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Marigolds Fever Dec 2019
The Heart is home
Where hope takes root
And love flows
Where we can celebrate a strong bond

I wana wish you a beautiful Christmas
I wana wish that your heart is home.

Where goodbye becomes
The adore
And hello means
Stay evermore
That sound
Is the dreamy home
You found

I wana wish you a beautiful Christmas
I wana wish that your heart is home.

When Hearts are home
Chairs at table
When we’re apart
For who owns your heart
They share in the feast
When hearts are home

I wana wish you a beautiful Christmas
I wana wish that your heart is home.

Twinkling by twilight
Their love floats high
A colorless bright
In your home sky

I wana wish you a beautiful Christmas
I wana wish that your heart is home.

Stay awhile
Won’t you
This is the plea
When hearts are home
They are free
To walk the ice castle with me

I wana wish you a beautiful Christmas
I wana wish that your heart is home.

Inside the snowy globe I roam
When my heart is home
Each snow flake is unique
That lands on my nose
But I am not froze
I know home is waiting
With a hot cup of cocoa
And the memories of you
When hearts are home

I wana wish you a beautiful Christmas
I wana wish that your heart is home.


**G6, A#dim, Bm7 - Country
Copyright © Marigold’s Fever 2019
Queenologist Nov 2018
I wana close my eyes
& wake up next to you
I wana see your worst
that leads up to the best of you
I wana lay on your chest
& listen to your heart beat
Look up into your eyes
& tell you that it belongs to me
I wana please you
mentally, emotionally & physically
I wana make you smile
be your saving grace
kiss all over your face
& give you the best of me
I wana make you wana run home to me
& make love to me
because you love being alone with me
I want you to trust deep down in your core that I adore you
Do anything for you
I love you with all of me
I Would never do you any harm
You not being part of my world
means everything in life is wrong
I wana be your confidant
your best friend, lover & your wife
I want you to know that
where you belong is forever in my life.
Marigolds Fever Dec 2019
Either too young or too old to call your own

Experience has made it hard for you to roam

I wana know a little bit about loyalty and love

Loyalty and love for you and me

Not going to fix the heart to see it tear apart

While you keep lookin up

When will you see

It's half full your cup

Home is where the heart is

Don't wish for a lighter load

Wish for broader shoulders

To bring you home, once again

I wana know a little bit about loyalty and love

Loyalty and love for you and me

It’s not that hard

If you look directly in the sun

You might get blinded

By its light

But that intense heat

Is what makes us feel complete

I know it’s possible to dream

Isn’t that what makes us a human being

I wana know a little bit about loyalty and love

Loyalty and love for you and me

Don’t write it off like you’re scared

You know it’s the only path home

They say life is better when you’re paired

So if you agree

Would you take my hand

And tell me you’ll forever be my man

I wana know a little bit about loyalty and love

Loyalty and love for you and me

Let’s set each other’s hearts free

Let them grow to what they should be

A little bit of loyalty and love

For you and me

D,G,A,Bm9
Copyright Marigold's Fever 2019
zebra Aug 2016
on the first date
she confided in me
i have a chromosomal disorder, disorder, disorder
i need love and pain strangely mixed together
my elixirs
i suffer reality distoooorrtions
a ghastly Vatican of ****** compulsions
my soul is black matter
my **** a seething cauldron of despicable desire
my *** cries for homicidal cruelty

mold me into a *******
fold me like a two dollar beach chair
the wrong way
tear me to bits
unwind my intestine
eat me like a blood ******* ghoul
make me squirm like an anime victim

i thought oh finally a soul mate
with soul

strange as a Dionysian mad hatter on hallucinogenics
hot girl creeping
grimacing at me
meandering conjurations by ****** contortions
stunning impersonations of a Fellini impaling
shes a famous artist
keeps broodish bowels and blood tampons in stainless vitrines
spot lighted
ready for her debut at the
Museum of Modern Art

she blows torrents of snot like ****
her beautiful desperate tongue searching the upper lip
a salty runny viscoses snack
oozy
finding it finally with her frenetic tongue
feeding her gooey ****
with wet fingers
oh yummy yum goo
up her *** too

first smiling then hideous scowls
exposed teeth
posing with a knife
wana see me cut my self bad boy, she taunts
wana see my impersonation of pizza with extra tomato sauce

blood blood *** in the be in the bed
wipe it up with ginger bread

some how she miraculously bulges her eyes out
then performs, ******* lips as if a minnow in a fish jar

pointing to her ***
giving me that **** hurt me twisted look
how about a peanut butter jelly ******* sandwich
with a side of ****** feet
**** and **** on toes
its especially prized this day of the month
as her **** tears like a vampires mouth, a torrent of blood
pouting **** with white red stained thighs that break a mans heart
*** nothing at all she quips
just a little accident
do you like it?
as she glares like an invitation
to play slip and slide bare foot in her puddle of blood

oh she made me *****
my cherry red **** having a nervous breakdown
from apoplectic horror gasms
a dose of heavens hell

i want her
she is voluptuous like a dozen venomous snakes
copulating in warm soup dark water everglades
she is slither theater

curdling screams
then muggling *******
brought on by the first belly stab
falling to her knees
looking up shocked
mouth gaping
eyes wide
grinning
glance steady
holding holding holding
the belly cut
a cacophonous modern dance of agony
followed by rapturous convulsing *******
that went on and on and on

get a bat she implored

she is a real ******* movie star
the Greta Garbo of *****
a dark jewel
a must have
a hell wife
goddess of dread
a ******* *** genius
my best girl ever

fused by desire
we kissed like **** loving catholic priests
in adoration of their savior
young boy *** castrato hitting the high notes


she looked up with desperation
eyes with glittering tears
and said
are you my black knight?
do you know how to hurt a girl
are you my
Vex Mallus
Dr Satan
Marquis De Sick
Nick Nick
Dark Officer
Remus the Werewolf
Dom Sugar Daddy
Pit Bull
Tommy the Tummy Gutter
5 o'clock Shadow
London Cabby
Amputee ******
Uncle Surgery Gone Wrong
King of the Carpathian Vampires
my sweet kissy Kitten

ooohh yes i said
i am all that for loves sake
albeit twisted
i am what you crave.. your no taboo lover boy
your ******* licking foot slave with a razor in hand
a bubble of poison between my legs
your homicidal suicidal cockealiciousness

she said good,
now that we have that settled
can we go out for dinner
ill be dressed in a jiffy
if i can find my dead skirt
of soft white gauze
with that lovely motif of dread red
and my precious toe tag jewelery
My poems remain explorations of the subconscious ******
If i where a film maker or a novelist  you  would see me telling a story, not judge me, although i admit to my paraphilias  
These poems  are lunar anamorphic streams of consciousness from the deep chaotic subterranean glitz of transgressive  impulses we all share
Read them if you dare...You might find that part of yourself that you don't want you to know about and then again  you may feel more complete some how if you do....I always loved that dark thing that sleeps with in me
Shahini Sengupta Feb 2016
I wana fly with you in ecstasy,
I wana sail and swim with you for long in deep blue sea..

I wana to hold your hand and feel the heated sand of desert,
I wana to visit with you the entire world and its each little part..

I wana dance with you in the rain,
I wana run with you through the beautiful valleys like insane..

Come and quickly hold my hand !!
lets go, see the world and enjoy sea, hills, sky and land……………………..
Kurt Philip Behm Feb 2018
‘Wana Hin Gle’ the Lakota call me,
‘Wana Hin Gle’ my given name

‘He Who Happens Now,’ the drum beat has found me,
reaching into this moment beyond glory and fame

As ‘Wana Hin Gle,’ my spirit has wandered,
as ‘Wana Hin Gle,’ my ancestors call

The questions dissolve, as The Great Mystery beckons,
the campfire eternal, the chanting enthralls

“‘Wana Hin Gle,”’ my Mother calls proudly,
“Your horse is now waiting, your shield fixed with bone

“Off into the prairie you must ride in the twilight,
the People will dance until their son returns home

“’Wana Hin Gle,’ you must now happen quickly,
the buffalo ravaged, starvation cries loud

“Your eyes to look upon the great Wakan Tanka,
whose absence has shamed us, who once were so proud

“As the great Tasunka Witko who traveled before you,
you must call for your horse to come out of the lake

“Great Mother River and Great Mountain Father,
to your will they entrust what The People forsake

“Your spirit must suffer, the babies still cry,
the cold through the tent *****, all future in blight

“The hawk comes to guide you, as you pass through the darkness,
the drums of your fathers beat into the night

“You will ride to the top of the ‘Pass Of The Bears,’
ask the Grizzly, our brother, where the demon still hides

“Where it lives, you must **** it, for this time and always,
before it steals our last dream, keeping spirits alive

“The White Horse will take you from the lake to the mountain,
and the stallion will sprout wings with its hooves fiery hot

“You will trample this demon and burn him before you,
the smoke will then signal of what he is not

“‘Wana Hin Gle,’” my son; the time is for going,
your journey awaits, past-futures on hold

“The Medicine Woman is locked deep inside you,
your People die waiting—the young and the old”

(Pine Ridge South Dakota: February, 2011)
From My Novel: “Searching For Crazy Horse”
Kurt Philip Behm Jun 2022
‘Wana Hin Gle’ the Lakota call me,
‘Wana Hin Gle’ my given name

‘He Who Happens Now,’ the drumbeat has found me,
reaching into this moment beyond glory and fame

As ‘Wana Hin Gle,’ my spirit has wandered,
as ‘Wana Hin Gle,’ my ancestors call

The questions dissolve, as The Great Mystery beckons,
the campfire eternal, the chanting enthralls

“‘Wana Hin Gle,”’ my Mother calls proudly,
your horse is now waiting, your shield fixed with bone

“Off into the prairie you must ride in the twilight,
the People will dance until their son returns home

“’Wana Hin Gle,’ you must now happen quickly,
the buffalo ravaged, starvation cries loud

“Your eyes to look upon the great Wakan Tanka,
whose absence has shamed us, who once were so proud

“As the great Tasunka Witko who traveled before you,
you must call for your horse to come out of the lake

“Great Mother River and Great Mountain Father,
to your will they entrust what The People forsake

“Your spirit must suffer, the babies still cry,
the cold through the tent *****, all future in blight

“The hawk comes to guide you, as you pass through the darkness,
the drums of your fathers beat into the night

“You will ride to the top of the ‘Pass Of The Bears,’
ask the Grizzly, our brother, where the demon still hides

“Where it lives, you must **** it, for this time and always,
before it steals our last dream, keeping spirits alive

“The White Horse will take you from the lake to the mountain,
and the stallion will sprout wings with its hooves fiery hot

“You will trample this demon and burn him before you,
the smoke will then signal of what he is not

“‘Wana Hin Gle,’” my son; the time is for going,
your journey awaits, past-futures on hold

“The Medicine Woman is locked deep inside you,
your People die waiting—the young and the old”

(Pine Ridge South Dakota: February, 2011)
From My Novel: “Searching For Crazy Horse”
zebra Aug 2018
The new # 69 hoochi coochi smoochi
rubberized *** robot ****** sucker model 2.0
now available

*******
feelin lonely
tired of spats
credit cards charged up from dates that don't put out
don't like the same restaurants
not ***** to your taste
cant stand the in-laws
you wana live costal, they like Kansas
or
tired of internet dating
and no time for a quickie

when the one you love tells you they aren't in the mood

well bunky
its a brave new world
take a spin in our new model
robot 69, 2.0
they talk
they walk
warm all ova inside and out
scented oiled perfumed *** optional
and flavored
to include
chocolate crunch, vanilla, strawberry
and
phooey
replete with an array of assorted interchangeable
*****, *****'s and butts
extra sturdy for ware and tear
and those little irresistible spankies and whoopins
you just cant live without
plus any colors, or rainbow rubber chasse
gay straight or mix it up how eva
trans trans gender

buy out right
or rent ala cart
deluxe or standard
voice activated

advanced multi lingual
baby talk and hits the high notes
talks back software program
and
NO always means YES
plus
screams
cu cu cu cu cu cummmmming
cooes I love you
**** me now *****
shred me you ****** ******
and many others
in over 50 languages

Other optional features include

age play
ethnic fetish
banjee
blow jobs
tipping the velvet
**** to mouth
salad tossing
*******
spit roast
bare back
chicken head
death grip
*******
mammary *******
*******
Netflix and chill
*******
*******
brown bath
cream pie
*******
motor boating

and the shocker  
two in the pink and one in the stink
adult ***
Kurt Philip Behm Feb 2020
‘Wana Hin Gle’ the Lakota call me,
‘Wana Hin Gle’ my given name

‘He Who Happens Now,’ the drum beat has found me,
reaching into this moment beyond glory and fame

As ‘Wana Hin Gle,’ my spirit has wandered,
as ‘Wana Hin Gle,’ my ancestors call

The questions dissolve, as The Great Mystery beckons,
the campfire eternal, the chanting enthralls

“‘Wana Hin Gle,”’ my Mother calls proudly,
“Your horse is now waiting, your shield fixed with bone

“Off into the prairie you must ride in the twilight,
the People will dance until their son returns home

“’Wana Hin Gle,’ you must now happen quickly,
the buffalo ravaged, starvation cries loud

“Your eyes to look upon the great Wakan Tanka,
whose absence has shamed us, who once were so proud

“As the great Tasunka Witko who traveled before you,
you must call for your horse to come out of the lake

“Great Mother River and Great Mountain Father,
to your will they entrust what The People forsake

“Your spirit must suffer, the babies still cry,
the cold through the tent *****, all future in blight

“The hawk comes to guide you, as you pass through the darkness,
the drums of your fathers beat into the night

“You will ride to the top of the ‘Pass Of The Bears,’
ask the Grizzly, our brother, if the demon still preys

“If it does, you must **** it, for this time and always,
it has hovered above us keeping spirits away

  “The White Horse will take you from the lake to the mountain,
and the stallion will sprout wings with its hooves fiery hot

“You will trample this demon and burn him before you,
the smoke will then signal of what he is not

“‘Wana Hin Gle,’” my son; the time is for going,
your journey awaits, past-futures on hold

“The Medicine Woman is locked deep inside you,
your People die waiting—the young and the old”

(Pine Ridge South Dakota: February, 2011)
From My Novel: “Searching For Crazy Horse”
Negra Nov 2015
At the most recent party I went to
I was only warm.
The complete opposite of what I wanted to feel.
And you said warm is ideal. Right?
And I said no. **** the middle.
I. Want. To. Burn.
From the kind of dancing that makes your back sweat
Hips swing
From the Afro Latin beats
Whine to the Caribbean dance hall music
Naturally stepping without getting stepped on.
Screaming in unison to the lyrics of a dumb top 40's song.
Breaking my back to some nasty reggaeton
Throwin it back to the 90's classic. OW!
Gettin intimate body to body in a tasteful salsa.
Baby baby baby you make me wana holla.
I want to sweat!
But no one's dancing.
There's too much beer pong.
And I'm warm,
Only from alcohol.
I'm leaving this party.
Negra Jul 2016
My mother tongue got cut off
I’ve been bleeding in my mouth ever since
But I learned to cope with the pain
Because no one with my mothers tongue has been able to
Show me how to grow it back.

Hair grows back easily though.
It keeps my head warm
So my thoughts can sit comfortably
While trying to process what the **** everyone’s saying,
Without burdening the translator who just wants to listen.

I try but can’t listen or speak
It turns into a silent loud noise
This language barrier pulls my hair
My thoughts release with no refuge
It’s cold out here I try and tell them
But no one can hear me.

So I try to improvise and improvise
I wana say I love you. I’ll try and show you how.
I can’t verbalize my humor
It makes me cry.
Now they wont get to know me as deeply
As I dig for them and they dig for me.

Then they ask me how could you not learn your language
As if I hate it
I ask them do you know my story
I did not choose this.

It’s not their fault
It’s not my fault
Idk what was conspiring against me or with me
To make this happen.

So as I try and learn to grow back my mothers tongue

I pray that this is a gift
And its curse like symptoms is only a mask

I pray this is a gift
And its curse like symptoms is only a mask

I pray this is a gift
And its curse like symptoms is only a mask
Amen
shakela storr Jul 2011
I am tired of being torn
But inside I know im being warned
I gatta choose, but this feeling inside wont let me loose
I got a real good man in my life, takes care of me and treats me right
Shopping sprees, trips around the world, **** this man even buys me diamonds and pearls
He spends quality time with me and when im down he makes sure that I don’t wear a frown
But I have a secret that’s so bad, being torn like this is so dam sad.
I got a man in my life who wants to do right
And a **** who loves on me every single night
Bald headed, Strong, muscular, ****** chocolate
Tall, dark and handsome
tattoos all over his body
Tongue ring in his mouth and when he kisses me all over he makes me tremble and shout
DAM I love u boo!
I call him my mandingo cause he’s so true
The *** is so good, tears roll down my eyes and I cry tears of joy
And wish he would never stop and for a moment I think im in love
Forgetting this ****  aint nothing but a scrub.
He’s a hustler, gangsta, liar and thief
I said all those bad things but still he makes me weak
I got a good man in life he just proposed
I don’t wana  loose, but this man  he gat me so confused.
And now im pregnant, and I feel like ****
Cause I don’t even know who my baby daddy is
I cant tell my fionce im having second thoughts
You should see him, he’s so excited about this new life im bringing forth.
What do I do this **** don’t even care
He disappeared off the face of this earth and went some where
And now  im stuck with a seed that was planted in side of me
Cause all I wanted was some fun!
Now I have to live with the bad mistakes that I made
Being torn like this really doesn’t make my day
Ladies if you got a good man in your life
Please love and treat your man right
Be faithful and true, cause if you don’t I guarantee it’ll  come back
AND HURT YOU!
Written By- Shakela Donnet Storr
This poem is about my best friend a situation she was going through at a time in her life. Enjoy
Danaca Terlaje May 2013
I never wanted to be that girl..
I didn't wana keep thinking about you...
I don't want to keep crying over you..
You're like a bad dream.
You keep getting repeated in my mind..
I don't wana hear your voice anymore,
But you keep whispering all the things I wana hear.
You didn't give a **** about me,but "Baby I need you."
You never loved me,but "I can't imagine my life without you."
The memories of us keeping drowning in.
My sorrows are the waves...
My hope is my last breathe..

-D.
zebra May 2016
look at those utters
now do as i say
your gaze melts my *****
**** my **** all day

your really pretty
i will love your ***
i dont mind if its ******
what i would do for your *****

You may be the slave
but i love your feet
i could kiss them all day
aren't they sweet

so your the slave
and im the master
come lick my ***
can you do it faster

i will ******* and hurt you
when ever i please
ill stick my **** inside you
i dont like a tease

i love yourl *******
more then i can stand
i could lick it all day
it never taste bland

i want it up
i want it down
if i cant have it
i get a frown

it taste so good
i never get enough
i eat it up
better then a cream puff

if something comes out of it
i really don't mind
i love caviar
but not in a jar

its truly religious
could it be god
incredibly delicious
i know it sounds odd

your ******* is cute
it sends me to bliss
can i prey to it
what about ****

oh yeah i love **** to
i kiss it all night
yummy yum goo
you say its real tight

ok ***** and toes
now im in tears
god i love subs
especially whoes

yes i love ankles
o my lord i love feet
kiss then 4 ever
aren't they sweet

when i see ****
my **** gets so hard
i like them all sizes
but i don't need a yard

then comes the men-strum
for only 3 days
its my very favorite time
i love it always

if your a lady
and don't give it up
and get all ******
go get a pup

if you don't think so
i wont be around
i love ***** *****
all tied and bound

so come to me sub
i love you i do
lets go to bed
i wana ******* :)

xoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Alex DeLarge Jul 2013
She makes herself present when you need her most,
not to boast, but this tasty delight will treat you well as she continues to host.
She doesn’t give herself away too much,
****, if it was up to me I’d cop more than a touch;
A squeeze, a whole late night session, to indulge in her taste of imperfections,
Eat her up til I obtain a dental infection.
Not my intention, but her silhouette alone breeds thoughts of sin,
what I would give, to have her all to myself, wouldn’t know where to begin.
Undress her slowly as she teases me,
And repeatedly, she teaches me to treat her with care and show some decency.
But I can’t concentrate, she has my mind in a figure-four,
I'm a carnivore, but she exposes her flesh and I want more and more.
Its all been done before, but in this moment I’m in bliss,
I reminisce, as I write this, and continue to lick her residue off my lips.
She brings so much variety, all of them eyeing me,
Which will I give into as I inspect each of them quietly.

Sometimes she comes bittersweet, sometimes she’s a freak,
But most of the time she’s in a bad mood cuz I just wana beat, or rather eat.
Our relationship is never bland, she always keeps it fresh and new,
If it gets monotonous she won’t even hesitate to bring a friend or two.
She keeps my hands full, and that’s no easy achievement,
But she brings so much to the table its hard to not fiend it.
My favorite color on her, has to be green, not to be obscene,
But I’d tear her up as if though she was in a different team, knowwhatimean?
And after that delight there wouldn’t be much of her left,
Not to be greedy but Im not sharing until I know there’s more to come next.
If not, I’m vexed, I mean, I’m not addicted but I wouldn’t mind another round,
That’s not being spoiled I just want to know what other delights could be found.
Don’t be selfish and sadden me,
give me a taste so I can eat you up casually.
Oh miss candy, you’re just too fancy,
let me get a grip and I’ll put you on the walls like Bansky.
Kobus Landsberg Mar 2016
Everytime I look at you
You know exactly what I want to do
Youre eyes so pure
I want you for sure

Youre so far away
But I will always stay
I want to see youre face
So that I can feel my heart race

I wana feel your lips
It will sink my ships
I wana touch youre face
And walk an unending maze

My love for you is real
Its truly what I feel
I need you beside me
Just where you need to be
Josh mcnamara May 2014
I hate the way you treat me,you make me want to yell at the top of my lungs and scream!
Is this the way a home is supposed to be, I thought we were all supposed be in peace and harmony.
I tear these walls down and destroy this house that we all share,
Revealing all the "love and care"  you where supposed to bare.
I'm sick and tired of all the fighting and all of the  manipulation, you say we're all family, I call it humiliation.
Your such a 2 faced person your like a dime, you say one thing and then say another you can never make up your mind.
I'm glad I'm moving out, joining the marines was best decision with out a doubt.
You say your tired of everyone's ****, yet we're tired of it all maybe it's time we call it quits.
Don't get me wrong I love you all, but sometimes I honestly wana break down these walls.
Max Friedman Jun 2013
You can tease me,
Beat me,
You know you wana be me,

You can hit me
Curse me
I'll pretend it never hurt me,

You can set me on fire,
And Call me a thief
You can call me a liar
And give me great grief

You could call me a gay
You can call me a dunce,
You could hit me all day,
But you only live once,
hater gonna hate
Lorraine day Jul 2013
Life it's just a boardgame
But it comes without instruction
There's happiness joy
Devastation corruption
Good days sad days
Cruel ways crime that pays
Gotta learn the rules fast
Play the game
Make it last
If you wana be a winner
Got more chance as a sinner
The games hard can't be slow
You'll Learn more as you go
There's pleasure treasure
Love we can't measure
Politics religion
Prostitutes and virgins
Special occasions
No order in the nations
Good intentions
Wrong interpretations
Wrangles scandals
******* n vandals
Temptation resistance
Council tax insistence
Birthdays holidays
Cruel ways crime that pays
Gotta learn the rules fast
Play the game make it last !
Sounds a bit like a rap don't know where this one came from  - it's what I see my philosophy on life I suppose
Tim Amaru Aug 2014
"Dear Mama",
Question...
"Is life worth living or should I blast myself"
I'm always searching for those "better days"
knowing that peace in my heart will come In "Thugs Mansion".
Where I can "sip champagne
while I listen to Billy Holliday sing
and sit there kickin it with Malcolm till the day came."

Should I "ride on my enemies"?
Become one of "Amerikas most wanted"?
Or should I remember
that "the road is hard so I'll never give up"?
And "time don't stop, always going by.
So I'll puff on mine, hoping that it will get me high"

Smile for me.
"Won't you smile for me now"?
"It ain't easy" being a changed man
so when it feels like "all eyez on me".
I just remember that
"heaven ain't hard to find".

But I'm Not starving, I been eatin Hardy,...like the night at that "Gangsta Party"....
Certain things happen, I wana be happy so I have to make some arranges... Hopin in my life I have the ability to 1 day make those "Changes"...
Deepali Aug 2023
And today i got to feel u back again.
Read my old Poem, I wrote for you,
When i was in pain.

Never knew, you would be the one
Who actually read my black diary that day
lines you wrote on pages to next pages
u got me, i got you tooo
My dopamine got Lit up for you in that way.

One movie date and two night-outs with no talks in our whole friendship at all
3 years knowing you as a hip hop producer
i really felt your production was different
Those beats are just Wow.

"Insane" - His name all that matters.
Both hustling for music as career
i saw hardworking stupid kid
i wana never let you ever ever suffer.

Trance lover me,
Getting Rapped up Altitudes Of love
relaxing my mind when we grind
With music we both breathe-in
No lovestuff to waste our time...
And soo...
I hold back my pampering child
Oh heaven! Its all Right
"BUT"
These second thoughts still remain the same
i realized my love is true for you
Its ******* Insane!!!
Will i be marrying you or not
I still get those Second Thoughts.
Hey Shubh. you are doing great. We love you. ♡
sahil madan Nov 2011
AVERAGE
“Being normal driving me crazy”

I start living with the word called average,
Average intelligence with my studies,
Continuously growing my worries.
A middling guy with no money in his pocket,
How bad in this world to be an average,
Now I started believing on my god locket.
Someone is gifted someone is not,
Growing with your passion give you a lot,
Still society demand different from you,
What the hell is your passion,
Your brother passed with good marks,
Why don’t you.
First and last thing I wana do,
Writing is my passion, so let me do.
Let me breath with the emotions,
Let me sleep with the endless thoughts,
Exploring the imaginary world with my eyes,
I don’t wana come out from unreal thing inside.
Slowly understanding the meaning of my subjects,
But fast defining the meaning of beautiful nature,
Is that my mistake, in your stupid practical world?
So common everybody start calling me a duffer.
Am average with understanding your convenient world,
So you declare me a guy, who is lazy,
******* you all,
Being normal driving me crazy.
crazzzyyy
zebra May 2017
there's a crazzzy devil
in
the white house
twisting our nation
into a denizens den
a tub of **** in a suit
ascending ***** matter
in
a clogged toilet
a black plague
we have a president with the attention span
of sea clams
an emotional ******* drip of impetuosity
a spiraling fit of rage
a snarling delusional dog
narcissist in a warping mirror
a pathetic complainer
a cyst on the body politic
clot
open sore
seething pustule
piggish **** lover
gangsters dupe
fascist wana be

heil heil
god your a pile

making Russia great again
licking Vlad's *****
protecting your assets no doubt
and hissing tweets
at war with with only everything
and figments of a disturbed imagination
a real windmill killer

his mouth
the devils mark
a yapping compulsive lier
forked tongued fury
possessed to a fault
by the vainglories
of money and ego out of bounds
the biggest and the best
at being
the very worst and a pest
grand royalty of ridicule
*****
a ham ****** cartoon nightmare
and clumsy stumbling bore
a seething volcano of perpetual excrement
reading from the book of chaos
aberrations of enemies
a war room president
at war with his own citizens
huddled in a panic chamber
burns and cuts himself
with his own hot sharp words
as there thrown back at him
a bully getting bullied
a ripper getting ripped
the brains of a lizards eyelid
in a shadeless socket
pulp hearted orangutan
menace to society
his mottled soul
like a black sun
on the verge
of a black hole
a hell mill of decrepitude
a dark creep creeping
tarnishing our beautiful country
lights dim
America

there's a devil
in the white house
Flivansa Dec 2013
I saw the good in you and that made me happy
I saw a light that ignites when I see you
I saw the excitement in your face when I talk to you
I saw that smile that hides all of your sorrow

And now that I'm closer
I feel your pain
Now that that I'm here
I feel it in my vanes
I hate seeing you sad
So please try to understand
I do this because I care
Not because I'm mad
You have opened up this door that I haven't seen before
is it normal that I wana know more
That side is attracting me to come
Hold me tight cuz I don't wana go there
I'm feeling scared that's it's pulling me there
I won't do that cuz I know who I am
And to me that side is just a passing spam
Hopefully that door will close soon
And I'll be free
So go to hell dark side I'm not coming today
Cuz I'm better then this so bye bye forever
JAATC Oct 2020
Im tryna
Build a house of gold
But its a straw world, where dey
Freely give diseases and sell antidotes
World, INC.
Commercialised population control
No sovereign man, no sovereign state
Big Bank make the rules
The police are corporate agents
And prisons are big business
Under a government
That's been bankrupt for a century
My straw man is a Trust,
"MY NAME" in all caps on a certificate
As a Citizen
My assets, labour, and energy
Was promised as commerce to back this fictional entity
The fight is perpetual as long as we concede with this system
Really,
Is suicide escape or submission?
Wana vow to my people
To be there when they awake but its hopeless
*** in the near and distant future
I can see no changes
Fake smiles as a hypocrite
And all I can do is injustice
As long as I accept it
Is Man the peak of expression,
And is samsara his polarity?
In a non-meta way I aint happy
Latiaaa Jan 2014
It was June 19th 2013, Tia and Jay just finished their freshman year of high school. Summer was starting and the sun was bursting flare heat into the school.  Jay and Tia met a while back in the beginning of school. Bio is when they set it off. “So what are you doing for the summer” Jay asks, “Nothing much, I may juts chill this summer” Tia replies. “Well do you want to go to a water park with me?” Jay says in a nervous tone, “Sure.” They hold hands and walk to his locker. Tia sees Drew at his locker taking out all his junk from August. “Drew what’s all this garbage?” Tia says with a disgust look on her face. Jay replies before drew, “It’s probably just a bunch of game cards lol.” Drew is Tia’s best friend. They met earlier in the school year (English). Drew just gives Jay the look of an annoyed person and gets back to his work. “So Drew wana come to the water park with me and Jay this summer?” Tia says, “I’ll see, I’ll have to ask my mom” Drew says in concern.
After going to everyone’s locker saying the good o’l goodbyes and hugs, Drew, Jay, and Tia walk outside. They meet up with other friends. Trey, he’s the sarcastic funny, smart, out pointer of one of the friends and he always has to carry his art journal. Then theres Boe, he’s just the one they call “old guy” with his fedoras and old fashion coats, always in style. And last but not least Lula, she’s more of quiet and deep dark person. She doesn’t show a lot of emotions like the others. They all meet up with each other in front of the school. “Does any of you guys wana hit the water park this summer?” Jay says. Tia tugs on Jay’s shirt and pulls herself close to his ear and whispers, “You know we can’t invite everyone, that’s too much!?!?,” Jay just looks at her in confusion and tells everyone never mind. “What’s up with you?” Jay and Drew ask. Tia replies in a quite low but annoyed voice, “It’s just” She stops then replies again, “Nothing.” She hugs Drew and kisses Jay and goes on the bus. “She’s hiding something from us” Jay says in a tone of suspicious. “No she’s just being herself” Drew replies and hits Jay on the head with his lunch bag.
Deepali Jan 2023
Its tough to fight
Its tough to Strike
Its tough to smoothen the ****
Its tough to motivate our mind
Its tough to conquer our feelings
Its tough to win the shine
Its tough to show our emotions
without any pinch of drama
you wana loose up all the pain.

Its tough to win this life
Its tough to take all the love
family, friends and
OuR RIGHTS
Goodnight...
JustChloe Dec 2014
She was 5 years old
her name was Isabel
She knew me very well
everyday we played in the park
and we made up a hand shake too
It went
I dont wana do the dishes
I dont wanan clean my room
all I wanna do is be here with you
then we would hug
and smile all day long
but that didnt last very long
my father told me to watch out for her she was bad
I didnt undrstead that she was the only friend I have very had
My dad insited that we never speak
he tried to make sure we would never meet
But one day in the cafetiria She smiled at me
then we became best friends almost instantly
we Did everything together
one day I invited her over so my dad can see
that she is an amazing person to me
and she is a lovely young lady
that was when i turned 13
she was always ther for me
Then I came to school with bruises all up my face
she aksed what happened to me
That was the first time I told her about my daddy
she threatened to call the police
she said that it was not safe or healthy
that its not normal to be beat
everyday
for nothing
that dads should punch their wives and cheat behind there back
she said good men dont do that
and I believed her
so just so my dad could hear I brought her to dinner one day
she didnt wanna go but I insisted it was ok
When she came over my dad got mad
the maddest I have ever seen him
then she saw my father
He punch her and kicked her then he grab a knife
I told him to stop I screamed
but i was to afraid to fight
to afriad to fight
then she stop moving and layed there still
everything was silent
she was dead
dead
my only friend
THen I grabbed the knife and stabbed my dad in the head
I screamed
NO MORE
no more
Then it wasnt just Isabel that layed dead on the ground
No one made a sound
my mom just stood there staring at me
Then I realized I just lost my family
I killed my daddy
I did worse then I could ever believe so I picked up the knife and stabbed my mommy
I didnt want her to have to live knowing that I killed her family
then I took the knife and stabbed me
That was the end of my family
Vinny Chav May 2016
I thought you were cute once i saw a picture on facebook while i was dating someone else - i said "not to worry about her cause i dont know her" time flies we break up .. The girl in that picture became my happiness, my world, my everything - 2 years & 2 1/2 months became history.. Though i still stand til this day to be what i was when i was with you. I wouldnt change it for nothing. The girl in the picture on Facebook puts my body mind and heart as ease - so caring, so loving, so ... so deeply in love. The girl in the picture on Facebook .. I love you til the death of me, even if we grew apart - id be easily missing you & hit your line with that " i miss you, i wana see you, i miss your presence" 20+ years ill be old as youll still be young and living life .. The girl in the picture on Facebook stole my heart.
Delusional Minds Mar 2015
"When the sins of my father,
weigh down in my soul,
and the pain of my mother,
will not let me go"


you told me when i'd grow up i'd understand some day,
but ever since we went our seperate ways I could never grip why it had to be this way,
back and forth until you slammed the door and went away,
To come back for more and slap your "*****" across the face,

But somethin brought you back to your senses like it always did,
hate your life and blamed your wife but loved your kids,
you staind her mind and made her cry and punched and kicked until she layed to die with bloodshot eyes you ****** *****,

All the alcohol and drugs you did just made me sick,
only ******* hit their women,
I shoulda sprayed a clip,

Sometimes I wished you'd never come back to me cuz I saw my mama truly happy,
and I know that deep inside she loved you once,
but one punch was enough and the rest that came was just too much,
every day you showed up drunk,
it was the same old same and still she showed her love,
I guess you never could appreciate her for what she truly was,

The image of a beautiful lady bruised up is tatted in my brain,
its guys like you that give guys like me a bad name,
cuz "we're all the same" and that could never change,
but one **** up's enough,
who'd walk back to pain?

Bruises fade and scars are covered,
but emotional damage sticks with you,
I love my mother and I know you loved her too,
and what you did wasn't right to you,
but what happened, happened,
I shoulda stuck a knife in you,

She tried for you but won for us,
me and my sisters,
I love em so much and I tell you what,
if they meet a punk like you i'll rip out his tongue,

I won't forgive you for what you done,
but you're still my dad and i'm still your son-

Then I look at you as a person,
I saw through your eyes and heard you cry,
you were always hurtin,
and I don't why but i'm like that too,
I guess we're the same in a way,
maybe that's why I don't like you,

Well i'm older now and I kinda get it,
I had some time to think and I wish you didn't leave,
we left the house but you left for good,
now it hurts every time I drink,
every drug I do reminds me of you,
maybe i'm just tryna hide the pain every time I fly away,
20 year old alcoholic,
i'm in your shoes every step I take,
I even look like you for christ's sake,
its like we got the same brain,

The day you left it hit me,
and ever since it felt like somethin's missing,
but for reasons unexplained I don't wana see your face,
its not because I hate but maybe I just changed,
all that I can say is I hope that you're okay,
my bad for bein cold but my feelings complicate,
but the fact that you're only human is clouded,
all the times that you shouted and pounded your fists in her again and again,
****** me off to no end,
i'm chokin on regret of not jumpin in to bust your head,
i'd give up everything to know you're dead,
nothin's left but painful memories-


"when the sins of my father,
Weigh down in my soul,
and the pain of my mother,
will not let me go,"
i'm consumed in regret,
I shoulda stepped in,
but please forgive me mother,
I was too young-
Dedicated to my ******* father that I look just like-
thulvni Feb 2015
Life and death breathe in my state of immunity death brings fate to calamity wisdom is outstandind it makes you stand our from the crowd exceedingly , I forbid but the dark still proceed I just wana dwell in the ark and suceed am a seed rooted beside the see of greatness and recrouted prosperity

My heart pumps twice for winter and summer for ****** and osama B or martin luther choose what you wana breath detect and eject any pathogen that might bring a disease

What does your heart concieve as it proceeds to pump use both eyes to see but if one misleads you its better to receive life in one view than to swallow a nife and never go trough
#life #death
See ; lately I've been counting my blessings but my blessings coming in less and . Now it seem like my life consists of the stresses and the messes cause nobody gives a **** about the **** I need to get up off my chest and . It's amazing to me , how niggahs be around but they don't care to see that life that I'm loving just ain't for me and I'm trying to do better but the devil keep persuading me , to turn away from the light and not to do what's right. And I been tryna fight to keep good goals in sight but doing what's right just don't feel right ; now it's time for lighting the blunts and tipping the bottles cause all of this **** helps me blank out my sorrows . No time to think , no time to dream . Just floating in and out of consciousness is what I need . & I know I'm hurting myself , but how does a ****** like me step up to get help . Se cause the clock is ticking and with it my life is going minute by minute . And you see this self destruction ; all the drinking and all the cursing & you laugh like it's a joke cause really , my feelings mean nothing . But secretly a ****** like me wants someone special to see that I'm slowly dying inside and with it screaming please help me . Reaching for the top but it feel like never ever touching it , need a helping hand on my back but these niggahs not offering . Army of one since day one & I understand that , but what's wrong with having a couple extra people to look at the side I'm not staring at ? Claiming you my homie but I'm really like "who dat?" Cause when I was popping these bottles you was by my side but when I had no one and no options you wasn't down to ride ? Saying we family ; nah son , I ain't got that . What I need is a hug and some support ; someone to encourage me when I'm down and out & it's clear your not the niggahs who's gonna do that . How is it that every night I have to fight to stay alive when I'm supposed to have all these niggahs by my side . Looking at the mirror and I'm staring at the enemy ; y'all mfs don't know what it's like to be a true friend to me . Heavy *** feeling with my heavy *** heart , tryna suppress them with this constant fuckery , open up the ***** and watch what it does to me . Aha , get it ? Fuckery ? In and out , in and out , I'm thinking that's a good start . Cause that's a moment of bliss that helps me suppress all them problems at heart . Keep your head up ; don't do that , better yourself they say . Your better then that , I love you , you have to be the one to make a change . And I try yo appreciate my supposed ride or dies , but all they want for me is to continue to shine . Continue to shine ? That's good they say . But not when it's only because they want to continue to sit in the backdrop that my spotlight shines they way . Y'all think that I don't know what your up to ? Aha , trust that I know . Wana know a secret ; something I know that you don't ? The only reason your around ; is that if I might make it & I say might cause it's like life has made it it's personal mission to take my fight , but if I might make it , I can take my spotlight the other way and leave you there to stay . So I continue to take it day by day , praying that god give me the strength to keep this pain at bay . And if my praying is I'm vain & nothing in my life begins to change . I might just have to entertain , the idea of making this pain go away .
Day #4: Cody To Saint Mary’s

After breakfast in the Irma’s great dining hall, I left Cody in the quiet stillness of a Saturday morning. The dream I had last night about Indian summer camps now pointed the way toward things that I could once again understand. If there was another road to rival, or better, the Beartooth Highway, it would be the one that I would ride this morning.

It was 8:45 a.m., and I was headed northwest out of Cody to The Chief Joseph Highway. It is almost impossible to describe this road without having ridden or driven over it at least once. I was the first motorcyclist to ever ride its elevated curves and valleys on its inauguration over ten years ago. It opened that day, also a Saturday, at eight, and I got there two hours early to make sure the flagman would position me at the front of the line. I wanted to be the first to go through while paying homage to the great Nez Perce Chief. I will forever remember the honor of being the first motorist of any kind to have gone up and over this incredible road.

The ascent, over Dead Indian Pass at the summit, reminded me once again that the past is never truly dead if the present is to be alive. The illusion of what was, is, and will be, is captured only in the moment of their present affirmation. The magic is in living within the confirmation of what is.

The Chief Joseph Highway was, and is, the greatest road that I have ever ridden. I have always considered it a great personal gift to me — being the first one to have experienced what cannot fully be described. Ending in either Cooke City or Cody, the choice of direction was yours. The towns were not as different from each other as you would be from your previous self when you arrived at either location at the end of your ride.

It turned severely in both directions, as it rose or descended in elevation, letting you see both ends from almost anywhere you began. It was a road for sure but of all the roads in my history, both present and before, this one was a metaphor to neither the life I had led, nor the life I seek. This road was a metaphor to the life I lead.

A metaphor to the life I lead

It teased you with its false endings, always hiding just one more hairpin as you corrected and violently pulled the bike back to center while leaning as hard as you could to the other side. While footpegs were dragging on both sides of the bike your spirit and vision of yourself had never been so clear. You now realized you were going more than seventy in a turn designed for maximum speeds of forty and below.

To die on this road would make a mockery of life almost anywhere else. To live on this roadcreated a new standard where risk would be essential, and, if you dared, you gambled away all security and previous limits for what it taught.

It was noon as I entered Cooke City again wondering if that same buffalo would be standing at Tower Junction to make sure that I turned right this time, as I headed north toward Glacier National Park. Turning right at Tower Junction would take me past Druid Peak and through the north entrance of Yellowstone at Mammoth Hot Springs and the town of Gardiner Montana. Wyoming and Montana kept trading places as the road would wind and unfold. Neither state wanted to give up to the other the soul of the returning prodigal which in the end neither could win … and neither could ever lose!

From Gardiner, Rt #89 curved and wound its way through the Paradise Valley to Livingston and the great open expanse of Montana beyond. The road, through the lush farmlands of the valley, quieted and settled my spirit, as it allowed me the time to reorient and revalue all the things I had just seen.

I thought about the number of times it almost ended along this road when a deer or elk had crossed my path in either the early morning or evening hours. I continued on both thankful and secure knowing in my heart that when the end finally came, it would not be while riding on two-wheels. It was something that was made known to me in a vision that I had years ago, and an assurance that I took not for granted, as I rode grateful and alone through these magnificent hills.

The ride to Livingston along Montana Rt.# 89 was dotted with rich working farms on both sides of the road. The sun was at its highest as I entered town, and I stopped quickly for gas and some food at the first station I found. There were seven good hours of daylight left, and I still had at least three hundred miles to go.

I was now more than an hour north of Livingston, and the sign that announced White Sulphur Springs brought back memories and a old warning. It flashed my memory back to the doe elk that came up from the creek-bed almost twenty years ago, brushing the rear of the bike and almost causing us to crash. I can still hear my daughter screaming “DAAAD,”as she saw the elk before I did.

I dropped the bike down a gear as I took a long circular look around. As I passed the spot of our near impact on the south side of town, I said a prayer for forgiveness. I asked to be judged kindly by the animals that I loved and to become even more visible to the things I couldn’t see.

The ride through the Lewis and Clark National Forest was beautiful and serene, as two hawks and a lone coyote bade me farewell, and I exited the park through Monarch at its northern end. There were now less than five hours of daylight left, and the East entrance to Glacier National Park at St. Mary’s was still two hundred miles away. An easy ride under most circumstances, but the Northern Rockies were never normal, and their unpredictability was another of the many reasons as to why I loved them so. Cody, and my conflicted feelings while there, seemed only a distant memory. Distant, but connected, like the friends and loved ones I had forgotten to call.

At Dupoyer Montana, I was compelled to stop. Not enticed or persuaded, not called out to or invited — but compelled! A Bar that had existed on the east side of this road, heading north, for as long as anyone could remember, Ranger Jacks, was now closed. I sat for the longest time staring at the weathered and dilapidated board siding and the real estate sign on the old front swinging door that said Commercial Opportunity. My mind harkened back to the first time I stopped into ‘Jacks,’ while heading south from Calgary and Lake Louise. My best friend, Dave Hill, had been with me, and we both sidled up to the bar, which ran down the entire left side of the interior and ordered a beer. Jack just looked at the two of us for the longest time.

It Wasn’t A Look It Was A Stare

Bearded and toothless, he had a stare that encompassed all the hate and vile within it that he held for his customers. His patrons were the locals and also those traveling to and from places unknown to him but never safe from his disgust. He neither liked the place that he was in nor any of those his customers had told him about.

Jack Was An Equal-Opportunity Hater!

He reminded both Dave and I of why we traveled to locations that took us outside and beyond what we already knew. We promised each other, as we walked back to the bike, that no matter how bad life ever got we would never turn out to be like him. Jack was both a repudiation of the past and a denial of the future with the way he constantly refused to live in the moment. He was physically and spiritually everything we were trying to escape. He did however continue to die in the moment, and it was a death he performed in front of his customers … over, and over, and over again.

As I sat on the bike, staring at the closed bar, a woman and her daughter got out of a car with Texas license plates. The mother smiled as she watched me taking one last look and said: “Are you going to buy it, it’s for sale you know?” I said “no, but I had been in it many times when it was still open.” She said: “That must have been a real experience” as she walked back to her car. It was a real experience back then for sure, and one that she, or any other accidental tourist headed north or south on Rt. #89, will never know. I will probably never regret going in there again, but I feel fortunate that I had the chance to do it those many times before.

Who Am I Kidding, I’d Do It Again In A Heartbeat

I would never pass through Dupoyer Montana, the town where Lewis and Clark had their only hostile encounter (Two Medicine Fight) with Indians, without stopping at Ranger Jacksfor a beer. It was one of those windows into the beyond that are found in the most unlikely of places, and I was profoundly changed every time that I walked in, and then out of, his crumbling front door. Jack never said hello or bid you goodbye. He just stared at you as something that offended him, and when you looked back at his dead and bloodshot eyes, and for reasons still unexplained, you felt instantly free.

In The Strangest And Clearest Of Ways … I’ll Miss Him

It was a short ride from Dupoyer to East Glacier, as the sun settled behind the Lewis Rangeshowing everything in its half-light as only twilight can. I once again thought of the Blackfeet and how defiant they remained until the very end. Being this far North, they had the least contact with white men, and were dominant against the other tribes because of their access to Canadian guns. When they learned that the U.S. Government proposed to arm their mortal enemies, the Shoshones and the Nez Perce, their animosity for all white invaders only heightened and strengthened their resolve to fight. I felt the distant heat of their blood as I crossed over Rt. #2 in Browning and said a quick prayer to all that they had seen and to a fury deep within their culture that time could not ****.

It was almost dark, as I rode the extreme curves of Glacier Park Road toward the east entrance from Browning. As I arrived in St Mary’s, I turned left into the Park and found that the gatehouse was still manned. Although being almost 9:00 p.m., the guard was still willing to let me through. She said that the road would remain open all night for its entire fifty-three-mile length, but that there was construction and mud at the very top near Logan Pass.

Construction, no guardrails, the mud and the dark, and over 6600 feet of altitude evoked the Sour Spirit Deity of the Blackfeet to come out of the lake and whisper to me in a voice that the Park guard could not hear “Not tonight Wana Hin Gle. Tonight you must remain with the lesser among us across the lake with the spirit killers — and then tomorrow you may cross.”

Dutifully I listened, because again from inside, I could feel its truth. Wana Hin Gle was the name the Oglala Sioux had given me years before, It means — He Who Happens Now.

In my many years of mountain travel I have crossed both Galena and Beartooth Passes in the dark. Both times, I was lucky to make it through unharmed. I thanked this great and lonesome Spirit who had chosen to protect me tonight and then circled back through the gatehouse and along the east side of the lake to the lodge.

The Desk Clerk Said, NO ROOMS!

As I pulled up in front of the St Mary’s Lodge & Resort, I noticed the parking lot was full. It was not a good sign for one with no reservation and for one who had not planned on staying on this side of the park for the night. The Chinese- American girl behind the desk confirmed what I was fearing most with her words … “Sorry Sir, We’re Full.”

When I asked if she expected any cancellations she emphatically said: “No chance,” and that there were three campers in the parking lot who had inquired before me, all hoping for the same thing. I was now 4th on the priority list for a potential room that might become available. Not likely on this warm summer weekend, and not surprising either, as all around me the tourists scurried in their pursuit of leisure, as tourists normally did.

I looked at the huge lobby with its two TV monitors and oversized leather sofas and chairs. I asked the clerk at the desk if I could spend the night sitting there, reading, and waiting for the sun to come back up. I reminded her that I was on a motorcycle and that it was too dangerous for me to cross Logan Pass in the dark. She said “sure,” and the restaurant stayed open until ten if I had not yet had dinner. “Try the grilled lake trout,” she said, “it’s my favorite for sure. They get them right out of St. Mary’s Lake daily, and you can watch the fishermen pull in their catch from most of our rooms that face the lake.”

I felt obligated to give the hotel some business for allowing me to freeload in their lobby, so off to the restaurant I went. There was a direct access door to the restaurant from the far corner of the main lobby where my gear was, and my waiter (from Detroit) was both terrific and fast. He told me about his depressed flooring business back in Michigan and how, with the economy so weak, he had decided a steady job for the summer was the way to go.

We talked at length about his first impressions of the Northern Rockies and about how much his life had changed since he arrived last month. He had been over the mountain at least seven times and had crossed it in both directions as recently as last night. I asked him, with the road construction, what a night-crossing was currently like? and he responded: “Pretty scary, even in a Jeep.” He then said, “I can’t even imagine crossing over on a motorcycle, in the dark, with no guardrails, and having to navigate through the construction zone for those eight miles just before the top.” I sat for another hour drinking coffee and wondered about what life on top of the Going To The Sun Road must be like at this late hour.

The Lake Trout Had Been More Than Good

After I finished dinner, I walked back into the lobby and found a large comfortable leather chair with a long rustic coffee table in front. Knowing now that I had made the right decision to stay, I pulled the coffee table up close to the chair and stretched my legs out in front. It was now almost midnight, and the only noise that could be heard in the entire hotel was the kitchen staff going home for the night. Within fifteen minutes, I was off to sleep. It had been a long ride from Cody, and I think I was more tired than I wanted to admit. I started these rides in my early twenties. And now forty years later, my memory still tried to accomplish what my body long ago abandoned.

At 2:00 a.m., a security guard came over and nudged my left shoulder. “Mr Behm, we’ve just had a room open up and we could check you in if you’re still interested.” The thought of unpacking the bike in the dark, and for just four hours of sleep in a bed, was of no interest to me at this late hour. I thanked him for his consideration but told him I was fine just where I was. He then said: “Whatever’s best for you sir,” and went on with his rounds.

My dreams that night, were strange, with that almost real quality that happens when the lines between where you have come from and where you are going become blurred. I had visions of Blackfeet women fishing in the lake out back and of their warrior husbands returning with fresh ponies from a raid upon the Nez Perce. The sounds of the conquering braves were so real that they woke me, or was it the early morning kitchen staff beginning their breakfast shift? It was 5:15 a.m., and I knew I would never know for sure — but the difference didn’t matter when the imagery remained the same.

Differences never mattered when the images were the same



Day #5 (A.M.): Glacier To Columbia Falls

As I opened my eyes and looked out from the dark corner of the lobby, I saw CNN on the monitor across the room. The sound had been muted all night, but in the copy running across the bottom of the screen it said: “Less than twenty-four hours until the U.S. defaults.”  For weeks, Congress had been debating on whether or not to raise the debt ceiling and even as remote as it was here in northwestern Montana, I still could not escape the reality of what it meant. I had a quick breakfast of eggs, biscuits, and gravy, before I headed back to the mountain. The guard station at the entrance was unattended, so I vowed to make a twenty-dollar donation to the first charity I came across — I hoped it would be Native American.

I headed west on The Going To The Sun Road and crossed Glacier at dawn. It created a memory on that Sunday morning that will live inside me forever. It was a road that embodied the qualities of all lesser roads, while it stood proudly alone because of where it could take you and the way going there would make you feel. Its standards, in addition to its altitude, were higher than most comfort zones allowed. It wasn’t so much the road itself but where it was. Human belief and ingenuity had built a road over something that before was almost impossible to even walk across. Many times, as you rounded a blind turn on Logan Pass, you experienced the sensation of flying, and you had to look beneath you to make sure that your wheels were still on the ground.

The road climbed into the clouds as I rounded the West side of the lake. It felt more like flying, or being in a jet liner, when combined with the tactile adventure of knowing I was on two-wheels. Being on two-wheels was always my first choice and had been my consummate and life affirming mode of travel since the age of sixteen.

Today would be another one of those ‘it wasn’t possible to happen’ days. But it did, and it happened in a way that even after so many blessed trips like this, I was not ready for. I felt in my soul I would never see a morning like this again, but then I also knew beyond the borders of self-limitation, and from what past experience had taught me, that I absolutely would.

So Many ‘Once In A Lifetime’ Moments Have Been Joyous Repetition

My life has been blessed because I have been given so many of these moments. Unlike anything else that has happened, these life-altering events have spoken to me directly cutting through all learned experience that has tried in vain to keep them out. The beauty of what they have shown is beyond my ability to describe, and the tears running down my face were from knowing that at least during these moments, my vision had been clear.

I knew that times like these were in a very real way a preparation to die. Life’s highest moments often exposed a new awareness for how short life was. Only by looking through these windows, into a world beyond, would we no longer fear death’s approach.

I leaned forward to pat the motorcycle’s tank as we began our ascent. In a strange but no less real way, it was only the bike that truly understood what was about to happen. It had been developed for just this purpose and now would get to perform at its highest level. The fuel Injection, and linked disk brakes, were a real comfort this close to the edge, and I couldn’t have been riding anything better for what I was about to do.

I also couldn’t have been in a better place at this stage of my life in the summer of 2011. Things had been changing very fast during this past year, and I decided to bend to that will rather than to fight what came unwanted and in many ways unknown. I knew that today would provide more answers, highlighting the new questions that I searched for, and the ones on this mountaintop seemed only a promise away.

Glaciers promise!

I thought about the many bear encounters, and attacks, that had happened in both Glacier and Yellowstone during this past summer. As I passed the entry point to Granite Park Chalet, I couldn’t help but think about the tragic deaths of Julie Helgeson and Michelle Koons on that hot August night back in 1967. They both fell prey to the fatality that nature could bring. The vagaries of chance, and a bad camping choice, led to their both being mauled and then killed by the same rogue Grizzly in different sections of the park.

They were warned against camping where they did, but bear attacks had been almost unheard of — so they went ahead. How many times had I decided to risk something, like crossing Beartooth or Galena Pass at night, when I had been warned against it, but still went ahead? How many times had coming so close to the edge brought everything else in my life into clear focus?

1967 Was The Year I Started My Exploration Of The West

The ride down the western side of The Going To the Sun Road was a mystery wrapped inside the eternal magic of this mountain highway in the sky. Even the long line of construction traffic couldn’t dampen my excitement, as I looked off to the South into the great expanse that only the Grand Canyon could rival for sheer majesty. Snow was on the upper half of Mount’s Stimson (10,142 ft.), James (9,575 ft.) and Jackson (10,052), and all progress was slow (20 mph). Out of nowhere, a bicyclist passed me on the extreme outside and exposed edge of the road. I prayed for his safety, as he skirted to within three feet of where the roadended and that other world, that the Blackfeet sing about, began. Its exposed border held no promises and separated all that we knew from what we oftentimes feared the most.

I am sure he understood what crossing Logan Pass meant, no matter the vehicle, and from the look in his eyes I could tell he was in a place that no story of mine would ever tell. He waved quickly as he passed on my left side. I waved back with the universal thumbs-upsign, and in a way that is only understood by those who cross mountains … we were brothers on that day.



Day # 5: (P.M.) Columbia Falls to Salmon Idaho

The turnaround point of the road was always hard. What was all forward and in front of me yesterday was consumed by the thought of returning today. The ride back could take you down the same path, or down a different road, but when your destination was the same place that you started from, your arrival was greeted in some ways with the anti-****** of having been there, and done that, before.

I tried everything I knew to fool my psyche into a renewed phase of discovery. All the while though, there was this knowing that surrounded my thoughts. It contained a reality that was totally hidden within the fantasy of the trip out. It was more honest I reminded myself, and once I made peace with it, the return trip would become even more intriguing than the ride up until now. When you knew you were down to just a few days and counting, each day took on a special reverence that the trip out always seemed to lack.

In truth, the route you planned for your return had more significance than the one before. Where before it was direct and one-dimensional, the return had to cover two destinations — the trip out only had to cover one. The route back also had to match the geography with the timing of what you asked for inside of yourself. The trip out only had to inspire and amuse.

The trip south on Rt.#35 along the east side of Flathead Lake was short but couldn’t be measured by its distance. It was an exquisitely gorgeous stretch of road that took less than an hour to travel but would take more than a lifetime to remember. The ripples that blew eastward across the lake in my direction created the very smallest of whitecaps, as the two cranes that sat in the middle of the lake took off for a destination unknown. I had never seen Flathead Lake from this side before and had always chosen Rt.#93 on the western side for all previous trips South. That trip took you through Elmo and was a ride I thought to be unmatched until I entered Rt.#35 this morning. This truly was the more beautiful ride, and I was thankful for its visual newness. It triggered inside of me my oldest feelings of being so connected, while at the same time, being so alone.

As I connected again with my old friend Rt.# 93, the National Bison Range sat off to my west. The most noble of wild creatures, they were now forced to live in contained wander where before they had covered, by the millions, both our country and our imagination. I thought again about their intrinsic connection to Native America and the perfection that existed within that union.

The path of the Great Bison was also the Indian’s path. The direction they chose was one and the same. It had purpose and reason — as well as the majesty of its promise. It was often unspoken except in the songs before the night of the hunt and in the stories that were told around the fire on the night after. It needed no further explanation. The beauty within its harmony was something that just worked, and words were a poor substitute for a story that only their true connection would tell.

This ‘Road’ Still Contained That Eternal Connection In Now Paved Over Hoofprints Of Dignity Lost

The Bitteroot Range called out to me in my right ear, but there would be no answer today. Today, I would head South through the college town of Missoula toward the Beaverhead Mountains and then Rt.#28 through the Targhee National Forest. I arrived in Missoula in the brightest of sunshine. The temperature was over ninety-degrees as I parked the bike in front of the Missoula Club. A fixture in this college town for many years, the Missoula Club was both a college bar and city landmark. It needed no historic certification to underline its importance. Ask any resident or traveler, past or present, have you been to the Missoula Club? and you’ll viscerally feel their answer. It’s not beloved by everyone … just by those who have always understood that places like this have fallen into the back drawer of America’s history. Often, their memory being all that’s left.

The hamburger was just like I expected, and as I ate at the bar, I limited myself to just one mug of local brew. One beer is all that I allowed myself when riding. I knew that I still had 150 more miles to go, and I was approaching that time of day when the animals came out and crossed the road to drink. In most cases, the roads had been built to follow the rivers, streams, and later railroads, and they acted as an unnatural barrier between the safety of the forest and the water that the animals living there so desperately needed. Their crossing was a nightly ritual and was as certain as the rising of the sun and then the moon. I respected its importance, and I tried to schedule my rides around the danger it often presented — but not today.

After paying the bartender, I took a slow and circuitous ride around town. Missoula was one of those western towns that I could happily live in, and I secretly hoped that before my time ran out that I would. The University of Montana was entrenched solidly and peacefully against the mountain this afternoon as I extended my greeting. It would be on my very short list of schools to teach at if I were ever lucky enough to make choices like that again.

Dying In The Classroom, After Having Lived So Strongly, Had An Appeal Of Transference That I Find Hard To Explain

The historic Wilma Theatre, by the bridge, said adieu as I re-pointed the bike South toward the Idaho border. I thought about the great traveling shows, like Hope and Crosby, that had played here before the Second World War. Embedded in the burgundy fabric of its giant curtain were stories that today few other places could tell. It sat proudly along the banks of the Clark Fork River, its past a time capsule that only the river could tell. Historic theatres have always been a favorite of mine, and like the Missoula Club, the Wilma was another example of past glory that was being replaced by banks, nail salons, and fast-food restaurants almost wherever you looked.

Thankfully, Not In Missoula

Both my spirit and stomach were now full, as I passed through the towns of Hamilton and Darby on my way to Sula at the state line. I was forced to stop at the train crossing in Sulajust past the old and closed Sula High School on the North edge of town. The train was still half a mile away to my East, as I put the kickstand down on the bike and got off for a closer look. The bones of the old school contained stories that had never been told. Over the clanging of the oncoming train, I thought I heard the laughter of teenagers as they rushed through the locked and now darkened halls. Shadowy figures passed by the window over the front door on the second floor, and in the glare of the mid-afternoon sun it appeared that they were waving at me. Was I again the victim of too much anticipation and fresh air or was I just dreaming to myself in broad daylight again?

As I Dreamed In Broad Daylight, I Spat Into The Wind Of Another Time

I waited for twenty-minutes, counting the cars of the mighty Santa Fe Line, as it headed West into the Pacific time zone and the lands where the great Chief Joseph and Nez Perce roamed. The brakeman waved as his car slowly crossed in front of my stopped motorcycle — each of us envying the other for something neither of us truly understood.

The train now gone … a bell signaled it was safe to cross the tracks. I looked to my right one more time and saw the caboose only two hundred yards down the line. Wondering if it was occupied, and if they were looking back at me, I waved one more time. I then flipped my visor down and headed on my way happy for what the train had brought me but sad in what its short presence had taken away.

As I entered the Salmon & Challis National Forest, I was already thinking about Italian food and the great little restaurant within walking distance of my motel. I always spent my nights in Salmon at the Stagecoach Inn. It was on the left side of Rt. #93, just before the bridge, where you made a hard left turn before you entered town. The motel’s main attraction was that it was built right against the Western bank of the Salmon River. I got a room in the back on the ground floor and could see the ducks and ducklings as they walked along the bank. It was only a short walk into town from the front of the motel and less than a half a block going in the other direction for great Italian food.

The motel parking lot was full, with motorcycles, as I arrived, because this was Sturgis Week in South Dakota. As I watched the many groups of clustered riders congregate outside as they cleaned their bikes, I was reminded again of why I rode. I rode to be alone with myself and with the West that had dominated my thoughts and dreams for so many years. I wondered what they saw in their group pilgrimage toward acceptance? I wondered if they ever experienced the feeling of leaving in the morning and truly not knowing where they would end up that night. The Sturgis Rally would attract more than a million riders many of whom hauled their motorcycles thousands of miles behind pickups or in trailers. Most would never experience, because of sheer masquerade and fantasy, what they had originally set out on two-wheels to find.

I Feel Bad For Them As They Wave At Me Through Their Shared Reluctance

They seemed to feel, but not understand, what this one rider alone, and in no hurry to clean his ***** motorcycle, represented. I had always liked the way a touring bike looked when covered with road-dirt. It wore the recognition of its miles like a badge of honor. As it sat faithfully alone in some distant motel parking lot, night after night, it waited in proud silence for its rider to return. I cleaned only the windshield, lights, and turn signals, as I bedded the Goldwing down before I started out for dinner. As I left, I promised her that tomorrow would be even better than today. It was something that I always said to her at night. As she sat there in her glorified patina and watched me walk away, she already knew what tomorrow would bring.

The Veal Marsala was excellent at the tiny restaurant by the motel. It was still not quite seven o’clock, and I decided to take a slow walk through the town. It was summer and the river was quiet, its power deceptive in its passing. I watched three kayakers pass below me as I crossed the bridge and headed East into Salmon. Most everything was closed for the evening except for the few bars and restaurants that lit up the main street of this old river town. It took less than fifteen minutes to complete my visitation, and I found myself re-crossing the bridge and headed back to the motel.

There were now even more motorcycles in the parking lot than before, and I told myself that it had been a stroke of good fortune that I had arrived early. If I had been shut out for a room in Salmon, the chances of getting one in Challis, sixty miles further south, would have been much worse. As small as Salmon was, Challis was much smaller, and in all the years of trying, I had never had much luck there in securing a room.

I knew I would sleep soundly that night, as I listened to the gentle sounds of a now peaceful river running past my open sliding doors. Less than twenty-yards away, I was not at all misled by its tranquility. It cut through the darkness of a Western Idaho Sunday night like Teddy Roosevelt patrolled the great Halls of Congress.

Running Softly, But Carrying Within It A Sleeping Defiance

I had seen its fury in late Spring, as it carried the great waters from on high to the oceans below. I have rafted its white currents in late May and watched a doctor from Kalispell lose his life in its turbulence. In remembrance, I said a short prayer to his departed spirit before drifting off to sleep.
Tim Amaru Dec 2015
You ever feel like it's too much in your way to succeed, with all this pressure its makin It kinda hard for you to breathe
You dont wanna ask for handouts you wana stand on your own two feet
But you feel like the more problems u overcome the more problems that u meet
Like you barely have enough jus to get what you need & to make it worse, you beefin with the one person you wana see, & now you don't even speak
We know that communication is the key, but we never try to solve our problems we jus agree to disagree
If you decide its time to go, I won't stop you feel free
But I hope the harder I love you the harder it is for you to leave.....
Police siren screams
   Man sings a bar of
Star Spangled Banner
   Land of the Free
& the brave subway screech
   makes me wana holler
      ...like Marvin Gaye did
11/20/09
I KNOW WHY I DID IT…


With a tender good smile i went through and succeded…
The motives were not so good but selfish…

I became an egotist…
I became a hypocrite…
I became infested by evil thoughts…
All thee things were put randomly and i had to repuzzle them…

Nothing ever bothered me but i was bothering u…
You are lucky i didn’t hunt you but i was haunted…

I always gave my self a pat on a shoulder for it even though it’s evil but what can i say i liked it…

I found my self counting and the list was endless, everytime i thought i was done i remembered another…
A fact nobody ever succeded without panishment in evil deeds…

I know why i did it…

Trust me its not that easy…
Its not even easy to let loose nor undastand why you did it…

Its always good when you are in a comfort zone pity it doesn’t last long…

The only cure was the but couldn’t reach out…
It wasn’t difficult at all but evil thoughts were dominating…

If you wana know its simple but complicated to undastand and now i know why i did it…

That simple thing that keeps the smile and tears concurrent…
The seed of all good things in life…

The catalyst of influential good spirit that bring world together…
The great keeper of peace…
I know why I did it…

LOVE Was the main reason!

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