stop throwing stones of judgement when we are all made of glass

I woke up suddenly at 3am
Disoriented and dizzy
Not sure if from a dream
or nightmare
My eyes scanned the
dark
Trying to reassure myself
of the here and now
My breathing shallow
My body trembling and
covered in a cold sweat
Overcome with the urge to
talk to you like I
use to
A thrumming need to have you
close pulsed beneath
my chilled skin
I sighed and
adjusted for comfort
Tucked NotBob back under my
head
Closed my eyes and calm
breathed myself back
to sleep

There are times I miss
you so much
I wish I remembered where
I placed your memory
Which box
in which dark corner
holds the sound of
your voice
Where did I bury
your smile
and the feeling of your
eyes saying I’m
beautiful
I scattered the ashes of
your burnt words
and on occasion regret
that I didn’t keep
a special three to
visit during my
lonely sleepless
nights
There are times I miss
you so much
I almost go searching
for you

Flowers remind me of death
My father clutching a pathetic
handful of convenience
store bouquet flowers
Jack and desperation in
his voice
begging my mother-
the woman he beat and
walked out on to
raise three traumatized children
alone-
to take him back
Alcohol convincing him
that she was the true love of
his life
His sun bronzed hands
grasping at hope long
since murdered
brought flowers to the funeral
of their relationship

Flowers remind me of death
Your smile and laugh
silenced too soon
Your whole amazing being
shoved into a box
Entombed six feet below
my world’s surface
Overly sweet petals
prettily masking the
decay in my heart
caused by losing you

Flowers in all their beauty
remind me of death