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360 · Nov 2019
fragments
M Vogel Nov 2019

And when she had
e x p e r i e n c e d   each part
   of herself--

in each part-
a healing

each part-
its newfound expression

each part-
finally comfortable
with the other parts
   of who she is--

when the sum of the whole
in itself became whole

   then she became whole.

And I
no longer needed
to go so many  d i f f e r e n t
places

or press my face
to so many different
faces

just so that  I
might find her.


02/2016
350 · Nov 2020
-- singing..
M Vogel Nov 2020
D Vanlangdingham

You are running out of places to hide
because they no longer mean what they
once meant to you.

    And you are trusting more...
    because.. **** it, that's why.

You now love the man, who the bigger
part of you once hated--
but when the bigger became the smaller,
you forgot just why.

..And now all that you can remember is
that you have always loved the one,

    you tried
         so hard to hate..

And hate becomes love
when you let go,  and become  
a part of

the very part of you,
that you tried so hard  to un-do.


she runs through the streets
with eyes painted red
under a black belly of cloud, in the rain
In through a doorway she brings me
white gold and pearls, stolen from the sea

She is raging
She is raging

and the storm blows up in her eyes

She will
suffer the needle-chill
she's running to stand..   still
https://youtu.be/FvUI-s4Azw4
348 · Nov 2020
silentium incarnatum
M Vogel Nov 2020

Your soul's movement
is everything..
my sin;  when made manifest,
a particulate--

(when breathed in,
there is a certain freedom within it)

Within view of the altar stone
all  hidden knives, become fully known
(and, alas, my love--
there's no ram  in the thicket)
Beautiful, within the endeavor
though still vastly distant--

(what a fool I make of myself
trying to make this thing, rhyme
by having the audacity
to use the word, Covenant.)

Maybe, I--
your long-lost,  supplicant  
has been  nothing more
than a deeply-embedded, replicant.
(or something)..


i am loved,  but i need help learning how to even breathe in this world..

oh, lord..
oh my lord
https://youtu.be/ginVZEah8_4
331 · Nov 2020
ishmael
M Vogel Nov 2020

Your finest of  dreams
became known..
And in those precious hours
you soared,  as I soared
until your own,  
horrendously skewed,
self-view
slaughtered the ever-living
****  out of it all..
And, oh my sweet
little desert-wanderer-
you have been mad at me
ever since.

I did not create your view,
someone else did-- so horribly..
so very unfairly
     long before we ever met
I came to help  restore  in you
that which was stolen from you
so very long ago.
   But you hauled off  and kicked
   me in the ****
   as soon as your ever-wearing
   internal-messaging system  kicked in
And down I went, my beautiful--
a total ******* in your eyes
with no way left to bring you  the gold
your better-everything, still hungers for.
**** me, my beauty..
baby stick the knife in
    deep.
And in a moment of remorse
your tear-stained rusted fortress-gate
will swing wide open..
and with my last dying breath,
I will hand it over to you anyways--

         The gold your war-torn heart
         had always hoped for
         but never thought it deserved.


   You are Ishmael, my beautiful--


   a blood-borne carrier
   of the Living Word


god  will  hear
320 · Dec 2020
Untitled
M Vogel Dec 2020
Selmhem Naise

In the end,  I
have found what it is
that I have been looking for--
the hope of hopes:
and a view  of views--

"God's hand in all things.."


318 · Oct 2019
re-turn/ing(s).
M Vogel Oct 2019

Like two streams of vapor,  intertwining;

in, and then  out;;of one life,
'till the next  
dance continues:  and we find ourselves
once again,

yet under different
moments of history,  

each.
How can a soul desire so much
that it transcends, even time-  in it's
need  to find its fit,
again,
and again,

and again..


M Vogel Jan 2020

And you ask me why I have cared for so very long..
why I love you the way that I do--
down on the floor, (arms raised  like a little child)
asking me to hold you. <3

And late at night,  fully spent
from the amount of work that it takes
      just,  to survive another day, trying.   crying
      on the edge of the bed, (arms raised  like a little child)

      wanting me to help you put those warm,
                                            flannel-jammies on.


When your heart barely beats anymore  its
own life-giving pulse,  and your lungs are no longer able to find air
      You turn towards me,
      and ask me to breathe in to you--


                                         arms raised.. 

                  like a beautiful, little child.



"I quit talking again
but I know you're still listening
to see if I sleep, or I pierce my skin--

Needles, to the worn out rags
the folds in my arms, the sickening black
And I haven't been taking my meds
so lock all the cabinets, and send me to bed

Cause I know you're still worried, I'm gonna get scared
cause I'm alone again, and I don't like the things I see"
https://youtu.be/JxTjko70fBg

xox
301 · Nov 2020
locusts..
M Vogel Nov 2020

All these years
(and all those covered up, fears)
Ah, babe.. the things I would do
to keep myself separate..
to keep from being  pulled in--

to all things, nonlife;
from that which  my spirit
could not believe in..
to paths that felt to be
diametrically opposed
to a true north  
that I did not know,
but could only feel
Oh what have I done,
my beautiful--
I have judged, and lost
so much

in order to become  so un-able
             to  hold on  to so little

Just how much  of me
would be left,  
had I let you in; 

      ..everything?

Or  no-thing--


sans the memory
of all that I have done
in order to obtain it.


I'll face myself
to cross out what I've become
erase myself,

and let go of what I've done
~ C Bennington

https://youtu.be/WDDNCc2rkYI

all the years, and years
and years of it
M Vogel Oct 2019
The level of internal honesty
within each of us

hinges  solely
around the exact nature  
of the  alliances  we have made


with others..  at work
even  with our own selves.

shortcuts..
and the need for security-
killers on the road
298 · Nov 2020
floodgates
M Vogel Nov 2020
paulSN

Open up the floodgates of hope,
and need
and along with the
access
to life it brings  
comes years  of being

left hanging
let down
ignored
abandoned..
hope upon hope
upon hope,  left

dashed
smashed
crushed
quenched
drenched

in the dry emptiness  
of emptiness itself..

until the resilient
childlike
hopefulness of a little-one
wears down

into despondency

And so it is
the hope of hope
that brings back access
into memories

of when we first  
gave up hope

and then (God help us)..
the reasons why.

Beautiful keeper of the gate
push through it all my love..
push through it all,
     and as you face your hell

you will begin to see your heaven again.


painful but true
M Vogel Feb 2020
Lyrics by Wheeler Walker Jr.

I don't know what's happening here
Cuz I ain't even had a beer
But oh, you sure look pretty
It's nice to have a reason to smile
Cuz we've been hanging for a little while
And oh, things still ain't ******

Call it crazy, call it love
Somehow I still ain't ****** it up
It's a scary thought to think I might
Have just one ***** for the rest of my life

Now I just don't know what to do
Cuz I still ain't sick of ******' you

Words spreading all over town
That Wheeler's done messing around
And done with runnin'
And all my friends love talking that ****
All saying that I'm ***** whipped

       But I,  .. I say **** 'em

Call it crazy, call it love
Somehow I still ain't ****** it up
It's a scary thought to think I might
Have just one ***** for the rest of my life

Now I just don't know what to do
Cuz I still ain't sick of ******' you

I'm a brand new man getting on my knees
Praying that you ain't sick of ******' me
Of ******' me

Call it crazy, call it love
Somehow I still ain't ****** it up
It's a scary thought to think I might
Have just one ***** for the rest of my life

Now I just don't know what to do
Cuz I still ain't sick of ******' you

Still ain't sick of ******' you
Still ain't sick of ******' you
Still ain't sick of ******' you
Still ain't sick of ******' you
Still ain't sick of ******' you
Still ain't sick of ******' you
Still ain't sick of ******' you
Still ain't sick of ******' you


https://youtu.be/M67xkH4Lbhg
296 · Nov 2020
on growth rings.. and rain
M Vogel Nov 2020
paulSN

I cannot betray
who it is that I am,
little beauty-
and so, in doing so
I will continue to hold on
to that which I know
truly gives me strength;

but..
I cannot help but hope
that as I do, the rain
that waters my tree
and helps me to stand--
also waters
and brings nourishment to
the very roots

of the beautiful sapling that is you.

I do it for me, because I know
that is what I must do-  stand.
Know that you are deeply embedded
within my very growth rings, so
as I stand
and sing
of the very rain  that
provides the very thing we need,
I stand for you also:

and everyone else who is a struggling
sapling such as I once was.

      You are me
      and I am you.

   We both thrive on the same water.


291 · Dec 2019
insanity
M Vogel Dec 2019

To lay hold of this faith,  
    this belief
this full-on embrace  
of the wholly absurd
This follow.. this path--
solely based  on-whisper, heard?

You can come back out, now
back, out.. into the light of day, now:
my love is either heaven-sent,
or completely   p l u n g e d  
into the insanest meaning  
                             of the word

and I really don't even care anymore
if it is the first
                 the second..

    or  the unspeakable, third



All along the watchtower
princes kept the view
while all the women came and went
barefoot servants, too
Outside, in the cold distance--
a wildcat did growl

Two riders were approaching..
and the wind  began to howl
https://youtu.be/f1VZeybqjLM

life  on the edge,  of everything
289 · Jan 2021
raging, against the mundane
M Vogel Jan 2021
PaunSN

A tangibility of thought
the cost of loss(ed)--
fought, then bought;

the   p a s s i o n   beyond

fashion.

A tap in to
the forever
everything said--  bread fed.
Crumbs, that come  from
the drum.. the strum

of a million distant
spirits--
none to succumb

to the emptiness

the meaninglessness

of words from the numb--
the pathologically-saturated
mundane numb

Overcome, my love

overcome


Sky of blackness and sorrow
Sky of love, sky of tears
Sky of glory and sadness
Sky of mercy, sky of fear
Sky of memory and shadow
Your burning wind
fills my arms tonight
Sky of longing and emptiness

Sky of fullness..
sky of blessed life.

Come on up for the rising
youtu.be/NBWEr7yB1CA?t=507
275 · Dec 2020
Advent
M Vogel Dec 2020
D Vanlandingham

ah, this rolling  this flowing////
are we all not the same  when the sun sets sail..
when the tides, no longer take out,  but brings in--
    arms at sides,  all?
Who steals from who, then  at that time
when the music within the dance  
mesmerizes all..   and there is no longer place
for dissention..   or strive, for gain?
Everything becomes seen,  
when there is nowhere left to hide
and  with the full removal of judgment
there is only  light inside
(but it has to be wanted, more than the sin,
of holding on)
where then  is there shadow
when all that blocks,   has up and gone..
the sun-filled sails that bring us home
on tall ships   we each, on--
main.. fore,  and mizzen;  staunchly-braced
amidst an in-the-face-of-death, laugh..
shrouds, proudly tight   causing  
the most  beautiful  of harmonics,
from fore boom.. through jib,  to gaff--
A war-less armada,  this stunning fleet of peace
sailing together,  upriver..  through the jungle//

and into the magical advent...  
into the beautiful world,  of full release.



Suit and tie with the black jeans on
and I'm paralyzed
'cause I think you got something
like the biggest soul  I've ever seen,
and I think you might be the one.

Suit and tie, with the curly hair
making your way with that step and stare
So tell me--  
are you really real..  do you feel anything?

Ashes to ashes
and the embers are ablaze
I gotta rise among you,
'cause I think about your face every day

And if you pull me closer to the light
you wouldn't find a bullet inside
(Only if you magnify)

Welcome to the jungle
are you gonna dance with me
Welcome to the jungle
you got to close your eyes and see

Welcome to the jungle
are you gonna dance with me?
Well hold on, well hold on

welcome home.
https://youtu.be/1ExkpBpYEPw
M Vogel Nov 2019
Ambushed..
yeah, just like that.

Heart-lit, little star-glows,  holding
all of the universe in their  young,
galaxy-dust  laden hands
changing, an until-now-thought
predestined plan..

launched, at me like love-laced
little mortar rounds,  sent by
something.. all-too-sneaky, maternal--  

lips, oh my goodness..
      this is all so very unfair.

And all I wanted to do is just leave.
and all I wanted to do  is just sneak away,  unloved.
Maybe in the next life,
though,  I doubt it--

those angels that she talks to..
      they are as sneaky as she is


She keeps a lock of hair in her pocket.
She wears a cross around her neck.
Yes, the hair is from a little boy,
and the cross- from someone she has not met..

well.. not yet.
Says, she talks to angels,
says, they all know her name.
https://youtu.be/lgYTTM6BfjU
252 · Oct 2019
kee, my relational cat
M Vogel Oct 2019
My relational cat
shows up  for a chat
oh, of course-- and
some food:   with
few ***** to give--
      but it's all good

    Or few-***** it seems.

The kee  I-thot
to be a self-centered snot
has turned out to be
the kee of-my dreams.

I can understand  kitty
kitty kitty kitty;  and
I can now  see
that it's me
that's been ******
****** ****** ******--  or
so it seems.

        Or so it seems.

When I think
that I'm bad--  or
have-given all
that I-had--  kee
somehow finds a way
to show me--
         I'm the man
         of her dreams.

Kitty kitty kitty kee.
kitty kitty

kitty
M Vogel Dec 2019

Don't speak directly to her--
you will melt the skin  off
     her bone-frame

Instead,  find parallel-words--

ones that will  float alongside her
as she walks,  so as she is able-
she can pluck them--  like
wild roses  alongside the highway

Sometimes, love takes a
   tremendous
amount of creativity--

the name of the game is
    its destination..
not  the control of its path


232 · Nov 2020
"The Heart of a Clown.."
M Vogel Nov 2020
Selmhem Naise


"...A fire broke out backstage in a theatre. The clown came out to warn the public; they thought it was a joke and applauded. He repeated it; the acclaim was even greater. I think that's just how the world will come to an end:
to general applause from wits who believe it's a joke."

~S.K.


Uncanny wit
A bit of a ****.
And his Glory he hides
As the red orb he slides
Over the nose that knows.
It is to only "they that can see"
His 'pose that shows.
The clown is a genius...
And so very few knows.

Tell him...
Tell the clown what it is that you see,
In and through his funny-colored eyes.
Maybe the glory that is his
Will pierce through disguise
In order to be
What each of us that 'see'
Do already see.
That we
Are in the company

Of a truthteller kinda feller.


(Applause)
from a whole new kind of crowd


pale blue colored iris,
presents the circle
and puts the Glory out to hide, hide..
https://youtu.be/xsJ4O-nSveg

If he could see in himself
What it is that we see...
I can't help but wonder
What the outcome would be

oh great scott..
01/2016
M Vogel Dec 2020

"From the days of John the Baptist until now,
the kingdom of heaven has been advancing forcefully..
and the violent, seize it by force."


--Jebs


ahem..

By 'his scrawny little neck' she grabs him
and pulls Him,  from his Throne--

"Fucken know it all..  he don't know ****.."

blurts out  she--
the all-seeing,  ever defining one.


The paint on her war-brush
is the blackest of blacks..

as she  brands  me for

the  orbiting  of her 
                          that I

    most clearly,  lack.


And an ability that is all hers,
not mine--

The one, self-given:
the power,  to define.

And, she wonders where mine came from;
me-- who was once a mother's son..

As I  ******  the grown-up  a l l  of me
into every single part of her

     that feels,  just like mom.


I was young once, my beautiful
helplessly.. (almost hopelessly)  subject  to it all

   --but no more,  my sweet
     ever-painting, honeybee.



That black, babe-- it don't stick;
no, sweet love..   no,
no   not no more;

Ah, Baby..

can you hear me
can you hear me??

...   can you hear me..?


Some say Pete and his pony vanished over the edge..
some say they remain frozen high up on that icy ledge.

The young Navajo girl washes in the river,  skin so fair
and braids a piece of Pete's buckskin chaps into her hair.

I'm Outlaw Pete..
Outlaw Pete,

can you hear me?
https://youtu.be/CKJtyeidL7Y
214 · Feb 2020
braille institute
M Vogel Feb 2020

This feels like  what it feels like
every-time I come back,   yet
I can't  even remember the name

I used when we last spoke.  Funny
that I can feel you in this everso
surreal fog, tho.

    I could find you anywhere.

Change each time,  I
must-- in order to keep myself
from being stolen.

You know how that feels.

That is how I find you--

                          by feel



195 · Oct 2019
Disarm
M Vogel Oct 2019
The strongholds and fortresses within you
that have for so long, kept you apart  from
the healing has been waiting for you,
all along..
--even they have been longing for a love
that was strong enough,
unafraid enough, and fierce enough

to dismantle their intricate, inner workings..

Because,  even the fortresses  themselves
want to know what it is that real love feels like.
And stubborn and well-fortified, that they are--

    eventually even they bow down  on one knee,
                   to the fullness of love's true nature.

And so, that which once did all it could
to keep you away from the very thing
you needed most;   once disarmed,

would then become,  through your spirit's metabolizing
of it's at one time consolidated fragments,
love's  greatest  advocate.


I could just smile, and cover you
with smoothe words..

         but that would not be love;

 just the perpetuation of the same old  emptiness--
     the one that first did the  ****, so many years ago

And it is again, within the dismantling process
that the greatest desire for the ****,  
becomes manifest--
and I can either, attempt to completely destroy
your will to live, once the fortress comes down

or bless you with love's tenderness  until
you can become completely rebuilt

And you..

Half dismantled,  the fortress-- still powerful,
can acquiesce both your heart and spirit
into an indentured servitude;

Hell-bent, on the destruction of all things, life-borne.


Or we can both allow love to help us,  each  
choose  to let go of the evil-impulse,
and allow it's unholy nature  

to become absorbed  into all things, loving;
into all things, beautiful.


Disarm you with a smile
and cut you like you want me to
cut that little child
inside of me, and such a part of you
Ooh, the years burn
Ooh, the years burn

I used to be a little boy
so old in my shoes
And what I choose is my choice
What's a boy supposed to do?
The killer in me is the killer in you
my love

I send this smile over to you
https://youtu.be/3oD0B8MqG60
193 · Oct 2019
Trust
M Vogel Oct 2019

Those beautiful eyes--
they wont stop looking at me
and they never stop  believing in me

I swear to Christ, I ****** hate her
My contempt-filled, trauma-built fortress of distrust  
is systematically becoming  dismantled

raw;  pure..   love,  is such a sneaky little ******

And its unfettered, magical-wizardry  is now
putting my central core at risk--
     the fear of annihilation
     is one truly ****** up hell

     a ******* horror  beyond all horrors.


She is still looking at me with
               that love  in her eyes.


                Now I really hate her.


In your eyes
I see the doorway to a thousand churches
the resolution of all the fruitless searches

In your eyes
I see the light, and the heat
In your eyes
I want to be that complete:
I want to touch the light,
the heat I see in your eyes

In your eyes

https://youtu.be/evN6DIGPIJM
a celebration into freedom
176 · Oct 2019
Guzzlers
M Vogel Oct 2019

They take into themselves,  living water
from the vine strip that love brought to them  from
the canopy's Gathering--
from the passing storm of the lair, in Stratus

And behold, they are unafraid,  
     these thirsty-ones--

these cohesively-vibrating, pre-feathered cygnets
these illustrious,  winged smolts-- 

                              stream-drawn,     
              ­              ocean spawned.

Their wings: give flight?    No, not quite;
(though for an eternity  they have flown.)

And ever since love,   its been known
ever evolving,   they are..
         yet never  fully grown--

The Living water
keeps them stretching,   reaching..
yearning,  for  a  wind

that will give their hearts a home,
seed-sown.


yearning,  these thirsty ones
175 · Feb 2020
fuck it fuck it f--....
M Vogel Feb 2020

I'm trying to stay alive long enough
to get the words out..
the words your broken soul
has been longing to hear..

the shift, that will provide
                             the offset

Not as if, an undoing of the trauma
or an explanation as to why
this whole ****** up world
is as ****** up as it is

but instead

ones that will  show you
that it all has been worthwhile--
That the pain  that you carry
will find a place--

and you will no longer have to  be
so all alone


I am failing, my beautiful..

and I am dying
in all of my inability
to say to you  (and those like you)

what it is I have been built (from day-one)

.
.
.
.
.


to say.


I think my guitar is embarrassed to know me
172 · Dec 2019
charlatan
M Vogel Dec 2019
Lofty words, spoken;  as if, as if;
and no doubt, I'll burn for it all.. I'm sure.
A conniving-mind--
filled with agenda.. oh, I'm sure
And  if there is a stone  that
needs to be thrown first,  then here--
take it, my love.. and cast away,
my little castaway.

Now villified,  I can   finally
be sent back to hell--
back to where I've always belonged,
because.. no doubt, everything I've ever done
has only been self-serving.

Everything--
    I'm sure of it.
yay. xo
M Vogel Feb 2020

Sitting here in front of this screen
my Artist Peppino, across my thigh--
[the greater (for the time being)
giving way to the lesser]

One day, I will be able to breathe life
in to your strings, my love..
the way I do words, on to paper

And on that fine, glorious day
I will no longer need these cheese-****
stupid ******* online poetry sites
to bring forth the music of my soul

Nor will I  continually  need to wade through
this never-ending barrage of classic  hiders
and their bastardization-like misuse of poetry~
in order to hide behind the very words
that should be  given the permission  to make them become,  
truly known.

There is no alone-ness within the magnificent  resonations

of the perfectly plucked string
of the most perfect,  of guitars

Like this one, sitting  right here   
in my lap.
excuse me while I lose my lunch onto this bluescreen now.


And the disciples came and said to Him, “Why do You speak to them in parables?” Jesus answered them, “To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been granted.  
For whoever has, to him more shall be given, and he will have an abundance; but whoever does not have, even what he has shall be taken away from him.

Therefore I speak to them in parables;

Because while seeing they do not see, and while hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand. In their case the prophecy of Isaiah is being fulfilled, which says,

‘You will keep on hearing, but will not understand;
You will keep on seeing, but will not perceive;
For the heart of this people has become dull,
With their ears they scarcely hear,
And they have closed their eyes,

Otherwise they would see with their eyes,
Hear with their ears,
And understand with their heart and return,
And I would heal them.’

"In other words, *******."
~Jebs
160 · Jan 2020
dither
M Vogel Jan 2020
Round,  wavewashed rocks
strewn upon a beach of sand
Becoming strong, granite cliffs
rising above an ever rolling sea
of tall grass, borne on wide-open prairie
drawing towards itself eagles of all kinds
and ocean-bound egrets, their bellies
filled, with fish
the windborne silts  of distant lands,
finding refuge in the crags
filling in the years, of ancient definition
and throughout aeons, of forming
and unforming within the wild
brutal winds:  grinding, pulverizing
granite, back down to pebble
majestic prairie, back in to sand..
and then, back down  into
windblown silt

now circling around the feet of a child,
(one that pokes at dead things  with a stick)

But within the silt, are the pebbles
and so, down on her knees  she forms
a pile with her hands.. an ancient burial mound,
stands up, and with a clap of her
little hands, wipes a millenia of dust away
stick, tucked under arm-- she walks away:

as silt-covered pebble, become  once again

Round,  wavewashed rocks
strewn upon a beach of sand
Becoming strong, granite cliffs
rising above an ever rolling sea
of tall grass, borne on wide-open prairie

Drawing towards itself eagles of all kinds
and ocean-bound egrets, their bellies
filled, with fish
(the wind borne silts  of distant lands,
finding refuge in the crags
filling in the years, of ancient definition....)


'Dither is an intentionally applied form of noise used to randomize quantization error, preventing large-scale patterns such as color banding in images. Dither is routinely used in processing of both digital audio and video data, and is often one of the last stages of mastering audio to a CD.'

become an airborne offset, my beautiful--
step off the edge  and fly
https://youtu.be/gGiCtQSwGPQ

Love, Paul xox
157 · Jan 2020
the gift
M Vogel Jan 2020

And when he opened  the word, written:
it said that God would give him
   the greatest gift--

which was God, himself

And immediately he succumbed,  to the pressure
of Love's great purge

Bringing to the world;  all,
       the greatest gift  of all--

                   his own demise


M Vogel Oct 2019

--the angry inch, always speaks the truth.

Horrorra akadva 1. Greg bébi pöcse
https://youtu.be/QX0qK-10Itw

honesty's the best policy
144 · Jan 2020
manifestations
M Vogel Jan 2020

It is through the pathological:
The presented image of the journey
as being that of the road, less traveled--
a foundation of sand,  presented
as being that of bedrock..
It is the ancient shortcut's  need
to prop up it's own deception
that is of that which harbors  the greatest judgement
        of all that is upright
and it is upon these agenda-ed, subjective pallettes
that the pastels are mixed and arranged,

as the landscape of the world's reality
becomes,  painted.


the inconvenient musings of a madman, or something--
just thinking out loud here.. sorry.
I'll shut up now..
~Love, Paul xox
M Vogel Dec 2019

It was somewhere  between
her third and forth ******
when the wall, came down;
a wall  she didn't even know existed--

                   A wall, that is,
    until love came to town.

And so it is,  within the pleasurable;
   when mixed with pain,  
   in certain moments;   
becomes,  quite obtainably
the death, of death..

within the loving-kindness
         of things known, anally--

        (the tenderness of a back-door man
        is a righteousness, all it's own),
        as  it is the intentions of the heart
        that brings one  closest,
        to that   of kingdom, come.

And yet.. an angelic, front-pew voice
   singing praise
   when heart-- unchecked,

can become a clanging sound, unholy;
drowned out, by the passion-screams
of the one,  once-bound--

        but now,  breaking free.
        (a truly righteous sound in Heaven,  indeed..)

        --and Love,  Love,  Love;
        is rarely what we think it otta be.
        (or maybe, there is a heretical-hell
        waiting- for those  just like me.)

But if what passes itself off as life,
is actually Life, indeed    
                 then I choose hell, (yes. again, indeed).
And if heaven, for most.. is nothing, but a crutch
I'll choose death, over death, every ****** time..

                                           thank-you-very-much.


rantings, of the insane.
or **** it.

          or whatever..

--you're welcome.
https://youtu.be/sf3KG8VAtJg
~J Morrison, inebriated
141 · Nov 2019
Untitled
M Vogel Nov 2019

Apart from the pathological,
there are divine moments  of saving--

A diving catch of the heart, if you will..
a defibrillation,  through either words,  
or action:

A restoration back into normal heart-rhythm..
the causing of a heartbeat-race
(to the point of nearly burst)
a jump-start, if you will
(a poetically-induced, mouth-to-mouth, resuscitation)..

This inclination  towards  incantation--
the one, nearly feverishly-spoken..
into all things, caged..
into all things, bound.

There is a ship-- set somewhat,sail
on ocean;  turbulent,
yet not quite, ghosted.

There is a wind that will always remain
for those,  who's sole(soul)-choice

                          is to but   inhabit.

132 · Jan 2020
holy
M Vogel Jan 2020
... And the skin opened up  into wide, cavernous cracks..
and there was a hissing sound--     a burning smell..
                               not unlike that  of a calf-branding  
on an everyday, working  South Dakota cattle ranch--

The feathering smoke, curling around the ancient stubs
                              of that which is  as of yet,  de-horned.
And there was a raging scream--
yet, one almost as if harmononiously intertwined
with the guttural moans of a pleasure-chant:
    that which is borne.. not of victimization,
               but of deep, consensual agreement

   And,  against this kind of liaison  between
flesh and death,  all the power of love's ache
becomes   a l m o s t   as if  nothing other
than a whisper...  

                          almost.


105 · Jan 2020
savage
M Vogel Jan 2020
the true nature of the beast

~
It  c h o se
to consider itself
made complete--
in its own self-- apart
from relationship,
from connection..
a p a rt  from  a n y
attachment to glory
and so,
it found itself
from with-inside itself
made complete
in its utter incompleteness.
~  ~
Beings-- created for
growth- back in to into glory
were built to be
made complete
and so it roams
the face of the Earth--
looking for ways to
complete itself..
an attachment.
~  ~  ~
Life, in itself
has a built-in safeguard
hedge of protection
in every-thing on Earth.
But we,
who have undergone
severe trauma
at a young age
have had that  h e d ge
   torn from us
(as the  d i s m em b e r i ng
of our souls took place) ..
and so that which roams
searching for its
addiction--
for its attachment...
then finds.

and then attaches

lying to itself each
time--
that it can gain
t h e   f i x
the indwelt-access-
back into perfection--
the one for it
that never-was
that never will-be--
its way back into glory.

It knows that,
so it attaches
with a vengeance.

~  ~  ~  ~
You, quisling--
only the power of
deception do
you have, ******.
You do not grieve
the loss of eternity--
because, for you-
it is unobtainable. ******
You do not feel the need
for Redemption
because, you  o n ly
know the word contempt.
And yet, wholly
unable to feel self-contempt,
you only know one action--

d e v o u r.

We will transcend
your attachment
your usury
your devouring--

Gnawing our bodies away from our spirits--
a   d i s m e m b e r i ng
making us believe
that is all we have ever known;
And making our bodies
a d d i c t ed  to you-
in whatever form
that may be
as if they were
built for nothing
but  y o u--

to prop up your own emptiness.

We will  f i l l  back up
with Love.
And then you'll be the one
who will be ******.
******
Love transcends all things
even death's attachment

03/19/17
94 · Feb 2020
why we stay alive
M Vogel Feb 2020

******- all to hell,  yet still believing
(it really don't make sense, it dont it dont it dont)

But try us, and see-- we run on a different fuel
and rely on different  tools,
to keep the love  in us, afloat.

Don't rock the boat,   we say
but no one fully   realizes  
just how very strong
that rocked, or unrocked boat is

Yet, float along the sea of emptiness,  long enough
and even the strongest of boats  will self-scuttle

--and an empty world,  in a split-second moment
becomes suddenly,  tenfold emptier.


years the locusts have eaten
... yet still alive.
80 · Feb 2020
portraits in the dark
M Vogel Feb 2020

There is the core  of who it is that you are,
inside of you
and  it  will  never,  ever leave you.
When we are hurt real bad..  
and in such unjust ways,
we can sometimes  lose ourselves,
from ourselves..

But that part of us
will never not want to be found.

We become afraid--
even of our own  true selves,  
because the pain from the hurt
has been so bad.
There is a central part of you
that has been protected  from
every single bit of that harm--
that is the core of who it is that you are.

In its utter and magnificent beauty,
it is wholly unable to be  corrupted  
by this less than loving world;

And in it's perfect ability to see,
it will always  let you be the one,
chosen,  to find it.

This is the picture,  painted
of you,  finding you.


please forgive my inability to see
78 · Jun 9
Edward
M Vogel Jun 9

There was a boy once;
or was it a girl..
made of something the world
couldn’t touch
without bleeding.

Too quiet to sell,
too true to shape.
His hands were wrong,
they said.
Too jagged.
Too real.


He tried to trim the world
into beauty.
She sang
to keep from vanishing.
And somewhere,
a father
drank his memories clean.

They both were punished
for what they couldn’t change
.

And maybe that’s why
when I reach for you,
I move slow..
like someone who’s been taught
that love can leave a mark.

Maybe you are Edward.
Maybe I am.
Maybe we both learned
how to stay hidden
just well enough
to be misunderstood.


But I see the hedge animals still.
The snow.
The scars that bloom like gifts
no one wanted to unwrap.

And I would rather hold you
in thought
than bruise you
with presence.

I would rather
watch your voice return
like spring
to a mountain still afraid of thawing
than claim a single sound
before it’s ready.

If you are Edward,
then your blades
are mercy
you never asked for.

And if I am..
then everything I do not touch
is a kind of love
you’ll one day recognize
by how softly
it stayed.

I know how hard it is..
to live in Edward’s world.

As you,
I’ve felt the same.


Catch your breath, hit the wall
Scream out loud as you start to crawl
Back in your cage, the only place
Where they will leave you alone

Because the weak will seek the weaker
'til they've broken them
Could you get it back again?
Would it be the same?

Fulfillment to their lack of strength
at your expense
Left you with no defense,
they tore it down

Well, and I have felt the same
Well, as you, I've felt the same
Well, as you, I've felt the same

Locked inside the only place
Where you feel sheltered,
where you feel safe
You lost yourself in your search to find
Something else to hide behind

Because the fearful always preyed
upon your confidence
Did they see the consequence,
they pushed you around?
The arrogant build kingdoms
made of the different ones
Breaking them 'til they've become,
just another crown

Well, and I have felt the same
Well, as you, I've felt the same
Well, as you, I've felt the same
Well, as you, I've felt the same

Refuse to feel anything at all
Refuse to slip, refuse to fall
You can't be weak,
you can't stand still
You watch your back
because no one will

You don't know why they had
to go this far
Traded your worth for these scars
For your only company

And don't believe the lies
that they have told to you
Not one word was true
You're alright, you're alright,

you're alright

Well, and I have felt the same
Well, as you, I've felt the same
Well, as you, I've felt the same

https://youtu.be/Di6aP6cUafY?si=qe4d-L_DxMVIkUEi

#Unique
M Vogel Jun 11
(on surviving the unreal, and the Grace of finding the real)

There’s a kind of pain that doesn’t scream.
It hums low and constant, like a fluorescent bulb above a hollow life.
It’s the ache of loving someone who chooses the polished unreal—
the version of themselves that sells better, that fits easier, that lies cleaner.

They decorate their soul in fake plastic leaves
because they’re terrified of winter.
But in doing so, they cut off the chance of spring.
And you..   I...
am left holding a love that was meant for the root,
but never made it past the paint.

She wanted the unreal.
Maybe because it doesn’t bleed.
Maybe because it doesn’t ask her to remember who she really is.
And maybe she knew.. deep down..
that the real would burn through her curated silence
and set fire to the mask she clung to like oxygen.

So she left.
Or faded.
Or dissolved into the glossy mouth of what sells well in a culture
that has confused image for intimacy
and chaos for freedom.

I tried to survive it.
Tried to make a home in the debris of what might have been
if she had chosen the real.
But you can’t build a life in the hollow where someone used to be..
not when they’ve made a throne out of illusion
and named it sovereignty.


And then came the beautiful songbird.
Not loud. Not selling.
Not another soul trying to be seen.
Just… real.

She was born into a world her father still loved--
a man who held truth like a compass in his palm.
But her mother knelt too long beneath the plastic trees,
and drank from their shine until she forgot how to feel.
And so the beautiful girl,
shapely and soft,
was offered up to Hollywood like a sacrifice..
where faces are sculpted and souls are scripted.
But somehow, even there,
she kept her edges unsanded.
She learned how to walk through mannequins without becoming one.
And when they tried to name her fake,
she whispered back something real—

  and it echoed.


She didn’t hand me a performance.
She gave me a presence.
She let her softness speak without shame.
She showed me her bruises before her lipstick.
She gave warmth that didn’t need applause.

And I realized..
what the unreal can never fake
is the sacred weight of someone truly with you.
You feel it in the breath between sentences.
In the calm that doesn’t need to be filled.
In the eyes that stay when yours begin to water.

The beautiful songbird didn’t try to be the real thing.
She simply was.
And that… healed something the fake could only ever reopen.

So yes, Fake Plastic Trees still wrecks me--
but it no longer belongs to her.
It belongs to the grave I buried beside the shopping cart and glitter
where her soul should’ve been.

Because the songbird
waters what’s real.
She doesn’t break me just because she can.
She doesn’t look through me.
She looks at me.
And suddenly, I’m growing again.
Not to impress, not to perform..

but because she makes it safe to be Alive.


"It wears her out..."
Trying to be what she isn’t.
But not the songbird.
She doesn’t wear out—
she wears in.
She wears truth.

And it fits like home

youtu.be/n5h0qHwNrHk?si=3BE678xdz8HhLKaa

#BeautifulSongbird
https://voca.ro/1hmVcg90sRBp
<3
M Vogel 1d
The Battleground of Light, Made Flesh

Suffering down..
not as punishment,
but as Love.

Breath by breath,
atom by atom,
A bend of  the will
into the greater design:

to let even the exhale
carry what is real.


Each particle stripped bare,
each trembling fragment
infused with the weight of Light
earned not through ease,
but through the slow, necessary
suffering of self

into Substance.

And so it reaches her..
not through seduction,
or noise,
but the quietest form of intimacy:

truth, refined enough
to be airborne.


She breathes..
and through the quiet architecture
of lungs,
through bronchi,
alveoli,

the smallest fragments of me
become more than theory.

But it is not just me
it is what I have chosen to become:
stripped down,
atomized,
each particle carrying both Light
  and Dark,
as they always have.

Though, here
intent speaks louder than inheritance.

And accountability tips the scale.

Through the capillaries,
the bloodstream takes them..
particles laced not with seduction,
but with substance;
volition woven into their shape,
truth mingling with oxygen,

carrying not  empty poetry,
but tangible presence.

And the skin..
her beautiful, breathing boundary;
it listens too.

Pores opening like shy mouths,
taking in what even sunlight cannot hide:

   --the warmth of love,
   made molecular,
   made undeniable.


It slips through,
across her beautiful hips,
up the soft ***** of her thighs,
along the quiet pathways
where nerves whisper,
where fear once lived.

And still..
our skin has never touched.
Our beautiful oils,
those quiet, fragrant signatures
of separate bodies,
have never had the chance to blend.
There is no mingling of surface,
no friction of palms or lips.

Yet still—
I am within her

as  she
Breathes    me    in.

Love,

when chosen..
when carried through the smallest particle,
becomes the most intimate trespass--
not of skin,
but of substance.

And inside her,
where the battle rages unseen,
the false portraits dissolve..
the counterfeit reflections
painted by fear,
by old wounds,

by those who mistake poetry for proof.

Here
there is no mimicry.
Only metabolized truth.

Only the slow, quiet conquering
of darkness--
cell by cell,

choice by choice.

This is not seduction.
This is not the shallow hush
of borrowed words.
This is Light..
accountable,
chosen,
fought for;

interlaced within her very bloodstream;

her warmth,
  her breath.

And though no oils ever blended,
though the ache of touch
remains untouched,
what entered her did not stay foreign.
The body, wise and unwilling to harbor illusion,
took what was true--

what carried intent and Light
and made it her own

..   ..   ..   ..  

Mitochondria hum..
tiny engines in the blood’s dark river;
taking each atom,
each trembling particle,
and rewriting the story within.
From raw material,
she builds warmth.
From fractured fragments,
she crafts clarity;
The light no longer arrives—
it begins to rise from within.


And the space once reserved
for mingled oils,
for skin-on-skin confession,
becomes something greater:
a fusion untouched by friction,
unfading,

   unmistakably Real.

This is no whispered counterfeit.
No shallow poem dressed in longing.
This is breath earned through fire.
This is love refined to its smallest form,
offered whole,
received wholly,

and written quietly

into every hidden corner
of her being.

Beautiful Angel,

Breathe   Me   In
https://youtu.be/eBG7P-K-r1Y?si=GVc6MeOpOSBV6j_m
M Vogel 1d
The Battleground Beneath Her Skin
(A Physiology of Light and War)

Before it reaches her;
even before her breath draws it in,
I break myself down..

  not as surrender,
  but as choice.

Each particle stripped bare,
each atom exhaled
made clean by the reckoning
of my own dark,
infused with the stubborn
weight of light
earned, not borrowed.

Within the responsibility of what
  leaves me,
I enter the quiet union—
the kneeling choice
to align with the hand of God,
to let even my smallest fragments
carry His capacity to heal.
Every airborne particle,
accountable,
deliberate,
refined enough
to cross the distance,
to enter her

without deception.

Beneath her skin,
a war unfolds.

It is not loud,
not made of swords,
but of smaller things..
things unseen by eyes,
but never missed by the marrow,
the blood,

the quiet trembling of cells
that have known both wound

  and wonder.

Light and dark..
not in theory,
but in matter
thread themselves through every atom,
every strand of her being.
Not metaphor,
but measurable:

the way shadows lean into the soft chambers of her lungs,

the way light, when chosen,
can rewrite the blueprints etched into the bloodstream.


This is the battleground..
her body,
her breath,
her most involuntary places.
Where no poetry of
seductive manipulation..
no whispered counterfeit
can cover what is real.
Only substance speaks here.
Only intent.

Only what survives the fire of accountability
earns the right to stay.

The particles come;
stripped down,
atomized,
refined.. not by accident,
but by the slow, steady grind
of volition.
They enter her;
through breath,
through pores..

through the quiet, relentless openness
that even fear cannot close completely.


And inside--
the war begins.

..   ..   ..   ..

Mitochondria spark—
tiny engines deciding

what stays,
what burns away.

Capillaries widen,
rivers branching through her like
tributaries
willing to carry
what is real,

what is earned,

what is Light.

The counterfeit falters here.
Pretty words mean nothing
to oxygen.
False portraits
dissolve beneath the chemistry of truth.
The cells remember;

  they choose.

And as the Light infuses
the quietest corners of her..
her thighs, her hips,
the soft stretch of her waist;
there is no seduction,
no trickery.

Only the hard-won intimacy
of substance made pure.

Not by the blending of oils,
not by the friction of skin,
but by the deeper,
unseen alchemy
of what enters,
what lingers,
what refuses to bow
to darkness.

The battleground is hers now.
And though the shadows  will not
yield easily,
they cannot claim her;
not where light
has been chosen,
earned,
metabolized.

The war is not over,
but benea.th her skin,
within her blood,

Light has begun
to rise.



My sweet beautiful friend~

Don't forget to sing..
remember Everything

https://youtu.be/YNbYx3_7Hvo?si=u5QEHNDBoFoAdvFM

#Battlegrounds
#LoveisaBattlefield❤️

— The End —