The pain is still present,
steady as my heartbeat
but is no longer overtaking me

My heart aches
literally aches just by the thought of you

I want you to know that everything I said was true
and never have I doubted my love for you

So goodbye for now
hope to see you in my de ja vu

I sought love.
Drinking from the cup of your hand.
I learned to replenish which you pour.
I made sure your hands were always full.
Continuing to hold what you've poured into life.
My life.
Finding a language stirred to life.
To confess what's on our mind.
It takes a steady hand to fill the gap of what's missing.
Your hand to my lips.
An ideal devotion to being our natural self.
Finding ourselves half full.
Our thirst softening the more we pour

why can't I
just
simply get back
on
track, move on
and
continue facing the
battles
ahead? battles everyday
from
the moment i
lift
my limbs and
open
my eyes, only
to
see that the
world
i've
created for so
long
is
crumbling slowly and
painfully
in front of
me
and i can't
do
anything to mend
it?
when did i
ever
start to feel
this way?

there
are
days
when
I
can
see
the
light
shining
again

when the worst
of the worst
finally end, or
so I thought.
that's the time
when I will decide
to give life
another shot maybe
it's not always
that bad, right?
i will leisurely
set my feet
on the ground,
feel it steady
beneath my soles
i will think
that yes, i
can do this
just like before
when I bend
my legs and
start walking again,
i am silently
waiting for the
slight tremor where
even the breeze
makes my heart
pound so hard
before, i think
that i can
do this but
being here, my
mind screams that
no, i will
be forever stuck
where i am,
and I am
so **** scared
because that is
okay with me
being stuck i
can't help but
just accept this
cruel fate because
this is my fault
or it's not
really a fault
because i know
that i chose
this

this isn't
wrong it just
so happens that
doom and freedom
means differently for
different people and
i am one
of the few
who happen to
interchange the meaning
of the two.

here we are again
the edge of the world
the streetlights far behind us
and your smile in the hazy dark

truth be told
we tiptoed out of our cages
bringing old notebooks and sleepless dreams
tripping into each other's laughs

it has been months since it was like this
the uncertainty of your hand on my wrist
hushed whispers in the dead of the night
and I feel weight slip off my spine

our feet carry us to the only place of solace that we know
and even in the weeks of forgetting
in the time I let the sea carry you away
we will always find our way back here

and you start telling me of his steady hands
I remember that yours were never like that
so I smile at the thought of you belonging somewhere
after years of wandering aimlessly

so you make sand towers like you always do
and I look for seashells like I always do
the sea is singing lullabies to the two weary souls
and my pulse is humming with it

you race me to the water
and the stars glitter as you wade through them
the wind whips our hair into a tangled mess of ink
and I barely reach you when you start to speak

you recite dead languages to my fingertips
all I can think of is the promise of a sweet death
your voice against my sea-kissed skin
and the only eyes that could drown me

we drag ourselves to the shore
shaking the sand from our hair
we get blankets to wrap around our shoulders
and I feel the corners of my mouth tilt up

side by side
all of the languages of the world dead to us now
as we breathe in the sweetness of escape
and our heads tilt towards each other

you ask me what I look for in someone
and I trace swirls into the sand for a while
because I don't know
and maybe I have never known

almost two decades of this fragile life
almost everyone I’ve loved only people of my imagination|
and I kid myself with the question
and maybe I’m just afraid of the answer

but I draw the constellations in my mind as I whisper to myself
"you."

We lay there, calm
Talking about our wildest dreams
Chasing only the end of our conversation
Hoping never to catch it
With hands laced loosely
Our breathing returned to pace
Hearts steadied once again,
It was purely right
Everything was warm.

Breathe;

I know there was a time when you thought,
you would burn bright like the shooting- stars with me;

Does it make you breathless,
How we became,
Candles throbbing with a steady flame.

I want to dance
across your eyelashes like fingers on a piano.
I want to curl those fingers,
twirl them in your beard
like ballerinas,
twisting and jumping
gently with grace
across the stage.
I want to be close to the city of your soul,
listen to the sounds
that echo off the buildings of memories.
I want to be a tourist of you,
snapping pictures and
standing in awe
of the landscape that is your temple.
I'll build a monument to you,
an ode to your good deeds-
we could fill a museum with you.
I want it to rain in your voice,
pour over me
so I can drink your thoughts
and grow toward the sun of your smile.
I want to reach down
and dig my fingers into your Earth,
fill my mouth with your soil
and let your nature consume me
while I consume
it.
I want to bathe in your ocean,
wash my sins away
while I exalt in yours.
I want to feel your ground beneath me,
steady and sure,
as I take this journey,
my pilgrimage to your heart.