"hallucinate" poems
Black surges, forges piling emotion,
Foraging, attaining such predicted erosion.
Color the rubies to a diluted amber,
Brittle, dripped gems are toxic, I clamber
To the lamp as to see my implicit devotion.
Vitals ascend, and I can't perceive
This motionless forfeit I often receive.
Aid is essential, it holds potential,
To cure this conflicted, addicted vessel.
My heart on my sleeve, I'm undeceived.
I implore to explore, as breath, I leave,
So close to dying, I'm on the eve
Of darker clothing, and flowers to family,
Hallucinate my abnormalities.
Yet somehow, I am still on my feet-
May 17, 2018
May 17, 2018 at 9:33 PM UTC
There is an image
Working to free my mind
From violent dawns
It probes at the backs of my eyes
It tells me I am prostituting myself
Here in my bedroom
In incestuous union with myself
I hallucinate and fantasise about
Doctors sons, butchers boys
Teenage thieves, deserters
Drug pushers, scandalous rent boys
Vagrants, pimps, prostitutes
And silk lingerie and don't care.
I sit destitute of thought
An insonce dissonance of macabre music
Playing out melodies of an image in my mind
Apr 12, 2012
Apr 12, 2012 at 4:42 PM UTC
The smile of the white bloom, in my crown
its fragrance spreads across galaxies of neurons,
none can fully imagine the scene, I haven't seen
it's stellar design baffles humans, resists exploration.
On single file pass days and nights, indefatigable
rainbows are made and unmade, making clouds
blush and hoping for bridges across them,
why, even the universe dances to the tunes we play
Ever at ease, I walk silently past the blue mountains,
of remembrance, mostly love created, a miracle!
At times a poet, a scientist,a cosmologist,or a mystic in solitude
finds the need to "stand and stare"wonder, speaks in metaphors.
Looking st the fireworks sky manages, I hallucinate,
an astronaut I become, who knows nothing about time
one wished to live in timelessness for ever and when,
that dream comes true, loses within and be nothingness.
Oct 2, 2014
Oct 2, 2014 at 4:56 PM UTC
if words are food for the mind,
then here is a glimpse of mine
if words are drugs for the brain,
then here is why i'm so pained.
abandoned, abhorrent
abnormal, absent
abstract, abuse
addicted, anxious
betray, bitterly
blank, blasphemy
bloodless, breakdown
breathless, brutal
captive, casually
catastrophe, cautiously
change, cigarettes
crucial, clueless
damaged, dangerous
deadly, disastrous
disheartened, disconcerting
dramatic, dreading
eager, eccentric
ecstasy, eerie
effete, effortless
embittered, excess
faded, failure
faintly, fallacy
faltering, fatally
fearfully, finally
garbage, gawky
gibberish, gloomy
gone, goodbye
graphic, gratify
hallucinate, harshly
hazy, heartless
hectic, helpless
hesitant, hit-and-miss
idiotic, idly
ignorant, intimacy
illogical, imaginative
infatuated, intoxicated
jealousy, jittery
journey, journal
joylessly, judicial
junk, juvenile
keen, killing
knavish, knocking
knockout, knotty
knowingly, knowledge
laborious, lacking
lame, languishing
lifeless, literature
lovelorn, lugubrious
madness, maintenance
make-believe, malaise
mean, melancholic
mellow, melodramatic
naff, naivety
nameless, naturally
nauseous, nebulous
neglected, nervous
oasis, objectionable
obliged, obliterate
oblivion, obscurity
obsolete, one-and-only
pacifist, pained
pale, panicky
paradise, paralyze
passionately, passively
raging, ranting
rationalize, raving
realistic, reasonable
rebellious, reckless
saboteur, sadness
sake, sameness
sanity, satisfactory
scar, steady
taint, tangled
tasteless, tearful
telling, temperamental
terror, theoretical
unaffected, uncanny
uncommon, unconsciously
undesirable, uneasy
unfortunate, untidy
vaguely, vanish
vanity, vanquish
versatile, vicious
violence, voracious
waiting, waking
walkout, wanting
wasteful, weary
withering, wrecking
if words are food for the mind,
then you've seen a glimpse of mine
if words are drugs for the brain,
then no wonder i'm so pained.
-djs
Aug 5, 2013
Aug 5, 2013 at 11:21 PM UTC
Blandly mother
takes him strolling
by railroad and by river
--he's the son of the absconded
hot rod angel--
and he imagines cars
and rides them in his dreams,
so lonely growing up among
the imaginary automobiles
and dead souls of Tarrytown
to create
out of his own imagination
the beauty of his wild
forebears--a mythology
he cannot inherit.
Will he later hallucinate
his gods? Waking
among mysteries with
an insane gleam
of recollection?
The recognition--
something so rare
in his soul,
met only in dreams
--nostalgias
of another life.
A question of the soul.
And the injured
losing their injury
in their innocence
--a **** a cross,
an excellence of love.
And the father grieves
in flophouse
complexities of memory
a thousand miles
away, unknowing
of the unexpected
youthful stranger
bumming toward his door.
New York, April 13, 1952
3.4k
1
**My dad suddenly walks in,
as if nothing has happened,
and he hasn't gone anywhere, leaving
six of us behind, notwithstanding-
all these years of absence and
pain unimaginable that changed us all
to see life in a new light that gets dim
without the lamp he held in front of us.
A shadow transparent gets in to the room,
he stands near mom sitting inside her cocoon,
lost in an ancient evening, pensive, forlorn
as if she feels an absence, tangible right there.
Dad's absence stands silent, perhaps
curiously looking at her with loving eyes
that's how he was, after a period of absence.
The pantomime, tears my sense of reality
in to shreds, I sit upright,
with my hands pressed against my palpitating heart.
Do I see it really or hallucinate him looking,
wistfully at the coconut groves dancing
beyond the extending rice paddy billowing,
in front of our farm yard, sleepy these days,
for a moment I think time has
taken liberty to flow back
and everything is right there
where we'd love it to be.
2
The absence was a hollow,
in the middle of everything,
breaking the mirror of reality
in to smithereens, the dark space,
in between sprang-
opening its mouth to swallow,
wherever one turned,
it stood in front defiantly,
posing a challenge at times,
it came behind hollering noiselessly,
bringing unbearable memories,
from moments hard to forget
spent in his company,
in my palmy days of yore.
3
Absence was fire within,
that needs no fuel to burn,
flood waters without a source,
that can wash away,
till one becomes nothing;
then little by little,
one comes in to terms with the absence
and at last it too is laid to rest,
and that eats a part of the soul,
causing bleeding in slushy green,
transparent white and blobs of sad black.**
Jan 17, 2014
Jan 17, 2014 at 8:11 AM UTC
Blow a kiss & show me
What true liberation and
Desire look like, I deserve it
& when I see you, I am coming
With you. With nothing but
Excitement and the best intention.
I would love nothing more than that.
It doesn’t matter the list of places.
The first, second, or third destination.
I’d really just like to go hallucinate
With you In the wilderness.
A language that needs no translation.
No matter where we stand, mentally
We are where we want to be.
Prosperous in each other.
The earth tucked beneath a blanket,
eventually we’ll have to get up
but until then blow a few kisses
& take me with you.
A naked soul free, exploring a dream.
One of the first things that come to mind
Your face on front of a post card.
This memory snuggled up close
In infinity.
Without having to imagine or dream
Where we’ve already been.
Together by the lake,
The mountains nestled low,
One head snuggled into another.
The campfire barely visible, piled in a mess
Together.
Realizing that there’s nothing more perfect
Realizing that we are a dream within a dream.
Realizing that only we can make this a reality.
I want this so bad.
No matter where we stand, mentally.
We are where we want to be.
Each other’s everywhere & everything
in between.
Jul 20, 2021
Jul 20, 2021 at 8:31 AM UTC
Don’t leave me alone,
because every time you smile,
the dimples in your cheeks
come out like commas drawn in my life
reminding me – this is not the end.
Don’t leave me alone
because your whispers add background music
to my otherwise quiet life,
Your fingers choreograph the perspective
of my eyes and make sure hope clings to each corner,
and I learn to hallucinate better than before- it is beautiful.
Don’t leave me alone
because I promise when next time you sit next to me,
my incessant words won’t transform into question marks,
only my eyes will look at you occasionally
in case you miss the talk.
Don’t leave me alone
because I promise this too,
on the days when you heart is too full
to accommodate the memories of the past,
we will go to your favorite river side
and let them find their way out
into the endless stream.
Don’t leave me alone,
because staring at horizon alone is boring,
besides nobody talks about the expanse of these abbreviated colors
into our lives.
Don’t leave me alone
because I refuse to have a life without you,
may be I should have told you this in the beginning,
instead of writing a poem.
Nov 6, 2016
Nov 6, 2016 at 8:32 AM UTC
A toadstool is swelling
inside my limbic system.
Spores sweat amongst tissue cavities,
dining out on grey matter,
until they force me
to stay in bed through the day.
What a thing it would be.
Depression as a fungus.
A mildewed mind as damp sets in,
the trumpet player
with athletes foot,
casting out the air-borne blues.
Misfortunes follow one another
along straits of fate,
as if sadness were a colony itself.
I want to take a pill
to **** the mushroom
that plumes over my head.
You can only diagnose
through words and symbols,
only treat once you set down your pen
and hold the hand
of a patient lover,
of the savant drinking at the bar.
For now I will let air in
through the open window,
watch the dreamcatcher sway
and hang like a tarantula
over the stars and crescents,
spilling out over my bed.
When I close my eyes
I hear the ocean in distant traffic,
sounding as waves when rolling by the door.
I will drown in seawater
and hallucinate a scene
of happiness.
Of a place for a poet's retreat.
Sep 8, 2014
Sep 8, 2014 at 9:01 AM UTC
?Who is the stranger in the dark?
?Sharing your bed?
?Keeping the shadows at bay?
?Holding you behind their eyes?
?Do you hallucinate them?
?Did they hallucinate you?
?Does your body hurt?
?When they are not touching you?
?Does reflection of their eyes?
?Change your mood?
?Did you already say forever?
?Forever in your minds eye?
?Did you say it out loud?
?Did you scream it?
?At the top of your lungs?
?Did they leave anyway?
?Did you smell their clothing?
?Did you hallucinate again?
?Did they find a place in your brain?
?Who left whom in the dream?
?Was there a place where you went?
?Was there a moment in time?
?Did you consider yourself a victim of crime?
?Did you play the ancient roles?
?Was there a moment you knew?
?That it was a tragedy not comedy?
?Did the two voices argue internally?
?Was one of you right was on of you wrong?
?Did you find God together?
?Was it that kind of dance?
?Did you lead. Did you follow?
?Did you follow the cultural norms?
?Was there a hero and dragon?
?Did you slay I together?
?Did you save the princess?
?Did she know she was saved?
?Was there good intention?
?Did you give of yourself?
?Did you ever stop trying?
?Did you give up?
?Was there cake?
?Will there be cake?
?Do you want cake?
THEN DO NOT FIXATE ON ICING
Jul 15, 2013
Jul 15, 2013 at 7:12 PM UTC
the police station rioted
laughing so hard
tears poured down their ruddy faces
"hey listen to this!"
my face grew red in shame
i just wanted protection
i left, depressed
this was the fifth sleepless day
no sleep, no faces
though i tried to save face
at the police station,
they said "find a shrink."
i'm starting to hallucinate
because your face has become my own
and now i will never wake again.
Nov 20, 2011
Nov 20, 2011 at 6:11 PM UTC
The dark and devilish nature of her words
Strike my soul with bone crushing impact
Delivering me to unfathomable heights
Soaring beyond valleys of unspoken truths
I swear I could feel the searing pain secreting
From the puddles of ink unmercifully ***********
From within her little black pen of revenge
A cold, hard case of poetic justice iced my veins
Slashing fiercely through the tender tissues of my heart
Leaving a dreadful scar of excruciating scorn
Forever embedded in what was once a sacred home
It was as if a voodoo ritual was taking place
Possessing every inch of my flesh successfully
Soaking my skin with tsunamis of fear
Compelling my body to dance with the spirit
As I danced to the rhythm of the drums
A cloud of smoke was blown to distort my vision
In the wake of the smoke I began to hallucinate
The image of a **** harlot equipped with a machete
Appeared before my eyes taking me by surprise
Ready to slaughter and **** all who oppose her
And rob them of their oh so precious manhood
She pressed her lips against the blade then blew a kiss
The kiss caressed my lips with the taste of honey
By the swift blow of a gentle breeze she was gone
When I returned from this coma of entertainment
A severe addiction was unmistakably evident
My taste buds craved for more of this woman's literature
I had fallen victim to her powerful hex of poetic justice
By Glenn McCrary
© 2011 Glenn McCrary
(All rights reserved)
Oct 18, 2011
Oct 18, 2011 at 6:28 AM UTC
There’s a tiny turquoise sequin that lies
on my black and white bathroom tile
a tiny piece of you, Sea Queen
poised only for me
Sea Queen, it’s by that towel you last used
the same one I used
Sea Queen, I’ll try to explain
my chronicles in nautical miles
before I’m forced to die
with my sequin shoes on
but, I hallucinate land and I sail to drown
in your gown of now intangible sequins
I wouldn’t mind, Sea Queen,
if my eye’s palette could handle the paillettes’
reflection through a sea of sequins
but instead it’s holograms I chase
they’re a part of me and I guard them carefully
like your sequin that lies
on my white bathroom tile
next to the pink towel you used
before your heart resembled a crumpled piece of paper
and I got distracted by the sequins, Sea Queen.
Apr 16, 2013
Apr 16, 2013 at 9:23 PM UTC
I want to starve for my art with you
until our faces have sunk in
and our shy skeletons have shown themselves
through our skin, scarred with regrets and tattoos.
I want to write with you
until we hallucinate those skeletons leaping from our bodies
and waltzing with each other while we lay
limp and high on the floor —
until we have nothing left but each other
and stacks upon stacks of 99-cent notebooks
filled with testaments of our madness
and love
like some kind of unholy matrimonial vows
that bind us together
with a silver coil.
I want to paint on the walls with you
until our ****** apartment becomes a gallery
the best gallery in New York
that no one will know about,
at least until we OD
and the stench of our frail bodies leads them here
to these walls painted with the last of our strength.
Until you know how it feels to have death
breathing on your neck
and offering to buy you a drink
and take you home
to pick your mind like a gentleman.
Let’s write our story
then jump from the bridge of sanity
that connects the pointless gap between reality
and the brick wall on the other side
that looms over humanity—
so fall with me
until you know what it's like
to be loved by a poet
who most think is dead inside.
Until you know that I am beautiful
when you step into this little world
that I’ve made up like a god
with one big bang
of imagination and lies
spiraling forever into a darkness
that no one but me
will ever comprehend.
Jan 19, 2015
Jan 19, 2015 at 5:56 PM UTC
better days
float though my memory
like an incandescently lit moon
we can pluck it from the sky
and hallucinate a sweeter tune
to hum as we walk
over granite grey roads;
and dead lines of thick chalk
a lonely sick moon
mourning the ruin
of its earth-mother love
we have taken and forsaken
like a little toxin
gulped down with water
eyes bulging.
the green tree frog asked,
how do you like you poison?
Feb 4, 2010
Feb 4, 2010 at 9:04 PM UTC
i watch the clock tick to 2 milliseconds past 1900 hours and i remember how, at 2 milliseconds past 1400 hours, just 5 hours earlier, i was cradling you in bed
it was warm and we were interlocked and you looked heavenly
the glow of the sunshine a halo around a face full of sleep and too beautiful even for poetry.
i try to verbalise you, try to write you down to make your existence more fathomable –
i cannot.
there are no words for a heart that beats honey through soft-skinned veins, that swirls around your mouth like saliva and you taste so **** sweet.
i told my doctor i have a sweet tooth, what i meant was i am addicted to you; what i meant was i can’t stop waking up in the middle of the night to fix the cravings i have when you aren’t there.
what i meant was, sometimes i sleep walk, find myself at
platform number 5 of the same station i left you at hours before hoping that some sweet fragrance of you still lingers.
i watched the clock tick to 2 milliseconds past 1900 hours and i watched the train move away in slow motion.
i watched your face until i couldn’t see it anymore and i have never felt longing like it. suddenly i felt like a lost kid at the supermarket trying to find their parent and i wanted to scream for you to come back because although this train moved in slow motion i swear 2 milliseconds passed and you were gone.
i tried not to blink because i didn’t want to miss a single moment.
i sent you “i love you” through a screen that is too familiar to me now and felt the itch of my craving against my spine –
i will wait for you.
i replay the last kiss in my head; it was probably our seventieth goodbye kiss because each one didn’t encompass all the love we needed to express before the train departed and i taste honey.
i cannot make your existence more fathomable because that would mean to understand you and in all your complexity, i never want to stop learning –
so please,
allow me to explore your mind in every neurotransmitter, in every dopamine dosage, in every fight or flight reaction; allow me to explore what it is to be you and let me write you into every poem i ever produce, let me hallucinate you into every city street, cast your reflection in every shop window, replace every tin of beans with jars of honey and settle like dust on my lips –
i will wait for you.
every day, i wait for you.
Oct 7, 2018
Oct 7, 2018 at 5:42 PM UTC
i met you on MySpace and you had a girlfriend and we had a threeway phone conversation and i thought you sounded so **** when you shrieked "I love you!" to her when you had to go,
and then you broke up and she said it was because your medication had changed you and you reek of *** and it Just Wasn't Working Anymore,
and then Rick came over and brought you along and your tall, wild-haired being took my breath away
and you wore tight, brightly colored pants, and you were dark and thin and your teeth always gripped your purple lip ring and it made you look like you were constantly biting your lip,
and your eyes were amber
and they surprised me when i looked up and saw them focused on me,
i felt as if i'd stumbled upon a rare species of human,
an exotic species Out of My League.
Then you told me to step on your skateboard and i did and you grabbed my hand and pulled me and my 13 year old body was then introduced to Euphoria
and then the rain soaked us and you could see my yellow-and-pink bra and i hoped you liked it even though there wasn't much,
and we IM'd nonstop and i had no idea what it meant, but
i felt like flying and your presence filled me with hot air that was cooled only by your absence,
which came when you left me in the winter.
i cried for reasons i did not understand, i cried every night,
i walked through my dumb subdivision and would hallucinate you coming around the corner and my knees would buckle and my vision would blur,
i thought i was bipolar.
And i existed in a fog of longing and nostalgia and frustration and arousal,
and then you came back and we were both a little more grown up and we spent more time together
and i started wishing you'd do something to do your hair
and maybe smoke a little less
and maybe go to school a little more
and then i went to a football game at my new high school and i saw the muscular athletes and the clean-looking boys and
i gave my phone to Robert and asked him to tell you that i wanted to break up with you
and it was so easy for me
and i was disgusted by you
(but you were still in love)
Aug 11, 2013
Aug 11, 2013 at 3:56 PM UTC
The one black hair
That WE create
The truth which
We manipulate
We try to
control our fate
Kings and queens
Lie in state!
We believe that
We are great
Brother, we
HALLUCINATE!
We think we can
Build up... repair
The termites nest
The spider's lair
The web of which
We are aware
Beneath our skulls
Pate brown or fair
No matter how
We wish or care
We can't make white
one black hair.
SoulSurvivor
November 2021
Nov 18, 2021
Nov 18, 2021 at 4:45 AM UTC
There's a sea I sometimes find myself treading in,
Sometimes steady, sometimes drowning.
It's hard to stay afloat at times,
And I hallucinate people on ships sailing past me,
Not a care in the world, and I hate them;
Every imagined smile hurts like inhaling the saltwater.
But the worst thing is the monstrous shadow beneath the waves,
Huge and treacherous with eyes like emeralds,
It wants to swallow me whole and drag me down,
Into waters so deep that all becomes black.
And worst of all, when I hear that leviathan's rumbling roar,
I sometimes think it's coming from inside me.
Jan 7, 2017
Jan 7, 2017 at 8:40 AM UTC
sleep deprivation:
I wrap a blanket of the stuff
around me
and drink another round of
coffee.
no, that's a lie. I'm not drinking
coffee. I'm drinking--
get this--
sorrow and you know what?
black.
sleep deprivation:
is it too much to say that I'm
waiting for you to call and
answer that heavy question
I'd asked two days ago.
why do you love me?
no, that's not a lie. I really did
ask him that.
don't believe me?
well, he's _5 and I'm not
seventeen years enough to get
anything out of the way he
feels for me.
sleep deprivation:
enough to hallucinate circles
and twiddley-lumps on strangers.
suffice to say I'm waiting on the
insignificance of the moment,
the unimportance of the lifetime.
like the lifetime of a star on the other
side of the universe:
she burned herself out and is now just
a ten cent ****** with a smoker's cough.
sleep deprivation:
ha, circles.
Jun 7, 2011
Jun 7, 2011 at 1:48 AM UTC
I drive all day
I drive all night
I drive to pray
I drive to fight
I drive
To survive
I drive
To thrive
I drive
Through lies
To criticize
**** eating flies
To minimize
My nocturnal cries
I drive until my hands bleed
No time to road sign read
I must satisfy my movement greed
Until I gain a glorious lead
And I may finally be envied
I drive all day
I drive all night
I drive through rain
To see the light
I drive through blame
To see who's right
I try to stay in my lane
But traffic is tight
I hear a car horn refrain
That's this road's blight
I drive until I hallucinate
But these visions are great
Much better than my fate
And as the hour gets late
The visions determine my state
I drive all day
I drive all night
I drive into clay
Once I lose sight
My car tires
Wrapped in barbed wire
Engine on fire
Like a funeral pyre
The ride has become shaky
From all the bumps I'm taking
In this massive bet I'm staking
That I'll brake before breaking
I drive until I fall asleep
Drifting down this pavement creek
But instead of crashing
Like a cigarette ashing
I fade away without a sound
Into the blacktop ground
And realize I love my car
After we traveled so far
But this revelation comes too late
As I approach heaven's toll gate
Apr 10, 2018
Apr 10, 2018 at 11:36 AM UTC
I still love you. Is that a bad thing? I can’t eat or sleep. My thoughts hallucinate at the mention of your name. I see your face. Everywhere; my dreams- you’re holding me close, and you never let go. Remembering that time we shuffled out over the desolate forest in our aging wellies- you’d squeeze my hand tighter for reassurance.
I can still feel you’re warmth condensing against my skin. But it’s beginning to fade. . And I’m lost. I’m beginning to drift away. Endlessly searching for that closure you bestowed within me. I need you. I’m lost without you by my side.
Everything seemed to erode when you’d left. The ache for forgiveness is still there and forever will be. You carved that dagger into my heart like it was funny. Like you found humor in my agony. It pierced through your azure globes as your smile widened at the excruciating pain you threw upon me. You just walked away and I shouted and I screamed;
COME BACK! COME BACK! COME BACK!
I just lay there on the ground. Numb.
You gazed deeply into my soul, robbed me from of the little purity I had left. You left me. Shattered. Broken. Unusable. You ripped out part of my heart as we said our goodbyes. And I still love you.
Nov 15, 2015
Nov 15, 2015 at 1:05 PM UTC
Ambien Angel,
Hallucinate
a halo
to replace
the self-doubt
that you’ve got
wrapped around
your mind
We only talk
at times
of
Swirling
self-destructive
forces
I felt your
distress call
through the ether
Spiraling
down
down
wrapped
in a cloud
of smoke, whiskey
and Bukowski
There you were,
The American Spirit
staring back
from the
Apothic abyss
of red wine
and controlled
prescriptions.
We all
get so alone sometimes
in Tales of Ordinary Madness
It just makes sense
to let another
Siren sing our ships
towards crimson catastrophe
But you handle
the collisions
so gracefully
Looking so
******* divine
like your name
This time
Go lightly
and let’s float
away
Aug 15, 2016
Aug 15, 2016 at 4:53 PM UTC
Your voice follows me
Demolishes me
Crushes me
I hate
to hallucinate
But sometimes
I wish
It really was you
calling me
Nov 8, 2015
Nov 8, 2015 at 6:22 PM UTC