We dance
an exclusive 2 person naked in the mirror
space drum party dance.

Me w/ my whisky nectar.
She w/ her Rooibush.

OUTSIDE:
we bey to the stars
sending wild—child peace
blessings &
excited gratitude
into the air
along w/ velvet earth herb smoke
the embers of the zoot twirl and dance
un the blue tone morning midnight,
a wild-child firefly.

We take a bow for the deer
watching us in the chill of the night
under a tree.

UPON RETREATING INDOORS:
we vow an early rest—
which melted away
to a cosmic vibrating undulating
wave of cataclysmic ecstasy
into the sacred dimensions of dream realms
our light shines & combines
star bodies
closer to the whole
holiness
raining kisses
upon necks
& *******
with claps of thunder tongues
and lightning hands.

I live a poet’s life in an anonymous plane
Unseen by those considered normal,
Unheard by those deemed sane.
The only proof of my existence
Dangerous knives of poetry in lines on paper
An alias moves the pen in my hand
That scribbles stinging, bitter words
About love, death and the atrocities of man

I am anonymous
Even my name is not my own
My thoughts are scrawled wickedly with intent on paper
For the masses to observe
At a distance my carnivorous demanding audience must remain
From physical contact with these dull creatures
I gladly refrain
Retreating behind a mask of stone
Beneath it a face that bears lines of great sadness
A frozen sculpture of a heart for many years entombed

So it is and shall always be
Truly my words are all you will ever see
Closing off the door to reality
With the stroke of a pen
To my invisible life I hastily return
I am anonymous

This poem is copyrighted and stored in author base. All material subject to Copyright Infringement laws
Section 512(c)(3) of the U.S. Copyright
Act, 17 U.S.C. S512(c)(3), Tammy M. Darby

I feel like I'm sinking
And blinking is not enough to relieve my eyes from what I'm seeing
Your love was deceiving
******* out all of my feelings
Leaving me bleeding
Retreating back to my cave of useless meaning
Thinking you were different
Only to find out
That you were just like the rest
I'm left a mess
You try to rebuild the walls around your heart
Can't let people get past the start
Or make it to the finish
I'm finished
Sitting there doing the dishes
Thinking about why you left me there
In the summer air
You acted like you were scared to lose me
Turns out you did nothing but bruise me
Shattering my soul
Then stepping on all the broken pieces
Turning them into dust
Dust to ashes
But in all this madness
I'm reborn
Stronger than the storm
I try my best to smile right in front of you
So you know I got over the **** you put me through
You told me I wasn't good enough
So I walk around this life thinking I'm not good enough
So you learn to shield your heart
Shield your scars
Hoping that the next person who comes along
Doesn't destroy what you've built
But you can't help but tear it down yourself
Just so you can feel something
Then you stand beside the ruble of what's left
And wonder if it was worth it
You've jumped out of the plane
Pulled the chord
And hope that your parachute opens
You trust
You take risks
You give up everything
And yet at the end of the day
You spend your time building up your walls
With nothing but a secret passage way
Hidden where no one expects
The only way to your heart

It often feels as though I was never meant
To be the man that I have stubbornly become;

It often seems more likely that at one time,
During my checkered past,
I laid in wait in the foliage,
Sprung a makeshift trap,
Subdued one of my pursuers,

And assumed their identity

It would be one of the few logical explanations
For why I consistently sabotage my own path;

Retreating to my sanctuary,
Setting up tripwires around every corner,
Poisoning my sole water source,
Setting up sensors around my heart,
Camouflaging the exposed crimson,

And stalling for time that I no longer own

I am so cold in this summer heat,
Frozen in an endless defeat,
I see you and your heart beating,
I see your love, my dear, retreating,
I tried so hard to break free of your grasp,
But your tears trapped me in their clasp,
You were the one who asked me to stay,
Yet you are the one whose gone today,
Left me with not even a goodbye,
Left me here to slowly die,
I lost our child, I lost our life,
And here I stand with my lonely knife,
All I needed was to feel just fine,
Just a little bit like you were mine,
But I can not even bear you a kid,
My body's production has been forbid,
In silence I hold such terrible secrets,
Loneliness is all my heart now permits,
I hate you for forcing me into this darkness,
Of a sadness I can ultimately never confess.

Captive to an enigma of mirrors
where infinity is seen to grow nearer
but delicate fingers stop at cold glass.
Escaping Plato's Cave but reaching impasse,
perception eludes reality's grasp.
As wise men sit patient and cowards gasp
intelligence hammers at mimicking bars
unavailing, retreating with only scars.

Self projections linger 'cross barren plains
mind forgotten freedom, shackled in chains,
hungry men compose spoken free verse
bellowed harmoniously unrehearsed;
but only one voice reality sings
I am the first of the mirror box kings.

there was surgical steel in my lungs
the day you told me how you felt how you really felt
and when i took a breath
it was hollow and swollen and metallic so
i thought i'd bitten my tongue too hard
when i kept my words behind my closed lips
i didn't understand what you were saying not really
but your eyes looked cold
like you'd been living in a freezer
your whole life and as your mouth moved your eyes bored into the wall behind me
i knew there was a hole there made by your icy stare and i felt another cutting into my own skin
as the cigarette smoke curled around you
i thought you'd never looked more beautiful
at the same moment i realized
you'd never been so
ugly
let's just be friends bears the weight of
so many unspoken feelings like
i still love my exgirlfriend and
you were just a warm body and
i've forgotten how to feel anything for anyone anymore and
it scares me
maybe i thought that last one
you were precision and tact
in its purest form
a single element designed to break my heart
and i think you knew
so when i asked you for a cigarette to melt the
steel in my lungs and justletmebreathegoddamnit
your retreating footsteps told me all i ever needed
to hear
and my sobs were hollow and swollen and metallic
like the blood pooling in my mouth from my
bitten-off tongue

The colours swing in a pendulum attached to the mind
as if
each shade knows its final resting place
in a landscape packed with the purity of clarity.

All of the brushes have been tenderly placed
in a potholder soaking
up the sensations of previous lifetimes
now slowly turning to ageing grey shades
of temperament

To touch the sunflower grey would be a sin
against the sun it glints off the minds magical array
but green beckons in an eversoft seduction
with silver on the undersides to offshoot
the tantrums of the painters reflection.

The scene emerges from a warm blanket of texture
into a tone so gentle that it seems to whisper its presence
in a vase of rounded personality.

I watch
as she loses herself in every stroke of deftness
stepping out into the limelight
taking a bow before an audience of murmurs
soon retreating into that world
that has captured her for today.

She will return when she is ready.
to live amongst us again.

Silent winds break through my hair,
I watch you walk away through blurred eyes.
If only everything had been different then maybe.
I feel my body start to shake,
The weight resting upon my shoulders.
I hear your words repeating in my ears,
“I still love you, but it’s your choice.”

It was my choice,  
That’s why you’re walking away.
I can’t be hurt anymore;
I don’t want to know you for only the pain.
I can live with the memories, I can handle the separation,
I can’t know the future, what will become of this all.

To you I may look small and weak,
Desperate to pretend it never happened,
Wanting nothing more than to accept.
I can’t accept your choice, I didn’t make it, you did.
Wishing will only bring thoughts of loss and loneliness,
The “what if’s” will rise anger from within me,
Looking you in the eye and telling you just how I feel,
Brings terror to my heart and bones just at the thought.

The road in front of me is steep,
The choices I make will determine my path,
I carry a heavy load that I cannot bare,
I need strength to guide me,
A light for my feet and a peace to my fear.
I’ve always known of one but have never trusted,
Now is the time to fall into the unknown,
Put my faith into the unseen and just know,
Know that my strength comes from the One who gives life.

It was my choice, it still is.
Yours was made but more can still be made.
I choose to heal, to live and not dwell on the pain,
To love without retreating back to fear of what might come.
Scared of loss and distrust but also I hope for love,
Love can be healing and precious.
You will not skew my view of life,
I will move on. That is my choice.

I'm scared,
petrified of retreating to nostalgia and chaining my ambition there
of settling for the everyday, to never dream of "ifs" and "maybe's"
to admire  jewels, stars, and lovers from afar
declare them unattainable and safely hide behind anonymity
I'm afraid of comfort, of the well-known roads and faces
Yet,
is it better to cry over spilt milk,
or watch it spoil in your hands?
                                           I don't want to live with regrets
But I know,
it's easier to live with than failure
Honestly, truly,
I'm terrified of crossing the line,
fearing every envelope could push me into ruin
Let me, then, hand the glass to a braver one
a better one than I

He is watching the cabs gripping
A two dollar and fifty cent sandwich
in the trembling wind
It is hard to digest suicide
in little bites

the air is thinly sliced
on window panes dripping
with snowfall and fresh electricity

young ice on the
nervous water
retreating to frosted mudcracks
the streets are ******* up shadows
on the mute cement

Will anyone look for that One Alone?
When this book on loan
has been returned
to the Library of Lamps as all its oil is burned?
When the waves retreating
have finished erasing
the messages I whispered
those etched with sobs unhindered
on the sands seemingly numbed
on the seashore of your heart succumbed?

Will anybody wonder what’s going on?
The nameplate’s gone
on the face of the closed door
of that room on the upper floor
that a while ago was Altar of Magnum Opus
of the tiring writer’s stylus
and Tabernacle
of a cramped leg muscle
of that voice that preached Darwin’s epistle.

The gong’s now muted
Just yesterday it was calling unrelented
upon fellow believers demented

The sun now starts to peep
As stars bid goodnight to sleep

The frail shadow shall lay down, no scent of frankincense
in the tomb of forgotten replies, with reminiscence -
     of a hundred “wait till tomorrow” in any sense,
          a thousand “just a minute” in any tense
               “see yah later”, for a thousand “Whens?”
                    “soon . . .”,  and now just silence . . .

Life leaves a million lessons.
and yes, I, we, will always remember . . .

Let's talk about silence
Because I think my words are failing me
For the first time I'm out of phrases
My tongue is tied, its happening very rapidly
I think I might be judging you
For the same mistakes that I've shared with you
But I'm putting you under the spotlight
Scrutinising more than you're giving to me
And all in silence
Hush, don't speak, I'm out of talks to talk
Let's just walk the walk
And stand apart;
One feet
Because it doesn't make sense
Two feet,
I think I'll step a bit farther more
Ten feet
I want to be untied and set free
Forty feet, fifty, a hundred, thousands
Infinity
Don't want my heart to skip a beat, anymore
It does though
Because I think I've leapt a bit too far-a-way
Thousands- a hundred- fifty- forty feet
I think I'm retreating back a bit
Two feet
I'm sinking into the ground
A final leap
One feet
I knew I couldn't do without you for long
You hug me// you couldn't either
My tongue is tied, it's happening very rapidly
//entangled in yours
For the first time I'm out if phrases
//you're gazing at me
Because I think my words are failing me
//yours are creeping onto my existence
Let's talk about silence.

My mind plays you over like a wave building
Breaking
Crashing
Retreating
Then building again
Every time it retreats I imagine it is gone
But then it comes back, the tide is moving closer to my blistered feet
The ceiling fan is still turning
But I turned it off 10 minutes ago
I can never get my room completely dark
The kind of dark that makes you forget
There's always you: the little red light on my powered off television
I can't close the door without it creaking
I can't drink water without coughing
I can't walk without feeling sore
I can't laugh without regret
Or smile without pain
I can't watch the waves
Without breaking, crashing, and retreating

How much was enough
As her daily breaths
Were strains
Each movement
Cautiously taken
In order to avoid pain
With every day
Restricting more and more
Her body retreating
Shrinking into
A thin skin creature
Few ever knew
Spirit crumbling
In waiting
Leaving almost baldness
Goblinesque features
Till the end

Tell me of a day without struggle, a day without pain
If there be such a day, let it remain a secret to no man
Let it fill our ears and tremble in our own throats
For such a day is a gift from the universe
Bequeathed upon the masses
An approximated apology, focused on redeeming malice
The brightly shining sun would focus its strength on its object
Taking aim at his soul, meaning to warm it, looking to extract it
Taking from him all that was harmful from tarrying seconds
Replacing cruelty and hatred with thoughts that resemble forgiveness
But in themselves they are not forgiveness
Forgiveness, being but a specter, usurped by memories grown grainy
Forgiveness is so sallow and downtrodden, unconvincing
No, the thoughts projected by the early year’s sun are not so
They are empty of reminisces, void of meaning
Shining and new, redemptive and rejuvenating
Yet we approach them with a quiver of arrows fastened from our past
Expending ourselves in fighting its gaze and retreating to our caves
Where our memories are sheltered
To ponder what it means that this intruder has returned
Stroking the identities it tried to quell and weeping until overtaken by slumber
If ever there has been a day without pain and without struggle
Verily, the night which followed has it cast asunder

She wakes up every morning
with a frown on her face
as he stumbles from his bed
and into a chair that
he will never get out of-
there is tension in the air
as she downs another
exclaiming, "bottoms up"
when it makes her glass world
shatter
at the rise of a cup

All he can do is watch the pieces
as they become pronounced
while the shift of retreating cats
induces a pitter-patter
and more pictures fade out;
the happy memories
now stained
from her cigarette smoke
to ensure they'll die together,
yet somehow alone

He is cursed with a disease
that has rendered him pitiful
but alcohol doesn't care,
she drinks another swig,
becoming more cyclical
and deems the man’s hindrance
as sinful

Stuttering, he can't escape
a liquid she's drowned him with
by pouring it into her own veins-
maybe it's better this way,
to watch the walls as they cave in

What else can he do
as he slowly degrades
from Parkinson's?

please lets press our foreheads together and scream until the noise bleaches our hair.
until there is no sound, only little tremors. waves of vibration pouring from our mouths, shattering our fingernails.

lets paint our naked bodies with soot and sit on the kitchen floor, rolling an empty bottle back and forth while we talk about how we will change the world, rust coloured light perched on our shoulders.
we will be ***** and laughing
and then crying
suddenly
as we realize that maybe the world is changing us.
and then lets stand by the open window, fingers playing,
bodies apart, wishing upon the depth of the fissures in the moon
forgetting to feel embarrassed by it all.
maybe you dont even have to tell me
that the moon in fact doesnt have fissures
and if it did, they wouldnt be terribly deep.
because there is brilliance in our unclothed silence
no matter what it may revolve around.

it will be five in the morning
when you finally look over,
your eyes nestled in blackberry purple, and say it is time
for bed.
you’ll sleep before i will
as usual and the room will cool down
and ill grab whatever has been flung across the radiator and pull it over
my head
and retrace our many steps
pause to dance upon the ankles of my own shadow
grinning at the darkness shaking
his fist
turning his back
retreating into oblivion.

We put our boys on the ground
Enemies all around
Shooting their rounds

Get in cover!
They said to each other
To wait till it was over

Such a death toll
Mothers heart with empty hole
Was not a real goal

Stop the bleeding
Quit receding
no retreating

Man made
serenade
Watch out
Grenade!

I.
a wide open space.
empty.
except for a lone chair.

II.
a large variety of colors.
some yellow.
some blue.
all closed.

III.
the curtains
have been closed
for a while now.
it has solemnly
seen light.

IV.
it has stories
that have never
bothered to be
discovered.

V.
it is not
the stories'
fault.

VI.
the chair
has given up
on the thought
of being accepted.

VII.
the spines of
the books
are wearing away.
not as much from
being old as to
being ignored.

VIII.
there is no electricity.
the lights burned out
a while ago,
and no one bothered
to replace them.

IX.
the floor is shadowless.
it is opening,
but enclosing.

X.
the stories are
lathered
in dust.

XI.
even though
they've been
disregarded,
the paper cuts
just as bad
when it slices
your hand.

XII.
you can hear
the sound of
retreating
footsteps,
too afraid of
what lies inside
the binding.

XIII.
I am left alone.
encased
in the wood
of the bookshelves.

Its almost like thread
this
me and you
weaving
Im strolling
down a park
and I come across my thoughts laying down retreating on the side walk
I see the trees, and they are all so green and brown
and there you are
behind every tree
and every single thought

bent, these people
these thoughts are holding their knees together
and each ones strays and blushes to the other
and then ignore each other
as if they dont belong to the same mind
they run around and hold hanfds
and then they run away from each other

like thinking a thousand times of the letters that make up your name
and a thousand times of the skin that makes your body
and a thousand times of trying to forget what they both do to me

my thoughts run around like infants
with no mothers
and no understanding
completely barbaric and sad

I need you to come down to me
to have my restlessness come to death
and I need you to never look in my direction again
it wounds me
and I simply cant live without you

I stared off into the distance
Always repeating
Never wanting to be the one retreating
I stared off into the distance
Always repenting
Never wanting to be the one sinning
I stared off into the distance
Always glowing
Never wanting to be the one dimming
I stared off into the distance
Always claiming
Wanting to be the one who determined the next distance

Make her love you with a whisper
Entrap her with a kiss.
Pick flowers for her,
Selected for their qualities.
Wrap them up and tie them tight.
For true love is exciting when visible before her eyes.
Sir,
Be wise before you prise her fingers out from your hands.
Love lasts forever.
It makes no demands
Think before retreating of the love you shared before.
Angels danced on flighty feet believing that your love were true.
From topaz blue horizons her ring she'll give to you.
You will answer her calling upon bended knees.
Begging of her, her sweet hand in marriage.
Carried forever in a glass fronted carriage.
Love will be forever and forever hangs upon a sunny day.
(c)LIVVI

Their hands touch in listless syncopation
While hearts beat the blood,
Gone bad long before in a half-dreamt wish,
For each muscle retreating to the whitewashed bones.
Eyes are starstruck and peppered with screams--
Songs harmonized with the clanging of shackles--
And all they have is the gentle heat
In lukewarm coals of revolution.
(smile at me)
They claw at each other in an embrace,
Clinging to their scents, the flesh and skin
Reminders that their shadows are real.
(let me see the whites of your teeth)
Lungs inhale and air rushes and sheets flutter--
Their fandango sprints onward
(the gleam of your eyes)
To the abyss, loud with the songs
(i love you)
Drowning (you know i do) the hate and
Quiet contempt (please) in their bad blood.

(and i was dancing with you)
(and we were both fast asleep)

Drop
          Drop
                    Drop

That could either be the sound of rain,
Or the beat of my heart retreating from the dead.
Beating for you –
Like it used to.

Drop
         Drop
                  Drop

You hear that?
Tell me if that was the sound of the storm
Or my heart weeping once again,
For you.

You would have thought
I was over you.
But once a broken heart,
always a broken heart.

Sure you can mend it-
But can't you see the lining of the cracks engraved?
See how deep they've gone,
Enough to ruin it forever.

I may not cry much now,
But the silent, unshed tears
Are the ones that matter the most.
They carry my soul
Through each non-existent molecule.

You can't hear
The screams of terror
For thinking I still love you,
Through the undying storm.

When you love someone
You idealize a dream
With the two of you.
And when when you find out
What you wanted was one-sided,
Would you wish to still love them?

It's hard when what my mind wants
Does not synchronize
With my heart.

It's hard to breath
With all this air surrounding me,
Giving me space to think about you,
And I refuse to.

Why can't the rain
Dampen my feelings
To the extent of being paper,
And tearing easily apart?

Why can't the storm
Soften my  heart,
Leaving it numb
So my desires would be hidden,
And finally, weaken.

Leaving no space for you.

But, here's the thing:
The untamed storm
Perfectly reflects my devotion
Of what I once had-
And still have- for you.

I carried an eternal infatuation for you,
And I still do.

I saw a Way, forward
and cloaked myself in the skin
of a Digital dimension.

I began living
cloud-soaring and ascending soft
and the headset came off.

Now even curtains are
retreating, from the light now
streaming into my eyeballs.

Ow! To whit, I prefer
to refer to it now as a Path.

Plans fail, but
Paths diverge.

In the shining city lights,
I find my soul getting lost.
Every hurt, every despair
Seems to fill the heart with shards of frost
The flickering flame of hope
Is certainly no match
And the colder it grows
My breath seems to catch
The blue of my mood
Now spreading to my skin
As the chill now spreads
outside just as within.
Retreating behind the walls
Seems the only respite
The warmth of solitude
Retreats the chilly bite.
But every now and then,
When the guard is down
The enchanting lights beckon
And within them, I watch my soul drown

Paddling
in the sea of tranquility
as solar winds
blow
stardust from your hair...

skimming
stones across the emptiness
of space
that flare and burn,
spinning webs of astral sparks
to capture
the imagination
as children wish watching them fall.

Sunlight captures your
retreating shadow
as once more the dark passers
into day...

and once more my wish

goes

unanswered.

People commit suicide when their soul is dehydrated
When thoughts outside a solid wall can not be gyrated
All embers grow cold and vacant like they've been sedated
Or maybe caved in because once inflated to a certain extent
There's no room to be sated when only knowing wicked intent
A body needs to be caressed and let a broken bone mend
To make it flexible and elastic -first shown how to bend
It's nothing fantastic but merely a lesson on how to cope
How to watch yourself rebound from any and all hope
How to break down and realign then redesign the entire mind
Seeing being beaming retreating
screaming at you
with NOTHING inside

And how that harrowed hole bores into how you're defined
And how time is the only place left to fill an empty space
So hollow at this point it feels like it can just be replaced
The following revolutions come one second at a time
If you can't find the courage for evolution
You're destined to rewind
It manifests as a habit building pressure in your mind
Until one day what's filled up has pressed your luck
Because guess what? it was the same as the last grind


The only healthy circle comes from an innate sense of being
When you reach within all you've been and all that you are seeing
And when you find the epitome of all that you have sought Remember all in practice & nothing that lasts is bought Overcoming tragedy found through glory and no retreat
While marching to the sound of your heart's personal drumbeat Will be lost to you over and again yet returns at a single thought It's no predisposition but practiced, understood, then conditioned When you open your ears and truly listen

Not all times do diamonds glisten.
No footprints are left behind without a vision.
No wisdom is borne without decision.
Nothing changes without remission.
No fault is known without admission.
No script was written without revision.
No skill ever mastered without precision.

So when you spend time wondering how things could have been different.

You'll do yourself a favor instead wondering what it all meant.

Encroaching on my personal space
I am Bombarded by these images
Children with hopes Dashed
No links to the outside world
Always under constant threat
Rubber bullets flying,
Tears running from the gassed air
Vision blurred
A memory of what they never had
Forces keep creeping in
The boarders keep retreating inwards

No longer settled, should they settle for less
The settlements all around them
Rapidly they are moving but who is to stop them
He who dare risks the draconian approach of Goliath
Little David with his sling and stone
Wont Match the might and force wielded upon him
There is no escape from the eagle eye of Goliath forces

Peace is only considered achievable by constant aggression
Dissent calls for harsher treatments
They have essentially been brought as slaves within their tuff
The walls surrounding them,
Locking them in
They have to settle for less
Constant harassment and humiliation is the order of the day
The bus stops
They've got to set down
Awaiting verification
No pass means no pass!

Those deemed unsuitable have to settle for a return to the human cage
Senselessly caged like hens
Not to be set loose and free
For them freedom is an illusion
The desired but unattainable
Shall we sit idle?
Their hopes and dreams rest on our shoulders
We must challenge the status quo.