I've had a lot of conversations with myself lately,
At night.
"Who told you to?"
"He made me tell myself."
"How do you know?"
"I don't."
Me, myself, I.
All different people
But all the same.
The contemptuous person behind this glass that I can't see because I'm desperately trying to see what I can't be.
I really want to know,
Who this person is I'm talking to.

Person
Personne
No one...

He, she, we
No one...
Be you truly you
Be who you think is you.
Be true fully true
Be what you think is true .
Attitude
Kindness
Faith.
Keep those
Keep them close.

Person
Personne
No one..

ivory skin, as this paper
ebony hair, as this ink
shining, imbued with moonlight
glistening, dipped in the morn's dew

he is my friend, with
lips of roses
a nose, a thorn
and flowers, rathe in winter

she is your lover with
fangs of eggshells
eyes of marbles
blood of honey
and flesh of black lace

one mark, a fall, a
wellspring in the night
we sing the evensong
then where do we go?

And so the shoe drops,
Easily, easily
It’s much easier for you to wound me,
than wear your human mask over lizard skin.
You gnash your teeth and flail your limbs,
like a stupid ******* lizard person.
How hard is it to check in when you’ve said something so worrying?
How hard is it to speak?
Or is it just that words don’t issue,
from betwixt your lizard beak?

breathe. in. out.
what do you see?
computer-ruler-pen-calculator. sticky note. sticky note.
desk.
bag. chair.
what else do you see?
person-person--person---person----person.
who?
i don't know.
where are you?
does it matter?
who are you?
i forgot.
what are you?
disassociating.

You left me broken.

I only hope that the next person to love me-
is able to push aside my broken pieces,
and see the beauty ,
in what is left.

I am very ugly
So don't try to convince me that
I am a very beautiful person
Because at the end of the day
I hate myself in every single way
And I'm not going to lie to myself by saying
There is beauty inside of me that matters
So rest assured I will remind myself
That I am a worthless, terrible person
And nothing you say will make me believe
I still deserve love
Because no matter what
I am not good enough to be loved
And I am in no position to believe that
Beauty does exist within me
Because whenever I look in the mirror I always think
Am I as ugly as people say?

(Now read bottom up)