i may grow
from a crack in the concrete
but i still grow

as difficult as it may be
i will not let the weight
prevent me from blooming

It just rained.

The sky is pale blue and
the wind is surely pleasing.
I might just think that the weather is perfectly made for me.

I see some tables and chairs,
some drinks and snacks,
some variety of people
I only see during this time of the day
and only during this kind of weather.

It's 6 PM and
it's almost as dark
as the deepest of the night.
The sky now is indigo blue
and the moon is already peaking.
It's smiling.
And god, what I'd do to smile like that.

I see drinks, I am holding a cup of rootbeer
while my friends hold a cup of red horse.

We talk about life, and how scary it is to live;
we talk about ending it, and the many ways we could consider trying;
we talk about enduring it, and how strong we are to have ourselves survive 'til today;
and we talk about staying, just because we're still here.

Though we're barely breathing,
we are here,
and just like the moon tonight,
with the cup of rootbeer in my hand
and with the cup of red horse they have,
we are smiling.

It's almost 8 PM and
the wind is still as pleasing.
It's touching my skin
and
it gives me a different feeling.
I see hands holding a grip to its last cup of beer;
I see eyes looking down, sleepy;
I see eyebags which I guess I can say as deep as the night;
I see crooked teeth;
I see imperfection.

Though we are as imperfect,
we are smiling,
we survived,
we're on our way home
with car lights reflecting on our faces.

We wave goodbye to the bottle of beer for two and my rootbeer.
We made it through the night.

The past few years have been nothing
But getting pushed down
And somehow standing back up.
I don't know how I do it, really.

It's like a never-ending storm
And I don't have a raincoat.
But walking along, soaking wet
Is soothing now.

Even when thoughts of death
Clouded my vision
And I sought help
I was turned down.

How did I survive?

I'm here,
I'm alive,
I'm trying to live my best life
I'm trying to be the best version of "me".

That's all any of us can do, right?

So I brush the dirt from my knees,
Wipe my hands on my pants
And continue about my day.

1st Verse/16 Bars
I'm trying to earn more pennies to mark me a moment in life,
A moment in time, I should probably drop this razor sharp knife,
I need to Push forward through this crowd of confusion,
But your in delusion with these rhymes that I'm using and abusing
Cos I'm confusing, consuming, choosing and amusing myself,
refusing so I'm producing more tracks for consuming and wealth,
Snapping your neck at every single beat, whilst you're tapping your feet,
So all  sit back with some popcorn you're in for a much needed treat,
I ponder and wander in my mind sometimes as I see painted pictures,
when I paint I find a story or a rhyme using these triggers,
Whilst I play with words that take years to carve and curve,
something harder to learn and yearn into something much more worth,
More to you than me so my life had, meaning from my birth,
Ripping up turf, trying to find words beneath the core of earth,
So I rap in metaphoric tongue because I'm using poetic justice,
you're frowned from above whilst you try master and craft this.

(Chorus 1)
In order to survive,
Do all you can in life,
Make yourself feel alive,
In order to survive.

(2nd Verse/14 bars)
I use a form of speech that frees the soul to reach your own goal,
so you won't be buried inside you'll confide in deep parts using coal,
to set fire to bars you spit, ripping and fitting every single hole,
Whilst I rap I'm reforming and morphing them into some sort of mold,
Because while I'm hitting, n knitting bars like threads and then sowing,
the lawn whilst I'm mowing n showing people I'm always growing,
in capacity and trying to shove off some of the animosity,
the world's in atrocity whilst I'm producing I feel it subconsciously,
As we would say in Great Britain would you like a cup of Rosie Lee
and then In France they say no musketeers without the three,
but I found me as I perfect and refine every single line,
lyrics so evil I'll be committing a grade A crime,
in time for these dimes to drop without single a fine,
Lyrics so sour you may as well **** a lime.

(Chorus 2)
In order to survive,
Do all you can in life,
Make yourself feel alive,
Find a future or wife,

(3rd Verse/14bars)
I can rap like I'm insane but other rappers are plain,
No strawberry or chocolate just vanilla milkshake,
I dream of crowds shouting my name not in vain,
Because within this ink I'm pouring my soul through pain,
Razor, scissors and chainsaws will cut you all the same,
Like these lines that will cut you up whilst I'm in the game,
i hope you realise but this whole rap is one big metaphor,
A rise to the fame and all the glory comes with downpour,
Crying so hard he might flood the whole ground floor,
Biting so hard into the rap hes got lockjaw,
I hope my next song will be featuring someone who killed a
situation to diffuse the rhyme from the bigger picture,
I'm Slitting my veins to bleed and produce on this page,
trying to push and pull salary above the minimum wage.

(Chorus 1x2)

One day it won't matter how hard I try to be
the best thing that ever happened to you.
One day, inevitably,
I'll drown in the puddles of sweat in my shoes.

squish, squish
Plodding down the hallway to your room
I'll knock softly in case you're in a mood.
How did I get here?

A sappy, pathetic thing, standing outside your door,
ready to **** myself if you're mad again.
I stand with sweaty palms outstretched when you open the door.
Your face... I should have known better then.

A hug. That was all I wanted.
You could have kept your frown.
One hit and I was down, drowned.
The door slams shut again.

I can't smell dinner on the stove anymore.
The blood fills my nose and drips to the floor.

But I can smell the gasoline that I later poured out...


On the floor where we once cuddled all night,
on the couch that we bought from your friend you text sometimes,
on the wall where I had meant to hang pictures of us smiling,
outside your door that you carried me through once, as a bride.

I don't want to drown anymore.
Just like we matched once,
one match is all it took tonight.
One match to erase you forever.

I took the dog that you liked to kick.
We still drive your truck I lost my virginity in.
We found ourselves a nice little beach house somewhere
because God it feels so good to swim.

one more cigarette
dosen’t matter if i die
though i’m still feeling sad
when i’m f'cking high
and there’s no motivation
in our f'cked up minds
we wanna live
not just survive

I'm not a writer
Gathering marvellous words
Spreading healing poems

I'm a fighter
Trying to survive
Avoiding bad omens

What have I done?
To be treated like dirt in your eyes.
Always under the gun.
Constantly being vandalized.
Forever on the run.

Run Race Horse Run
The shows only just begun.
What goods a race horse that's not any fun?
Show me your teeth like a good one.

You want to tame me,
But I was born to be wild and free.
Not in a dudgeon.

How can I fall asleep when I have nothing to look forward to tomorrow?
I'm the walking dead drowning in my own sorrow.
When will this nightmare end? I'm sick of pretending everything's all good.
Maybe when I wished for an interesting life I misunderstood.
  I've been counting my blessings for so long. Nothings changed, I'm growing weary. It's draining me to be strong. This pain in my chest never leaves. I wonder if it,ll ever leave? I used to be happy. Now I'm questioning everything I believe. I fake a smile as I'm close to tears, I'm screaming but nobody hears.

   You've left me stranded in the dark, not knowing where to turn. Thought I could depend on you. The memory of you is now burned. I've been wandering the same road for so long. Searching for rest and a place to call my own. My body's tired from the weight of everything I'm carrying. The sun now slowly rising, mesmerized my eyes are open and that I'm still conscious. Walking on in the bright horizon.
    A new day has just begun and it's time for me to swallow my pride and go on with the show. Even if I'm hurting from head to toe. Been climbing this mountain for so long. Fighting to make it over without falling back down. I haven't truly lived in a while, for as long as I can remember its only been survival. Been trapped in this precipice which felt like forever, until along came September...

   Finally something to hold onto. It felt like eternity since I've had some normalcy like waking in a bed. How I missed the feeling of a place to rest my head. Everything seemed better until your malicious endeavors made it hard to breathe. I would ask myself every night as I cried myself to sleep, when will there finally be peace?
   Trying to move ahead is easier said than done. I end up feeling stuck instead. Your words cut me like a knife. You've made it clear you'll always be number one and I'll always be next to none...