Consumed and confused
There is no line keeping me
From you, except you

we are nothing but ghosts
yet you've stained me
like red lipstick
on fresh white linen.

when the sun
kisses the sea orange,
my father comes home with sawdust
caked underneath his nails.
i remember how my mother
brushes them clean
until the water becomes yellowish,
like the sun.
That night, we will tuck ourselves in.
But i'll still be left at dusks.
wishing for that very same one,
where their worries would recede,
like the orange.
Where they will not have to think
about tomorrow
too much.

Someone else’s immortality is the heaviest thing to carry
When you left, I realized I would take you with me forever
A weight on my shoulders and a hand in my own
Barely there but never fading

I carry you in the way I see your silly habits
Chewed up nails, toe tapping, off key whistling
When I hear 90s rock on my messed up car radio
I hold you close when I see women with bruises
Wishing, forever begging
that I could have saved you
I reach for you when it’s three am and I dream about our sleepovers
I miss your tired eyes, the coffee you kept in your cup

I carry you in three little rings, along with everyone else
A shirt you gave me and jeans I stole
A necklace you handed me, always on display
I miss you in the static of the phone call when I told you I loved you
I miss you when I smell the ink of the letter you gave me years before you left
The only proof I have that you loved me too

The weight of your immortality is the heaviest thing I’ve carried

Knowing every day you are lost, as I am without you
Begging and wishing with all my heart that you are safe
Your immortality, will be my burden to bear.
Knowing every day you are no longer the person I grew up with.

I will carry the memory of you forever.  

I will grow older,
I will marry and have children and accomplish my life’s goals
And you will forever be stuck 18
Cheap hair dye, battered sneakers, and your dads old car
You are immortal in me, never changing even as you do
And it kills me to think how wrong I might be

Your immortality is the heaviest task I’ve had.
Yet I carry on;
Committing you to memory
What an honor it is to carry you

I cant believe i just let you leave
you are just like me
i make myself sick with sadness
you are perfect
but you left me for her
the abuser in the relationship
but her soft eyes
and charming smile
are what captured me
and they've got you in their grips
good luck leaving
her sticky sweet trap
will be your downfall too

It seems like you're on my mind
Your eyes that glow so bright
Your lips so plump and soft
Your hands so soft and smooth

Our memories together flashes
Through my very eyes
Vivid yet so clear
Happy yet so sad

Hidden feelings ruined me
Every fiber of my being
Calls for your presence
I just miss you so **** much