for me it will always be you
and for you it will always be her
your smile
her eyes
your fingertips
her bedsheets
your words
her touch
and she will always come back but she will never choose you
and you will always want me but you will never let her go

Just once
I would like to be
the poem

and not the poet.

I missed you before you were mine
dismal nights spent wondering what t-shirt clings to your back
& what it would feel like to wake up with it falling off my shoulder
but now your fingers keep getting tangled in my hair
& your skin fits mine like a puzzle piece
& my imagination never did you justice

whenever I thought of you I thought of summer
temporary feelings and short-lived love songs
the seasons took so damn long to change and God knows I did too
then the sun kept shining all September and sometimes it felt like it was shining just on me til it burnt my skin and ran me dry
summer just wouldn't stop coming back and I hate to admit how many times I did the same
but October is peaking through my windows and you haven't touched me in 25 days and I think this time I meant it

I don't know if it's too late for us
but I miss you and for what it's worth I still want to get lost in you
in all your fears and layers and all the reasons you left the first time and all the others you won't again
and I wouldn't mind if you stayed long enough to watch the seasons change
and I don't want to dive into you
but maybe if I dipped my toes in the water I'd eventually drown and I  really wouldn't mind at all

I went looking for love in the wrong places
I know I know I know
& it hurt even when I knew the ending
it hurt to trace your skin with drunken hands
it hurt to hear you call me your friend
as if friends laid in the same bed and kissed me like that
it hurt even though I didn't want you and it hurt even though you were never mine at all
& I'll deny it because it shouldn't hurt to lose someone you don't love
but it does it does it does

I always wanted to pretend that nothing changed - that my feelings were steadfast
that who I loved then I would still love now
as if life weren't made up of seasons
I was scared of losing the passion and maybe losing the pain
but aren't we all made to move forward
and if love always stayed we wouldn't cling to it like our last breath
everything is temporary and I haven't decided whether that comforts or terrifies me

Next page