i would say i’m okay
but in all reality
it’s these nine pills i take a day
four for anxiety
three for a stable shiny mind
and two mg to keep me low

all of these downers
i’m still above
i’m still above that line
that line of feeling fine

all of these downers
that are supposed to keep me stable
and there are still moments
when i feel so unable
to take on the day

all of these downers
would have some on their ***
and i’m here still finding
that my *** is playing in grass

No one person's personality is unique in any way.

If you've at some time been exposed to a television set, a film, a piece of music, a book, a magazine, or people in a closed environment, then you are not in any way, shape, or form an original person.


We are all just composites of the things we've come in contact with during our lives, we pick up the things we think we want, or need and apply them to ourselves, and sometimes it's a sham, and sometimes it feels real.

The only way to be original is to be put out of society the moment you're born, but even then you may take on the characteristics of the wildlife you come in contact with... so apparently you're ****** no matter what.

I suppose what makes a person unique is the way they mash up all the **** that they've been exposed to,
whether they do it in a somewhat original fashion, or if they do it in a way that is similar to those around them.

Societies fear those who do not take the path of least resistance, and those are the people we call "unique", "different", "ugly", "weird", "stupid", "genius", "freak", "amazing", "loser".

They're the attention getters, and those who seek to get attention.

The ones that take the easy road to be accepted, they're the one's outshined,
and they have to get revenge some way, why not talk ****?

I can say though, that I feel real, I don't feel like I'm putting up a front for anyone.
Most days I like who I am, most days I lie, most days I'm honest.

*Circa 2009

I hate when I have to tell stories about you
people ask how you were
I get so fired up every time I have to tell someone

I tell them how I was terrified
how you would scream and swear at me almost every night
but all I ever did was give you everything you ever wanted.
night after night I would force myself to keep you happy so you wouldn't yell.
I even had to keep it a secret so I wouldn't loose what I now hold so dear to myself.

after your "incident" you said it was all out of "love"
bull. ****.
You tried to force me to like the things you like
think the way you think
basically change everything that I enjoyed and you despised.

Any time I hear certain words that you've found funny
I immediately tell that person to never say it around me again.
Events that you've found "funny" ******* scared me and all you did was laugh.

Any time you were ******* left out of any ******* joke you pulled me to the side
asking why you were left out.
did you ever figure it was because YOU'RE ******* IMMATURE?

You said that every girl before me left and never supported you.
Maybe they got out of there fast once they realized how you are.

Getting away was the absolute best thing I have done
but almost everyday I have this small outburst of anger
cringing and wanting to tell you to your face how messed up you are.
how much you've messed me up.
you changed, you changed real bad.
everyone is pulling away

all because of you
******* little boy blue

Welcome to my,
Addictive personality.
Where it's always
Just one more glass and one more puff.
One more bite.
One more show.
One more song.
When you never have enough,
The urge is too hard to fight,
A battle lasting too long.
I just don't know where to go.

Where should I be?
Who should I talk to?
Just look at all the drugs we do,
In the process of giving up.
I just can't win.
I don't want to...
Be me in any state I'm in.

Everyone changes attitudes around different people.
Just make sure that,  they are only changing your attitude and not your •personality•

Just like many people,
It's painful for me to look inside,
but yet it comes to me as second nature,
Past so cruel, chewing on my mind,
Like wild coyotes on the weak flesh of chicken.
I look behind me so far it feels like the distance
should take hours to walk,
but if I simply reach out my hand,
I can easily touch it, embrace it, and reject it.
I want to act like that was not me,
but there is nothing that possessed my feet,
to walk in that direction,
that direction that fades into dark like a movie scene.
My past works me like a seductress,
Curling my own finger until I give in and embrace them.
I always look, and I always see me, remember that it's me,
but I always come to a nice little realization,

I am me,

I've changed from then,
ways no longer remained the same,
just like so many people, I changed,
but it's painful to look away,
And it comes to me like first nature.
I constantly compare,
hearing the thoughts that belong to me and myself
dark torturous thoughts,
****, violence, ******, intricate torture, Shameful acts that should not be spoken of.
.......calm, a need to calm, a present tense feeling that gives me control......

I often consider,
which side is more real,
and which one I should use to define me,
Which do the people close to me,
feel more comfortable with, though,
the answer to that comes quick.
But if I hide these thoughts,
these thoughts I force myself to believe are the past,
Such suppressed thoughts,
Which one becomes the hypocrite?
To hide a part of me and act like the opposite this "past",
to act like the opposite of me?
Or would it be hypocritical to act myself, the me I want to be,
and fight the rest of me to be?

I am more than you see.
You've only had a glance.
Take a step back listen and be patient.
Take another stance.
Hold on tight, worth while I'll make it.

I've been many different people.
Who I am today or tomorrow.
Loyal and raw more than the fetal.
Stay with me, if you want the sequel.

I am deeply shallow and at times reversed.
I have been happy.
The other side to my curse.

I've known people who have never known.
They've made up their mind.
An opinion that's never grown.

Do not fight them let it fall.
For they've never really peeked inside.
Not once, not at all.

Privy are those noble and deep.
Out of all of them.
Those connections I will keep.

My mind needs a rest.
Be silly with me for the moment.
I've been too serious, let me contest.

Gone in another mind.
As sure as time, i'll come back for you.
Let's see who we find.

Sometimes I don't know if you're just naive
Or if you are doing this cause this is how you really are
But either way, what you are doing
Is not resulting to good
If you continue
The bond you created with us
Might just snap
And it might be late for you to save
So please try to fix the way you go
The way do
The way you talk
We wary the way you act
It isn't funny anymore
It hurts us more and more

i was made to break
the mold.