Jack 6d

I hadn’t been told,
My recessive behaviour that took hold,
Had taken a destructive toll,
On my precious family as a whole.

She had called me to her room,
In a voice full of gloom,
She told me I shouldn’t drink,
For it had destroyed my ability to think.

As we cried in unison,
She tells me I don’t feel like her son,
The sweeping statement causes me to die,
As I watch my loving mother cry.

It was in this moment of heartbreak,
As my entire body started to ache,
I noticed in the last few months without a heart that sang loud,
We were all witnessing the Death of Jack Youd.

It's easy to forget the crippling affect our actions can have on those we love and, in an attempt to protect them, we cause them more pain than  we could ever imagine. There is nothing more selfish in the world than a feeling of worthlessness as we search everywhere for a meaning or purpose without a second thought of how others may be affected. we must better ourselves for the sake of others and then, one day, we will find our purpose. Stay safe and live well, my lovelies.
BTW its pronounced ( Y-Ow-d) do it does rhyme with loud.
Jack Jan 12

As I try to get better,
Fighting hordes of darkness,
Slurring through words, letter by letter,
Praying someone will hear my cries.

As I try to get better,
Wrestling my restless mind,
Trying to figure out what’s the matter,
Attempting my painful self-therapy.

Now thinking I’m better,
A short-lived burst of happiness takes over,
Just glad I’d met her,
Dancing wildly to the laughter of friends,

I think I’m over her,
Thinking I can finally rest,
A killer stare fuelled by hate and anger,
Tears a hole in my once-mended chest.

From wanting friendship to realising I’ll never get her,
Please someone, help me get better.

The worst part about trying to get better is realising how cripplingly lonely you are and how painfully dependant you are on being able to fall into someone's loving arms when you're falling into your own never ending black hole of sorrow and worthlessness. The curse of human kind is that its never enough when you have it and once it's gone, only then, will you realise what it meant to you. Stay safe and live well, my loves, and don't make the mistakes of a selfish man. (dont worry, am not going to kill myself)
Jack Jan 9

Death pressed against his lips,
Drunken idiots they dance in the night,
Hands pressed against her hips,
Surrounded by drink and friends.

Death pressed against his lips,
Drunken idiots they drink in the night,
Sharing potent drinks in sips,
Surrounded by music and darkness.

Death pressed against my lips,
Inhaling deeply,
A smiling face then slips,
Yet you’ll never realise how,
If only you could see me now.

Jack Jan 9

Swallowed up in your bed,
Your body against mine,

I just wish I had said,
‘Baby, you look divine’.

Jack Jan 4

Smiling,
A fleeting, short lived moment of happiness is corrupted,
There you are again,
Running around in my mind.

Memories of staring out of the open window,
Framed by your purple, fabric curtains,
The tree outside waving to me as warm breezes flowed through the window,
It’s distinctive red leaves dancing around the strong, brown trunk,
Looking down I see your head resting on my chest,
Your long brown hair spread randomly and imperfectly perfect along my body and your bed,
My arm snaked around your shoulder, down your delicate back,
Encasing you in a protective shield of a seemingly undying love,
You’d look up, noticing my smiling gaze and just smile,
An open mouthed, teeth baring smile that could silence my demons,
But its not directed at me anymore,
who is it directed to?

I return to real life,
Left empty and lonely I sit,
My fleeting high of the rare drug ‘happiness’ gone,
Taken away by the smile that used to supply it to me.

I shouldn’t care I ended our relationship,
Get out of my head.

Is it possible to miss someone you don’t love?
Because if it’s not I made a big mistake.

I don't know what you'd call this but I just wrote down what just happened to me and what happens often. it's long and i'm sorry for that.
Jack Jan 4

In youth we all feared the dark,
Monsters hid in it,
Our parents, armed with flimsy night lights would banish these monsters,
And we’d be saved, protected by the illuminating beams.

In youth we all feared the dark,
Odd sounds and creaking frightened us,
Our parents, prepared with stories of heroes would silence the sounds,
And we’d be saved, reassured by the knowledge there’s always a hero to help.

As my aged self I fear the dark,
I’m now the monster hidden in it,
No small, cheap light to banish their screaming voices,
No one to save me with their incorruptible light.

As my aged self, I fear the dark,
The screeching voices of guilt and regret frighten me,
There are no stories to protect me,
No stories to assure me of a day they’ll be silenced.

Jack Dec 2017

The starless night stares silent,
Gently the wind dances through brown, crisp leaves,
A small cobble path lies, carefully lit by the full, encapsulating moon,
To the right, an empty field, drenched in dew,
To the left a still pond, glimmering with the white light from the heavens,
In front, skeletal structures of wooden giants frozen in time,
Fox holes border the path, untouched for months as the residents sleep through the cold,
The usual steady flow of traffic halted by the call to rest,
Not a sound is heard,
Everything lay silent, still, peaceful.
Everything but what was running around in his head.

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