I dream of your face
Need the warmth of your touch
To get you is such a race
Waiting for you is to much
Watching my youth expire
Praying for you is the great chase
This fear is a burning fire
I will hold you,this I proclaim
You'll be mine this is true
Sophia will be your beautiful name
And forever and always I'll love you

I wish to remember the bad
the fallouts and the fights
the arguments we had
Could I be delusional
out of touch, insane?
For nothing negative comes
when I search my brain
Rather all you bring
is happiness here
stirring up old feelings
many of which I fear
What truly scares me
that I lie to myself about
is that I'll never move on
and take to the grave my doubt.

im in love with the way
your hands
they shake
when you pass the last cigarette

in love with how
it took you so long to come my way

the way you take your time
to find what's right

im in love with the way
you take what's yours
without apologies
or tainted words

the way even the back of your hands
smell like a home i'll never have

the way the entirety of the cosmos
fit themselves so kindly in your eyes

how the joy of summer's first sun-rays
washes over me with your laugh

the way Sundays just aren't so lonely
when i know you're the Monday that comes next

i love the taste of cigarettes
coming from your lips

the lips that open me up like you're giving me new life

i love the way i feel no pain
i love the way you feel like the rain
you cleanse me of my sin
and you help me begin
to see my life as something more precious
i love the way my reflection
isn't quite as disconcerting
when i see you in the mirror too

i love the way my soul starts to leave my body
to be a little closer to you

i love the way that music sounds different

i love the way it feels
to know someone like you is real

and the terror at thinking
that this is not

that this is just a notion
and i'm just here
like drift wood floating in the ocean

i love the way you can't be fixed
to anyone's idea of what this is

i love the way your voice feels
like a summer's sweet breeze
drifting through the doorway

i hate the way i miss you
because you're not mine to miss

i hate the way i kiss you
knowing i can't own this sweet bliss

i hate the way i feel you
in every guitar string i pick

the way i smell you here
even when you're somewhere else

the way you stay in my mind
like memories stained stronger
than spilt red wine

i love the way my vision has changed
everything looks different with you

minutes become seconds and years become days
i love the way you keep me
in a sublime haze

and god how it stuns me
that somehow
someway
it took you so long to learn to love yourself

you look like an island
like shelter from a storm

i love the way
all i need is your gaze
to make me feel warm

and the way you still walk me home
even though it's not home to me

i hate the way i can't have you
never should and never could
and i know i don't need more
and i don't deserve more

i know it would all fall apart
and i know it's a waste of time
trying to turn water to wine

i know i don't want to make this real
i know already know how this ends
but i wish there was a way
to bottle you up
to save for the day
when this is all just pictures in my brain
playing like an old movie
soundtrack i can't get out of my head
subtitles in a language i no longer speak

negatives held up to the sun
blurry and incoherent
like my thoughts when you're around

but beautiful pictures
like people
find their way to the light
you develop me like a picture portrait
of someone you'll soon say you used to know
and i'm just a fool who is grateful
for having been able to sit in on your show

but i'll stay in the back
and i'll leave before the credits start to roll
so when the curtains close
i won't have to watch you go

All it took was a song
filled with truth
and emotion so raw.
The key buried so deep in the sand,
it was long gone.
The chamber or her heart
that held all these words
locked away in a prison.
No visitors allowed.
Not even the warden can hear
   the screams of the poetry needing a
   pen to meet paper
so that all she is needing to hear
   herself say can be displayed
and the chains finally sawed away
with every haiku and verse.
The words to a song
filled with the meaning muffled
   by her own doubt,
found the lost treasure
   that opened the jailed poets cell.
Forevermore,
writing ink to scroll,
blood to sleeve,
tear to cheek.

and it only occurred to you upon glancing at yourself today
how lonely it feels
hands pressed against your body this way
tide shifting to move mountains
to let your latest current through

hip bones
thighs
the infrequent sighs

signs of some meaning to come

once the other hand has won
then is it time for you to run?

come down from your mountain top
where heaven's always too late

climb out of that hole
the one you dug with your own hands

come taste the moonlight
feel the dew like cool sunshine
sink into your skin

breathe in the breeze

let this wilderness seep in

1/22/2020

A blank page. Is beautiful,
Like an empty cardboard box.
A blank page is pitiful,
Like a bike without shocks.
A blank page is powerful,
Like he who controls the clocks.

Words. Are dangerous,
Like a career in bomb diffusion.
Words are ponderous,
Like time spent in seclusion.
Words are useless,
Like having skills in indecision.

Expressions. Are misguiding,
Like incorrect road signs.
Expressions are inviting,
Like getting off the sidelines.
Expressions are exposing,
Like craters left by mines.

Fears. Will debilitate,
Like brakes locked on an icy road.
Fears will dictate,
Like poor learning of law code.
Fears will fabricate,
Like a hasty corduroy road.

How can the potential of a chart,
The potency of what we hear,
The mystery of an open heart,
Not keep one from outrunning Fear?
You just don’t know where to start.
Oh, when will everything become clear?

Pain. Is difficult,
Like a test of endurance.
Pain is heartfelt,
Like an understanding glance.
Pain is insult,
Like taunts in arrogance.

Doubt. Is dividing,
Like a denominator.
Doubt is saving,
Like a backup generator.
Doubt is disregarding,
Like a prideful visitor.

Acceptance. Is costly,
Like a gambling addiction.
Acceptance is ghostly,
Like it’s writing fiction.
Acceptance is necessary,
Like a correct prediction.

Love. Will change your ways,
Like moving across the planet.
Love will catch your gaze,
Like seeing a leaky faucet.
Love will not cease to amaze,
Like that: nothing but net.

How can feeling sufferance,
The weakness of doubt,
And the need for acceptance,
Continue to keep Love locked out?
Oh, how low will I cling to reluctance?
I just don’t know where to start.

those dark chocolate eyes
those cream colored thighs
lips like caramel
dripping like spilt wine
pouring out sweet candy
tongues playing twister
legs longer than a mile
the way you only half smile
your curves feel like home
the way my hands
know the layout of your land
every inch
memorized
mesmerized
the way your hair
picks up the golden
steals the shine right from the sun
pouring through the glass
wishing this moment would never come to pass
i want to make you mine

too much sweetness
giving me a cavity

but that brown sugar skin
the way those arms take me in
moans like no other
words under breath
whispered
not expressed

my god baby
you were the best

First I feel it in my fingers and toes
The buzzing that grows
Grows into a quiver
From my thigh to my spine; a shiver

I clutch harder to my safety blanket
And run my hands over the goosebumps
This too shall pass, little one.