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Soulace 4d
1:45 - Go to the party tomorrow

                                                                                                            1:45 - No

1:46 - Go to the party tomorrow!!

                                                      1:46 - I can’t. We have a no contact rule.

1:50 -̶I̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶t̶’̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶r̶d̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶’̶s̶ ̶p̶r̶o̶b̶a̶b̶l̶y̶ ̶b̶a̶d̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶m̶e̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶b̶e̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶s̶m̶i̶l̶e̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶h̶a̶n̶d̶s̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶u̶g̶g̶e̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶s̶k̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶b̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶g̶i̶r̶l̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶i̶d̶o̶l̶i̶z̶e̶d̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶a̶r̶m̶s̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶s̶l̶e̶p̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶-̶ ̶b̶e̶s̶i̶d̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶-̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶ ̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶ ̶f̶o̶r̶ ̶a̶n̶ ̶e̶n̶t̶i̶r̶e̶ ̶y̶e̶a̶r̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶w̶i̶t̶h̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶p̶e̶r̶f̶e̶c̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶f̶e̶l̶t̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶n̶a̶k̶e̶d̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶h̶u̶r̶s̶d̶a̶y̶ ̶a̶f̶t̶e̶r̶n̶o̶o̶n̶,̶ ̶a̶l̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶r̶o̶o̶m̶ ̶w̶h̶e̶n̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶p̶a̶r̶e̶n̶t̶s̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶h̶o̶m̶e̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶d̶r̶i̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶t̶ ̶n̶i̶g̶h̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶m̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶d̶r̶i̶v̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶h̶o̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶ ̶-̶ ̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶p̶l̶a̶c̶e̶.̶ ̶A̶n̶d̶ ̶y̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶t̶’̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶i̶f̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶o̶m̶o̶r̶r̶o̶w̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶i̶t̶’̶l̶l̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶o̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶ ̶h̶e̶a̶l̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶s̶o̶m̶e̶t̶i̶m̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶a̶ ̶l̶o̶t̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶s̶a̶y̶ ̶*******̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶r̶y̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶.̶ ̶B̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶y̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶c̶u̶t̶e̶ ̶g̶i̶r̶l̶s̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶o̶ ̶m̶a̶n̶y̶ ̶o̶p̶p̶o̶r̶t̶u̶n̶i̶t̶i̶e̶s̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶r̶i̶g̶h̶t̶.̶ ̶F̶r̶o̶m̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶i̶m̶e̶,̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶s̶ ̶h̶a̶p̶p̶y̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶r̶y̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶f̶e̶e̶l̶ ̶w̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶’̶s̶ ̶l̶i̶k̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶d̶ ̶b̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶o̶n̶l̶y̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶h̶a̶t̶e̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶c̶a̶n̶’̶t̶ ̶r̶e̶v̶i̶s̶i̶t̶ ̶t̶h̶i̶s̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶r̶y̶ ̶a̶g̶a̶i̶n̶.̶ ̶P̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶.̶ ̶P̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶a̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶r̶a̶p̶i̶s̶t̶.̶ ̶P̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶h̶e̶l̶p̶,̶ ̶b̶e̶c̶a̶u̶s̶e̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶l̶a̶s̶t̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶a̶w̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶,̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶a̶u̶t̶i̶f̶u̶l̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶I̶ ̶s̶a̶w̶ ̶o̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶r̶s̶t̶ ̶d̶a̶y̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶t̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶k̶i̶n̶d̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶w̶e̶r̶e̶ ̶u̶n̶d̶e̶r̶s̶t̶a̶n̶d̶i̶n̶g̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶l̶i̶s̶t̶e̶n̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶m̶e̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶m̶a̶d̶e̶ ̶m̶e̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶.̶ ̶Y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶o̶o̶k̶ ̶a̶l̶l̶ ̶m̶y̶ ̶s̶h̶i̶t̶,̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶s̶m̶i̶l̶e̶d̶ ̶b̶a̶c̶k̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶n̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶u̶g̶h̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶.̶ ̶A̶n̶d̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶h̶u̶g̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶k̶i̶s̶s̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶e̶l̶l̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶e̶v̶e̶r̶y̶t̶h̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶b̶e̶ ̶f̶i̶n̶e̶,̶ ̶w̶e̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶k̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶o̶u̶t̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶e̶d̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶g̶i̶v̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶h̶o̶s̶e̶ ̶f̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶m̶o̶n̶t̶h̶s̶,̶ ̶b̶u̶t̶ ̶g̶o̶d̶ ̶h̶o̶w̶ ̶I̶ ̶k̶n̶o̶w̶ ̶t̶h̶a̶t̶ ̶i̶t̶ ̶w̶o̶u̶l̶d̶ ̶j̶u̶s̶t̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶ ̶u̶s̶ ̶b̶o̶t̶h̶ ̶m̶o̶r̶e̶.̶ ̶S̶o̶ ̶p̶l̶e̶a̶s̶e̶,̶ ̶g̶e̶t̶ ̶b̶e̶t̶t̶e̶r̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶t̶o̶m̶o̶r̶r̶o̶w̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶w̶h̶o̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶ ̶a̶r̶e̶ ̶t̶o̶m̶o̶r̶r̶o̶w̶ ̶-̶ ̶b̶e̶h̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶i̶a̶g̶n̶o̶s̶i̶s̶.̶ ̶B̶e̶h̶i̶n̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶p̶a̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶n̶d̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶r̶ ̶h̶u̶r̶t̶.̶ ̶I̶ ̶w̶a̶n̶t̶ ̶t̶o̶ ̶s̶e̶e̶ ̶y̶o̶u̶.̶

1:50 - Okay.
I figured out why I love you. Please get better. I want to try again.
Soulace Aug 2018
...But at night

My head is a radio tower

The thoughts and information bouncing off the walls of my mind

Front to back

Voices from different frequencies

Endlessly bombarding me.

Never stopping

Never ending.

.
.
.
.


And for the first time in my life

.
.
.


I find myself begging for a place

.
.
.

Where I don't get cell service.
Help.
Soulace Mar 2018
"You deserve it."


                                                          "Sometimes I just don't feel like I do."


"Sometimes we all feel like we don't."


                                                                                                             "Yeah..."


"That's why we call them blessings."
An excerpt of a conversation.
Soulace Mar 2018
I’m not going to lose anymore.
I’m not going to take it in the gut without throwing a punch back.
I’m not going to go down without attempting to get up.
I refuse to lose you without burning myself trying to win you back.
I refuse to look for refuge or safety like I used to because I found something I want to fight for.
I refuse to let you go without staring down the chamber of a .44, looking you in the eye before you pull the trigger.

So if you pull the trigger, at least let me know why.
If you’re going to **** me, **** me on my feet.
I don’t want you to be my enemy.
I don’t want you to be the anchor that pulls me down to the bottom again.
I don’t want you to be a missed chance, or a “could have been”
I don’t want you to become someone I resent, or a waste of time.

I know you’re looking at this.
I know you’re watching and reading these words.
You know what I want.
It’s been a few weeks, but the time we spent is valuable to me.
And dare I say it was valuable to you too.

I don’t waste my words.
I don’t say things if I don’t mean it.
I don’t lead people on.
I don’t tell you I care for you if I’m just going to spit behind your back.
I don’t say “I love you” if I didn’t put so much thought into what I was saying.

You’re right. We are different.
But I was never looking for the same. I have enough of the same.

I want you because you teach me.
You unlocked something I never thought I knew about myself.
You taught me how to be vulnerable.
You’re someone I didn’t know I could grow to love.
And you have so much more to teach me that you don’t even know.

I know your time is precious,
But want you to be mine.
I never promised you forever -
But I promised you one day at a time.

And If you want it, you still have it.


Yeah?
Soulace Mar 2018
Nothing makes me feel as powerless


As hearing you cry at the other end of the phone.
Soulace Mar 2018
The truth is that I miss you
              And It’s hard to fight the distance
                                      The truth is I ain’t ready-
                                                 to do this but I can’t miss it

                                                   But the truth is nobody is ready
                                  And the pain is that we need to grow
                And I hate how I lived so cynical
Because vulnerable is hard over the phone

                                      And I hate using the word
                                                        demon
I think It’s a bitter cliche
                         But what other word can sum up

The                                             i m a g e r y                   inside of the pain.



                                       So maybe I am protective
                                      But I swear that I can try
                                      To open up a little more
                                      If you could just give me some




                                                                                                                   time.
Soulace Feb 2018
I miss the days...

When a secret was about where I hid my pencils
When my biggest fear was being grounded for a note home
When violence was only played on TV
When guns were only in my video games
When everyone I met was my friend
When the world didn't feel it was out to get me
When having a good day didn't feel like I owe the universe a bad one
When assuming the worst wasn't a self defence mechanism
When having a bad day meant that I still had tomorrow
When "I like you" was meant for one person
When love meant "no strings attached"
When I wasn't so scared all the ******* time.

I miss the innocence.
Feel free to add to this list.
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