Friendship when school ends is like the leaves of a tree:

Spring begins, trees filled with healthy green leaves,
As does friendships within the year.

Summer is the end.
You fill the leaves with hope,
You love these leaves,
You've always intended to keep contact,
But inevitably, Time does change.

And Autumn comes,
And these leaves that previously you had so dearly loved
Start to fade away.
You didn't intend on this,
You were so eager to keep in touch,
But people change, as do leaves.
The once vibrant green you had known and loved
Transform into an ugly unfamiliar brown,
As you desperately cling to these leaves,
Hoping for them to stay this beautiful green you once knew.
Soon you are just standing around these empty trees
That were once so familiar to you,
But now around you all these dead leaves.

Then it's Winter,
And these leaves slowly fade away
Behind blankets of white,
Never to be seen again.
And you just stand there, surrounded by nothingness.
Cold and alone.

It may start with not wanting to wake,
Soon progressing to not doing homework.
Grades dropping,
Self esteem toppling.
You feel dumb, and then you feel numb.
You think "Is any of this even worth it?"
You're filled with doubt as you begin to pout,
But then you remember the small things.
When your favorite band comes on the radio,
When you finally draw that second eye correctly,
The sound of applause at the end of a play.
Even as simple as that new episode of a show you watch.
And then you ask once again: "Is any of this even worth it?"
And it truly is.

I couldn't even begin to count them all.
Hundreds? Thousands? More?
There was no way of knowing.
Each one was a brilliantly sculpted freckle
That laid upon the night's dark face.
Each hundreds of thousands of light years apart,
Yet all come together as a beautiful painting in the sky.
Each one so much more immense than what meets the eye.
Trillions of moments, millions of lifetimes,
All trapped within a single glance.

I can't see a thing
The darkness is overwhelming
I can't move
Not my arms, not my legs,
Not my head, not even my eyes,
Or, at least I don't think I can.
I can't tell.
Hell, I can barely think.
That's it! Hell! I'm experiencing Hell!
Though, I'm not sure if it's figurative or literal,
But all I know is that I'm in Hell.
Though, I don't think Hell would be this tight.
Maybe I'm not in Hell.
I don't even know if I'm breathing.
I can't feel it.
I can't feel anything.
I can't see, I can't move,
I can't feel, I can't breathe.
I've figured it out.
Dead. Yes, I'm dead,
and all I've got left are my thoughts.
This must be Hell.

A blank sheet, full of potential,
so much beauty lies within.

A blank mind, calming the soul,
Though it doesn't feel right.

A blank day, full of nothing,
At least it feels like nothing.

A blank life, full of despair,
It all just seems blank.

Nothing.
Nothing is there.
Just a blank face
In a blank world.

I may be completely insensitive with the case
My eyes narrowed for a chase
But it seems that you don't care
Willingly i want to help
But for a reason I'm too scared
Facing my fears is no game
Trembling hands and heart in an ace
How will i survive?
Would you help me?
Or should i allow myself to be drowned?
Drowned with the feelings i cannot contain.

I left you
Left you lying on a bed
Cuddled up with our memories.
I left you to go cry
To rock myself to sleep
Clutching our memories.
I left you
I left you whole, yet I was shattered
Broken pieces of self doubt and insecurity.
I left you to go put myself back together,
To try and regain my dignity
To try and feel happy
I left you to try and figure out
how you can both leave me feeling so good
And also so lost.
I left you because you don't want me
Because I can't continue to want you
And I can't continue to care, when you dont.
I left you because I am chasing a ghost
Running after someone that never started the race.
I left you because I knew you'd let me
Let me run out the door,
Drunk as I was, sad as I was, lonely and playing second fiddle as I was.
I left you because your pity makes me sick
Am I as pathetic as I appear?
I left you because I knew you wouldn't call,
I knew you wouldn't text to see if I was ok.
I left because sleep was more important
To you then my slowly breaking heart and mind.
I left you because I am too dramatic
and even still I know this is my fault,
That this played out the way I knew it would.
I left you because I cannot leave myself.

There's a way in which I break for beauties like you. It's a performance piece, not of the egoistic sort, but rather a birthed love-child of servility and altruism. Here's my recipe, if you ever wanted to scrutinise my path to death.

First, i stare. And marvel in awe at the carved beauty of you and wonder how many cities you've inspired.

Second is initiation. A delicate dance to either be executed from a carnal desire or a romantic want. I choose one or another, seldom do I pick both; tho they end the same way.  

Third is the burning period. I will saturate myself with unwarranted loyalty at this point. I morph to their warmth and this is where it gets sick.        

Fourth: obsession. If you look into my eyes you will see a longing to drown and to go back to the ocean that is you. It's potent enough to drive me insane. Consuming.

Fifth, i surrender. I'd ask you to take off that fire. I want you to still exist but to go burn somewhere else. To be a forest-fire that inspires rather than to maim me insolently.

Sixth is penance dressed masochistically. I torture myself for reasons he wouldn't understand or is justified, but I somehow think it's salubrious.

Seventh concerns with the cycle of death. I die for you, over and over again. I choose to do this.

Eighth is where my pain becomes stagnant and transition into ghosts with names.

Ninth better itself to be the point of moving on and building graves on reverence for even having a taste of perfection.

Tenth, I repeat this whole process.