Who One eventually becomes
depends heavily upon
the choices One makes-
the passions One nourishes-
the opportunities One pursues-
the perseverance One is willing to embody.

Thank you for following me.
Now I will use you as a target
At which I will violently throw my worst feelings.


I am at a crossroads
Every minute of every day I am at a crossroads
and I see that
(most of the time, I sometimes forget)
but today I am at a crossroads of particular significance.
Today's crossroads branch in a million different ways:

Half of them lead to my death

One of them leads to a great life

And one of them maintains status quo.

Some of the ones that lead to my death involve helping one life now:
my girlfriend, a shy, naive girl who lives the normal life
the life of normality
and status quo
and cattle

Others involve remaining in the dark corners of my house.
I find it hard to be alone
because I cannot see the light of life on my own
and I never share that with anyone, because. . .
I don't know.
I have found that knowing hurts sometimes,
but I can bear pain.
I am of it.

The path that can lead me to a great life is unclear.
It might involve me burying what I know
so that I may spare others the pain.
I dream of having a niece or nephew,
but I see the narcissism and selfishness of that,
and I will explore that in detail later.

The path that stays on track,
the status quo,
is the one I truly fear.
It involves staying at home for a while,
working a day job
and hating every second of it
waiting for an opportunity to present itself
for me to get out of this horrible horrible place.
I think normality is the worst hell.



I think that in making this poem,
I have started on one path
and I will start another path
when I write another poem.
Is this poetry?
What is poetry?
I am going to stop this right here because this train of thought
leads to darker places than you can imagine.

Thank you, The Demons Within,
for being my unwilling, unwitting target

White man said it is time to be the best.
Be the best, that's funny.
He says "we need to make this country great again"
White man said to grow the economy for the people.
But when he says "people" he means the whites
And by "economy" me means opportunity.
Oh the racism that grows in this country.
Oh the rage and hatred that continues to build from other countries, races, cultures, ethnic groups.
But the white man said we will solve this problems with bombs.
What he meant was our military vs. their innocent citizens.
White man said we need things more American,
I wish there was actually an explanation for what that means anymore.

America: the land of opportunity...for the white man

would you believe me, if I told you.
that everyone
has thought a lot.
that everyone
has said a lot.
that everyone
has done a lot.

that everyone
has not thought enough.
that everyone
has not said enough.
that everyone
has not done enough.

And would you believe me, if I said.
that many of the things
that you've  thought,
that you've  said,
that you've done,
saved you  from death.

and that many of the things
you won't think,
that you wont speak,
that you wont do anything about,
can still **** you.

would you believe me?

Mr. Nobody--
A wrangly thing
some could call him a snob
or a high chinned minister
who was ordained
with a polished Apple-Phone
and his signature
swirlesque embroidered
wrist cuffs and tie clip.

He is the founder
to any computer based company
that processes tiny micro-chips at a price of
99 cents, and charging 100 dollars
for each "upgrade".

In his spare time
he's sponges around
lofty paintings,
filtering through new and old antiques,
but always coming back
to lackadaisly lounge
around his things.

Where a house is
up-kept by maids,
and in his closet
hangs the silhouettes
of personalities,
that he likes to try
around his family.

This is what I imagine
of Francisco, the boy buying coffee
at this Local Caffè
and as he leaves
that Apple-Watch lights up
reminding
about a job interview today.

It is better to try and fail,
Better to give it your best shot,
Than it is to let fear prevail,
To scupper the chance you have got.
To be afraid is natural;
Fears are real let us not forget.
But what you should fear most of all
Is a whole lifetime of regret.

All those chances you did not take,
Opportunities slipped away,
Those changes you chose not to make
Because you let fear rule the day.
But you can change in the future,
Many chances will come your way.
And even if you are unsure
Feel the fear, Do it anyway!

How's it come to this?
I thought you were in my corner
But not
With a gun!

I've only been as astute
as you've asked me.
I've only taken opportunity
where it presents itself.
Like you taught me,
there's nothing wrong
with taking the things
right in front of you
if there's something there
you want
bad enough.

I should have put you to death
the first moment I realized you
were out
of control!

There was no control for you
from the beginning
were you so lost in yourself
you weren't paying attention
to the fact that I've been
pushing you aside
while I slip inside?
I've been at the helm
longer than you imagine
I've been steering this ship
into hysteria.

All I've lost.
All I gave.
All I offered expecting
favor in exchange.
All I've lost
I let you take
while I stood by
digging my grave.
You have no respect for me
or for any other. The love
innate I prayed to wither away
reflected from waking wide
eyes only in hate.

I may have been drinking tonight, but it has just brought a sort of clarity. I don't let people walk in and out of my life easily. You can't have it both ways. I don't take **** from anyone, and I don't ever plan on it. You chose to walk out of my life the day you chose her. One day you'll realize how big of a mistake you made. You'll look back on the years spent with me and realize how much you lost. You'll see that everything I did, in some way I did it for you. You'll come to the realization that I loved you with every ounce of my being. No one will ever love you more than I did. You'll wonder where you went wrong, when you lost a girl like me. You'll try to come crawling back, but I don't want you anymore. Me, the girl who would have gone anywhere, done anything to be with you, is simply over it. No, I don't want you back. I don't want you to change. You missed your chance with that.

So when you realize how vast my love for you was, don't tell me. Don't remind me.

Just sulk in the what ifs and maybes, just like you made me do.

New opportunity
It sits on the horizon
Waiting to be discovered
It sits back in its chair with its hands behind its head
Waiting to be discovered
To be taken advantage of
On the other hand
New opportunity is impatient
A jealous God who won't wait forever
So think fast
Move fast
And one day you just might get to meet
New opportunity