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Lydeen Jan 2021
As it turns out,

You were just the cocoon which trapped and tested my willpower,

and you only succeeded in making me into a stronger,

more beautiful person
Lydeen Jan 2021
Without you,
I lost a part of myself.
It isn't bad in and of itself,
It left me in a place to rebuild.

Like a mildewed, forgotten bulb,
I will return with gentle care,
Shed my disease of despair,
And thrive.

Even the most seemingly damaged, dried, moldy bulb can bloom into a beautiful flower when the disease stopping it is removed.

It only took a seemingly hopeless amaryllis for me to learn this.
Lydeen Jan 2021
Too-big jean jackets,
Rolled up sleeves,
Cuffed pants,
You're all thieves.

Deliciously short hair,
Round glasses,
Soft skin,
Performing for the masses.

You're my big, lesbian, social media crush.
Sappho would be proud of how much I love women, even though I'm really bisexual :-P
Lydeen Dec 2020
Why do you think that it's okay
To rip out my heart
and try to shove it back in

You were drunk?

No ******* ****,
I haven't seen you sober in
6? entire years


"You're my kid, that's not an option"
Then why was it an option two years ago??
Why was it an option last Saturday?

You're not my ******* parent.

You never were.
I ******* hate your guts.
Lydeen Dec 2020
I really didn't think that when you finally disowned me,

It would be so liberating.




Thank you,

Jordan Matthew Jansen

I mean I cried for two hours but honestly I feel amazingly calm now.
Lydeen Dec 2020
Cars light up my room.

I count.

The moon keeps me awake,

I can hear you.

Telling me to do it-
Hurt me, you, them...


Words begging to become actions.

I close my eyes.

Deep, deep, deep breath.
It's just a thought.


Soft sheets, pillows...
Moon, stars, lights.

It's quiet.
Lydeen Dec 2020
When I'm home alone,
I feel empty.
The circles under my eyes...
Wind carries through cracks,
Mice scratch scratch scratch scratch...

Something clatters.

And suddenly it's loud.
My heart pound pound pounds...
Getting closer...
Quick! Grab a weapon!

I call out:
"Is someone there?!"

And suddenly it is all quiet again.
Do you ever feel like you're being watched? Or that shadow in the corner of your eye... What if someday it's not a shadow?
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