I'm so sick and tired of trying...
Anything I try to accomplish leaves me dying
I hate this frustration... I hate this urge...
God, I'm waiting... I'm trying... This feeling I want to purge
What do you want? What is it I need to do???
I feel so lost... so far gone on the path I need to be on... I've been removed...
Can you see my trembling hands?... That are too heavy to lift?
They are chained to the edge... This wasn't what I wished...
My stomach is ******* in knots... My body is ripping apart
Lord...YOU PUT THE SOUND IN THIS BEATING LIVING HEART
I AM SO SHAKE'N I am grasping on to the edge.... and I can't see the bottom
You tell me to let go.... and I stare at you with wide eyes... "What's the problem?"
My hands are being scratched as I try to hold on....bleeding and fading...
"I can't see the bottom... what if I don't survive when I reach it?" My body was shaking...
"I'll be there to catch you..." "Will it hurt? Lord, I'm so scared... Don't let me go.."
"My child... look... and believe.. and trust me... let go.."
I cried out... trembling in fear... so terrified.. wishing to live.
but at the same time... wishing I could die away to escape this pain... let it give...
"Let go...." "God...No...please no..." I begged, in a soft helpless voice...
You kneel down to me, my body slowly slipping away into the challenge of darkness. "Fine... You leave me no choice..."
You cut the chains... and watch me fall...
I found myself screaming... as I curled pathetically into a ball...
I whimpered... as my hair stood on end and entangled its self into a snarled web.
The speed of winds suffocate my nostrils, the free fall of emptiness hugged me "There is no hope..." it said
Am I the name of conflict? Why does it feel like I'm stuck into this eternal free fall of the same emotion?
The color never changes... only the shadows around me seem to be growing darker and closer with every motion...
"Lord... YOU SAID YOU WOULD CATCH ME!!!! SO WHERE ARE YOU!?!"
I cry as this vertical hole began to enclose and grow thinner... and there's nothing I can do...
Banged... Scrapped... Bruised... Injured... from my body forcefully going down this narrow hole...
Blood blocking my vision... wanting to die just to escape this torment... wanting to take back control...
I'm blacking out... let me see the light again... although all of this hurts... and it feels like it's all getting worse...
it's worth going through... because, Lord... I know you'll catch me... and build me back up...but stronger... through this one Hell of a course...
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PLEASE CATCH ME
I may not understand... and I may lose a limb or two...
I may want to die... I may not understand... but I won't stop..I trust
YOU!!
8.24.18