A weight that crushes
With every exhaled breath
Leaves me helpless and hopeless
Creating an emotional death

I'm tired of hiding from feeling
And apologizing for who I am
Needing to depart from the shadows
Being that person, no one understands

Two parts of a self
That is conflicted but wishes to be whole
One yearning to please everyone
The other desperately trying to escape from web spun molds

This delicate silk
No matter how impenetrable the twine
Hopefully will start separating
And allow both sides to emerge combined

Parts of him,
Everything
Was broken into parts
Of him.

I was told the story
Of when his boy lungs
Couldn't hold another gasp,
And his father found him
Five
Or was it ten? Minutes later
And they had to bring
A dead boy back to life.

They were told a story
Of how his mother drank
A bit too much, often
But they musn't, he musn't
Speak another word of it,
There are parts of stories left untold.

There are parts of him
So many parts
But never enough parts
To make a man whole.

‭I fell in love with words ‬
‭The ones that linger on your tongue ‬
‭The ones that colour your eyes ‬
‭And shy away from your voice ‬
‭Words that turn stale when they are left out in the sun ‬
‭And come to life when sapphire colours the sky ‬
‭And I wish to feel your words, to speak them‬
‭Steal them from your mind ‬
‭You have so much to say, but you’re still too shy ‬
‭And so the flowers start to wilt ‬
‭As they thirst for the thoughts in your eyes ‬
‭Because when you speak you bring rain for the droughts ‬
‭..............................................................­............‬

‭Oh beautiful soul, your face is not what defines you ‬
‭I won’t fall in love with the colours on your skin ‬
‭But rather with the letters on your tongue ‬
‭The ones that my heart loves to sing ‬
‭So never shy away, your speech is your soul ‬
‭I love you for your words, they make me feel whole ‬

I loved your skin more than my own and for that I failed myself
do you still think of me?
teach me how to love in fragments instead of with the whole of me
teach me about ill-timed affection and confessions given right when I begin to let go
I’ll teach you what it’s like to feel you; in my skin- in my head
I want to be unbothered by you, but my heart and mind have never reached a compromise
do you still think of me?

during those twilight hours
the moon gazed upon us
and blushed,
not knowing
where you ended
and i began.

Several days went by uneventful
Every once in a while she isn't resentful
I cannot find an explanation,
A motive for her motivation

Mysterious, as she is,
There's something behind the scenes
But why is there no consistency?
How is she lonely so casually?

She baffles me, unreprihansible
The only one to me, unreadable
There must be a reason why,
She doesn't try and she doesn't cry

She encloses herself, a princess of ice
Yet when she's herself, she flies
Something is definitely holding her back,
I wonder if one day, she might crack

"words mean nothing," you hope -
in your anger, bile, and tears.

you've poured out your heart
with paper, and pen, and keyboard, and playlist, and life.

moulding great civilisations and intricate portraits and new lives and companions and loves.

you sew yourself together,
scattered fragments from your terror,
weaving a tapestry to replace your skin.

peel off the layers,
scrape away your pain

patching up wounds with words:
bandages from poems,
dressings from that play.

burn, burn bright as the stars in the sky -
distant and dying and alone.

shine, shine like that light on your desk...

_____________


you edit, and change
constantly revising
the story in your head -

and I think that's okay.