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ari Apr 2020
my blood is on his hands,
but oh,
he got away!
"he's a thief! he's a thief!" i cry
as he runs into the distance
with my innocence in a bag
thrown over his shoulder
i scream and shrill
"there's not enough evidence," they said
but my blood!
oh, my blood!
it's on his hands!
i want to douse him in gasoline and throw matches on him
i will laugh and smile while he screams
ari Mar 2020
what he did
two or so years ago
it has messed me up
oh, yes it has
i see no worth in my body
i see an object
a doll

i've fetishized my own fear
oh, god i want to fear you
make me afraid, afraid, afraid
because that's how *** is supposed to be
i'm not supposed to like it
i'm supposed to be in pain

i've fetishized my own fear
that stockholm-syndrome feeling
it wraps its hands around my throat
take my breath
i want to black out
i want to black out

am i ok?
am i ok?
am i ok?
my brain has blended lust and fear
they are the same
i have fetishized my fear
i hate you i hate you i hate you
ari Mar 2020
he ripped the words from my throat
he locked them away
in a box that he calls a 'coffin'
he dug a pit
and buried them six-feet-under
next to the
grave where my innocence lay
ari Mar 2020
you are the reason
that i sliced into
the flesh of my legs
and left lines
like the ones on mama's cutting board
where she chopped up fruit
but my body isn't a cutting board
Lydeen Dec 2019
Remember the clear blue sky.
Remember the beautiful flowing grass.
Remember the warm spring breeze.
Remember the early thaw.
Remember the beautiful pine trees.
Remember the exploding life.
Remember the sudden jolt.
Remember the three flips.
Remember the burn of the belt.
Remember the sound of mom hitting the roof.
Remember the NOISE.
Remember the aftermath.
Remember the thump of kicking out the window.
Remember the desperation of getting out.
Remember the worry about your sweater.
Remember the fear you had stained your dress.
Remember the grass cutting your legs while leaving the ditch.
Remember the woman who was kind.
Remember the yogurt with cookie crumbs.
Remember the cold spoon.
Remember the grey lunchbox.
Remember the blue cube ice pack.
Remember the girl who hadn't eaten it at lunch.
Remember the lie that you hadn't cried.
Remember the grey van.
Remember the white car stained red.
Remember the bus.
Remember the blood.
Remember the shattered glass.
Remember the man.
Remember the crimson paint.
Remember the scalp peeled back.
Remember the shrieking siren.
Remember the neighbors.
Remember the glistening beautiful glass.
Remember the cops.
Remember the ambulance ride.
Remember the hospital.
Remember the glass embedded in mommy's back.
Remember the doctors.
Remember the first time your blood pressure was taken.
Remember the sling.
Remember the pain.
Remember the fear.
Remember the questions.
Remember the thousands of times you told the story over.
Remember the details you suppressed.
Remember the trauma.
Remember the gasp each time the car slowed.
Remember the hands clutching the door.
Remember the death grip.
Remember the anxiety.
Remember the tears.
Remember the first time driving.
Remember the first time almost getting in a crash of your own.
Remember the fear each time you grip the wheel.
Remember the accident on your sixth birthday.
Ingram May 2019
Abuse does not always
yield bruises or scars,
sometimes the effects
are more like emotional prison bars.
Narcissistic Abuse
makes your mind feel trapped,
by painful memories and words
as if your soul was physically slapped.
The damage has been done
and it is hard to fight the lies,
that were imbedded in your head
instead you are traumatized.
I know how it feels
I have always dealt with this type of pain,
But between you and me,
I still get lost trying to win this never ending game.
Lexi Fields Jul 2018
I’ve lived in the belly of the beast
I’ve lived between its pointed teeth
Under it’s finger nails
Between every fist bump that came after my name

The cheers your friends made as you added my name to your list
Your list of others you’ve touched and penetrated

Girls younger than I was
Girls older than I was

Never released your name
Probably never will


For your own protection
Why am I protecting a person like you
A person who preys on little girls

A question I cannot answer
But yet
Here I am
Yet again
Leaving you

Lexi Fields Mar 2018
We created a forest

A forest we created and also destroyed

Destroyed with wild raging arguments
Spitting flames at each other’s sheltered hearts

Destroyed with shaking walls from redirected fists
Swinging drunk hands in hopes of getting your way

Destroyed with hurricanes of tears from sleepless nights
Drowning in sorrow and regret from words and actions

Some nights when I can’t sleep
I find myself walking through the same forest
Reliving all the bad
But also all good

The nights spent dancing under the fake stars
That we hung in the living room
The days we spent climbing trees, racing to the top

Even though i am no longer the person I was before you
And you are no longer the same person you were before me

I still miss you
I still hope you miss me
I hope that you miss me so much
That you too walk through our forest
Touch every scorched tree
Every split rock
Every raging river
And think of me
The good and the bad
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