Hair color.

Why all of a sudden changes?

You didn’t seem to hate yourself before.

Maybe it’s your demons again.

Oh yeah.
You aren’t good enough.

                         With love,
Inner thoughts
Amanda May 11
I inherited my mothers unnecessary fear
It is unfolding as we speak, inside
I am going forth courageously
In my stomach it's moving side to side.

The weight is heavier
Than I thought I could carry
Even seated, brings me down
And now I am growing wary.

Not delicate or weak anymore
Fighting this made me strong
I am a servant to my burden
Dragging worry painstakingly along.

I have been taken over by this
Helpless, it lets itself in
Persuades my eyes to stare at the ceiling
Not allowing me to win.

I escape out the window
Step onto the porch inside my scattered mind
But it is only a feeble reprieve
Flimsy and shoddy, albeit intricately designed.

My head a paper-thin labyrinth
A maze of my unique making
I wander, I lose myself
Within high walls, cold and aching.

I roam to and fro, inch by inch
North or South? I do not really know
What are a hundred directions worth
If you haven't a clue where you're trying to go?
I hated how overprotective my mom is growing up but now I understand why she was always so concerned about me. I am always thinking about the worst possible case scenarios at any given moment.
It's a weight
It's a weight
It's a weight
You pin me down
Crush me on the ground
I hear my therapist say
"Your mother loves you," every day
But she weighs me down
"Why don't you try?"
"Can't you just lie?"
"Do it for her sake."
Her sickness it just takes and takes
My heart just continues to break
She yells and she screams
I don't know what to believe
And I just lie there
Till I can't move
Till I've lost all I can loose
And it hurts
Oh god it hurts
She is my guilt
She is my fear
She is my hate
And I hate I hate and I hate
I hate my hands and my eyes
I hate everything that looks like her
I hate my DNA
I hate the weight
On my chest
I hate
I'm tired of all this weight. It's hard to breathe.
maya May 8
My weight is none of YOUR business.
Ilion gray May 2
Every word is weighted...
every sound..
It's the weight of simply being
nothing in the wake of infinity
Is weightless my child,
..When you forget who you are, and you become
                                            Only human....
Knowing the weight of being will guide
In not forgetting..
That when we are born
in order to lift our arms
We had to raise
the weight of a tiny universe!
We had to reject
the weight of eons,
in order to raise our eyelids,
Light pouring in
Like a star traveling
through the infinite
To the darkest spaces
where light has not been
..raging traveler
Wrapped in fire,
swallowing fire!
once it has this way,
Out of control,
as if God were skipping holy ancient stones across the sea of heavens.....
that space will never be
Never be completely dark....
Just as
am not a poet,
Just as love is not love,
And the heart,
is only named a heart,
As true as God exist
Whether we agree on his name or not.
Soon they will know...
You who gave them each their own universe
To subdue, freely...
They meander through hours tediously obsessed with tiny screens
Surrounding themselves with,
Sharply, Shining, mind
sterilizing streetlights
amid flashing signs.....
                               go out away sometimes...
Out where God still walks among the
Ageless trees
telling tidings in wild wind
amid waves of leaves,
through songs of birds..  
where all the spaces are full,
with the
Stellar silence of gods footsteps traveling
across the woods of days...

You must go now!... .those few who escape
Will know the weight of days..
Everyone else will go blind..
....and be humble..
For you have not known such light...
The rage of its energy
Destroying everything evil,
all at once...and without question..
Then they will know,
But it will be too late..
And never will you see this world in
Such a plight
as will be that day!
I am not a poet,
I do however
know the exact weight and measures in
for everything existing..
I came only to remind you,
If we forget how to read the stars
When they are  no longer impossible to reach,
When children no longer gaze at the

for hours,

When they can no longer climb trees
and be completely at peace with simply existing..,
When we chase the light across 8 lane streets and tv screens,
Creating a false definition of creation,
Do not be fooled!
Soon they will charge you for the electricity
You use in your dreams..
And the people will stop dreaming...
Because you can't turn off the lights
In dreams...

After tonight..
The world will never sleep again..

Only eating, drinking,working
While in our midst tiny universes collide
And we are walkers through constellations
Only seen and mapped
By those who have learned the weight
Of everything
in all the spaces..,
Simply the weight of being...
If you do not listen when you hear
The tidings of the weight of being..
and the day of days...
you will be found out among
Those who could not hear
Over the raucous roars
Of starved lions stalking in the tall corpse of sun Burnt grass...their bones crunching beneath
The weight of Satans vengeful grasp...
They're Waiting, only
to tear you to pieces...

I am not a poet..

Like you...
a universe..
aging comfortably
in the belly
Of the almighty,
To time indefinite,
because at birth our
First breath is
our last
perfect Breath,

We would fair best-
Not forgetting..

even raindrops
fall freely,
freezing even...
At the will of the wind...
I could tell you that you were enough to hold me down,
Like a weight you'd tie a couple of balloons on,
Steadily letting gravity caress me to it's surface,
Wondering if I’ll ever touch the moon.
I’m a little balloon weighted by the gravity that I did not ask for.
Rebel Heart Apr 27
Is it wrong
To wish
That for all the scars I own,
I could reopen just one
To let my demons spill out
So as to cleanse myself
Of the torturing sins
I carry as a weight
Within my veins...
But Alas
That would do nothing
But let more darkness in
(Front Page 4/29/2018)
zeebee Apr 22
it's one in the morning
and i have so many emotions
swelling in the space between
my lungs

the space where
i imagine my soul

i don't know
why, but i feel
i know
that my soul is a tangible
expanding, moving
trapped in my ribcage
my fragile bones are
a birdcage for
the paper bird that is my soul

it really does feel
like it can fly
like now
the darkest hour of the night
or when
i let certain songs
permeate my skin
and sink into my bones

my soul is an organ
visceral, necessary
for my very survival.
a comforting weight
in the space between my lungs
when i lose my grip
or my breath
i can feel it, always there
it grounds me.
Amanda Apr 22
I cannot seem to stop dropping your heart
I try my best to carry it with care
My shoulders loaded with guilt, shame, and fear,
The weight of it combined is too much to bear.
I am so weak sometimes
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