perfectly capable of breaking yourself without any lending hand. Then why **** the thing you have put so much faith in? Let the one thing you love remain untouched by your miseries. After all, you have still not learnt how to fly and why would you be willing to clip off your own wings?

And don't try denying that you would not. Because you know you will.

And if there is one thing worse than a guy you love, it's a guy who loves you.

Because the same rush you're feeling; the gentle caress of wind thar uplifts your mood and soothes your qualms can also rage against you and uproot the very foundation of your being. And you, my darling, are not ready for it.

Insecurities and a need to be needed don't get along so beautifully. So do yourself a favor, darling and leave.

All these pieces and not enough space to hold them all
All these guilts and no one to confess them to
All these words and no poet around to marvel
All these potentials and no motivation to fulfill them.

All these sadness and not enough time to carve them into art
All these emptiness and this 5-9 job
All these numbness and this full blown party
All these familiar faces and not a single friend.

All these laughter and no echo of happiness from within
All these glorification and anticlimatic reality
All these walls and no windows and door to get in
All these things to hold on to and there's your memories.

All these raining and you're still caught up in a draught,
All these homes, and you'd rather lay on the road
All these pretty things, and the raw, unadulterated you
All these lingering silences, and no peace.

All these blooms and the graveyards' laments,
All these flutters of heart and the outrageous mess it makes.

Her eyes
Were the shade of black
But a closer inspection
would tell you
*They were so much
more

Her eyes held chaos
Wrapped up in poetry,
Like constellations,
You could only read them
Once you get familiar
With the patterns

Her eyes are an endless night sky
With hope shimmering as stars,
All over,
A heavenly view to some,
For me the perfect place
to untangle my woes and live in

Her eyes are the kindest black hole
You'll ever see
Pulling you in and swallowing your insecurities and sadness up
Till only the real, unbroken you stand beside her

Her eyes are the tempest,
A door to another world,
And one part of your soul remains untouched
Unless you climb in her mind
And see the world through her eyes

Her eyes
Are the shade of black
But on closer look
You'll see
They are much more than that
They are the place I had to get lost first
To find my true self

Would I still be me
If I did not have
These fancy words to bleed

I'm the pebbles in my pocket
That keeps me drowning
Farther into depth
I'm the frigging rescue boat too
And I'm yet learning
how to deal with that

I like to sit and watch
The world
Never bothering to participate
I like to live in my past
And wish on the stars
That are long dead


would I still be me
If I did not have
these fancy words to bleed

I'm the only cloud in my own sky
Blotting a perfect view.
I'm the blazing sun too.
And I'm trying to learn how
To take responsibility
If It rains down on me

I like to dodge away
All these sad incidences
I turn them into art, When they hit me
I like to use my words
To guide me out of my own head; It's the only time i make sense to myself


Would I still be me
If I did not have
these fancy words to bleed?

I'm the lonely dandelion
Having myself blown away
To the ten directions
I'm the wind too
Challenging everything that
Gets in my way

I like to look at the trees
I like to have the wind whisper my name
I would like to be you
I would like to be him
Without ever losing the essence
Of my true self


Would I still be me
If I did not have
these fancy words to bleed

silently whispers

You're not the allegation of any guy who blames you for leading him on because you have two fatty sacs on your chest.

silently whispers

Your tears don't absolve you of your masculinity, nor your gentleness is something to mock about. Don't let anyone tell you any different.

silently whispers

You are not the lustful touches they give, or the hungry stares. If a man finds you ***** after he has touched you, tell him to look at his own hand.

silently whispers

You're not entitled to give it to someone, or enjoy what has been forced upon you, cause it is a sick imagination of someone else. Your gender does not determine if you're a victim or the culprit, deserving the punishment.

Please don't ever think you're supposed to sit still when someone's hand over stays their welcome, and stray to other places, where they were not invited because everyone says your gender Is supposed to enjoy any ****** act.

silently whispers*
You're not the intentions or the ***** implications of someone who compliments you, neither you accept their unsaid offer when you say thank you.

And when you talk of things like that, you're not supposed to stagger, when they speak out loud-" but I have never done that". Not you, maybe, buy definitely someone else.

speaks out loud
A crime does not stop because you refuse to participate in it, or if you decide to close your eyes. You can't dismiss a problem because you never had it happen to you.
It's not a girl or a boy, who is sexually abused.
It's a person.
Please, proceed onwards after you have this understood

Who am I
but the broken pieces
Of who I used to be

Who am I
but a silhouette of the bright future
I had always dreamed

Who am I
but the fading cry inside my heart ;
"I'm still here. I am. I am."

Who am I
But what's left of everything
That broke me

Who am I
But another racer
Who does not know where he is going

Who am I
But a love
that is never loved back

Who am I
But a mixture of feelings
That have already been felt

Are my thoughts original?
Or are they echoes
Of every things they have witnessed

I looked at you
For far too long
To be able to distinguish it
From an eternal love
And yet it was so short
I'll keep being reborn
Until you realise
How it is your breaths that hold my life

You shone
For far too long
To get the envious eyes
Of everyone we have ever known
And yet it was too short
My heart wrote you a poem
But I could not get the words out of chest
Soon enough

A silver doe
Showed me a way
Out of the misery I had wove
around myself
Long enough till it was properly gotten rid of
But just when I turned to caress it
I saw its light fade in the sunlight

Your dark eyes
A mystery in their own, intimidated I stood still
Reading into your shadow
And just when I mustered up my courage
To ask your name
You exploded
And that is how stars were born.

The sorrow is yours,
As much as it's mine,
Your heart has rights to its tears,
The same way mine cries.

The treasured moments,
Are tucked,
In the curve of my lips,
Just the way they, sometimes, creep to your cheeks,
And make you blush.

The nostalgia, the sweet pang behind them,
Can be read in your eyes,
Just as obviously as they show in mine.

The sorrow is yours,
As much as it's mine,
Your heart has rights to its tears,
The way mine cries.

Don't bother drawing lines,
We are bound to cross,
My heart is crazy,
Just as bad as yours.

The rumors that transcend,
Like wildfire in dry woods,
My contribution to these stories,
Are as much as yours.

Give words to these memories,
A tune to these words,
The old tune that you'll hum,
Will belong to me, as much as it belongs to you.

My verses,
And your prose,
Tell the same tale,
Of same loss.

This sorrow is yours,
As much as it's mine.

Tell them about the time you spent your day looking for a rock to live under, tell them how your soul seeks an understanding that is nowhere to be seen in his eyes.
Tell them about the time you stuttered while talking to the guests your mum invited
How you kept wanting to say sorry cause that Is the only emotion you ever feel these days
Tell them about the time you laid on your bed all alone
Seeing nightmares with open eyes
Tell them how everyone that left and everything you love
Comes back to haunt you every night
Tell me how you stopped talking to your friends
To avoid their snap out of its
Tell them about that one time your teacher asked you where do you see yourself in 10 years and
You imagined yourself rotting in an abandoned house
Tell them how you feel like an abandoned house; a graveyard where people come and bury their broken dreams and forget to re-visit
Tell them how you try to give everyone what they want and at the end of the day when you are alone
You just don't know who you are or who you want to be
Tell them how you can't remember how or why it went this bad
But only that no one helped you prevent it
Tell them how the only thing you can do from falling apart is
Write these gibberish talks
Tell them how you wonder if you are that good at putting a facade
Or the number of damns they give is dwindling
Tell them how you think it is the later
Tell them how you feel so hopeless when you hear your parents talk about what is wrong with you
Tell them how you think you doomed them by walking into their lives
Tell them how what once was can never be that way again
And how every time the wind blows you feel it tearing you apart at the very seams of your being
Tell them how you are more cracks than skin
And how
Everything they say
Or everything you had drained out
Now you are just a void.

"sometimes, the poem has more friends than the poet."

And I kind of find it beautiful and I kind of find it sad
But at least the poet has his pen.
When all else has left
He can look across all these version of himself
Scattered on the floor,
Across all these pages.
Maybe that's why he writes,
To give tribute to all parts of himself,
All the damage he has endured,
Or maybe he just writes to feel less lonely,
Or he writes because he just has to,
Like one has to breathe.

Whatever the reason may be,
I'm kind of glad,
That when all else has left,
An artist still has his art,
And it may not be much,
But it's at least not nothing at all,
Maybe his works are a result of all his pain,
A consolation price for losing more than he has gained.

A pen might might not always be mightier than a sword,
But sometimes it's all you need to get through.

A person is not what
Others' opinions define him to be
A moon's beauty can not be judged on a night it is eclipsed by clouds
A tree is much more than the bare branches you see in autumn
There Is more to a poet than what he is willing to write about

There is more story behind a frown than a heartbreak,
There are the memories lurking
Invisible to their cold eyes
There is more to me and you than
These heartbreaks
There is more to us than what their cold eyes will ever find

There is more complexity to my character
Than the page of my story you decided to waltz in
There is a lot more to everyone of us
Than what our eyes see
And pain makes only sense If it still hurts,
But no one can ever truly get the extent
to which someone is grieving inside

There is more to my wound,
Than the faded scar you see
And I hope there is more to you
than the judgmental hypocrisy.
Because
I have seen you bleed too,
May be not the way I do.
But one thing you should know, never smother,
**As no pain is inferior to another.

My head
-is a hurricane
of contrasting thoughts and desires;
a hurricane with no eye
weakening the already fragile thread
by which my sanity hangs

My Heart
-is empty
i'm a void you may say
you used to occupy me
but since you left
it's left to rust
and eventually decay

My Lips
-are numb
it's been so long since you lingered there
meekly it whispers
i miss you
but you're no longer there to listen
it's a void
screaming into a void

My soul*
-unseen forces ignite it every night
you left your fingerprints all over it
tell me why did you have to create a flame
when you had no intention of extinguishing it

My eyes
-they never rest anymore
they keep exchanging glance between the watch and the door
not in the least interested in
what time is it
but counting the moments since you left
and hoping that one day
somehow
your road leads you back to mine

i was not kidding when i said
*All of me
needs all of you

In between the rise and fall of your chest
I find a place to rest my head
I feel all the insecurities leave me
When you call me beautiful
In your semi-conscious state
I watch you seek me
In your dreams
And call out my name
And if it was possible to love you
More than i already do
In this moment i definitely would
I hold your hand
You pull me in
Without ever seeing me
I feel the irrelevance of the words
I have been molding
To fit the love i have for you
But love lies in these little things
How two lovers seek each other
After a long torturous separation
A couple of ily's and kisses are exchanged
Before your consciousness fades
I know I'll be there with you
Wherever it is your heart sails to
In your dreams
A place far from this world
Of bitterness and hypocrisy
The clock tick-tocks
Time never favored us,
I beg it to stand still
So that i can encapsulate every scar and wrinkle
On your skin
I'm in your bed again
It feels like it had been another life
When we held each other
And bid farewell
I guess
Without you to hold on to
I held on to your memories tighter than before
We decided
The river was too wide
And it was hard to swim
With all of the world clasping with chains at our feet
We finally accepted
The world always wins
But my heart,
though secretly and inaudibly,
Still chants your name
And my mind is too busy playing pretend
To bother itself
With the fuss
Produced by my wailing heart
But now when im laying
In such a close proximity with you
There is no place
I would rather be
But the clock strikes 6
I know it is too early to leave
But it will always be too early
Too soon
I think there is a love
You just can't survive
I know it
Because that love is ours
reluctantly i pull myself away from you
But my heart and soul
Refuses to leave
I threaten them
I say I'll never set my foot in this place again
They reply with a smirk
This is where all your path leads to
We will see you again

I'm scared of the unknown,
But should that mean,
I should bow down to the unknown?

I love you,
Of that I'm sure,
A leap of faith, Or another crashing fall?

What if,
Someone out there,
Connects better to your soul?

A rosy cheeked girl,
Holds in her palm,
The joys of all your favorite festivities

Do you think,
My love is worth,
The life that you are giving?

Maybe, we can leave the world behind,
Not that it ever cared
much about you and I

But about the plethora of differences,
Of culture and races,
That separate us.

What if ours was the love,
That burns too bright,
And hence should end too soon?

I have always been,
Scared of the unknown,
Concreted path,
Is what I prefer to walk on.

After all,
The waves of sea,
Also subside to a rhythm.

You see, all my life,
I have been scared of the unknown.


A yes or a no?
Hate to keep you waiting,
But I really don't know

I gave away
Too much of me
To make room for
Too much of you
I wish i had not

I never put you
on the top
of my list
But said goodbye to everyone else
{It was you and only you}
I wish i had not

I bribed the sun
To let you shine the brightest
And the moon
To never let you
Go astray
I wish i had not

I murmured your name to the wind
And told all of my friends about you
Now,
The wind still whispers your name
My friends look at me with eyes askance. So
I wish i had not

You mesmerized me
With your words
I ended up believing all of them.
Oh, how
I wish i had not.

The stars follow her
everywhere she goes
When she gets lost,
she will let them guide her home.

Thee moon sings her lullaby
While she watches it look at the earth
With a certain longing
Not so very new to her.

And the sun,
Well it bleeds for her pain every evening
And paints the scarlet love all over the sky

The planets spin
Ever so slowly
So that she doesn't trip
And yet keeps progressing

The galaxies reside in her
Demanding her attention
To first name each stars that reside within her
Then look anywhere else

The light travels
Miles and miles
Only to land at her feet,

And the wind blows
She has heard them sigh
Because they are never able
To stay still
And just have a long look at her


So don't feel bad for her
Don't underestimate her power
Because she is kind enough
For she has got the whole universe with her.

-Aditi Kumari

sometimes I am the storm destroying everything that gets in my way, most of the time I am house of cards, torn apart even by a gentle sway
sometimes I am the beautiful sunrise, most of the times i am the blackness of night
sometimes rainbows come to me and borrow my colors, most of the time I Am the queen of everything broken and dark
sometimes I am gravity, most of the times I'm just a void
sometimes I am a strong tide, most of the times I'm the footsteps washed away on sand
sometimes I am what you want, most of the times I am everything you want to run away from but you can't
sometimes i am the warmth, but always I am the damp storehouse you never visit
sometimes I am the sound of windchimes playing that remind you of home, most of the times I am the slamming of the door and You're always leaving
sometimes I am the lullaby that helps you sleep, most of the times I am the silent screams in your head that won't leave you alone
sometimes I'm fire but mostly I'm ashes on the floor,
sometimes I Am hurricane but mostly I am the first building to fall
sometimes i am passion but mostly i am the regretful tears
sometimes I am your muse but mostly i am the song whose lyrics you always forget

*Sometimes I'm the sun but mostly I'm the ray whose shadow left itself for him

Touch her
as the snow falls
and watch who first melts,
Her or the snow flakes,
That land in your palm

Kiss her
while the storm rages on
And see what gets undone first
Her or, the looming destruction

Lay next to her,
While the darkness sweeps over
And watch what lights your heart better
Her smile or, the million scattered stars.

For someone who is never leaving,
I say goodbye a lot
For someone who is never gonna stop loving you,
I deny my love a lot
For someone who needs you like a newborn needs to be fed
I push you away a lot.

For someone who counts every second from the moment i hear your footsteps fade
Till i see you again,
I pretend to be oblivious a lot.

For someone who is burning at the sight of you two together,
I wish you well a lot.
For someone who cries every night,
I still have a lot of hurt inside
For someone who is never going to be first on your list,
I expect a lot.

For someone who remains awake at night reminiscing the little details about you
I avoid any sort of eye contact with you a lot.