"in these trying times"
was first said
10.000 yrs ago     or more

you said
you would
love all of
me

but instead
you loved
the person
i pretend to be

I heard your scream through the wall
She’d said,
You were shouting about a great fall,
Did you end up dead?

I heard your scream through the wall,
She’d said,
And then you started to ball,
Did you forget to take your meds?

I heard your scream through the wall,
She’d said,
You said they made you feel small,
Did those voices ever leave your head?

I heard your scream through the wall,
She’d said,
To the soundtrack of thunderous rainfall,
Did you think you were on your deathbed?

I heard your scream through the wall,
She’d said,
I ran in and saw it all,
Did you think I’d leave while you bled?

I don't love you
But you still mean something
You mean pain
You mean lying awake
Trying to erase all those moments
The longest five hours of my life
And you caused them

You don't own me
But I'm your midnight memory
I bet I'm sacred to you
A pale body in the moonlight
Naked for you
I am nothing to you

And I don't want you
You are my snow spill bloodshed
You're the pill under my tongue
Dissolving, making me numb
I don't love you
It will always be that way

I never had a thought that wasn't preceded by ten
confused by five
seconded by none
writing them down feels impossible
like choosing your favourite line from your favourite song or fully comprehending what it is about the beat that makes you move

my thoughts don't flow freely
they scatter and smash
cascading like the great flood without even a paper ark for respite
structured without form
prone to sink at the slightest wave

my thoughts misbehave
run riots
race wolves
some fly off to the ever after
and the darkest hover round like distant drones
a distraction
a constant buzzing
a worrying sight

I don't think I'm doing it right
I'm not supposed to think
just write

but my thoughts won't do what they're told

I didn't hear what you said
But that smile
That smile makes it so easy for me
To drown in a feeling never to come true