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Brian Jul 2021
The world tells you to be happy
that you should be happy
you've said all the right jokes
made people smile
made them laugh
played the role well
you have good friends
and even a good family
and they all say they love you
and usually that's enough

But in the end
the lights will be turned off
the part over
and the crowd gone
then you find yourself
taking that long road
back to where you don't want to be
back to being alone

When you get there you'll find
that joy was merely in the moment
that happiness was not yours
you never owned it
and if you lean on it
trust it to get you through
you'll fall farther than before
farther than you knew possible
because all those people can say they love you
but it doesn't mean you do
Just something that kind of fell out of me the other day during my drive home. I hope you enjoy and can relate.
Brian Apr 2021
A rock fell on a bird
knocking it down
rather than helping
I left it on the ground

For if I moved the rock
and the bird was unscathed
it would surely fly off
leaving me for better days

and all that I would have
would be the memory
of the happiness I once had
the love that used to be

So instead I leave the rock
That traps the bird here
held in place by the weight
while I'm held by fear
Written about a fear I have of checking up on an ex of mine. And finding out there doing fine without me in their life.
Brian Dec 2020
An old friend
wanting to catch up
I put out a line

A new face
eager to become acquainted
I put out a line

Someone who is good
who truly wants to know me
I put out a line

all these distractions
offering peace
from the dreadful truth
of my unease

So I put out another and another
I put out these lines
because surely
surely one of them will catch

Surely one of them
because I live in fear
of reeling in these lines
and no one is near

I fear reaching the end
and finding dissapointment
so I try to act tough
because I live in fear
of not being enough
friends fishing options fear disappointment catch comparison running
Brian Aug 2020
Why am I still awake
I sit here waiting
I know what will help
Ah yes that's better

The haunting voices
The painful memories
I drown them out
With every drink I down

And yet every time
I seem to forget
The alcohol never kills them
Only makes me reminisce

Because rather than forget
It does quite the opposite
I dream of the past
And escape from the present
wrote this the other night.
Brian Jan 2020
I wish to remember the bad
the fallouts and the fights
the arguments we had
Could I be delusional
out of touch, insane?
For nothing negative comes
when I search my brain
Rather all you bring
is happiness here
stirring up old feelings
many of which I fear
What truly scares me
that I lie to myself about
is that I'll never move on
and take to the grave my doubt.
Just wrote this about someone who always confuses me when they comes across in my dreams.
Brian Sep 2018
I am but a piece of wood
floating amidst the sea
I have no purpose here
no one is looking for me
I occasionally run into things
and as much as I plead
nothing seems to cling
I know not where I am going
Faded memories of where I have been
My future lies in the fog
my prayers go to the wind
I have but one guarantee
That some day I will have my dream
I will wash ashore
and call that place my home
Brian Sep 2018
I told her I had a gift
Wrapped in red and green paper
It was the world's most beautiful painting
Such beauty had caused many rifts
Thieves had come to steal
Some even began to fight
Yet this picture remained unharmed
But oh what crowds it would draw
Never alarmed it was unchanged
Somehow it found its way
Into one noble man's arms
He no better than the rest
Thanked God for he knew he was blessed
For this the greatest thing he ever held
An unbreakable bond he would weld
Than my love began tearing at the paper
And found only her reflection looking back at her
Wrote this one a while back .  Probably the one I'm most proud of .  It just came to me one day while I was in the early stages of new found love. If anyone has any questions or comments please share thank you.
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