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Alyssa Underwood Nov 2015
There's a peculiar kind of beauty that can only be experienced
with the innate knowledge that the moment is fleeting
and the most intense beauty can only be seen in
the presence of both light and shadows.
For it’s often in the loss of a thing
that its worth to us becomes
most precious and by
letting it go with
grace we can
best savor
its purest
delights.
Realizing
that the pain
runs so deep only
because the beauty ran
so deep and that without
it having once touched us we
wouldn't now know the emptiness
of its loss, our grief will eventually turn to
thankfulness that it ever touched us at all, and
we will be left awed by the mystery of its haunting.
***
Cné Mar 2017
Dare I relinquish all control
For the sake of a story not yet told
Of **** and love
And mushy stuff
To be yours forever to unfold and thus behold?
Yikes... where did that come from...
Vicki Kralapp Aug 2012
I met myself among the ruins of life
The quiet simplicity of truth has left me speechless.
Around me I find discarded ideas and beliefs,
shells of relationships and the cries of lost ones.  

You’ve finally let me go after a battle so long fought.  
Gone to let me grow, to stumble though life on my own,
with the myths of youth scattered about my feet.
What is truth?

A lifetime since we said goodbyes
still I find you in my thoughts and dreams.
Kissed by your loving care.  
and protected by your memory.
All poems are copy written and soul property of Vicki Kralapp.
lavender May 2017
she compares her sweet tooth
to that of a good long scream,
the kind where your throat hurts a little after
and your eyes water,
the type of scream where your neighbors start to wonder
if either you’ve been murdered,
or you've just had the best ****** of your life,
because it sounds just a little to pleasureful
to be the sound of of an inevitable death.
Muted Jul 2018
i long for pleasant days.
days that feel like new beginnings,
days when i feel as if i am floating,
when each and every
fiber of my being
feels content with letting go,
tying loose ends,
shedding dead skin.
when my body no longer
feels unworthy of
occupying a space in this dimension,
when my brain no longer
allows toxicity to occupy a space
within it.
i long for moments of silence.
solace for my soul,
a place for the skeletons
in my closet to
rest their dust-covered heads.
i long for happy summers.
when i no longer fear
the thought of love.
when i no longer imagine love
as an **** ****,
devouring a flower bed.
when i no longer imagine you
resting in someone else's.
lovejunkie Jan 7
ღ ღ ღ

just a small
glint of sunlight
off my rake's tine
is more than enough
to shoot my mind into a
waking dream where we're
both five years young and i'm
looking down at a minnows darting
past in a perfect pool in a creek that dried
up twenty years ago while you squeal and
try to catch them in a little green plastic net
and we're perfectly contented skipping stones
in the fountain of youth & then flying bright kites
we both hold so tightly that they start to drag us and pull
us both and lift us up up up into and through the clearest
of blues skies on the perfect indian summer afternoon
clear through to the bestest of picnic spots upon
the moon where night is always falling so we
tell each other campfire stories among
the tall candy-cane stalagmites like
how i have loved you since the
very first second that ever
was and will love you
to the very last second
that ever will be
at the very end of
time
which you
think is just ******
and how when i reach
up to and into that
inky blackness of
space and time and
pull down a very
small handful
of stars to give
you to wear as
a necklace you
instead squish a
soft-serve ice cream
cone into the top of my
head so instead we have a
marvelous lunch of invisible tea
and weightless crumpets dripping
the sweetest transparent raspberry jam
and i build you a palace out of blankets and
chairs with icicle chandeliers and sugar-coated
bells and i tuck you into your trampoline bed
and sing to you a sweeeeet lullaby written
especially for your ears alone in the key
of zeeeeee with mumblebees and
flutterbies harmonizing to
leave your cheeks flushed
with cosmic delight and
you drift softly off away
frosted by the sandman's
dusty nostalgia and when you
wake up we are both as we once
were now again close & safe
and i give you a soft goodnight
kiss on your forehead (as i like to
do no matter how old you may get)
and in this dream my i-love-you's can
still gather every one of your pain-filled tears
to refill the whirls of that creek drying them
from your rosy cheeks and i can
hear your very first cry across
these years since i
first held you in
in my arms
so fresh so tiny
with a whole life
still ahead of you
and i hear your voice
still calling out somehow
back into memory instead
of mere day-dreaming

ღ ღ ღ

daddy, puhhhleeze
can we jump in the leaves?

(i am still dreaming thinking i
have woken up though now my
dream is made of real memory)
as little ones wake me from
my mind's journey far away
and out of my brief whimsy
and with a smile i say sure!
and they all run and jump and
scream and the smell of those
leaves filled with a sweetness
that comes with that slight decay makes
me breathe so deeply but not before thinking
i caught a glimpse of you in the very corner of my
blue eyes whose vision fades but not before thinking
i heard at long last once again the most beautiful laugh the
world has ever given to a woman and i drop my rake and i
join the girls in destroying the piles of leaves i'd so carefully unconsciously made while my i was away with you on the moon

ღ ღ ღ

later on amongst the smell of those
same leaves burning in a barrel we eat
four of the pumpkin cupcakes i baked
last night leaving one always for you
covered in these outrageous amounts of
cream-cheese icing that i can never seem to
put on just-so and after i tuck them in snugly i
go up to the attic and pull out that old answering
machine and i look at the picture from the first time
that i ever saw you, one of those grainy black & white
sonogram stills, and i listen low to a soft voice frozen in
amber "I miss you, Dad.. and I love you" and i just play an
old answering machine tape until it might break so i stop but
that sweetest voice echos it carries those most magical of words
upon a sprinkling of tears just then a tiny little yellow finch lands
on the little window sill so i blow it a kiss and it flies away while i
call out to it with a whisper say, if you ever happen to be passing
through heaven or meadowlark could you do me the favour of
delivering this kiss i lent your yellow wings to the forehead of
the one woman in the whole wide world with as beautiful
a smile to match the sublime music of her laughter
that
only a parent can recognize the perfect melody within
& once-upon-a-time i may have almost lost her but
i can feel through her messages slowly opening
up even a little my precious daughter may
be coming back to me even though i'm
slowly learning that she has never
ever, forever and ever, never
really left me at all she has
just been living her life

ღ ღ ღ
a (mostly) true story
flowing through my
consciousness and
a recipe for her

Pumpkin Cupcakes

1 cup of flour
1 tsp of baking soda
1 tsp of cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
pinch of nutmeg
pinch of cloves
pinch of allspice
1 cup of sugar
2 eggs
1/2 cup of oil
1 cup of pumpkin

In a bowl, combine sugar and eggs. Mix until well incorporated. Add oil. Beat at medium speed for 3 minutes. In another bowl, combine flour, baking soda, cinnamon, salt, nutmeg, cloves. Beat the dry ingredients into the egg mixture. Add pumpkin. Mix well. Bake at 350* for 20 minutes (oven time varies) or until toothpick inserted comes out clean.

Cream Cheese Buttercream

1/2 cup of shortening
1/2 cup of butter, slightly softened
8 oz. of cream cheese
1 tablespoon of vanilla
2 lbs. (one bag) of powdered sugar
1/2 teaspoon of salt

On high speed mix shortening, butter, and cream cheese until fluffy and well combined. (Do not soften cream cheese, that will affect the consistency of the frosting.) Add the vanilla and salt. Mix. Beat in the powdered sugar slowly.

If it is too thick, add a little milk (1/2 a tbsp) at a time, until it is just right.

ღ ღ ღ

Sometimes it's not what you see, but the way that you see it.
Jason Drury Oct 2016
Though, should I
or have I begun?

To feel the tussling
Of blurring bodies.

Transforming and dancing,
Through these very halls.

Where aching is thick,
and a embrace is a release.

Should I begin?
How should I begin?

Swallow the dagger,
stabbing from behind.

Let it sit deep in my stomach.
Push it further, where it can’t cut.

Where will it end?
How will I begin?

Under lock and key,
Just where I left it .

It escapes as it did just now,
conjuring a puncture to bone.

Blood flows,
Rushes out into the world.

Is this a release?
How can I heal?*

Pouring out,
It tastes salty on the cheek

The color is dark,
cold to the touch.

Purging the night,
that stained blood black.

Sifting the chill,
of steel from bone.

Ringing out whats left of gore and fluid,
down the drain.

*I can begin now.
This is the end.
Jessica B Feb 2
For now I will let you go
I still feel you
I always will
But this is me
And it is time
For i will say my last goodbyes
And I will kiss you one more time
For every nights sky has its last star
jcl Oct 2018
i know
i need
to let go

I am not ready
to release you

I endure
the pain
suffer
the anguish

i am
a *******
wishing
forgiveness

i want
to be free
of my
anguish

i should
let go
or get
dragged
Llila Jul 2016
I hold you in the palm of my hand,
  your eyes are hollowed out craters.
In the holes of which, buried deep, are the memories that you and I  once shared,
  some could say that we still share them,
  it would be difficult for me to disagree.

I hold you in the palm of my hand,
   your life hangs in the balance,
   tipping ever so slightly into the unknown.
We share the same name
    and although I have tried in vain to change mine,
     it still sticks,
     lingering on old tongues,
     leaving a bitter taste in my mouth.

I hold you in the palm of my hand,
  you sit, waiting for whatever will come next,
  you watch me with curious eyes, as if i know the answer to your questions,
and it pains me to tell you that I do not.

I hold you in the palm of my hand,
  we are a magnificent circus duo,
   I, the ventriloquist and you my mindless drone,
  or you the ventriloquist and I, all alone.
  Our audience laugh at our shared torment and
  I, I laugh as well at the situation we have created.

I hold you in the palm of my hand,
  and though we share the same name,
  the same face,
  I fear we are no longer the same.
You are a reflection of what used to be,
  of what is now forgotten
   and fading away,
   as though you never existed in the first place.

And, I , I am the aftermath,
  The desolation after an explosion,
  I am the one who was left behind to pick up the pieces.

I hold you in the palm of my hand,
I hold you close to my heart,
close enough that the pounding of my being deafens you,
and the shaking of my rib cage engulfs you.

I hold you in the palm of my hand,
I tell myself that it is to protect you ,
but in reality I know that I am crushing you.

I hold you in the palm of my hand,
  your eyes are hollowed out craters.
In the holes of which, buried deep, are the memories that you and I  once shared.
But now you are gone and yet I still remain.
Those memories intact but not looking the same.
I'm not too sure about this one.
Traveler Sep 2018
The world around me, so lost in chaos
I wonder what this day shall bring
Perhaps tragedy or heart throbbing sorrow
Perhaps plan old-fashioned suffering

I wonder where you’ll be tomorrow
For today I’m forced to let you go
The center of my world's gone missing
Deeper than my Poet soul

I send these messages via telepathy
And hope someway that you might hear
I send my love via angels
Who touch my pain and disappear

Vanished now our unresolved love
Broken now my forgotten soul
All my knowledge and all my wisdom
All adds up to letting go...
Traveler Tim
Emma Jan 10
He seems far now
I didn't staulk his house today 
Or did i?
Yes he seems far now
I did staulk his house 
But only once
I finally let go
Don't know at what time
Or hour
i forgave him for all the hurt
And i love him too
for I got to see his good side
It was his bad side 
That has finally separate
Us after years of 
Undecisiveness
of needing him like my life
Depended on his hurting 
Existance
Of being co dependent 
Of being okay with being 
Second and at times no one
Carter Ginter Dec 2018
Dear Bri,

I've put this letter off the longest
Because it doesn't come from anger
And although it may resemble it
It does not come from regret either
This letter just comes from my soul
From me
From a place I can finally trust

This letter differs from the rest
Because I want it to be a mix
Between explanation and closure
And the others I didn't want them to read
But part of me hopes you do see this
I just finally think I understand
Why I had to leave

First of all
I never used you
Not one time
You learned that I'm fiercely independent
And I hope you know it was never
Ever
Ever
About money for me
Or about your home town
Or your fathers property
No that relationship was about love
I loved you

See, the thing about love
The thing I didn't know about
Was that it changes over time
There are not always sparks
Even so, those fade eventually
And from there you must create deeper ties
Connect to one another on a new level
That is the point at which I failed

I know you hated how
I always explained my behavior by my past
And for that I am not sorry
What I am sorry for is the fact that
I did not step up
I did not know how to grow with life
How to let go of the pain
How to move forward
Instead I hid the pain behind drugs
Legal and prescribed
And behind other people's affection
I pushed away the pain
Because it hurt way too much
I was not ready to face it
I had no idea how to do that
And by not accepting my real feelings
I not only blunted the unhelpful ones
But the pleasant ones as well

By not dealing with my past
By not allowing myself to heal
I could not have allowed myself
To love you

It's been over a week since
I wrote the first half of this
It's hard to find the right words
It's hard to open my heart
On something so sensitive
As a love that I ended prematurely
I want to let you go though
We both deserve to be happy again
And I am, most days
But I need to acknowledge my heart
Allow myself to be sad one last time
I want to be entirely honest with you

You've been the hardest person
For me to let go of recently
Now that you live in town again
I think about you a lot
When I'm driving through campus
Past the engineering building
When I'm walking back to my car
Memories constantly surface of us
Like when you left that phone number
On the windshield of my car
And it was to some Pizza Hut in DC
Or driving through the town where we lived
Surrounded by white snow
Singing different parts to Pentatonix
Or when we spent Christmas with your family
And we connected through the calm of a place
So far from the city
As we chopped down a tree and
Played video games under warm blankets
Or even when we sat on the edge of a cliff in St. Francis
And I told you I felt nothing when we kissed
So so many memories
Of love
Of pain
Of a connection
Of my best friend

And it's not that I want to be together again
We are very different people and
I really am happy again
And I don't want to make you sad
Or make you feel anything bad
Because no matter what I care about you
I just need to reprocess everything
With the recognition that
That relationship would have lasted
If, back then,
I were the person I am now

See,
We may have been entirely different
And we definitely had our issues
But you were right when you said
That I couldn't commit
Because I couldn't commit to myself either

I couldn't love myself
I couldn't believe in myself
I couldn't process the trauma
I had no idea how to
I didn't know what to do
I felt only pain all of the time
Underneath everything else
I always had a sadness hanging onto me
I was emotionally unavailable
I didn't know how to love
I didn't know what love meant
Because I never loved myself
And I don't believe that line
That you can't love someone else
Until you love yourself first
But it sure makes it easier

Back then,
I didn't trust myself
So I let everyone else lead my life
I never questioned the path either
I just accepted life as it was
Because I didn't believe that I could change it
Which leaked into our relationship
Because if there was something I needed
Or something I was unhappy with
I could have tried to talk about it
I made the choice not to

I used to self-sabotage a lot
Before I realized that I didn't have to
I could feel those urges anytime
But that did not mean I had to carry them out
I lived entirely by my emotions at that time
When I was sad, nothing could be positive
When I was angry, I had to let it out
I did not even consider that
My actions and my emotions
Are two entirely different things

I have grown so much since then
I'd like to hope you'd be proud
Because despite anything I've said or done
I still care about how you feel
And how you see me
I'm always tempted to check your writing
But now I can distinguish between
My helpful and unhelpful urges
So I do not allow myself to try
You deserve your privacy
And I deserve to not let these residual feelings
Interfere with my life now

I just want you to know that
I messed up when I hurt you
I made a choice for us both
Instead of sitting down together
To talk and figure out how we both felt
I don't think I could have figured myself out
If I hadn't left when I did

Because since then
I went through a toxic relationship
That empowered me almost as much as it broke me
And I hurt some people along the way too
I thought I loved people I really didn't
I did acid and developed positive habits as a result
I actually take care of myself now
And most of the time I like myself
Often I even love myself
I stopped doing drugs
I finally trust myself and
I listened to myself for once
And I'm changing my career path now
I learned to be mindful of my feelings
And to not take them out on those I love
I learned what love means
I developed more compassion
I learned to be assertive
And entirely honest and real
I learned who I am

And now I'm here
An entirely different person
Writing a final letter to you
A person who I loved
Who's also entirely different now
But someone who could have been my forever
Once upon a time

But I'd like to believe in fate
And trust that all of this
Is exactly what needed to happen
For both of us to grow into ourselves
And I can't speak for you
But you will always be in my heart
Thank you for the years we spent together
Thank you for teaching me that life isn't all bad
Thank you for being there for me
For being patient and kind and for loving me
Thank you for being you
I truly hope that you find happiness
I wish you peace and love
And everything good
And I wish the same for me
r m b Feb 2018
water and air are two very different things
when you pour water out of a container
you're basically replacing it with air

be less afraid of letting go
there's always something bound to come
to replace it, even if you haven't realized it yet
something I came up with while watching someone drink water haha
Diane K Pak Aug 2018
I know this is not the same, but it not sane to say I’m okay for days.
You said I was the hello to your goodbyes..
All I heard is the other side of no lies.
But I sat there and can’t cried because I would feel like I’ve died to try.

People said it seems that I can’t get all of you out of my head.
Where it’s nowhere to put my love in a some paper bag.

Suffocate and throw away the best I had, again my heart said no I said.
Tell me why not so, but it’s because you and not I that had know.

I feel it that letting go does more damages then causing the damages to let go.
To say I won’t let go of my heart, but the love was loving you than better then we even start.

To forget of wanting my love without loving you.
I needed to change this to only just knowing him not wanting you.

Still falling for your big bubbles eyes.
Yet, I couldn’t hide.
So, i found myself without I.

What can I do to found you in you again?
Robin Lemmen Aug 2018
Our entire relationship I felt
like all I was doing
was waiting for you and I to break
like goodbye was only one kiss away

And when I finally started feeling
like maybe, just maybe
we would prove ourselves wrong
you left me in shambles on the floor
shards of our favorite memories
cutting deep and letting me bleed
flowers painted red

I can't seem to escape
everything feels laced
with your winter remnants
blooming a stark white contrast
to my deep dark wounds
leaving broken roses everywhere
eli Apr 2018
why is it so hard to let go
when you were never truly mine
Bexis Jul 2018
That feeling you get when you know it's time to let go.
I feel a wave is about to wash over me.
All I was doing was holding on for dear life.
Bringing up past guilt, grief, wrongdoings.
Where does it end?
If not there.
Keep bringing up the same ****.
The only thing I will do is wade through ****.
Letting go will bring a new life.
All that baggage gone.
The universe is chaotic.
There things I can't control and things I can.
I am choosing to let that baggage go.
And watch it flow away.
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