I drink coffee like
I take
holy communion-
with eyes closed
in thankful
prayer.

if i was an artist,
i would have painted myself a set of beautiful eyes,
a glowing skin,
hair of a princess,
an hourglass looking body,
a pretty version of me.

if i was an artist,
i would have drawn myself with plumper lips,
a pair of longer legs,
a better version of what i saw in the magazines

but i am not,
so i will just settle with
this

with who i am
instead of who i wanted to be

when a poet
falls in love
bear in mind
that your eyes
will be compared
to the twinkling stars

your smile
like warm honey
on a lazy afternoon

your laugh
like a bee's buzz,
a tingling sensation
down the spine

when a poet
falls in love
the universe splits in two
spiraling down
down
down
until it bursts in color
filled with glitters
and moonlight

when a poet
falls in love
you are the
only one existing
in a bucket full
of soft whispers
and impossible thoughts
the center of gravity
in a world full
of chaos and madness
(you drive the poet insane)

but when a poet
falls out of love
you became a treasure
one that would make
dandelions chase you
even without the breeze

you became the pollen
that bees chase after
your existence
a reson to live

you became the most
beautiful human being

hearts melt
stomachs go uneasy
hands grip
smiles show

you became
the best version
of yourself
when a poet
falls out of love
of you

because for once
you made
a poet feel things
impossible things
and she knows
that someone will too.

i hope you notice that
every time i smile
at you

sometimes i miss our friendship
and i miss the summers spent
playing volleyball in your backyard
with the boy from down the street
but then i stop and think
of how horrible you were to me
you weren't a real friend
you used me as a crutch during your suicidal days
yet i was alone and weeping over life
you hurt me emotionally
and to pretend like you cared
i'd receive gifts and plastic tears
with choreographed paragraphs filled with apologies
and i forgave you time and time again
it's days when i miss you, the happy you,
that i accept that the happy you isn't here anymore
and i stop missing you
because with you i forgot what friendship was
because without you i can sleep again
because with you i'm confined to only you
because without you i'm happy
and surrounded by people willing to teach me
what a real and healthy friendship is

If I were to do it all again I'd tell my mother that I was sorry
I'd tell my brother that I love him
And I'd tell my best friend that
Maybe the skirt was a little too short for brunch with the parents

I'd tell my sister that I wish I had an ounce of her integrity
I'd thank my coach for believing in me
I'd kiss my teacher on both cheeks
For not leaving me in the hallway crying
I'd thank her for being my only friend for almost an entire year
I'd thank her for carrying me on her shoulders for so long
But most of all I'd thank her for letting go at the right moment

If I were to do it all again
I'd be more honest
Not blunt.
Because blunt is uncompromisingly forthright
And I, for one, give a ****.

If I were to do it all again
I'd understand that in order to get to "success"
I'd have to climb the thousand feet tall ladder called "fear"

If I were to do it all again
I'd jump out of the plane on two
Because people hold on to the edges at three

If I were to do it all again...
Man I'd be at the top of that ladder

It's nice to have people around you,
who you know won't attack you.
I don't feel like I'm walking on glass anymore.
I don't have to worry about ending up crying on the floor. It's nice, how my mind isn't racing with worries. I never knew a world without you, could still be happy.

For every time I've talked about saving this world with song
For every time I've left my soul on a stage
For every time I've gotten up after being cut and bruised
For every time I've quarrelled with my demons and won
For every time I've taken the hard road and made it to the end
For every time I've been praised by my peers for having a good heart
For every time I've been told "I look up to you" by someone close
For every time I've looked at myself in the mirror and told myself "You look amazing. You're going to have a great day",

I think of you.

So though we may differ in opinions
Or don't see eye to eye at times,

Some things are just better together,
and I'm only better because of you.

I lay here in tears
thinking about how I've changed.
When we found each other
I was a little deranged
in a sad kind of way.
I was going through things
but you found a way to open me up.
Today, looking back
I never would've thought
I'd be as happy as I am.

Dear Teacher,
What have I learned from you?

The world is not really as it seems
And now I know what '*******' really means.

I know that the world won't stop for me,
Not matter how bad I wish it to.

That no matter what,
Trying won't get you anywhere, but doing will.

That no matter where,
What I learned is really useful.

That no matter when,
There is always time to read, think, and analyse.

Thank you for teaching me this year.