you were an oasis in a desert

i thought you were an oasis,
but you were a mirage.
and a mirage is all you will ever be.

1.Wake up and drag yourself out of your comfort.
2. Put on your persona of the day, channel what you lack until it feels real.
3. Force yourself to speak, you wouldn't want to be left alone.
4. Crawl back into your comfort and waste away in your room.
5. Try to sleep, block out the thoughts, plead with the voices for a moment of silence.
6. Repeat.

she said she couldn't believe i was real
but really, i was made in a lab
where they proded and poked
till this thing came out!
want me to do a little dance for you!?
balance on my dome?
swallow a sword?

find an exit off the interstate

Everyone smile!
Say cheese!
Cheese!
Everyone looks so happy
But these people all around me
By looking at these pictures
The looks of joy
Are just scriptures
The ones around me
Don't truly care
All the times I was there for them
They called themselves my friends
When I was in need
They were no where to be seen
Nothing to them is what I mean
All I was to them was a cheap buzz
Always wondering
Is it me?
I always ignored the possibility
These people...
They don't like me
They...
They just...
They just want to look good for the pictures

My emotions feel synthetic
Fake feelings from a fake persona that I crafted to please you
If only I could live for myself
But I'm acting in a play
One without an audience
So who am acting for?
In those moments alone where I wail Who am I doing this for?
Constantly reinventing myself
But why?
I wish I could be free of this theatre
I hunger for the curtains to close
For the blazing lights to dim
And to sense the silent applause
Die out.

Overts and lies
Condescention, I
Noticed when you
thought I couldn't
You dont have to
Come here and smile
and extend a hand
to me with
false camaraderie
Don't bother
Feigning delight
When I'm ushered in
With the dawn of
some blistering
Winter morning
And when you wish
to spin golden tales
of grandiousity, refrain
Continue the day

And leave me out of it.

You preached love to a heartless being and you clipped its wings right when it wanted to fly with you.
Are you the angel that I deserve, dream and desolately mourn along till the end of my days?

I'm afraid.
I'm afraid to see the people closest to me look laughing and very happy.
I'm afraid when they are alone they are actually sad, pain, even hurt.
I'm afraid that all this time they were hiding it all.
I'm afraid if I turn out to be like them.