The tears slide down my cheeks.
It's been a rough few weeks.
I try to rise, to move, to stir;
But all I can do is cry
Into her fur.

Her tail flicks over my arm.
It stings from fresh self harm.
I sob in tandem with her purr
'cause all I can do is cry
Into her fur.

Her rough tongue scratches my nail.
I stifle a broken wail.
My vision's nothing but a blur,
Since all I can do is cry
Into her fur.

I cannot surmount my situation.
I'm fighting a war above my station.
Perhaps someday some change I'll spur.
Till then, I only cry
Into her fur.

Sometimes I remember just how my heart did feel,
and it reminds me how, love used to be something real.
Back in the days my heart and mind were still young.
When I could hope and dream of sharing love with someone.

It seems so long ago and oh so far away.
Years ago before I came to despise each day.
Back in the days my heart and mind were still young.
When I could hope and dream of sharing love with someone.

So many lonely hours trying to find out what went wrong.
When did I become deaf and to afraid of life's sweetest song?
Wish I could go back when my heart and mind were still young.
When I could hope and dream of sharing love with someone.

Life is an empty thing without a love to share.
And a future is nothing without someone to care.
Wish I could go back when my heart and mind were still young.
When I could hope and dream of sharing love with someone.

Once I had a dream that I would know loves embrace.
And love would take us to our own special place.
But my mind and heart are no longer young.
And mind and time tell me there will be no one.

Dear you,
You know, the night isn't that dark tonight
Or maybe my thoughts are darker than every night,
Could also be that my room is pitch black-
Still seems better than the abandoned seashore shack.
Did you see it's star-less outside?
No moon either, in which I can confide.
So I lay, cigarette dangling between my fingers,
Watching the cold breeze mix with the smoke that lingers.
The murk seeps inside my skin
Yet I feel a hollowness herein.
My heart is stuck in the same gloomy plight,
Alas, the night isn't that dark tonight.

How can you bare to look at yourself in the mirror?
To claim that cheating face — the one that spit out irrevocable lies — as your own.
As you stare into your smoldering eyes, all you find is an eternal disgrace of your name, your family, and your humanity.
Not even a hero could locate the dignity that been retracted from every source in your body.
In essence, you represent hopelessness.
The pitiful source where we must never direct our wishes to.
After years and years of crumbling, your process of collapsing has begun, but only to suddenly end in a silent thud.
A noise that will never be recognized by the ears of mankind.

I feel lost.
Like there is someone giving me the wrong directions.
I am constantly taking the wrong turn at the intersection,
My car is low on gas.
I am lost.
It’s like I am in the woods for the first time.
Every tree looks the same, every cave is new
Even though I passed it minutes before.

This feeling goes deep into my chest
And wraps its fingers around my organs
Squeezing them until my chest seizes up.
I sit at the dinner table while my body goes to war.
I guess it doesn’t matter though because there is only one casualty.

They say not to think about it.
Pretend that the feeling isn’t there.
Blink three times, and breathe.
Snap your fingers and breathe.
Whistle a tune and breathe.
Do nothing,
Ignore it
And breathe.

It took years
It took years for me to love the color of my skin
To love the hair that grows out of my head
It took years to stop wanting to bleach my skin
To stop wanting to straighten my hair
It took years
To stop wanting to be anything but black
To stop wishing that I was never born.
But somehow, I still achieved it.  
Even in the face of people that are hell-bent on hating us every single day.

I should be doing homework but I can’t focus
It seems like all this work will be for nothing anyway
Like our deathbed is only a day away
I should be studying for finals but I can’t absorb any information
Instead, I am sitting by the door waiting for my dad to come downstairs
Just so I can tell him goodbye and pray that he comes home

I should be planning my future
But instead, I can only focus on the next few hours
Waiting and waiting and waiting
For my dad AND mom to walk through that **** front door.  

Hoping that my brother got home safe as well.  

All because of the color of my skin.

Returned to worsened thoughts,
Caught in the spiderwebs of restlessness.
Inchworm caught in the trap.
Presuming its imminent demise.

Toothless dogs of emotional wars fought on the daily,
Screaming in my broken ears,
about how little this all means.

Heat-soaked heart drowning in my anxiety's waste products,
just looking for some direction,
someone to mention my name,
in just a positive way.
perhaps I'm deaf,
so please speak up.

I can't even hear,
my own cries of fear,
so please speak up.
I want to see,
that is what I mean,
is more than nothing.
Please?

the church bell tolls
one, two, three times for my soul
God will never take away
my reason to pray

sighing between sips of cyanide
by the sea side
my pace a little slower
my eyes a little lower
it's all quite hazy
living in a day dream